Page 29 of Embers of You (Amity #1)

Jameson

We don’t technically run a horse therapy ranch, it’s something Ma has always been passionate about.

Anything related to equine and mental health, really.

She’s worked with kids and adults with disabilities, those suffering with mental illness, and people who have had an interest and love for horses.

It’s something she’s made clear she wants to continue no matter what happens to her.

Even though I try not to think about her not being here, that’s something that I vowed to continue regardless.

Not many people know the benefits to equine therapy, but recently I met Wes, an army veteran, and while he hasn’t admitted to it, I think he has some pretty severe PTSD.

He doesn’t talk much at all, but has come here a couple of times to learn about the horses.

Juniper has taken a liking to him it seems and while he hasn’t gotten on any of the horses yet, he comes here for about thirty minutes, gives her some treats, pets and brushes her before leaving with a gruff goodbye.

I don’t ever push. I know if he wanted to talk about anything he would, and I’m not a therapist or here to act as one. The horses are, and I just monitor or answer any questions.

“See ya next week,” he says on his way out of the barn, which is more than he usually says.

“All good, see ya then.”

I wasn’t going to rush him, but there’s something I’m hoping to do today. Once I make sure everything is settled with the horses, I check on the goats and pigs before calling Duke over and he bounds toward me with his tongue flopping out of his mouth.

“C’mon, bud. We have someone we have to go see.” I lead him toward my truck, making sure to grab his harness from the main house on the way.

We park by the fire station, and I notice that Parker’s car is here, which is weird because he’s not on shift right now, or at least he shouldn’t be.

I get Duke out, tucking the flowers and note I brought with us into his harness, and notice movement in the car.

I walk up, knocking on the driver’s side window.

Parker jumps slightly, then rolls the window down. “What’s up?”

“What’re you doing?”

He looks around, hesitating, clearly not sure what to say and I just look at him waiting for an answer.

“I came by to get something I forgot.”

“Right. You weren’t going to go try and talk to a certain someone at the groomers?”

“No…”

“Come on.” I nod my head toward the building, knowing he’s going to follow.

I let Duke in, and he trots inside happily, but I don’t miss the bark greeting from the bird. I don’t step inside yet, even when I hear Sutton’s voice, “Just a second.”

My heart immediately pounds at the sound, remembering everything from the other night.

The way that same voice sounded as she came for me.

How beautiful she looked as she fell apart.

I figured she wouldn’t reach out to me, even after I told her I was back home safe after the call.

It was late, but she didn’t respond. I don’t take offense to it.

I know she wants me, I just need her to let herself accept it.

“Duke, what’re you doing here? Where’s your dad?” Sutton asks, and I take the opportunity to walk inside with a wide smile on my face that grows when I see her. Every time my eyes drink her in I get lost in her beauty. She can bring me to my knees instantly and I don’t think she even knows it.

“What’re you doing here?” another feminine voice asks, and that’s when I notice the younger woman behind Sutton.

“Just backing up my boy. Aren’t you happy to see me, Lil?” Parker answers.

“Is someone talking? All I hear is a buzzing like the world’s largest and most annoying bug.” Lily looks around, refusing to make eye contact with Parker.

“What is this?” Sutton asks, bending down to take out the flowers and note I tucked into Duke’s harness. Lily looks over her shoulder at the note, and I catch the tiny smile on Sutton’s perfect lips.

“Damn, cowboy, you’ve got it bad, don’t you?” Lily announces and I stand proud because yeah, I do and I don’t care who knows it. I’ve never understood men being ashamed for how much they want a woman. “Could you teach that one a thing or two? Because sending a ‘you up’ text is not the move.”

I turn toward my coworker. “You didn’t.”

He looks away guiltily, and I shake my head. We’re trying to train him, but there’s only so much you can do for a twenty year old guy, he’ll learn eventually. It seems like Lily isn’t the type to shy away from teaching him either.

“Thank you, Duke. This was very sweet of you.” Sutton bends down to squish my dog’s face.

“Hey, he’s just the messenger.”

“He’s also cuter.” She smirks up at me.

“Oh shit.” Lily chuckles.

“Tough luck, man.” Parker claps me on my shoulder.

“I really enjoy having an audience for this,” I joke.

“Thank you for the flowers,” Sutton tells me softly while I’m pretty sure Parker and Lily are in the middle of a stare off.

