Page 19 of Demon Dating Service
“No!” Luke sat up with fresh energy. “Matteo is a beautiful god, and I want to get the courage to talk to him, but every time he sees me, I’m doing something to look like a total moron.” Luke flopped dramatically onto the sofa and groaned. “It was such a mess. The frat boys were laughing at me. I spilled my drink. And then the crows went after everyone like they were trying to defend me, except they went after Matteo too! He didn’t do anything. I’m sure everyone now thinks I trained the crows to be my minions, and Matteo knows I’m a total loser now. My boss annoying me at work was the icing on my shit-cake of a day.”
Tog grabbed a wing and shoved it into his mouth. He thought about Luke’s problem while slowly sucking all the meat from the bones. As soon as the bones were clean and he’d swallowed the very spicy meat, he’d come to a decision.
First, Azroth needed to tell the crows he’d sent to follow Luke to back off. The little human didn’t need people saying mean things about him. The crows needed to learn to work in secret.
And second…
“I will bring you the heads of your enemies,” Tog declared.
Yes, this was an excellent offer. Luke was one of them now. He lived in their home. He provided Tog with excellent food, and he enjoyed horror movies. How could he not want to properly support this funny small human?
Luke snorted. “Man, isn’t that tempting?”
“I am serious. We can put them on spikes. Or we can hang them in your room as trophies. They would be the first heads in your collection, right?” Yes, Tog liked the idea of being the one to give Luke his very first head in what would one day be an impressive collection. It was a great honor for him.
The human chortled and held his stomach. “Yeah, they would. But I don’t know how to keep heads from rotting. So, let’s not this time.”
Tog sighed. “Are you sure? It wouldn’t be any trouble.”
Luke reached across and patted Tog on the shoulder. “You know, the offer was more than enough to lift my spirits. Thanks anyway.”
The demon grabbed another slice of pizza and slowly ate it. He would obey Luke’s wishes and not take their heads.
But maybe he would give them explosive diarrhea as well. Yes, he would need to think about this.
Chapter 8
Tuk’s Master Plan
BATH’TUK
The grandfather clock in the second-floor hallway chimed twice, announcing that it was now two in the morning. Luke should be dragging his tired, skinny body into the house any moment now.
This was Bath’tuk’s last chance to go through his mental checklist prior to his target arriving.
All the other demons in the house were in rooms on the first floor or in the basement. He’d claimed the entire floor to create his Hallway of Doom®.
It all started with his room, where there was a nine-foot-tall werewolf ready to chase Luke down the hall. Tuk couldn’t believe his luck! His night to scare Luke had fallen on a full moon. He hurried to his room and peeked in to find the enormous wolf sitting on the floor, scratching at fleas behind his ear and chewing on his ass.
“Craig! You said you were ready!” Tuk cried.
The werewolf bolted to his feet, bloodshot eyes wide. “I’m ready! I’m ready! Is he here? I’m ready!”
“He’ll be here any second! No fucking around!”
Tuk slammed the door shut and moved along the hall to Mag’s room, where he’d rounded up a small horde of zombies. He peeked inside to see the poor creatures shambling about, knocking into the walls. Their soft moans were at least off-putting.
“You guys ready?” he inquired.
One of the zombies turned toward him and lifted a hand. It looked as if he were trying to give him a thumbs-up. Only his thumb fell off and rolled across the floor. The other zombies stumbled after the errant digit.
Tuk rolled his one eye and closed the door. So what if they were falling apart? As long as they held together to scare Luke, it didn’t matter if they were missing some bits.
He peeked inside Azroth’s room and let out a loud sigh. The two vampires he’d hired were playing chess.
“The knight doesn’t move like that. It’s two up and one over.”
“No, it’s not. It’s one up and two over.”