Page 11

TEN

ARDEN

“Just go talk to him,” I mumble as I wear a path into the carpet at the foot of my bed. I’ve been pacing back and forth since I got out of the shower, feeling unsettled about what happened with Hawk. To be honest, I don’t remember much before his lips met mine, but I can still feel them as I consider my next move.

As much as I know he only did it to snap me out of my panic attack, all I can think about is how I wish I could experience that kiss again, this time with full awareness. I’d give anything to feel his hot tongue pressed against mine for just a few more seconds, since I wasn’t in the proper mental state to burn every detail of how he tasted into my memory. But it’s not a possibility, and I need to accept that.

I have two choices right now. I can either pretend it never happened and make shit even more awkward than it’s already been around here, or I can suck it up and address it. He just saw me at my absolute worst, and as embarrassed as I am, it’ll only make me more anxious if I don’t speak to him sooner, rather than later.

“You’re fine,” I say to my reflection in the full-length mirror that stands against the wall. “People have panic attacks every day. He helped you through it. Go thank him and get it over with. You’ll feel so much better after.” I smooth my oversized shirt down my thighs, making sure it’s not too indecent to leave the room. After my shower, my body felt depleted of energy, and the best I could do was toss my hair up in a messy bun and throw on an old, comfy t-shirt with a pair of cotton panties. It’s kind of my post-breakdown uniform, and definitely a go-to look when I’m feeling as exhausted as I am right now.

I give myself one last once-over before walking to the door and taking a deep, calming breath. As soon as I swing it open, I can hear the low hum of the TV coming from downstairs. I assume both guys are here since it’s so late, so I peek over the banister as I pass, seeing Jackson’s messy sandy-brown hair as he rests his head on the couch. His right leg is up on the ottoman, and I honestly can’t tell if he’s awake or asleep. But the lights are off and he looks to be alone down there, so I pad to the other end of the hall, stopping when I get to Hawk’s room. I stand there for far too long, the familiar feeling of dread starting in the pit of my stomach and working its way up my throat until I feel like I’m choking on it.

What if he regrets kissing me? What if he thinks I’m some weak, fragile girl who can’t handle a bad day without having a meltdown? It’s bad enough that he found me curled up on the floor, but the fact that he had to guide me through it is so fucking humiliating.

Just as I’m about to turn and walk away because I simply can’t bring myself to knock, the door swings open, revealing a nearly naked Hawk on the other side. My eyes lock onto his chest first, then roam to the tattoos that decorate both of his toned arms. It’s too dark to make out what they are since the only light is coming from a small lamp next to his bed, but they’re beautiful. He’s beautiful . Each defined muscle is on display, a pair of short black boxer briefs the only thing stopping me from seeing his entire form. I fail miserably at not soaking in every inch of him, including the bulge that’s straining against the tight fabric. I’ve never seen a human being so perfect in my entire life, and I’m in complete awe as he stands before me in all his sexy-as-sin glory. My braless nipples harden under the thin material of my t-shirt, and I let out a shuddered breath as my eyes slide up to his.

“Are you okay?” he asks, snapping me back to reality. My cheeks heat because there’s no way he didn’t notice me eye-fucking his gigantic dick for the last three minutes, but I’m grateful he isn’t pointing it out. I hold his stare, taking note of the concern in his expression as he waits for me to answer.

“I’m—” I say, choking on the words as I nod my head rapidly. “Yeah. Thanks. Goodnight.” I spin quickly, just wanting to get out of here before I humiliate myself further, but I don’t get a single step before his large hand wraps around my wrist and he pulls me into his room, shutting the door behind us.

“Stop hiding from me, Arden,” he says through clenched teeth. “What’s going on?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. The last thing I want is to unload all the bullshit that happened today onto him when things are already so weird between us. I want to have a friendship with him, but he’s not going to want that if he thinks I’m a basket case. I need to keep shit light so he’ll stop acting like he can’t stand being around me.

“Nothing,” I lie quietly. “I just had a bad day at practice. It’s really not a big deal. What happened downstairs…it wasn’t wha?—”

“Stop lying to me,” he whisper-yells, taking a step closer. “I’ve never seen a panic attack that bad before. You were fucking gone . I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to bring you back. So, tell me what the fuck happened.”

