Page 45 of Embers of You (Amity #1)

Sutton

It’s been a week that I’ve been living back in my house, and a week since I’ve spoken to Jameson.

I don’t want to reach out and overwhelm him because I know he’s going through a lot.

But when I saw his truck parked at the fire station this morning and realized he’s back at work, I thought maybe he would come over here to talk to me like he’s done in the past.

I’ve been here for several hours and that hasn’t happened. My stomach sinks and even Lily’s insane ramblings aren’t enough to break me out of the funk I’m in.

I could tell something was wrong that last night with him. Especially in the morning when he basically kicked me out. Except, deep down, I know he didn’t, I just couldn’t handle it if he did so I rushed out.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lily asks gently, and the seriousness of her tone takes me off guard because it’s Lily.

“I’m…” I sigh. “No. Everything has been rough since, well, you know.”

She nods. “I’m sorry about that. Parker tried checking in on Jameson several times and he never got back to him.”

I perk up slightly. “Oh, you’re talking to Parker?”

“No, I mean, not really. We’ve known each other forever, but,” she waves her hand around, “not the point, this isn’t about that.”

I sigh, thinking that may have been enough of a distraction, even though it wouldn’t have been.

Jerry Lee, with his impeccable timing, chooses right now to grace us with his commentary. “Shut up, Vern.”

“One day I want to know who Vern is and why he needs to shut up,” Lily comments.

“With how much Jerry Lee holds a grudge I don’t think he was a very great guy.”

“Fair point, but anyway, how’s Jameson holding up?”

I fight the tears pricking at the back of my eyes at hearing his name. “I wouldn’t really know, he hasn’t talked to me in about a week.”

“Oh.” Her face falls, and I catch the small flinch she tries to hide. “I’m sure he’s just really busy, it’s not you.”

“Right.” I look over at the fire station where I know he is. She’s trying to make me feel better and I appreciate it, but we both know there’s more to it. Especially me.

“What if we have a girls night or something,” she suggests and I look back at her.

“I don’t think I could keep up with you and your crazy nights out.”

“What do you—oh stop. Notice how none of my stories are ever about me doing anything. It’s my friends that are the crazy ones. We could have a simple night in with some wine and rom coms.”

I chew on my bottom lip, looking over at the building where Jameson is again.

I’m not going to pine for someone who doesn’t want me.

Even if it breaks my heart to think about never being with him again.

Never getting to talk to him, or feel the way he touches me, or seeing how he looks at me.

I blink away the tears threatening to fall.

“Sure, that sounds nice,” I tell Lily. “But no men with a duck bondage fetish or strippers with a skillet.”

“Don’t worry, you’re safe from both.”

She goes back to work, and I’m cleaning up when the sound of the front door makes my heart start to race.

Maybe he’s here and came to see me. As soon as I turn around, whatever small amount of hope I had fizzles out instantly when I see that woman he used to date with her little miniature Goldendoodle next to her.

Lily steps out, and her face instantly turns into a glare. “How can we help you?”

“Daisy’s due for another haircut.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No, I’m always able to be squeezed in.”

“Not today, we’re busy.” Lily folds her arms across her chest, and that’s when the woman—Mallory—looks over at me.

“Ah, you groomed her last time. You can do it again.”

“Uh…” I technically have time, but I’m also pretty sure my brain is short circuiting from the emotional few weeks coupled with the lack of sleep and proper nutrition for myself.

“Hello? I have somewhere to be. Can you take her or not?” she snaps and it somehow brings me back to the present.

It also pisses me off. The sadness I’ve been feeling fades as anger takes over and I’m done playing nice to people who don’t deserve it.

“No. And next time, you can make an appointment, instead of expecting us to work with your schedule.”

“Wow, you really won’t? So much for the customer always being right. I’m sure Trish will love to hear about this.”

“I’m sure she will. Feel free to tell her when you call and make an appointment with her.”

She scoffs looking me up and down before turning to leave.

I can’t help myself from calling out one last thing. “An Australian Goldendoodle isn’t even a real breed!”

The door slams, and I continue to glare at her as she walks out to the parking lot, but instead of going to her car she goes to the fire station and I swear I stop breathing.

When she walks in, I feel like I may actually collapse.

Lily must see the same thing as me because she lets out a little growling sound.

“That bitch. I’m sure she’s just going over there trying to be a desperate little hoebag,” she says.

“Sure.” I look away, not wanting to see anything else. “I think I may want something stronger than wine for this girls night.”

“You got it. You busy tonight?”

“Nope.”

I ended up inviting Bailey over for the impromptu girls night with Lily. I didn’t think too much about it at the time, but now that they’re both here in my house, I realize that I couldn’t have brought together two more polar opposite humans.

The night started off with some tension because Lily was in the middle of one of her outrageous stories when Bailey got here, and I think hearing about a “cum dumpster” tattoo dare before an introduction was a little much for her.

Luckily, after everyone had a drink in their hand the tension dissipated a bit.

My anger from earlier has only gotten worse.

All the sadness I’ve been feeling has morphed and I want to call Jameson to scream at him.

I want to ask why he would push me away only to go back to her. Why he wouldn’t even have the decency to officially end things with me. How he could claim I’m his, only to turn around and treat me like I’m nothing so easily.

All while I thought he might actually love me.

“What will it be, Sutton?” Lily asks, bouncing on the balls of her feet and I realize I wasn’t paying attention.

“Sorry, what?”

“Are we playing never have I ever before or after the first movie?”

“Uh, before,” I answer, because all the painful thoughts make me want to drown them out with the alcohol.

“Yay,” Lily squeals. “I’ll go first. Never have I ever had a one night stand.”

I sigh, thinking about lying and taking a sip of my drink, but all my attention is pulled to Bailey when she’s the only one who does. I raise an eyebrow, but Lily is a bit more direct.

“Oh, someone here?”

“That’s not a part of the game.” Bailey diverts, “Never have I ever gone back to my hometown for any reason.”

Technically I haven’t, and grumble silently about my plan backfiring. Lily takes a sip, but calls it a technicality for some reason.

I decide to throw out the rules to the game, laying it all out on the table and finally take a drink. “Never have I ever walked in on my best friend fucking my dad while my mom watched.”

I chug my entire drink while the room remains silent. I slam my cup down, and go to fill it again, not looking at them. Finally Lily breaks the silence.

“Uh, that’s not how you play the game, but what the fuck?”

“Yup.” I pop the P as I fill my cup to the brim.

“That’s so fucked up.” Bailey shakes her head. “Is that why you’re here?”

I nod. “I lived there, I was working on moving out. Didn’t exactly plan on leaving California, but here I am.”

Bailey raises her cup. “Never have I ever escaped a shitty past.” She takes a big gulp and so do I. It doesn’t get past me that Lily does as well, but she doesn’t provide any more information.

The alcohol flowing through my bloodstream makes me feel lighter, and at least for now, I forget about the situation with Jameson and the reason these two are here.

To make me feel better. I refuse to think about him or what he could be doing.

He’s probably still working and maybe texting Mallory the way he used to do with me.

Good, she can help him through his grief.

Clearly I wasn’t good enough, and I’m not going to beg someone to be in my life that doesn’t want to be.

I knew things were too good to be true with him.

No one can be that perfect. It’s just another lesson learned.

It doesn’t matter anyway, I have my friends, my dog and I’ll get over it eventually.

I have to.