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FORTY-TWO

ARDEN

“Thanks for the ride,” Zara says, lifting her luggage from my back seat. “I’ll see you at practice on Monday. We’ll get to work on those new plays.”

“Sounds good,” I reply as she waves, shutting the door before turning toward her building. It’s almost midnight and we just got home from an away trip to Nashville. We managed to pull out a win, but that’s only because Dahlia finally loosened the reins enough to let me have some control on the court. After losing two in a row at home, I know the team owner was putting some pressure on her. Unfortunately, there are still some plays I’m forbidden from running, and she wants to work on some new set combinations, because obviously, I’m still not trusted to decide on my own what’s best for my team. It’s annoying, but it’s a step in the right direction, so I’ll take it.

The flight back to Daytona was only about two hours long, but it may as well have been fifteen minutes with the anxiety I was feeling about going home. Hawk texted earlier and said Jackson had returned to the condo yesterday from Ace’s, where he stayed for nearly a week. Apparently, he’s done clearing his head after everything that went down when my dad and Gina were here—although I don’t know what that means for us. Will we go back to having miles of space between us like before? Or will he actually let me tell him what I want? Because the last conversation we had ended before I even got the opportunity.

I’m grateful my time has been occupied with work because it’s given me less of a chance to dwell on the fact that he hasn’t been around. I knew he’d come back at some point since he literally owns the place, but now that it’s here, I’m beyond nervous to see what it’s going to look like. From the moment I arrived in Florida, I felt the same pull I always have to him. Even with all the distance we were trying to close after years of being apart, I craved the familiarity and comfort he provided. But now, I feel like I’m about to walk into a home I’m sharing with a stranger.

Maybe I’m overreacting and it won’t be the way I’ve conjured it up in my head. Maybe the week we spent apart made him realize us being together is worth the risk, and he’ll tell me he wants to work it out. I haven’t lost hope that I can still have a future with both him and Hawk, even though not entertaining the possibility would surely shield me from more pain. As delusional as it all sounds to still see Jacks and I together in the end, it’s the only thing that’s preventing me from spiraling completely. And with the way he left so abruptly, with so many unanswered questions, I just can’t bring myself to let go of the small shred of optimism that remains in my heart.

I mindlessly make my way home, pulling into the underground garage and parking my car between both of theirs. My stomach flips with nerves at the thought of the three of us being in the same place again, and I wonder if they’ve talked at all while I’ve been gone. Hawk said things were definitely tense between them the day Jackson came by to get his clothes, but now that they’ve had time to reflect, have they started mending their broken fences? The last thing I want is to be the reason their friendship is strained, so even if the three of us can’t work through this whole thing, they absolutely have to . I’d be devastated if they didn’t.

Pulling my bags from the trunk, I sling them over my shoulder. I nervously move toward the elevator, stepping inside and shakily pressing the button for our floor. The entire building seems desolate because of the late hour, which means the ride upward is a straight shot, not stopping until I’m mere steps away from what used to be my favorite place in the world. I would rush home from practice to be with my guys, anticipating what awaited me when I walked through that door. Now, it all feels different, my feet mindlessly propelling me forward as anxiety creeps up my throat until it feels like I’m choking. I pause when I’m there, staring at the lock pad with indecision for far too long before finally reaching out and pressing my finger against it. As soon as it beeps, I push the lever and hold my breath as I enter the dark, quiet space. I didn’t text Hawk to tell him I had landed, so I knew there’d be a possibility that he’d be asleep when I arrived. But by the silence that continues to surround me when I step further inside, it looks like he’s not the only one.

“Thank God,” I whisper, dropping my bags and breathing a sigh of relief. I know I’ll see Jacks eventually, but after a long trip and a flight that left much later than we had anticipated, I need time to rest and prepare for whatever tomorrow brings. All I want is to crawl into bed with Hawk and feel his strong arms around me, reminding me that even though my entire world has been flipped on its side, he’s got me. But first, I need to shower.

I ascend the stairs, deciding that it’ll be best to use my own en suite. It’s late, and I don’t want to wake him with the running water, so I quietly pad into my room, not bothering to turn on the light as I make my way through. My vision adjusts to the darkness, and I’m startled when movement on the bed catches my eye. Sucking in a hurried gasp, I back up, slamming into the dresser in a panic. Pain radiates throughout my back, and before I can even react, the lamp on my nightstand clicks on and a set of familiar hands darts out to keep me upright.

“Shit,” he says, his voice cutting through me like a thousand knives. “Arden, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

I lift my head, trying to focus through the lightheadedness that’s washing over me. Whether it’s from the throbbing discomfort in my body, or because he’s here, I don’t know. “Jackson?” I rasp. “Why are you in my room?”

“I—” he pauses, “I’m not sure. I couldn’t sleep. I was going to take a walk along the beach but ended up here instead. I fucking miss you so much.” The last sentence comes out more like a choked whisper as he drops his hands from where they rest on my arms.

“Then don’t ,” I reply, my eyes filling with tears. “You don’t have to miss me, Jacks. I’m right here. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, or what it costs to be with you and Hawk. If Rip-It or the PVF thinks our love is wrong, I’ll find another job. As long as I have you, that’s all that matters.”

He reaches for my cheek, but stops mid-action, curling his fingers into a fist and pulling back. My heart twists and cracks, because although we’re standing right next to each other, I’ve never felt further away from him, and I hate it. “You say that now, but what happens in five years when we’re still playing while you’re wishing your dream wasn’t stolen from you? You can’t deny that women are treated differently when it comes to dating and sex. The Fury wouldn’t bat an eyelash at our situation, but the Flare might. I’ve gone back and forth over this for a week, Arden—but every time, I end up staring at a future where you’re full of resentment toward me, and I just… can’t .”

I scoff, putting more space between us. My cheeks heat as sadness and anger flow through me. “You’re a coward, Jackson Blake. You’re so afraid of how all this is going to affect you, that you’re not even listening to what I want.” I lift my chin, mustering up all the courage I can find as his stare falls to the floor. He looks broken and dejected, but I don’t give a fuck—because so am I. “One day, you’ll be forced to watch me marry him. And while you’re standing there next to us as a witness, I need you to remember one thing.” His gaze finds mine, his eyes filling with tears as I deliver the final blow. “He’ll never have all of me. And that’ll be your fault .”

I don’t give him a chance to answer. If he wants to break us, he’s going to have to do it on his own. Placing a hand on my lower back to ease the ache, I push past him and into the bathroom, mindlessly going through the motions of undressing as his words play over and over in my head.

I just… can’t.

As soon as I step under the warm spray of the multiple shower heads, I break down—crying for the boy I’m losing, and the future we could’ve had.