Page 16

Pippa

Dozer brought me to the MC, but we didn’t go into the chapel. Instead, he led me around to the playhouse. He promised it would only be for a minute when he left me here, reliving the panic of Quinn Chambers over and over again in my mind.

I fought the revulsion in my belly. Had Dozer not come into the room…

Shivers crawled over my skin with the memory of Quinn’s vile touch. I rubbed my arms and paced the cracked stone flooring.

I’d only been out here once, with Romeo, the night this whole crazy situation started with Dozer. As I sat on one of the benches in the old mausoleum, I tried to imagine him, Jazzy, Vance, and the others spending all their time out here as teenagers. Probably smoking a lot of weed and drinking.

The thought should have made me smile, but I couldn’t. There was no good feeling inside me. The crushing weight of what could have happened gnawed at me, carving out a deep hole inside me. I wanted to curl into the darkness and hide there.

Footfalls sounded on the steps. Like lightning, an intense blinding fear flared through me. Just like in the classroom, I froze. Then Dozer came through the door. I released the breath caught in my chest. My pulse still jumped like a scared rabbit, looking for a way to flee.

“It’s just me.” He held a bottle of schnapps in one hand and a thick blanket in the other.

He spread the blanket on the floor.

“Thanks.” I sat on the blanket with my legs stretched out in front of me and leaned back against the wall.

Dozer opened the bottle and handed it to me. I took three big swallows. The sweet flavor burned down my throat. I drank more.

“Easy.” He took the bottle from me and swigged a few mouthfuls. Then he set the bottle to the side. He rested his wrists on his bent knees.

Silence hung between us, a shroud of intimacy because neither one of us wanted to shatter whatever this was linking us together, but there were unspoken insecurities lingering that would keep us apart.

He smelled so good. The hint of his cologne and a touch of tobacco clung to the leather of his cut.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he said.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and cried. Waves of emotions rolled over me, not a soft release, but a violent, crashing storm of fear and anger, battering me with guilt and regrets.

Dozer wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me. He let me cry until my tears stopped, and I was a mess of swollen eyes and gulping breaths. I released a long, calming exhale.

“About fifteen minutes after the class started, Quinn came into the classroom. Professor Graves gathered her purse and left. I don’t know what happened, but Quinn stood over me the entire class. I couldn’t get up without making a scene. I knew if I took out my phone and let you know, you’d come in and clobber him.” I hiccupped on a breath.

The real fear hadn’t set in until he rested a hand on my shoulder at the end of class. “I left the gun in Levi’s car, but I wouldn’t have been able to pull the trigger. I couldn’t move, Dozer. I always imagined going badass like Hana. I’d kick him in the balls, unleash my inner bitch, but I’m a fucking mouse under the paw of a lion.”

His fingers curled into my hair, holding my head. “You’re not a mouse.” He pressed his lips to my temple. “You weren’t raised to fight, baby. That’s a good thing.”

I sat up and angled toward him, wanting to see his eyes as I asked him what he would have done if he pulled his gun in the classroom. “Would you have killed him?”

He picked up a curl of my hair and wound the strands around his finger. “I couldn’t see what he was doing to you when I walked into the room.” His gaze lifted to mine. “But I saw the terror in your eyes. Did he touch you?”

More tears filled my eyes and slipped onto my cheeks. I’d never keep secrets from him again. “My arms, my shoulders.” I gulped a breath. “Dozer, he had his lips on my neck. I couldn’t move,” I whispered.

“Yeah, I want him dead.” He cupped my cheek, then grazed his thumb across my lower lip.

“Why didn’t I scream?”

“Self-preservation. Instinct kicks in for survival. What if he’d strangled you because you screamed? You can’t second guess what was right or wrong. You did the right thing because you’re here with me now.”

I leaned into his touch.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know we’re sort of a mess right now, but we’ll get back to good.”

I lifted onto my knees and straddled Dozer’s lap. He kept his hands to his side as I checked his pockets, sliding my hand into the one at his side, and grabbed his cigarettes because he always kept a blunt tucked in the cellophane.

