Page 27 of Drag You Down (Bloody Desires #2)

LEVI

T he cat doesn’t care what I smell like. He rubs against my filthy jeans and mrows at us when we walk past him without stopping to pet.

“Later, Ichabod,” Gabriel says, then stops. He looks at the empty food bowl and curses. “You didn’t get food last night. Shit. And you must be starving too, Levi.”

I am, but I don’t want to be a bother. I’m more interested in getting clean, too, and in getting water. I’m parched, and I’m not sure I could keep food down even if I wanted to eat.

“Can I have a shower first?” I ask.

I pissed myself like a child, and the constant reminder of it is making me more and more ashamed.

“Yes,” Gabriel says immediately. “Ichabod can wait another few minutes.” He takes my hand again, completely ignoring the way the cuff dangles from my wrist. “A nice hot shower.”

I look up at him, nodding. My cheeks are still burning, and the constant pressure on my wrists from the cuffs only reminds me over and over again of their presence, of how they got there, of what had happened leading up to it.

I should never have left Gabriel’s. I should’ve stayed where someone wanted to take care of me.

I don’t know what Father Zachariah wanted from me. He says he wanted to save my soul, but I don’t believe him. Not anymore.

Gabriel tugs at my hand, and I realize he’s been trying to get my attention. He leads me through his bedroom to the bathroom, turning the shower on.

“Is there a way to get these off?” I ask, lifting my hand.

I don’t know how much longer I can stand them.

“Yes. These are flimsy,” Gabriel says. He pulls something out of his pocket, a long pin of some sort, and after a few seconds of fumbling with the cuff, he has it unlocked.

That’s all it took to free me.

More tears threaten to spill down my cheeks.

Gabriel lifts my other hand to undo that cuff too.

I sniffle and inhale quickly to stop myself from crying pathetically. “How… how do you know how to do that?”

He kisses the reddened skin of my wrist. “I thought it would be a good idea to learn. So I did. I’ll teach you, too.”

“I’d like that,” I say even though it’s not something I should want to learn. But I want to learn this.

I want to learn everything he wants to teach me.

I shed the clothes I’m wearing, fresh waves of shame washing over me as the soiled pants and underwear fall heavily to the floor, but there’s no judgement in his expression as he helps me out of my shirt.

I turn to get into the shower, and Gabriel looks at me with more warmth and desire in his eyes than I thought possible.

Desire, despite the fact that I’m filthy and gross.

“I’m going to feed Ichabod, and then I’ll be back,” Gabriel says. “Just get yourself warmed up, little lamb. I’ll wash you and take care of you.”

He lingers in the doorway of the bathroom for a few moments before jogging out.

I hiss in a breath as the hot water pummels my injured back, but I’m used to this. I’m used to worse, really, and this is nothing in comparison to some of the other penance I’ve taken.

It feels like it is despite it all.

I start to scrub myself clean, not wanting to wait for Gabriel to return. The need to get clean is nearly overwhelming.

It doesn’t take long for Gabriel to return. He immediately sheds his clothing, and I carefully keep my eyes locked on the tiles of the shower floor so I don’t look at his naked body.

Even though he wants me to look, surely.

He steps into the shower with me, closing the glass door. The stall is large enough that the two of us fit easily.

Has he had other men in here, or am I the first?

“Levi. Here, let me get your… back.” Gabriel hisses sharply when he sees the state of my back. “He did this to you? Then left you there, in the dark?”

I whimper at the sharp tone and quickly shake my head. “N-no. I did it to myself. Penance,” I whisper.

For what I’d done with him.

For sleeping with a man I’ve been so sure is the Devil but has instead turned out to be my savior.

I’m sure of that now. I’ve been going back and forth about whether he’s the Devil or an angel, but I know now what he really is.

My protector.

“To yourself?” Gabriel places his hands on my shoulders, and I shudder when I feel his lips on the back of my neck. “Do you crave it?” he asks. “The pain? Because I can give you pain, Levi. But when I give it to you, it won’t cut you up. It will be beautiful, and it will set you free.”

I think of the spanking, of the way I’d felt when it had been over. It had been too pleasurable to feel like penance. It had been beautiful.

