Page 45 of Down & Dirty (Holden Cove #1)

CHAPTER 45

CORY

Cory: baby, please talk to me

Cory: God, I miss you so much. Please come back to me

Cory: Sky I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to. Give me another chance.

S kylar’s silence had been killing me. She’d removed her stuff from my apartment and her presence from my life. And it was breaking me.

The team was flying out to Arizona tomorrow, and I didn’t know if she was planning to go or not. She’d been absent from the OTM offices, and Ronnie hadn’t had much to say. He’d just shaken his head every time I looked at him, the same guilt and regret in his eyes.

“You gonna eat that?” Billy asked, looking down at my sandwich with disapproval.

“You want it?”

“No, I don’t want it. I want you to snap o ut of it.”

I shoved my plate away. “She won’t even talk to me.”

Billy blew out a breath, leaning back in his chair. We’d gone over this. “Ellis, you have to give her time. She feels betrayed. And while I don’t doubt your intentions here, you went a little extreme. Sky was never going to be the type of woman to play Jane to your Tarzan. Beating your chest like that...You knew better.”

I eyed my friend, hating how every word out of his mouth stung. But I was willing to own my mistakes. She just wouldn’t let me. I didn’t know how to handle that, because the one thing in my life I couldn’t stand was uncertainty. And right now, I was starting to think there was a chance this waiting for Sky might not end. That she might not forgive me, or talk to me, or see me again.

And that drove me out of my mind.

Closing my eyes to stem the rush of panic, I gripped the arms of the flimsy plastic chair outside the sandwich shop. “I just want to make it right.”

“And hopefully she’ll give you a chance. But this is going to be on her terms.” He leaned forward, slanting his head to the side. “In the meantime, you might want to work on how the hell you’re going to handle a woman like her without being a bull in a China shop. Cause if by the grace of god she takes you back, you know this will happen again. And if you think you’ll get another chance after this one, you’re not as smart as I’ve always given you credit for.”

The idea of having to just watch as Sky went down any road that was this wrong for her nearly set me off. But Billy had a point. If I wanted things to work with us long term, I was going to have to learn to let shit go.

Since the day my mother had died, my focus was never on winning or proving myself to anyone. It was on testing the limits. Because I never really cared if I made it out in one piece. What difference did my life make when I’d seen just how easily it could all be taken away? When I knew how painful it was to care about something or someone and have them ripped away from you ?

Motocross had been my way to turn that apathy into a livelihood. It wasn’t even a passion, not really. It was a means to an end. Risk everything, every time. Because nothing else had been worth staying alive.

But that all changed with Sky.

Now, I knew better. There were things in this life that were worth sticking around for. Big things. Little things. Things with long blond hair, and things with chubby fingers and floppy curls on his head. We had a life now, a family. And if I’d never cared about coming out of a race or trick alive before, I sure as shit did now.

Before nothing had mattered.

Now, they did.

None of this excused my overreaction. Cass had been right, true colors are hard to hide. I just hadn’t realized I’d changed so much. I was trying to keep Sky safe from the world I’d introduced her to because I was terrified of seeing her hurt. It would have been my fault. I would have failed her.

“You’re saying I should have let her walk into those viper dens?” I crossed my arms over my chest as Billy laughed under his breath.

“I love watching you try to work this out in that thick head of yours, man. You really do love this woman.” He leaned forward again, holding my gaze with his green eyes. “You let her walk into whatever room she wants. Because that’s her life. But then you take care of her when she comes out, because that’s being her partner.”

Shaking my head, I looked away. Every alarm in my body was going off. I was going to hate that. But I’d learn to deal. I would.

She just had to take me back so I could.

“You sure you’re feeling okay?” Billy asked hours later as we prepared to head for the gate at the main event .

I’d barely placed high enough to get into the race, my back spasming, making it hard to stand up straight. My body had been acting up all week, like the stress from this thing with Sky was literally twisting my insides. It felt like this pain was penance for all the ways I’d fucked up lately.

It also felt like a warning.

The first crack between Sky and me had come from my lies about my back. Every time it wrenched me sideways in pain, I saw the hurt on her face all over again. She’d wanted me to quit riding right there, fearful of what would happen if I didn’t.

But I’d needed to win. Because winning was the only way I saw myself taking care of her and Micah. After missing them for a week, I wasn’t so sure anymore that was the truth.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, my eyes on my hands as I tugged on my gloves.

“Get your head on, man,” he said, his tone drawing me to look up at him. “You’re all over the place and this isn’t the day to fuck up.”

We were in a dead heat with the Madness Motors team for points. Ronnie was still ahead of their best rider by three, but this weekend could be a turning point if we didn’t perform. OTM hadn’t been shy about making sure we all knew we had to crush it.

“I know. We need the win.”

“You’re the one who said you wanted to go for the gold.” He gave me a look, as if he was checking to see if I still wanted that.

“I’ll see you at the finish,” I replied, ignoring the obvious question in his eyes. He tapped the top of my helmet and let me go.

Up and down the line the guys revved their engines. Throaty snarls filled the air, the roaring hum blocking out the rest of the world. Just before the gate dropped there was a split second of perfect stillness. When I was younger, it was almost like that first step into a church, or onto a secluded beach at sunrise. Even back then, when I was raw with loss and angry at the world, in that moment of pause things felt better. Lighter. Like I wasn’t alone .

The gate fell and we took off. Riders on either side of me jockeyed for the hole shot, clamoring to get out in front. Two went down on the outside edge, and I got stuck behind a guy from Madness Motors, watching as Ronnie and Kip fought for inside lines, the lime green of their jerseys popping through the spray of dirt.

