Page 42 of Down & Dirty (Holden Cove #1)

CHAPTER 42

SKYLAR

“ I don’t know,” my mom said later, looking over the proofs from Ronnie’s first endorsement shoot. “They’re a little...loud.” She winced dramatically, anticipating Ronnie’s reaction to her criticism. His reaction to any criticism was never good.

“They match our racing gear!” He said, his hands out, pointing to the photos as if that would somehow make the lime green sneakers less offensive.

I tried to conceal my laughter, but he glared at me. I was just happy we were laughing about his first fashion shoot instead of preparing for OTM to fire us over it. They signed off on this collaboration because the manufacturer was a subsidiary of HardSpun.

When I’d asked the management team at our meeting a few weeks ago if there were any low-hanging gigs they might be able to give Ronnie to tide him over, they jumped at the idea. We all knew my brother’s head was too big as it was, but giving him something was better than all of us watching him dig his own grave.

“You’d look good in this color,” Ronnie said to me, a smirk on his face .

“She’d look good in anything,” Cory replied, coming up behind me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me close, kissing my head and letting out a contented sigh.

We were getting back to normal. Back to us. But as I leaned into him, felt his hold of me tighten before he leaned back to catch my eye with a smile, my nerves rattled a little. I was anxious to share some news of my own tonight.

“Come on, sit and dig in,” my mom said.

We all took our spots around the table of my parent’s hotel suite. Instead of going out, mom had ordered a bunch of our favorites, but at the moment my stomach was too knotted up to be hungry for any of them.

I cleared my throat, swallowing down a quick sip of water. “So, Ronnie’s not the only one who’ll be in front of a camera soon.”

Ronnie laughed, helping himself to a fried chicken leg. “Yeah, yeah, we all know your husband’s a model, Sky. No need to remind us, we can hardly get away from his face.”

Cory shook his head, watching me curiously out of the corner of his eye.

“No, not him.”

The room took on a stillness that had my heart hammering.

“Who then?” my father asked, his fork midair.

“Me.” If I hadn’t been so nervous to tell them about this, I’d be offended that they all seemed so shocked.

My mom’s face scrunched up into an awkward smile. “You’re becoming a model, too?”

I rolled my shoulders back. “Well, not a model really. But I’ve got a job doing a small print campaign for a niche moto magazine.”

Cory’s fork landed on his plate with a clank and I jumped. “Since when?”

He’d kept his voice light, but the look in his eye was as far from supportive as you could get.

“Cass called me about it the other day?— ”

“ Cass ?” he cut me off.

“Yeah, she and I have been talking about getting me out there. Exploring some options.”

His eyebrows flew up, his mouth popping open as he let out a rueful laugh. “Oh, I didn’t realize the two of you had even met each other.”

I hadn’t asked Cass to keep our work together a secret from Cory, but I also never mentioned him when we talked about it. She’d treated me like I was my own person, and I’d appreciated that.

“We ran into each other in the lobby of the hotel after the first race.”

The way he nodded, his jaw working, set off an alarm. I hadn’t expected him to be upset by this. Surprised? Sure. But he looked like he was working hard to keep a hold on his temper.

“Well, that sounds interesting,” my mom said, her chipper tone cutting into the tension. “I bet they’re so excited to have you. Not a lot of women know as much about motocross as you do, honey.”

I nodded, turning back to her with a forced smile. “I might hate it, but it seemed like it would be a fun thing to try to branch out.”

“The camera loves us,” Ronnie said around a mouthful of food. “We’ve got the genes for it, so you can’t screw this up.”

My father shook his head. “Out of the two of you, she’s not the one we’d worry about.”

Ronnie looked at my father with mock horror, but then snickered. “Fine. I’m the one who needs to bank on the family genes to carry my career.”

“No,” my father said, chuckling under his breath. “We’re banking on your sister to carry your career too.”

He was kidding, but my father’s words reminded me of exactly why I’d reached out to Cass in the first place; so I could have one thing that was for me and no one else .

“Hey.” Ronnie set his fork down, glaring at my father who was now red in the face from laughing so hard.

“Don’t choke,” my mom warned, turning her head as she giggled.