“You want to catch a ride?” He took the cigarettes from my hand and pulled the blunt from his pack.

“Get me high, Dozer. I don’t want to think about him anymore.”

I loved the way his soft, full lips closed around the tightly wrapped paper. After flicking open his Zippo, his thumb struck the flint wheel and the flame danced into the weed as he inhaled. The lighter snapped closed as the tip of the blunt glowed again.

My heart rattled around in my chest, teetering on the decision to jump or be shoved.

His thick, strong fingers, combed through my hair as he brought my face close to his. Lips parted. He exhaled. I inhaled.

I stared into his eyes. It hurt to love him, but the pain of being without him took my breath.

“Ready?” he asked.

Was I ready? Was he?

I nodded, and he took another long pull. Warm intoxication slipped through my veins as I breathed in. I needed this, to get blazed with Dozer, to know I was safe when I was with him. Maybe not my heart. It wasn’t safe because this felt too good. Tension drained from my limbs. As they grew heavy, I settled fully onto Dozer’s lap.

His hand skimmed along my thigh, onto my hip, and curved onto my ass.

“Last hit,” he said, giving me the roach. My fingers were smaller and held the paper. I pulled in three puffs.

Dozer took the joint from me and flicked the last bit toward the door.

Both of his hands held my hips. I wanted to breathe into him, but if I got close to his lips, I was going to kiss him.

If I kissed him…

I choked on the hit, losing my opportunity. The smoke puffed out of my lungs. I coughed hard. “Sorry,” I said, trying to catch a breath. “Oh god,” I coughed with a laugh. I wasn’t an amateur weed smoker, not since I started hanging with Hana.

I rolled off his lap.

Dozer handed me the bottle of schnapps. “Take a drink.”

I tipped the bottle to my lips, hoping I didn’t cough in the middle of a swallow and spray him.

The slide of liquid calmed my lungs. “Thanks.”

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. And then I laughed. It felt so good. My mind floated on a delicious high. My lips curled into a smile, and my tummy tumbled.

My life was so fucked up. School, family, boyfriends .

Something dark and dangerous glinted in Dozer’s eyes. “I’ve missed your laugh. ”

I settled in next to him and swallowed another mouthful of sweet liquor. “You’re not getting drunk with me.” I handed him the bottle.

“I’m fine,” he said.

“I don’t think you’re fine, Dozer.” The weed and drink had loosened my tongue. “We’re not going to lie to each other ever again.”

“Hmm.”

I adjusted and faced him with my legs crossed. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I haven’t lied to you.”

I smiled and laughed again. “You know I haven’t lied to you either, but we’re still fighting.”

“Hmm.”

“The next thing out of your mouth has to be words.”

“Words, huh?” He stretched out his legs and crossed his ankles. Lifting my hand, he laced our fingers. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”

“We both have blame. We don’t lie to each other, but we don’t trust each other with the truth. You don’t trust me,” I said.

“I don’t trust anyone.” He leaned his head back.

“Because of your mom?” I wanted to know. Both Blade and Romeo had hinted that there was more to the story than cheating.

His hmm, sounded more like a growl. “You want to know if I have mommy issues?”

“Not if you don’t want to talk about her.”

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

I gnawed on my lower lip.

“I’ll talk, but I need something in return. ”

I perked up. “Anything.”

“Anything?”

“Maybe mostly anything,” I clarified. Although, at the moment, I was ready to give him whatever he wanted. I didn’t care how my heart hurt, about the words that he said in anger, words I wanted to believe he didn’t mean. I had to believe he didn’t mean them because not believing would mean everything I’d felt with him didn’t count.

He slid his palm under mine. Those thick tattooed fingers curled around my hand.

“Are we good?” he asked.

“I want to be.”

Dozer

Opening up about my past felt like a sharp, cutting knife to my windpipe. Words didn’t come easy when they told a shit story about a shit childhood. Cracking open my chest and bleeding out my truth meant trusting her.

Fuck, but I needed her.

