Page 41

THIRTY-NINE

JACKSON

“I’ll be right downstairs,” Hawk says to Arden as he rises from the bed, kissing her gently before he heads in my direction. I’m expecting him to look at me. Talk to me— anything to give me some indication of what he’s thinking—but he doesn’t. He just keeps his eyes on the floor, stepping past me as he exits the room. Maybe he’s pissed that I left when she needed me, but I had to get out of here for a while. Between Arden being so upset, and my mom attempting to reason with me after I told her I needed space to think, I couldn’t take it. I knew Hawk would take care of her, so I got the fuck out before I did something stupid, like break up with her without weighing every single pro and con.

I drove along the coast for almost an hour, thinking about what would happen if we went public with our relationship. Would people rip her apart? Would they say terrible, hateful things about the woman I love, tearing her down every day because she’s made room in her heart for two men? Would it cost her the endorsement she deserves more than anything in the world? Would she lose her job?

Even if there’s the slightest possibility of that, I have to do everything I can to prevent it. I can’t be the reason she doesn’t get to live her dream.

Walking toward her slowly, I lower to the mattress, sitting next to where she’s got her back against the headboard and her knees hugged tightly to her chest. It’s a protective position, and it fucking kills me that it won’t be able to shield her from what I’m about to do. I hate myself already, and I haven’t even forced out the words.

“Before I say anything, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart,” I tell her. “I’ll always be yours, just like I have been since the day we met.” Tears prick at the backs of my eyes, and my already broken heart threatens to shatter in my chest as she brings her pleading gaze to mine. I want to hold her—to tell her it’s going to be okay—but the truth is, I don’t know. And I refuse to put her future at risk. So, I swallow the lump in my throat, continuing the speech I rehearsed all the way home.

“My mom is right. The three of us being together could cost you your career. You’ve worked too fucking hard to get here, and I can’t let you throw it all away. We have to end this,” I barely choke out the final sentence, my chest tightening to the point of pain as it fights its way past my lips.

She shakes her head rapidly in disagreement, shooting to her knees and darting her hands out to clutch the fabric of my t-shirt. “No, Jacks—I don’t care about any of that,” she argues, the words rushing from her mouth in a panic. Her eyes well with tears, and I want to take it all back, so she doesn’t have to feel the pain I know is surging through her body right now. I know, because I fucking feel it, too.

“Yes, you do,” I reply, doing my best to reassure her with a hand on her soft cheek. “And I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you woke up one day and resented me for being the reason you lost it all. Just be with Hawk and love each other out loud. That’s what you deserve, Arden—you shouldn’t have to be anyone’s secret. Least of all, mine.”

“I don’t want this,” she says, tears spilling over as her eyes squeeze shut. “I want both of you. I want us to fight for each other. Fuck anyone who thinks our love is wrong.”

I exhale a shaky breath, unable to hold back my emotions any longer. Moisture streams down my cheeks, and I smile weakly, because it’s all I have to give her. “This is me, fighting for us, Princess. And it’ll be the hardest thing I’ve ever done—knowing how it feels to have you, but letting you go anyway.”

“You’re making a mistake, Jackson,” she whispers, small tremors shaking her hands as they continue gripping onto my shirt. “We don’t even know if I’ll lose my deal or my spot on the team because of this. And if it makes you that nervous, we’ll just continue doing what we’re doing. Nobody has to know what goes on in the privacy of our own home.”

I peel her fingers from the fabric, encasing them in mine before bringing her knuckles to my lips. I linger for just a moment, wishing I could rewind the last few hours and make this easier for her. But this was inevitable, and I was stupid to think there wouldn’t be some kind of consequence for us when I first told her how I felt.

If it were just me and Hawk in the public eye, maybe we could make it work. Riggs has done a good job of protecting Monroe from the media after her shitbag father was put in prison earlier this year. And even with their ten-year age gap, Ace and Lark have managed to tune out the noise from internet trolls who talk negatively about them on social media. But we’re different. Arden is a professional athlete as well, and women are held to a much higher standard when it comes to their personal lives, as unfair and fucked up as that is. It isn’t just a matter of whether or not the public would call her names for being with two people at the same time—it’s much bigger than that, and the risk isn’t one I’m willing to let her take. If that means leaving without giving her a choice in the matter, so be it. I can only pray that she doesn’t end up hating me when all is said and done. Hopefully, one day, she’ll understand that I’m doing this because I love her more than anything in the world.

“I love you, Arden,” I say quietly, taking one last look at her flawless face before standing up and heading to the door. She sobs loudly, crying out my name as she falls forward onto the mattress, and I fight every instinct in me that’s telling me to turn around and beg for her forgiveness. But I know I can’t. I have to give her the life she deserves, even if it means watching from afar as my best friend holds her hand through it all. Part of me expects her to follow me as I hurry down the stairs, but I’m grateful when she doesn’t, because it’ll only make this harder.

“What’s going on?” Hawk says, standing from the couch and stepping toward me as Arden’s muffled, broken cries fill the air around us. “What the fuck did you do?”

I shake my head, my chest heaving as every single part of me continues to shatter into a million jagged pieces. Not only am I losing the woman I love today, but I’m not sure if my decision will end up taking my best friend, as well. My eyes and chest burn as I look up at him, voice cracking as I force out my final request. “Love her hard, Hawk. Love her in all the ways I wish I could.”

His brows pull tight. “Dude, don’t ,” he warns. “Don’t do this. We’ll figure it out.”

I scoff, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “There’s nothing to figure out. The longer we act like this isn’t going to eventually ruin her life, the worse it’ll be. Just let me do the right thing.”

He takes a step back, a mask of disgust falling over his expression. “You’re a fucking bitch, Blake. You’re going to regret this.”

“I already do,” I mumble, turning and heading toward the door. He doesn’t waste another second before rushing up the stairs and into Arden’s room. I stand there frozen, listening as he attempts to comfort her, but her cries only get louder as the pain from what I’ve done intensifies. It’s not until I hear his promise to her that I’m snapped back to the harsh reality I’m about to live.

“You and me, baby,” he says. “Always.”

And with that, I walk out of the condo, leaving what’s left of me behind with the two people who own it all.