Page 6

April 1 st , 2027

The next morning Nate was woken by a tiny foot kicking into his stomach with full force. A grunt escaped his mouth while he opened his eyes and looked for his attacker. Luna was sprawled all over his chest, with her legs curled and her arms very close to Nate’s face.

“She looks adorable,” Lynn commented from the side, Ann sleeping under the blanket in between them. Unlike than her twin sister, she didn’t like to cuddle with her parents while sleeping. She’d always needed her space.

“I’m so happy we have them,” Nate responded while letting his hand carefully stroke over Luna’s back. The girl was drooling a little on his chest, but he couldn’t care less.

“We did good.”

“More than good. They’re perfect.”

“Wait until they hit puberty. Let’s see if you still think the same.”

“It’ll be different, but they’ll still be perfect. They’re the most perfect thing we ever created.” Nate’s smile was so wide that the crow's feet under his eyes appeared.

“I love seeing you so happy. You’re the best dad they could ever wish for. Even gave up your job for them. I’m so proud of you, Nate.”

Even in the dim light of their bedroom Nate could see the pride shimmer in his wife’s eyes. She’d said this so often over the last few years. That she was proud of him. And every time his heart made a little flip and he felt his skin burn. Oliver had been more than supportive, but Lynn showed him support on a completely new level. She crashed into his life and turned it upside down within a few months. And he would never have expected it to be that good.

“For so long I thought I’d never be able to be a dad. The trauma was too strong to think of a bright future. But you gave me this and I’ll forever be grateful for it. I don’t know if I deserve all this happiness.” Nate sighed a little but stopped when he felt Lynn grab his hand, carefully, so as not to wake Ann, who was still lying between them.

“You deserve this, Honey. Never doubt that again.”

Nate simply smiled at her in response, his own ocean blue eyes filled with unshed tears, before he whispered, “I wish my mom could have met the girls.”

After they got engaged, Lynn encouraged Nate to fly to California to visit his mom.

Maybe seeing him in person and not only listening to his voice on the phone would help his mother to remember him.

Unfortunately, the combination of alcohol abuse and an undetected stroke had destroyed her brain so much that she didn’t recognize her own son. It had broken his heart more than he liked to confess, but it hurt him even more that she had never been able to meet the girls. Almost right after their visit she passed away, finally being freed from her own demons that she was never able to defeat whilst alive. His mom had loved kids and he knew that she would have loved being a granny for the girls. Back in a time when she was still herself, not the shallow version she became after the alcohol.

Sometimes Nate saw Thea playing with the girls and imagined how it would be if his mom was there as well. But that would never happen.

“Did you hear me?”

Nate looked at his wife in confusion. He had drifted off too far to hear what she had said .

“No, I’m sorry.”

“She would be so proud of you too and she would have been an amazing grandma. Now she’s watching from above and she’s reunited with your dad. I feel like that’s a good thing.”

A single tear slipped out of Nate’s eyes. Lynn was right; it was a good thing.

Luna shifted on his chest and he realized that she would wake soon, so he carefully patted her back again.

“Mama,” Ann’s sleepy voice was heard from between them.

“Good morning, Baby. Did you sleep well?” Lynn asked, opening her arms to let Ann crawl into them for their daily morning cuddles. It was a rule they had in the Sheppard’s house: None of them left the house without being cuddled.

“Yes. You too?”

“Yes, Baby.”

“Daddy?”

Nate looked over to his daughter who gazed at him with sleepy ocean blue eyes. He’d never understood why Lynn always told him how beautiful his own eyes were but, seeing the same eyes in his daughter, the blue vibrantly shining at him in the dim light in their bedroom, made him realize how stunning they really were.

“Yes, Little Star?”

“Did you have another bad dream?”

Ann had always been the empathic one of the two, she took a lot after Lynn. It had been obvious from a very early age and it made Nate proud to know that they would raise a mini-Lynn. In his eyes the world needed more people like Lynn.

“No, Ann. With you and Luna around, I didn’t have another nightmare.”

“Because I protected you, Daddy,” Luna mumbled from his chest, wrapping her small arms around his broad chest to symbolize her protection.

“And you did a very good job, Little Moon. ”

Nate placed a soft kiss on Luna’s head, wrapping his arms around his daughter, and pressed her close. The little girl giggled in response, enjoying the special moment between them.

“Do you have lots of bad dreams?” Ann asked. She sat cross-legged in front of Nate now while Lynn stroked her hand over Ann’s back. She could see her husband tense, although he tried to hide it in front of the girls, but the way his biceps tensed, his jaw ticked, and his lips were pressed into a small line gave him away. At least for her.