“I want it. I need it,” I tell him, uttering words I’ve never dared even think, let alone say aloud.

I need you .

Gabriel groans and forces me to turn around, pressing his lips against mine in a harsh, rough kiss. I wrap my arms around his back and lean into it, ignoring the pain that flares up as the warm water pelts onto my wounds.

“You need to heal first,” Gabriel says against my lips. “But I’ll give you everything you crave, boy. That’s my promise to you.”

“And what about you?” I ask, kissing him lightly, carefully. “What can I give you , Daddy?”

I have nothing. Nothing of my own, nothing to offer.

Nothing at all.

Gabriel smiles at me, and my breath catches.

Not the Devil at all, but truly an angel.

“Let me care for you,” he says gently. “That’s enough. Be my boy, and let me teach you everything.”

“What will you teach me?” I ask. There’s so much I want to know, so much I want to learn.

There’s so much, too, that I want to forget.

“Whatever you want to know.” Gabriel kisses my jaw, then reaches for the washcloth and soap.

I watch as he lathers up the cloth, and I shiver when he begins running it up and down my body.

I want to protest that I’ve already washed myself, but I remember what he said.

He wants to take care of me.

I want to be taken care of.

What’s wrong with this, then? Why would God allow us to meet, if not so that we can give each other what we need?

I close my eyes, letting myself luxuriate in the feeling of being taken care of. This isn’t like when Eve tends to my wounds. This goes beyond that, intimate in a way I’ve only felt with Gabriel, and when I open my eyes, he’s watching me.

I exhale slowly. I have to worry about this — worry about myself — and for the first time in so many years, I realize that what I want is within reach. It isn’t hidden beneath scripture that’s meant to terrify. It’s right in front of me.

“My beautiful lamb,” Gabriel whispers as he scrubs my cock. He’s gentle, and the washcloth is soft, and the care he takes along with the stimulation has me groaning.

Small little shocks of pleasure travel up my spine, and I instinctively thrust into his hand.

He’s simply washing the urine away, I tell myself, but when I meet Gabriel’s eyes, it’s clear he knows exactly what he’s doing.

My face flares up with embarrassment despite myself.

“Do you want the pleasure, Levi?” Gabriel asks softly.

I shiver at both his tone and the implications of his words. I want the pleasure. Surely I’ve repented enough, if only to commit the same sins again.

“Yes,” I whisper, the word barely audible over the sound of the shower. My back aches, and it’s an exquisite counterpoint to the pleasure of his hand so close to my cock.

Gabriel drops the cloth and strokes my cock with his bare hand. The soap makes it slick, and he keeps his touches light.

I groan. “Do it properly?”

He smiles and kisses my cheek. “Do it properly… what?”

I don’t understand what he means at first. His gaze is expectant, and I try to figure out what’s missing.

When I do, my cheeks get even hotter. “Do it properly… Daddy. Please.”

Gabriel beams at me and tightens his hold on my cock. “What a lovely lamb you are. So good for Daddy.”

I thrust into his hand again, trying to feel more of that pleasure. He lets me slowly fuck into his hand, but it’s not what I really want. I don’t know how to ask for it, though, to get more . “Don’t… Don’t you want more, too?” I finally ask.

“All I want is to make you feel good,” Gabriel says, despite his own cock already standing at attention. He leans in to kiss me again while continuing to stroke me.

“I do feel good,” I say against his lips. I want something different, something more, but I don’t know how to ask for it. I reach down, grasping his cock in my hand, and squeeze it lightly.

I’m blushing again, embarrassed about how inexperienced I am. Even last time I’d only briefly touched him to get him slicked up for… for… for penetrating me, for sodomizing me.

But it had felt so good.

Gabriel groans and covers my hand with his, egging me on. “Just like that, little lamb.”

I nod, biting my bottom lip. I’m more concerned with his pleasure than my own. As good as it feels, I want him to feel the same way I feel right now.

I want to thank him for rescuing me.

Even though my back and knees ache and exhaustion threatens to settle in, I want this.

I need this.

I need him.

I need my Daddy.

I start to stroke him faster, hand encircling his hard cock, and I’m rewarded with another groan from him. I kiss him again, emboldened by the sounds he’s making.

