Page 1 of Demon Dating Service

Prologue

BEWARE OF DEMONS WHEN THEY’RE BORED

Azroth

Azroth sighed a sigh so deep, he was sure they could feel the ripple washing through the lowest levels of Hell. There was a waterfall of blood cascading down the grand staircase, the library was crying again, and he was pretty sure the refrigerator had eaten yet another of the neighbor’s cats. In his opinion, though, the crazy old bat next door had plenty to spare, but disappearing cats and other neighborhood oddities drew attention to them, which they didn’t need.

Sometimes reining in five demons trapped on earth was more hassle than he wanted to deal with. Of course, there was always the option of making such a ruckus that someone called an exorcist to their house and sent them all to Hell, where they would be put under strict control and observation of a more powerful demon. But Azroth wasn’t in the mood to deal with a pompous demon on a power trip.

At least among the humans, they could do what they wished, so long as they didn’t draw too much attention to themselves.

Humans had summoned all six of them in the last couple of centuries for one task or another. In most cases, the human hadn’t been smart and had died shortly after the summoning, which meant that none of the demons had been properly sent back to Hell, leaving them free to roam the earth and stir up mischief. It was only by luck that they’d found each other and agreed to set up residence in this old, rambling Victorian home in New England.

Naturally, after more than a century of soaking in demon magic, the house wasn’t quite what it used to be. New rooms popped up and vanished on a whim. Many rooms had developed their own sentience and personality—hence the overly sensitive and frequently sobbing library. The plumbing was sketchy, but the plumbing had been questionable even before they’d moved in. And the plant life ate most living things that made the mistake of wandering into the yard.

Yet, even with all its quirks, the house was theirs, and they could live as they wished.

Until someone—or more likely all of them—became bored, leaving Azroth ready to pitch them into the underworld rather than deal with their nonsense.

Lifting a hand to his brow, Azroth squeezed and massaged his temples, careful not to prick himself on his long black nails. With a deep breath, he dropped his hand to his side and settled his massive leathery black wings about his shoulders like a cape. He stomped through the blood waterfall, causing it to part in fear like a literal Red Sea, and headed to the first-floor parlor.

As he’d expected, Ogos’s gelatinous mass of greenish-yellow goo was spread out across the dusty floral carpet, a half-finished game of solitaire set up in front of him. Additional cards were stuck to three tentacles as he searched for a play.

“Are you the reason the library is crying?” Azroth demanded as he entered the room.

“No,” Ogos replied as he placed a queen of hearts on a king of clubs. “I’m the reason there’s a thunderstorm in the second-floor shower. Tog is the reason the library is crying. He was eating pages out of the books.”

Azroth’s wings shifted to his sides as he dropped gracefully into a high-back chair. “And the waterfall of blood?”

“Annod watched a show set in Hawaii and wanted to know if he could surf down the stairs.”

“And Bath’tuk and Mullmag?”

“Backyard. One of the neighbors is planning an end-of-summer pool party, and they are alternating between freezing and boiling the water.”

Azroth closed his eyes and counted to ten. Sometimes freedom wasn’t worth the headaches of trying to keep these demons under control. Most of the time, it wasn’t so bad, but they each went through stints of boredom and were driven to mischief. The problem was when they were all bored at the same time.

“Enough,” he snarled and snapped his fingers. In the blink of an eye, he zapped the other four demons into the parlor with a puff of black smoke. The lingering smell of sulfur and brimstone danced around the room.

“What the heaven?” Tog shouted, throwing a book across the room with his meaty fist.

“We weren’t doing anything,” Mullmag and Bath’tuk said in unison.

“I was totally going to clean up the blood,” Annod claimed, thrusting a bony hand into the air only to have it become tangled in his wild, scraggly blond hair.

“Enough! This house is in utter chaos. I can feel it about to walk off its foundation and stroll down the street!” Azroth shoved out of his chair and marched through the room, glaring at each of the demons as he passed them. Tog dared to meethis gaze, but just barely. Mullmag, Bath’tuk, and Annod cowered and shrunk as he passed, while Ogos didn’t bother to look up from his game of solitaire.

Azroth had attained the position of house leader because he was an upper-level demon in Hell, very nearly one of the princes. He was stronger, older, and far more powerful. Each of them had challenged him, and he’d had no problem stomping them into blood mush. Tog was the one who liked to push boundaries out of stubbornness but always retreated just prior to getting his ass beaten.

“Exactly how long do you think it will be before the humans figure out something is very wrong here? When they send an exorcist to deal with us? Do you want to go back to Hell?”

Five mumbled “no’s” tumbled through the room.

His fellow demons properly cowed and Azroth threw himself into his chair. He glared at them for another solid minute. He cleared his throat and tipped his chin up. “Obviously, we are all bored. We need a project.”

“A project?” Bath’tuk repeated, blinking his single wide eye. “What kind of project?”

“Preferably something low key that doesn’t attract the attention of the police, the neighbors, or worse…” Azroth paused and shuddered, “the homeowners association. A project we can all take part in.”