Pippa held my hand in hers. “I know she cheats on your dad.”

“Nah, she’s not cheating if she’s not going behind his back.” I untangled my fingers from hers and pulled a cigarette from my pack. The flick of the lighter had the flame to the tip, and the first hot inhale filling my lungs.

She crawled over my lap for the schnapps. “Keep talking,” she said, then smiled and sat a little closer to me .

“Fuck, Pip, how far back do you want to go? I remember getting locked in my room because she’d had a few guys over. They’d been partying all night. I banged on the door to be let out so I could use the bathroom. She’d gotten so angry because the guys had found out she had a kid in the house. It was my fault they left.

“Everything with my mom is still my fault. That night, she beat me with a wooden spoon. Next time, I pissed in my bed because I was too afraid to make her mad. Instead, I got the spoon in the morning for wetting the bed.”

Somehow, she was holding my hand again. This time our fingers were laced and in her lap. Her gentle fingertips traced the ink on my knuckles. “How old were you?”

“Five, maybe six. Being locked in my room was better than the nights I slept in the backseat of the car outside of motels, freezing my ass off while she hooked up with another random. She’d give me a candy bar and a soda and tell me to keep my head down.”

I sank my cigarette into the can of sand next to the bench. “I told my dad. She’d promise to do better. He’d believe her. Then he’d be gone again. Sometimes, for a couple weeks, sometimes several months, but nothing changed.”

“Dozer, that’s child neglect.”

Neglect was the least of my mommy issues. I couldn’t recall a time I wasn’t scared and insecure. “I couldn’t sleep when she had a guy over. I’d lie in bed and listen to her cries, not realizing they were her getting off. I’d be terrified of what was happening to her .

“I vividly remember the first time I snuck out of my room.” I closed my eyes, just the memory of how I felt punching me in the gut. “I watched my mom blow a guy while he sat in my dad’s recliner, watching my dad’s television. In my fucked up head, I thought my mom was getting me a new dad. I think that was the first time I hated her.”

And it wasn’t the only time I watched her. “Somehow, I knew it was my fault. If I was a better kid, my dad would be around. Every fucking day I was the reason she was stressed, that he’d left her to raise me alone. I guess I should be glad I’m an only child, so she couldn’t fuck up anyone else.”

She leaned against my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

I hugged her close to me. “By the time I was fourteen, I was running with Blade, Vance, and the girls. I didn’t care if my mom fucked her way through life. My dad was deep in the MC. You’ve been around. There is no shortage of pussy. It isn’t always behind closed doors.”

I never actually saw my dad fucking any of the Heller whores, but after my conversation with him in county, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tapped a few. Not that I wanted to know, but my dad and I had probably fucked a few of the same girls.

“Is that why you like to watch?”

“Nah, I’m not that fucked up.” But she wasn’t far from my truth.

Watching kept me from getting emotionally involved. But that’s what I’d done with Pippa. Seeing her today with the professor, and after my anger over the notes, I’d only proved to myself we couldn’t go back to the way we were .

“I can’t do this anymore,” I said.

She stiffened beside me.

“I can’t watch, not you.” I chased the shit emotions—fear, jealousy, anger. I savored the sadistic twist of sliding into the dark, dangerous thoughts. I wanted to be clawed and gutted by my feelings so that I had a reason to push away anything good.

And then I heard her laugh, and I wanted to bury her, too, until she stopped laughing, stopped smiling, and it was my fault.

“I’m sorry, Pippa. I’m sorry my jealousy has hurt you. I can’t keep hurting you.” I combed her bangs from her face. “I can’t watch you, can’t watch another man touch you and not want to kill him.”

I thought of Romeo, and my gut clenched. I couldn’t stand aside while he kissed, groped, and then fucked my girl. But I didn’t want to think about shutting him out. We both loved Romeo.

I growled and curled my hands into fists with the need to fight, fight my insecurity, fight my jealousy, fight the fucked up thoughts in my head.

Her hands cupped my face. “I don’t need anyone else.”

“Pippa and Dozer, are you out here?” Hana’s voice grew closer.