“So perfect, my lamb,” Gabriel murmurs, kissing me harder and guiding my hand. He squeezes, and I tighten my grasp. The head of his cock peeks out from my fist, glistening and leaking .

Fascinated, I rub my thumb over the slit and smear the seed. Gabriel groans louder, thrusting into my hand.

I could make him come. It would be in my power to do it.

It feels strange, that I’m thinking of it as power , but it is a power of a sort.

Giving my Daddy pleasure.

I renew my movements, and I feel it every time his cock twitches. I look up at him, hoping to see him in the throes of passion.

Gabriel’s eyes are on me, full of something unfamiliar.

Not just desire, not something simple and carnal.

It goes beyond that, into something I lack the words to describe.

Before I can determine it, he groans once more, and this time, he spills all over my hand. I watch in fascination as it coats my hand before swirling down into the drain.

His face is rapturous, like he’s seen something holy.

Like we’ve just done something holy together.

“My beautiful boy,” Gabriel says before he kisses me again.

I groan against his lips, pressing my torso against his and ignoring the twinge of pain in my back. My cock drags against his thigh, and I automatically thrust against him for more friction.

As soon as I realize what I’m doing, I force myself to stop, the shame and embarrassment flooding my veins… but at the same time, I know Gabriel isn’t judging me.

He wants all of this as much as I do.

Gabriel breaks our kiss and nuzzles my temple.

“The day I met you, I knew you were special,” he says.

I want to protest that I’m not, but before I can, Gabriel does something unbelievable.

He lowers himself to his knees in front of me. I watch, uncomprehending, as he leans forward and presses his lips to the top of my foot.

“The day I met you, maybe I did see God,” Gabriel whispers.

My mouth is dry, and I lick my lips, trying to gather myself. This feels so right, like it couldn’t possibly be anything but perfect.

I feel free.

I reach down, tentatively running my fingers through his wet hair. “And I met my savior,” I say hoarsely. “I prayed, and you came for me.”

Gabriel kisses my other foot, then begins kissing up my leg. He nuzzles my cock, giving it a teasing lick along the shaft, and I shudder.

“My perfect little lamb,” he says as he kisses the head of my cock.

It’s even more intense this time than the last as he slowly sucks it inside his mouth, and I have to grab for the wall to keep myself steady. I watch him as he takes me deeper and deeper, as he swallows me down to the root and makes me cry out in pleasure.

“Daddy,” I whisper.

I don’t need a Father. I never have.

I’ve always needed a Daddy.

Gabriel places his hands on my hips to keep me in place as he continues to suck me. I watch in fascination, with lust , as my cock disappears into his mouth. When our eyes meet, he winks at me, and that makes laughter bubble out.

It feels so good.

It feels so right .

And the guilt that had been whirling around inside me? It’s gone, washed down the drain with all the filth that had been clinging to me.

All that is left is Gabriel, guiding me, teaching me.

Showing me that pleasure isn’t the fruit of sin.

I tilt my head back as I get closer and closer to the edge, soft keening sounds escaping me, and he lightly runs his teeth along my cock.

The taste of pain is enough to send me over, and I cry out as I jerk and spill into his mouth.

He doesn’t back off, drinking down every drop of my release, and even when I’m so oversensitive it aches, he keeps licking and sucking.

“Wait,” I croak out. “It’s so… It’s too…”

Gabriel pulls away and kisses my softening cock. “I’ll take every last drop of you. It’s all mine.”

I shiver. “Yours,” I agree, my bottom teeth dragging against my lip. What else belongs to him?

Do I belong to him?

I want to.

I want somebody, finally, to care about me .

And Gabriel always shows up right when I need him—even when I didn’t know I needed him.

I start to bend down, my knees aching, but Gabriel stops me.

“Shh, little lamb. Let’s finish washing up. Then I’ll bandage you and take care of you.”

Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes. Even Eve never stopped me from doing things after I’d taken penance.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “For coming for me. For taking care of me. For saving me.”

Gabriel stands and kisses the top of my head. “Anything for you, my lamb.”

I hug him fiercely, not wanting to let go.

In the wake of my climax, I feel sated. Nothing feels important except this.

Except him.

Because right now? He truly is everything.