Page 48 of Embers of You (Amity #1)

Sutton

Befriending Lily and Bailey has probably been the best thing I’ve done since moving to Amity.

Our girls night was a success that ended with me crying into my popcorn while we watched movies, but I blamed it on the alcohol we consumed.

I think it was the exact emotional break I needed.

A chance to get it all out, everything that led me here with my family.

Everything with Jameson, it all hit me during the third act breakup of the movie we were watching.

But now, I’m refreshed and slightly hungover, but mostly feeling better and ready to move on. I’m going back to how I was when I first came here, focusing on myself and not letting anyone derail that.

After I pull myself out of bed and see what a nice day it is, I call Bennet over to put his leash on and take him for a walk. I don’t work today, which is good because I don’t want to chance seeing Jameson, or even his truck.

We start to walk down the street and I look over when I hear a door opening, expecting it to be Bailey’s but it turns out to be her neighbor.

“Hey,” he greets.

I’m so caught off guard, I just give him a wave.

I expect that to be it, but he starts walking toward me, and I’m conflicted on how to feel or if I should run in the other direction.

The giant, intimidating man approaches. I stay frozen and try to paste a smile on my face that I hope is believable and doesn’t look like I’m grimacing.

“We’ve never officially met, I’m Wes.” He stretches his large hand out toward me.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Hi, I’m Sutton and this is Bennet.” We shake hands, and I find it really interesting that he’s introducing himself now when I’ve lived here for a couple of months.

“It seems like you and Bailey are friends, so I’m sure she’s given you some horror stories about me.” He chuckles.

“She actually hasn’t said too much about you.” I could tell him that I’ve seen some of their spats, but I don’t have anything personal against him, so there’s no point in telling him anything.

“That’s surprising. Well, I wanted you to know I’m not all bad, and if you need help with anything, I’m around.”

I nod. “Thanks, Wes. It was nice to meet you.”

“You, too.”

He heads back to his house, and I continue on my walk with Bennet, surprised to have had a pleasant interaction with him. Maybe things will start looking up. At least it’s not like it can get much worse.

When we get back home I notice something sitting on my front porch, it’s a single flower. A daisy, I think, with a note attached to it. I look around to see if anyone is nearby, a car driving away or someone hiding in the bushes, but I don’t see anyone.

Bennet and I walk inside and that’s when I open up the note. It’s simple. So simple that I reread it a few times, just in case I somehow missed something within it.

I remember the first time I saw you. There hasn’t been a day you haven’t been on my mind since. I’m going to show you how much you mean to me.

I know who this is from even though he didn’t sign it. Unless I have some stalker that’s been really good at keeping himself hidden. But I know who this is from.

Part of me wants to crumple up the paper, shred it to pieces, and throw it away. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. I pick up the daisy and smell it. I want to know why he picked this flower.

Maybe he was hoping I would reach out and ask.

I’m not going to. I’m going to stay strong.

He lost his chance with me and he’s not going to get another one.

Maybe I hold grudges a little too easily, but it’s the same reason I’ll never forgive my parents or Cassie.

No matter how many times they reach out and try to mend things, there’s no coming back from that.

Jameson will move on as well. We both will.

Things get weirder the next time I’m at work. Jerry Lee is always a loud mouth with his constant barking, and telling Vern to shut up. Plus, I can’t forget some of the newer words he picked up recently thanks to Lily.

Even though she somehow blames me for that one, I’m not sure how.

Today, for some reason Jerry Lee’s fixation is on the man I’m trying to forget.

It seems like every few minutes he’s calling out “Hot guy, Jameson.” Every time he does it my head shoots up because I feel like I’m going to see him walking through the door.

He’s not and I have yet to see him at all so I don’t know why Jerry Lee keeps announcing him.

“Jerry Lee, if you say his name one more time I’m seriously setting you free.”

He barks in response, then goes through his entire repertoire. “Shut up, Vern. Jizz. Hot guy, Jameson.”

I groan, regretting not having some noise canceling headphones with me.

You’d think I would’ve learned by now, but Lily has been entertaining enough to justify not getting them.

She’s not here today, and Trish already left for the day so it’s just me, my thoughts, and the annoying bird who is still barking.

“That’s it, you’re at least going to bed.” I storm toward his cage and he squawks again, but I lure him inside with a treat, tossing a towel over the top so he’ll think it’s nighttime.

I notice another envelope with a flower sitting on the windowsill by his cage. This time it’s a carnation. I pick both things up, and see the envelope is addressed to me in the same handwriting.

Maybe I should wait until I’m home to open it, but I can’t help myself. I’m too curious. This one is a lot simpler.

I’m Lost without you.

I sigh, shaking my head. He’s not going to make it easy to not think about him, but I have to. Though I can’t bring myself to get rid of the letter or the flower, so instead, it comes home with me to join the daisy in my kitchen.

My phone goes off and I expect to see it’s Jameson, but when it says “Mom,” I think about throwing it across the room.

I’ve been dodging all their phone calls and texts since I got here.

I’m not ready to talk to any of them, but I’m also so fired up because of everything else going on in my life.

And maybe closing that door will help me feel some semblance of peace.

That’s why for the first time since I walked out of their house after witnessing the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life, I answer the phone. I don’t say anything, I just put it on speaker and leave it on the counter, staring at the screen.

“Sutton?” Her voice comes through the speaker and it’s the first time I’ve heard her since that day.

I don’t say anything right away. She says my name again, this time a little louder.

“What do you want?” I finally snap.

“To talk to you. To explain. To find out where you are. There’s a lot I want as your mother, Sutton.”

I scoff. “Yeah, well maybe you should’ve thought about that before.”

“What do you mean? I don’t know what you think you saw, but it’s not?—”

“Fuck that.” I never curse at my mom, but that has officially changed. “You’re not going to gaslight me. I unfortunately know what I saw and while I don’t know, nor do I want to know, the full extent of the situation, you’re not going to tell me it’s not what I think.”

She’s silent other than a deep sigh. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“There’s nothing you can say. You guys can be swingers or whatever the hell you do, but Cassie was my best friend and that’s a line you don’t cross.”

“I’m sorry you found out that way.”

“But not sorry it happened.”

Again, she’s silent and I shake my head. I may not have expected this to go any differently, but it’s almost worse than I thought.

She finally speaks. “Will you at least tell me where you are? I’m your mother, Sutton.”

“I’m safe and I’m happy.” Kinda. “You don’t need to know where.”

She sighs again. “I wish there was a way to fix this.”

“Well, there’s not. And that’s really too bad. I’ve seen what happens when you lose someone before you’re able to fix a relationship, and it sucks. But I also think that some relationships aren’t worth fixing. Just because we’re family doesn’t mean we need to be close.”

She sniffs and I can tell she’s crying, but I’m not going to back down. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

“Okay. Well, goodbye.” I hear her tear filled voice.

“Bye.” I hang up and hardly notice that I started crying as well. I’m angry at myself as I wipe the tears away. I was hoping that getting this closure would make me feel better, but it hasn’t.

The worst part is that it just created an ache in my gut that feels a lot like loneliness and it makes me want to call Jameson. I know he would make it all better. I know he would stand beside me and validate what I did and said.

But then I remember how he pushed me away, and those feelings dissipate. The flowers on the counter tell a different story, but if he was able to push me away once, he could do it again. And I refuse to put myself in a position to get hurt again.