“Fuck.”

Hana and Jazzy stumbled into the playhouse. “We’ve been looking for you.” Hana took one look at Pippa’s glassy eyes, and she narrowed her gaze on me. “What did you do now?”

Before I could speak, Pippa laced our fingers. “Dozer didn’t listen to me when I told him to leave me alone. Then he stalked me to class.” She smiled at me. “ I’m lucky I have a jealous boyfriend to makes sure nothing happens to me.” Her fingers tightened on mine, then she glanced at Hana. “Anatomy cornered me in class today.”

“What the fuck?” Hana said. “Did he hurt you?”

“He would have if Dozer hadn’t been there. You and Levi were right,” she said to Hana. Then she turned to me. “I should have told you.”

“Have you told Romeo?” Jazzy asked.

“We haven’t told anyone, yet,” I said. “We needed some time alone.”

“Thank you,” she whispered to me. Her pulse fluttered in her neck.

She could thank me later tonight, after I had a final meeting with her professor. I needed Blade and Rogue with me because someone would need to keep me from killing him.

***

Once we were in the chapel, Pippa, Jazzy, and Hana sat at a table with Pike and Brenna.

“We need to talk,” I said to Blade and Rogue. “Privately.”

I walked toward the back of the building, feeling Pippa’s gaze tracking my movements. Once in the office, Blade sat in his chair and Rogue leaned against the wall.

“The guy made a move on Pippa today, in school, in the fucking classroom. I had no choice but to get involved.”

I explained the situation and my concerns with the cameras. “I hope I made the misunderstanding look friendly, but I was fucking ballistic. I didn’t pull my gun, but I can’t be sure the camera didn’t see it.” My cut and my shaved head were enough to identify me if the professor pressed charges.

“Fuck.” Rogue rubbed his hand over his beard.

“The guy doesn’t intimidate,” I said. “He’s going to go after her again.”

Rogue pushed away from the wall. “We’ll ride out after dark, pay him a visit.”

Rogue opened the door.

Blade stopped next to me. “I heard from Willy. Have you talked to Tank?”

“Not today. What’s going on?”

Blade’s jaw ticked. “He accepted the plea. Second degree felony weapons charge. Sentencing is in a couple weeks.”

My gut clenched. “How much time?”

“Three-and-a-half-year minimum, but the judge has discretion. Willy says the DA is sympathetic, and figures Tank will do eighteen months.”

“Fuck.” I raked my hands over my scalp. Tears filled my eyes. “Fuck!” I slammed my fist against the wall. “ Fuck !”

I stormed out of the office, down the hall, and out the side of the building. My dad was being left to rot for eighteen fucking months in that piss shit, motherfucking hellhole.

I leaned against the side of the building and closed my eyes as silent tears slipped onto my cheeks.

“Dozer.” Pippa ran to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “I’m so sorry.” She hugged me tighter, resting her face on my chest.

“I’m fine. ”

She lifted her face. Those fucking lips, soft and full, tempted me. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. Her fingers slipped under my shirt and grazed my flesh. I felt the sizzle of heat all the way to my toes.

“You don’t have to be.”

I lowered my head. It wasn’t the sweet brush of lips I’d imagined if I ever had the chance to kiss her again. Devouring her mouth, I forced her lips open, sought her tongue and sucked it. I kissed her until her whimper became a moan of need.

Fisting my hands in her hair, I angled her head, sliding my mouth along her neck, tasting, and sucking. I didn’t want to remember my own fucking name.

And I needed her to forget anyone but me.

Slicing my thigh between hers, she ground against me. Those gentle fingers clawed at my back as she tried to get closer. Spinning her around, I pinned her to the building, crushing my chest against the soft swell of her breasts.

Reaching between her legs, my palm slid along the warm, smooth flesh of her inner thigh. I wanted this, wanted her.

She stilled.

“Baby, I’m going to continue to dirty you up.” I rested my forehead against hers. Ragged breaths from her slightly parted lips caressed my face as we stared at each other.