Tears fill my eyes, but I blink them away, taking a deep breath and looking down at the floor before speaking. “There’s just so much pressure. My whole team needs me to be perfect, and I’m failing them. I come home at night and replay every single thing I did wrong, racking my brain for ways to fix it, but maybe I’m just not enough.” I look up at him, shaking my head. “I’m losing my mind, Hawk. And then all of that,” I say, motioning toward the door. “You found me freaking out and kissed me, then I practically forced myself on you. I’m so fucking embarrassed. I’m sor?—”

“You think you forced yourself on me ?” he says, reaching out and collaring his hand around my throat. It catches me off guard and my eyes go wide as he steps closer, pushing me back until I’m wedged between him and the door. The hard wood cools the scorching skin under my shirt, and my head spins with every heaving exhale that puffs against my lips. “I was fucking terrified when I came inside and saw you on the floor. I’d have done anything to help you. But if you think I haven’t spent every goddamn second since you moved in wondering what you’d taste like, or what sounds you’d make as you rubbed that warm, sweet cunt all over me, you’re wrong. It’s haunted my dreams, Arden.”

My mouth falls open and I suck in a breath, surprised by his admission. He’s been hot and cold toward me for months, so hearing him say he’s wanted to kiss me is a shock, to say the least. My pulse beats wildly against his fingertips, and I lick my lips, watching as his eyes catch on the movement. He looks conflicted, lust crossing over his features as he presses his body to mine even tighter. I can feel his massive erection against my stomach, and I gasp loudly as he grinds it into me.

“Are you really surprised, Hellcat?” he drawls, dropping his lips to my ear. “The way you walk around here looking like that , with those hard nipples practically begging me to suck on them until you explode. Or those short fucking spandex you wear that show every goddamn curve and dip in your thighs—I’d give anything to mark them up with my teeth. I want to wreck you. It consumes every part of me.”

“Then do it,” I breathe. “Tear me apart. I don’t want to feel anything but you.”

He pulls back, his blue eyes burning into mine as several emotions pass over his face in rapid succession. Each one is gone before I can really make it out, but I’m feeling more and more uncomfortable with each second that passes as he stares at me. Just as I blindly reach behind myself for the doorknob so I can get out of here before he tells me why we can’t, he squeezes his fingers, pressing them firmly into the sides of my neck.

“He’s going to fucking hate me,” he says quietly. Before I can even ask what he means, he lunges forward, pressing his mouth to mine in a kiss so intense that I can feel my lips swelling from the force almost immediately. He parts them with his tongue, plunging it inside as I moan into his mouth. Hot sparks ignite throughout my body, swirling around and gathering between my legs. I bring one around his hip, hooking my ankle behind his thigh to draw him even closer, not that it’s possible. We’re practically fused together as we kiss and grind, quiet whimpers and growls being traded and swallowed as we devour each other like we need it to survive.

He reaches around, gripping my ass in both hands as he lifts me into his arms. I lock my ankles around his lower back, using them as leverage to rub my core against his rock-hard length. He helps by moving me up and down, and I imagine what it would be like if we didn’t have any underwear between us. The way he’s lifting me, I could slide right down on his cock, giving myself the fullness that my inner walls are currently clenching in search of. Would it be stupid to go further with Hawk right now with the way everything went down tonight? Yes. But I just want to let my mind go quiet, numbing myself from all the negative thoughts that plague me.

“You’re killing me, Hellcat,” he growls against my lips. “I want to bend you over my lap and spank this ass until you cry for tasting so good.”

“Oh my God,” I whimper, his dirty words like a lightning strike to my throbbing clit. As worked up as I am, it still feels as though my orgasm is miles away, so I squeeze my legs tighter, begging for more friction. He gives it, coasting his lips down my neck and licking from one side to the other before sinking his teeth into the sensitive skin under my ear. I moan out loud, my eyes rolling back with pleasure, but he stops abruptly when we hear a muffled thud coming from outside the door. In an instant, I’m standing on my feet and he’s backing away like I’m on fire, adjusting himself before his hands shoot to his hair.

“It’s Jacks,” he rushes out, panic lacing his tone. “I have to go.” I stumble out of the way just in time for him to rip the door open and run toward the stairs, my jaw hanging open and shame washing over me like hot lava. Tears well in my eyes again, this time because I can’t shake the look of regret on his face as I awkwardly stand here by myself.

“I told you, I’m fine,” I hear Jacks say from the other end of the hall “It’s a goddamn muscle pull. I didn’t break a hip. Go back to bed.”

“You almost fell down the stairs, you fucking asshole,” Hawk grunts, and I peek out, watching as he slides under Jackson’s arm and helps him hobble to his room. Their backs are to me, so I wait until they’re out of sight before quietly slipping into the hallway and back to my own bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind me.

Stupidly, I wait for him to come knock. But as the minutes tick by and I hear rustling in the distance, followed by silence, I slip under the covers, trying my best to fall asleep while I think about what just happened, and how truly fucked I am.