“I used to. But now it’s better.”

“Why so many?” Luna had raised her head to look into her father’s eyes. They were three and naturally very curious. In the past few months their favorite word had been "why".

“I’m a bit like the penguin, Holger. You remember that when Holger had to swim from Antarctica to South Africa, he was chased by an Orca and now he’s afraid of water? What happened to Holger is called being traumatized. And I was traumatized, too.”

“Are you afraid of water, too?” Ann asked. Nate had to laugh a little and Lynn saw the tension fall off his shoulders.

“No, I’m not afraid of water but of needles. I became really really anxious every time I needed to go to the med-bay.”

“What means anxious?” Luna asked.

“You remember when Sven and Anna wanted to go fishing with Holger? And he wasn’t comfortable, he cried and started to shake?”

Both girls nodded, a sad frown on their faces while they thought about the illustrated image of the anxious Holger.

“That’s called an anxiety attack. When people are traumatized pretty badly they have these sometimes. Like Holger when he needed to go fishing. Or when I needed to go to the med-bay and get treated.”

“Is this forever?” Ann carefully asked.

“I…” Nate started but wasn’t sure how to answer that question .

“It’s something that will always be a part of your father, but he learned to control the anxiety attacks.” Lynn stepped in, watching her husband’s side profile who had his gaze locked with Luna. He didn’t look completely uncomfortable but Lynn saw that there was a lot going on in his mind right now.

“How?” Ann asked.

“You can imagine Daddy’s illness like a demon that sits on a throne in his mind. Every time the demon recognizes something that could make your father anxious, he throws out his fishing-rod and catches the bad memory. And then he places posters of that bad memory all over Daddy’s brain so that all he can think about is that bad memory.”

“And how do we fight the demon?” Luna asked. She had propped her elbows on Nate’s chest, watching him intensely as if he wanted to look through his head and onto that demon.

“With a lot of laughter and kisses,” Lynn explained and, as soon as she ended her sentence, Ann pushed off her sitting position and wrapped her arms around Nate while placing a kiss on his cheek.

“I love you, Daddy. Go away, demon!” Ann shouted loudly, making Nate flinch a little.

“Yes, go away!” Luna added before pressing a kiss on Nate’s chest as well.

“I love you, girls,” Nate responded with a wide smile on his face. How could anyone be so lucky? He had the life he never thought he would get and it was even better than he’d ever dared to imagine.

“You know what also helps against the demon?” he added, watching both girls raise their heads to look at him with a curious look.

“Orange juice. The demon hates orange juice.”

Both girls giggled and started to climb off their father and towards the end of the bed.

“Where are you going?” Lynn propped herself on her elbow to watch the girls slide off the bed and on the floor .

“We’re getting Daddy some orange juice so the demon is quiet today,” Ann explained, but before they could round the corner, Nate jumped off the bed and ran after them.

Lynn raised her eyebrows so high that they got lost in her hairline, while she heard loud giggles and groaning sounds out of the hallway. Driven by curiosity she slid out of bed as well and made long strides towards their bedroom door and the hallway.

Nate had each of the girls grabbed around their waist and was carrying them under his arms, Luna on his left and Ann on his right. The girls were kicking with their feet, squirming, and squealing, but their father’s hold was too strong.

“Let’s make breakfast together and then decide what we want to do today. Mama has the day off, so we can do something special,” Nate said while he started climbing down the stairs with the girls still in his arms.

It looked dangerous and ridiculous at the same time as their bodies were parallel to the floor, face down. Only held by Nate’s strong biceps.

Lynn was sure her heart fell out of her chest when Ann slipped a little in Nate’s arm, but he readjusted his grip and carried them down the stairs safely. To prevent the panic to immobilize her, Lynn took three deep breaths and mumbled to herself, “He knows what he’s doing. He’s their father. Your kids are safe with their father.”

Nate had been the one suffering from anxiety over the past decades but, ever since the girls were born, it was like their roles were reversed. Lynn couldn’t stand the smallest possibility of one of the girls getting hurt and since the small accident at headquarters her fears had increased exponentially.

She took a mental note to talk to Nate about this and maybe consult a psychotherapist. She couldn’t live every single second paralyzed by her fears. It wasn’t healthy.

Broken bones would come, cuts would come, even concussions. They were kids. It was part of life. As a doctor she knew it .

But it was different when they were your own kids.

With a sigh she stepped down the stairs, eager to get a glass of orange juice. Maybe it would silence not only Nate’s demon, but also the demons in her own mind.