My father got himself together, holding my gaze from across the table as he said, “If this is what you want to explore, go for it. But just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

The room felt hot, like I was trapped between my father’s words and my husband’s disapproval. But at the end of the day, neither of their opinions mattered. This was my choice. And I’d made it.

Cory had been quiet during dinner, but by the time we left to go back to our hotel he seemed to have let go of whatever had upset him. When we left, he took my hand in his and kissed the back of it, giving my folks a wave and tipping his head to Ronnie in the conspiratorial way they’d adopted the last few weeks.

I wondered what was up with them, but as we walked the few short blocks back to our hotel, his mood darkened again and by the time we got to our room I needed him to just spit it out already.

“What exactly don’t you like about this?” If it was because I hadn’t told him about it before now, he was going to have to sit down. My secret hadn’t put our future at risk.

He scratched his hand through his hair, pacing the room. “Why are you doing it?” His eyes narrowed on me from across the room, a frown cutting across his face.

My stomach rolled. “Why are you so against it?”

“Answer the question, Sky.”

I shook my head, looking around, trying to avoid his penetrating stare. “I want to do something on my own.”

“On your own? What does that mean?”

My frustration built. “My career is reliant on my brother. My health insurance is reliant on you. I want to do something. On. My. Own.”

It bothered me that I had to spell this out for him. But Cory and Ronnie were the same. Just like my father, they’d both had the chance to build their own careers. They’d cut a path that suited them, and they’d never had to think about anyone but themselves.

I would never get that chance. I had Micah. And I would never regret having him, but my chance to be reckless and irresponsible had disappeared the second he came into this world.

“But you don’t want this.” Cory’s voice was softer, his anger fading into confusion.

“How do you know what I want?”

His head jerked back as though I’d slapped him. “Because you told me what you want. You want to get your degree. You want to help people, Skylar. Not pose for assholes in magazines that sell motor oil. You don’t want to be a bikini clad spokesmodel hawking the latest rear-end suspension. Don’t try to tell me this is what you want.”

A sharp stab of pain hit me in the chest. Frustration and disappointment rushing in behind it, filling up all the corners of me until I felt like I was going to choke.

“So, it’s fine for me to pose for photographers to help your career, but not mine?”

Cory’s eyes went wide. “And how many times have we done that lately, Sky? How many times? None . And it’s not because we didn’t have the chance. It’s because I didn’t want to put you through that. And because I fucking hate having to share you.”

My ears were ringing. “But did you even ask? Did you want to know if that was what I wanted or not? No, of course not. You made those decisions all on your own. Just like you make all your decisions. Regardless of whether or not the outcome affects me just as much as you. We’re supposed to be a team, Cory. But you don’t include me. You just choose for us. Good or bad. And I have to go along with it. ”

He stood there, his chest rising and falling, stunned and wounded, and I hated that we were fighting again. I hated seeing the hurt back in his eyes. But this wasn’t what we were supposed to turn into.

His words were barely a whisper. “Everything I do, is for us.”

“I know you think that. I know you want to do what’s best. But you like control as much as the rest of the men in my life. And I can’t give you that. I won’t let you control me and the way my life unfolds like Tommy did. I’m not that girl anymore. And this contract with Cass is for me.”

Cory was frozen, a pained look on his face. “You think I’m like him ?” He took a step back, shaking his head. “I’m nothing like that asshole. And you know it.”

My heart was in my throat. I hadn’t meant that. I hadn’t meant how that came out. But I could see the way my words had cut him down. I took a step forward, but he held up his hand.

“I think I need some air.”

“Cory...” I pleaded, desperate to fix this. He wasn’t like Tommy. That wasn’t what I was saying. I just needed him to see that this modeling gig was what I wanted, and that should be enough.

He took another step back, reaching behind him for the door handle. “Please, Sky. I just...I’ll be back.”

But he didn’t come back. I waited for hours, sitting on the bed, refusing to even change out of my clothes. Before I finally gave up, exhausted and wrung out, I opened the door, looking hopefully down the corridor, imagining him walking back toward me, ready to fix this. Of course, there was nothing but the lonely hallway and buzzing florescent lights. And when the door clicked closed behind me, all I could do was cry.