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FORTY-ONE

JACKSON

“You good, man?” Ace asks, shoving his keys into the pocket of his jeans. “I’ll be gone for a few hours, but Lark will be in and out of her office. Just let her know if you need anything.”

I look up from where I’m lying on the couch. Even though it’s only been a few days, I feel like a freeloader. I go from the guest bed to the couch, too fucking weak and dejected to do anything else. I’ve considered going to a hotel or something, but the thought of being even further away from Arden than I am already makes me sick to my stomach. I know this is my fault, and I could walk right back through our door and beg her to forgive me for leaving, but I’m still convinced that I need to do this for her.

“I’m fine,” I say. “I’m going to get up and go for a run soon, anyway. I’m hoping the exercise will help me sleep tonight.”

He gives me a look that says yeah, right —which I don’t acknowledge because we both know I’m not going anywhere—before turning and leaving for his monthly trip to visit the kids at his old therapist’s clinic. I sigh, returning my attention to the TV, where a random rom-com is playing. It’s one I haven’t seen before, but it has all the makings of something Arden would be into if she were here.

I close my eyes, trying to imagine her body in front of mine, my arms wrapped tightly around her as she giggled at the guy’s dumb jokes. I’d give her a hard time, telling her how cliché it all was, and she’d argue, telling me that I just didn’t know enough about romance to appreciate the cheesy storyline. I’d prove her wrong by pulling her even closer and coasting my lips along her soft skin as I told her how much I loved her. Then she’d whisper it back, reminding me that I’m the luckiest guy in the world for having the privilege of calling her mine.

I miss her so much, it hurts. It’s been a struggle not to just say fuck it and go back home, but I’m trying to remember what’s at stake if I don’t stay away and the public decides to drag her through the mud. The delusional side of me thinks maybe it wouldn’t happen, and that everyone would be cool with her being with me and Hawk, but that’s not realistic. Both Fury and Flare fans would have opinions, and no amount of showing them how strong our love is would stop them from making small-minded comments—ones that could obliterate her career.

“You look like a lost puppy,” Lark says as she enters the room, pulling me from my thoughts.

I huff a laugh, sitting up and dragging my hands down my face with a groan. “Sorry. It’s been a weird few days. I feel lost.” She rounds the couch, plopping down on the opposite end, and relief floods over me as her sympathetic eyes meet mine. Lark and I have had this unexplained kinship from the moment we met, and I know if there’s anyone I can open up to without the fear of judgment, it’s her. Maybe talking it out with an objective third party is what I need to move forward—because right now, I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Talk to me, Jacks,” she coaxes. “Why are you rotting on my couch when you have two people who love you more than anything on the other side of this building?”

Wiping my sweaty hands on the front of my sweatpants, I slump back into the cushions, releasing a shaky breath. “A few days ago, my mom and Arden’s dad were visiting from Pennsylvania. We agreed that at the end of their trip, we’d come clean about everything. We planned on telling them that Hawk and I were in love with her and that no matter what they thought, we were going to be with her. We figured they’d maybe be against it at first, especially with the two of us being stepsiblings, but we didn’t care. We knew they’d eventually get over it. But when my mom walked in on us kissing, she kind of freaked out—and brought up a whole other issue we hadn’t really even considered.”

Her eyebrows squish together, and she pulls her feet up onto the couch, hugging a throw pillow to her chest as she tries to get comfortable. “What issue?”

I slowly shake my head, my eyes fixed on my hand as it rests on my thigh. “Arden was just offered her dream deal with a really popular and well-respected brand. My mom went into agent mode when she put all the pieces of our situation together, warning us of the risks we’d be taking with Arden’s career if we went public. It’s obviously not illegal to be in two relationships at once, but it’s also not something that’s widely accepted in society. The way her contracts are set up leaves room for them to be voided if she does anything that could be deemed immoral. She could lose everything just by being with both of us, which she was fully prepared to do—so I made the choice for her, and I left.”

“Wait,” she says, blinking rapidly. “You left because there’s a chance that maybe she could lose her job? And she was willing to put that on the line because she loves you, but you decided to walk away without even hearing her out? Don’t you think that was kind of a dick move to dismiss her feelings the way you did?”

I wince because it sounds pretty bad when she says it like that. My intention was never to make Arden feel as though her wishes weren’t important to me. I just knew she’d choose us, and I wanted to shield her from all the bad things that could’ve come with that choice. Did I handle it well? Probably not. But I’m human, and there just isn’t a clear answer for this. No matter what, we’re all losing in some way or another.

“Yeah,” I mutter.

“And are you planning on going home at some point? Or are you just going to run forever?”

I lean my head back, looking up at the ceiling as I take a slow, deep breath. Leave it to Lark to call me out like this. I know it’s something I need to think about, but the thought of living there and having to watch them do things as a couple makes me want to vomit. Not because I don’t want them together—I definitely do. I just can’t imagine going back to the way things were before we talked about the future and pretending like I’m fine with it being them and not us .

“I stopped by yesterday to grab some clean clothes and stuff while Arden was at practice. Hawk barely even looked at me, and when I asked him how she was doing, he said—and I quote—to stop being a selfish piece of shit and ask her myself . I understand why he’s pissed at me, and I’m glad he’s trying to protect her, but fuck . It’s hard not being able to talk to my best friend when I need his support the most.” I meet her sympathetic gaze. “I know I can’t run forever. And truthfully, I want to go home. But will I be able to stay away when I know they want me in their bed? Will it be hard not to kiss her every morning when we pass each other in the kitchen? I don’t think I can trust myself not to fuck everything up.”

She scoots over so she’s right beside me, placing a gentle hand on my forearm. “I’m going to ask you one more question, and then I promise I’ll leave it alone. But you have to give me an honest answer. Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” I reply, swallowing the lump in my throat.

She looks up, her expression full of compassion as she speaks softly. “If the roles were reversed, and you were forced to choose either a happy life with Arden and Hawk right now, or playing baseball for the Fury, what would you do?”

My face twists with emotion and tears prick at my eyes before spilling down my cheeks. I don’t have to say the answer out loud, because we both already know it. I’d choose them—every day for the rest of my life. I’d hang up my cleats without hesitation if it meant waking up each morning to her lying between us.

She pats my bicep, pushing to her feet. “A really smart lady once told me that some risks are worth taking. I don’t have the right answer for you, Jacks, because I know there’s a lot on the line. But please don’t shut them out because you think it’s the right thing to do. At least consider that you’re not the only one in this situation who’s willing to give up one dream for a much bigger one.”

And with that, she walks away, leaving me even more confused about what to do next.