We’d rounded the first corner, heading into the short whoops section that led into the rollers, the large rounded mounds still smooth from the maintenance crew. The pack thinned just enough for me to hit my throttle and make a run to pass. But with a quick look over his shoulder, the guy in front of me jerked his bike to the inside cutting me off. I barely had time to react, landing hard on the back side of the second roller and nearly spilling off the course.

My heart was pounding and I ground my teeth as I fought with the bike to get it back in line. The riders in front of me had already chewed up the surface and deep, loose dirt mounded up around my tires as I stuck out my leg and dug into the corner. Grabbing for speed I tried to make another pass. But when I gunned it, he pulled the same shit again, and boxed me out even harder.

“Fuck,” I yelled into my helmet.

This time my bike got tapped, tire to tire, and I was too far over the seat to catch myself. My rear tire landed hard, darting a sharp pain up my back, and I shot off the course, zig-zagging through a set of barriers and into the perimeter between the course and the high wall below the stands. I barely managed to stay on, grateful no crew or equipment was in my way as I careened through the open space and slammed hard to brake.

I sat there, my bike vibrating beneath me, as my body screamed. I bent over the handlebars, every muscle in my back was twisted in a vice so tight I could hardly breathe. I gasped for air, looking up at the crowd around me through muddy goggles. Their eyes were fixed on the bikes whizzing past them, sailing through the air. Little kids stared with their mouths hung open. Moms a nd dads pointed out the riders as they went. Families celebrating and marveling, together.

Sitting below them, none of them even seeing me there, a sinking feeling crested over me, like a wave that had been building for years.

What was I doing?

Everything about this was wrong. Sucking wind, and barely getting shallow sips of air, I ripped off my goggles with shaking hands. A hot poker stabbed into my chest. But as much as my body hurt, nothing compared to the ache that exploded through me.

I was losing her.

I was going to lose both of them.

I’d thought that Skylar had come into my life and knocked everything off balance. But it was the opposite. She’d righted something inside me that had been wrong so long I didn’t even see it anymore. That hollow place where I escaped, where nothing mattered and I didn’t have to care about tomorrow, or myself, or anyone—she’d buried herself there and grown up like a vine around everything I’d spent my life avoiding.

But I loved her now. I loved Micah. I had something I’d never had before. And she was right; I was risking my life every time I got on this bike. My life with them, playing on the floor with him, and holding her close. I’d never had enough weight on the other side of the scale to tip me away from chasing the thrill and telling death to fuck off. Now I did. Now I had them.

Nothing was the same, but I was still trying to hold onto what I knew. I was still trying to hide on this bike . Telling myself it was so I could provide for them? As if that was all she needed? Money and security. Maybe that’s what we were at the start, but not anymore. No, she needed a hell of a lot more from me. And she deserved it. She deserved so much better than this.

Another wave of pain hit. But this time as it crashed, I felt my lungs crack free from the strain holding me down. Because I knew it was over. All of this was over .

I was done.

I ripped off my helmet, gasping for air, and feeling my lungs expand like someone had unknotted the vice that had been holding them back. Catching the eye of the official who’d been watching me, I shook my head and starting toward the exit of the course. A smile slowly worked across my face as relief poured through me. I had no idea what the hell I’d do next. And there was no way this wasn’t going to come back to bite me in the ass in a lot of ways. But none of that mattered. Because I had more than this.

I just had to accept it.

I was finally ready.

As I rode slowly around the last corner, cruising past the confused looks from the sideline officials, I glanced up at the leaders coming toward me. Ronnie was in third, and I could see the hole he was going for as he tried to make a play for second. But the same moment, the number one rider shifted. He was trying to block the guy behind him, but he ended up shutting down the gap for both.

It happened so fast, and Ronnie had already opened it up, he was in midair before it became clear he had no place to land. As he came down, he got hit by the other bikes, and the three of them careened off the course in a mess of metal and limbs.

I spun, gassing it to the spot they’d gone off course. I hopped off while it was still moving, tossing my helmet and running as fast as I could to where the riders were piled up against the scaffolding for the camera tower. Ronnie’s bike was on top of him. I shoved the thing off, and knelt beside him.

“Fuck,” he gasped, holding his wrist against his chest, writhing in pain.

“You’re okay, I got you,” I said, taking a hold of his jersey to spin him around.

“Fuck, Cory, fuck.”

He never called me by my first name. Tears were in his eyes, as he loo ked up at me fearfully. His side was bleeding and I pulled back his jersey to see a gash as big as my hand.

“Shit,” I said, looking up at the swarm of officials and crew who’d run over. “We need help here,” I called to the first paramedic I saw.

He raced over with his bag, but after only a quick glance down at Ronnie, he grabbed for his radio and called for the ambulance.

“Hold this here, press down,” he barked at me, shoving gauze into Ronnie’s side as he grimaced. “The stretcher’s coming.”

“You’re gonna be fine,” I said, Ronnie’s eyes locked on me. I’d seen some gnarly crashes before, but looking around at the three men being worked over, this had to be one of the worst.

“Let’s get him out of here,” the paramedic said, as the stretcher and more medics arrived, taking over.

“Ellis?” Ronnie asked.

“I’m right here, man,” I reassured him, moving with the stretcher toward the exit doors.

“My sister is going to kill me,” he joked as they shoved him inside the ambulance.

I laughed, hopping up to ride with him. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you just broke one of her cardinal rules.”

He shook his head, wincing. “Good thing she’s not my manager anymore.”

I stared at him, my smile fading a little. “I don’t think that’s going to save you.”

“Nah, you’re probably right.”