I slid my hand higher, and she shivered. My knuckles grazed her panties. I waited for the whispered words to tell me to stop as I fingered the wet cotton. My chest ached with the bruising beats of my heart .

Her delicate, pink tongue slicked across her lower lip, and her eyes darkened. The sun dipped in the horizon cutting long shadows across the church property. Inside, the hum of music and men blended with the rumble of bikes coming into the MC.

I breathed against her neck, touching my tongue to the sensitive spot just below her ear. Those gentle hands gripped my waist as I tugged her panties out of my way. I was fucking desperate to touch her, to know she was still mine.

Wetness coated my finger as I traced the seam of her pussy. “Fuck, Pip.”

She sucked in a breath. Kissing her again, I swirled my tongue into her mouth as I circled her clit with my fingertip. I wanted hard and aggressive, but I fought the need to take.

Instead, I teased and played at her entrance, gathering her cream, and painting her clit.

Her nails dug into my flesh, leaving half-moon cuts in my skin as her hips chased my hand. “Dozer.”

“Whatever you want. I’m yours, Pippa.”

“I want you to make me come. I need your fingers inside me.” She gripped my wrist and ground her pussy into my hand. “You don’t have to be gentle.”

I jammed two fingers into her hot, tight sheath nearly taking her off her feet.

“Ah, yes!” Dark and dirty, just like me.

I pinned her against the building with a hand to her throat and banged her tight core with my fingers, grinding my palm against her clit.

Using my thigh, I spread her wider.

Her lashes fluttered, and her lips trembled. A flush of color stained her cheeks. Then a hard jolt ripped through her. Muscles tensed, and her pussy gloved to my fingers in rhythmic vibrations.

“Look at me,” I said because I needed her to know who was making her come.

Her gaze, heavy with desire, focused on my face.

I pulled my fingers from her pussy. “Suck.”

Pippa gripped my wrist and sucked her cream, gliding her tongue between my fingers. Her eyes slid closed as she hollowed her cheeks and sucked. The pull of suction had my dick hard enough to pound nails.

“Fucking beautiful. Fucking mine.”

I slipped my fingers from her mouth, replacing them with my tongue as I kissed the fuck out of her. I couldn’t kiss enough or touch enough. My hands roamed over her shoulder and then onto her breast.

“Fuck me.” She unsnapped my jeans, lowered the zipper, and reached her hand into my jeans.

“Inside. In my room.”

“Right here. Right now.”

I hissed as her fingers curled around my shaft. She stroked the length.

“I don’t have a condom.”

“I get the shot. I can’t get pregnant.” Her lips nipped at my neck, sucking, and licking my skin.

A growl rolled from my lips as she pressed her thumb to the slit. She licked my pre-cum from her thumb. “You’re mine, Dozer.”

I gritted my teeth until my jaw ached. Nothing sounded as good as getting my dick wet in my girl, but she still had Romeo. I gripped her ass, lifted, and pressed her against the building. “Are you mine? ”

“I’m yours.”

I ripped her panties out of the way, grabbed her thighs, spread her legs, and thrust hard into her silky heat. Pippa’s head fell back against the building as I plowed into her pussy again and again. Cream coated my cock. The wet slide tightened my gut, warmed my balls, and had me soaring higher than a blunt and bottle of Jack.

I’d never fucked without a condom. Skin to skin, sharing breath, I declared without words that she’d only be mine. As her heat surrounded me, I’d only be hers.

She gripped my shoulders and locked her legs around my hips. Her thighs squeezed me, and her skirt bunched between us. Wet sounds of our hips coming together blended with the blood roaring through my ears.

Her cry of release was all it took to push me over the edge, a dangerous freefall of knowing I couldn’t hide from the power this girl had over me. I was hers. She could have my secrets, my anger, even my insecurities.

I gasped a breath and surged deep, so deep I stretched her, filled her, and owned every inch of her. Pippa clung to me, held me, and kissed me.

“I love you,” I said against her lips.

“I know.” She smiled. “I feel it when you look at me, and when you touch me. I love you, too.”