“I’ll make sure a vase is always full of them in your house if you let me,” I tell her honestly and I don’t miss the way her cheeks fill with color. “Bring Bennet by sometime soon, Duke and I miss you both.”

She nods slightly. “Okay.”

“Let’s leave the pretty girls alone to get back to their jobs.” I start to guide Parker and Duke out the door.

Once we’re outside and almost to our cars Parker says proudly, “She wants me.”

I scoff, “Yeah, I’m sure she does, buddy.”

Duke and I hop into my truck, and I just hope that Sutton won’t find an excuse to shut down again.

When I get back home, I check on Ma with Duke happily by my side.

“There’s my boy,” Ma greets, and I know better than to think she’s talking to me. It’s confirmed when she bends slightly to pet my dog and I just shake my head.

As she starts to stand up, I notice how unsteady she is, and I move quickly to help her.

Just like she always does, she shakes me off, insisting she’s fine.

I want to believe her, I want to pretend that she’s fine and that the cancer isn’t taking over her body.

I want to believe the treatment is doing what it’s supposed to and she’s getting better.

But it’s not the truth, and we know it, even though we don’t talk about it.

Ma comforts me more than I comfort her, even if it’s not completely obvious.

She accepts her reality, while I’m continuing to live in some variation of denial.

The variation where she’s okay and going to get through this even though everything is saying otherwise.

“I’m fine, don’t you have a girl to dote on?” she teases.

“Just did. Duke brought her some flowers.”

“That’s so sweet of you. I knew I raised you right,” she tells the dog and I chuckle.

“What about me?”

“You were my first son, my trial run so I did what I could.”

“Well, thanks.” I shake my head. “Do you need anything?”

“Would you mind seeing if your father actually wants to eat dinner tonight?”

I give her a questioning look because as far as I know they eat together every night, and I feel like this is one of her ploys to get us to talk to each other.

“Sure, do you need help with getting it ready? Or want me to join you?”

“Nope, you take your girl out, or invite her over and cook her a nice meal.”

I shake my head. “You’re pushy, you know that?”

“You come by it honestly.”

“But really, do you need anything from me?”

“Jameson.” She gives me a pointed look. I raise my hands up, backing away slowly while Duke stares at me from his spot by Ma’s feet.

“I’m going. Duke, are you joining me or staying here?” He looks at me, then Ma, before finally deciding to follow me.

“Find your father and ask him, please,” she calls after me and I almost forgot she asked me to do that.

Even though I would rather continue to ignore him, I’ll do anything she asks.

I’m also curious if he really hasn’t been eating with her.

Growing up, family dinners were important to both of them.

No matter how busy of a day my dad had, he would always make it back for dinner.

But then I left. Sometimes I join them, but Ma is so focused on me doing my own thing, but now I wonder if it’s because she doesn’t want to see my dad not joining her for their nightly tradition anymore.

Duke and I hop in my truck again, and I look out for my dad as I drive through the property back to my place.

I end up seeing him by the cattle, seeming to struggle lifting the feed bucket, but he covers it well.

He’s a proud man, always has been, and just like Ma, he refuses to ask for help even when they so clearly need it.

I meet him at the fence, while Duke chooses to hang back in the cab already seeming to settle in for a nap.

“You need any help?” I offer, knowing he won’t accept it.

“No,” he grunts, tossing the feed to the animals.

“Ma wanted me to ask if you’re actually going to join her for dinner.” I don’t do a very good job hiding the disdain in my voice.

“Mhmm,” he gives a non answer.

“I remember when you used to make sure to be home for dinner every night. That change? You just let Ma eat the meal she cooked all by herself?” The anger increases; I’m growing tired of dancing around him and his mood.

He can be pissed at me for leaving, he can think it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done, leaving this town to try and do something more with my life.

But I came back.

I’d have come back in a second if either of them asked, if either of them needed me, but he never did.

“I don’t see you joining her either,” he retorts.

“She won’t let me,” I scoff. “You think I’m awful for leaving, and that I did it to hurt you both, but Ma wants me to do more with my life.

Ma doesn’t want me to hang around here all the time.

You know what she does want? You. She wants you to be around, to support her as her husband.

Most of all she wants us to get along for her sake, but you can’t even pretend to do that. ”

I don’t let him respond before I’m stomping back to my truck, letting him sit on what I just told him. It would be ridiculous to think anything I said actually gets through his head, but maybe it will. And maybe he’ll pull his head out of his ass before it’s too late.