Page 58 of Dax: Gratefully Bonded

But that didn’t mean that I was dismissing the opportunities here entirely…

Dax cleaned up the kitchen, then we went through our usual routine of getting ready for bed. It wasn’t terribly late yet, but then again, even though we were going to beinbed, I wasn’t planning on going to sleep just yet.

I climbed into bed, but instead of lying down, I set my pillow against the headboard and sat up, motioning for Dax to snuggle in beside me. He did, a smile on his face as he curled up and rested his head on my chest. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and kissed his hair. I’d been hyper-aware of any physical contact between us ever since Goroz had made his shrewd observations, and as a result, I’d held back while we’d been out in public. Now, though, there was nothing stopping me touching him.

“Thank you for today,” I said, aware of the ongoing need to give him praise. “The way you jumped between me and Goroz was amazing.” I kissed the top of his head, then stroked his hair. It was soft, but at the same time, it had a tendency to stand up fairly straight, just curling a little at the tips.

Dax tilted his head up to look at me. “I thought he was threatening you. Ranzor culture is going to be difficult to learn, I think. There are a lot of differences between human and Eumadian culture, but even that seems simple, compared to the Ranzors.”

I smiled, but I felt a flush of nervousness at the same time. “Goroz said something to me this afternoon. Which was another one of those cultural misunderstandings. He thought that you and I were married.” He’d used the word ‘mated’, but by all practical measures, it meant the same thing.

I watched a ripple of violet cross Dax’s shoulders. He buried his face more firmly into my shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice muffled.

I wasn’t sure what response I’d been expecting, but that wasn’t it. “Why are you sorry?” I asked, tugging him up a little to look at him. He moved willingly, but avoided my eyes.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“Why would people thinking we’re married embarrass me?” I’d started this conversation as a sideways attempt at flirting – something I was well out of practice at doing – but it seemed my efforts weren’t having anything like the desired effect.

Dax stiffened, a look of annoyance crossing his face. “Masters do not marry their dimari,” he said flatly.

Ok, so this was a class thing? The aristocracy couldn’t marry the peasants? It wasn’t surprising that he had that mindset, and come to think of it, I wasn’t sure where Alliance law stood on the issue, either. Based on what Aiden said about the state of most master-dimari relationships, I doubted it had come up before. “Well, no, we probably couldn’t,” I admitted. “But I thought it was kind of cute that he thought that.”

Dax sat up straighter, looking confused. “Cute?”

“He noticed how much we touch each other. And the way you look at me.”

Thatgot a reaction. Dax curled in on himself, his scales rippling, his eyes opening wide. “Oh,” he squeaked, clutching onto the bedsheets like his life depended on it. “Sorr… Um… Should I be apologising for that?” Great. Now he was both embarrassed and confused. This wasnotgoing the way I wanted it to.

“Dax, it’s okay,” I said, deciding to throw my attempt at seduction out the window and just say what I was thinking. Subtle flirtation clearly didn’t work on a dimari. “None of this is a bad thing. I’m not upset, or embarrassed, or annoyed. WhatI’m trying to say is… I really like you. And I like the fact that other people noticed that.” I still wasn’t sure what my colleagues would think of our relationship, but as Aiden had said, the more I got to know Dax, the easier it was to tell when he was consenting to something, versus when he was just going along with what I told him to do. “My point is… I wanted to… I would really like to…” Why was I so fucking tongue-tied all of a sudden?

But the answer came after only a moment’s thought. I could just order him to do what I wanted, but I wanted to know whether he was on board with it.

Yesterday, it had been easy. He’d offered himself up to me on a silver platter, asking if I’d like his company in the shower. The fact that he was feeling frisky had been blatantly obvious – hence the impromptu hand job I’d given him. But tonight, he was harder to read, and I fervently wanted to avoid taking advantage of him.

This was fine, I reminded myself. I knew how to read him. So I’d just tell him what I wanted, and see how he reacted. He really wasn’t good at hiding his moods. “I want to have sex with you,” I blurted out, bracing myself for his reaction.

The change in Dax was immediate. He sat up, all traces of insecurity vanishing, an almost startling eagerness in his posture. “Yes, sir,” he said, all confidence and diligence. He looked around, seeming to search for something. “Here?” he asked. “How would you like to…? Do we need some lubricant? What would you like me to…?”

“Dax, calm down,” I said, a smile on my lips as I took his face in my hands. “Yes, here. And yes, we’ll need some lube, but there’s some in the nightstand. And there’s no rush. Let’s just…” I leaned in and kissed him. It was the first time I’d kissed his mouth. Before, it had always been his hair, or his temple. He tensed for a moment… and then hemelted, his body turning softand pliant. He leaned into me and made a whimpering noise, then opened his mouth at my urging.

I felt an immediate stirring in my groin, and thank god for that. I didn’t want to dismiss the effect my trauma had had on my libido, but based on the way my body had been behaving in the last few days, I was developing a theory that at least half of my performance problems had been due to the effects of the alcohol. In addition to that, I was rapidly finding out that I was able to relax in Dax’s presence, in a way I hadn’t been able to when I’d been alone. If I had a flashback, or if I got overwhelmed, he could talk me through it. And given the way he was already plucking at his clothing and tenting his shorts, I didn’t have to worry about whether or not he was into this.

“Take your clothes off,” I told him, as I leaned over to fetch the lube.

I’d never seen anyone get undressed so quickly. He tossed his t-shirt and boxer shorts onto the chair in the corner, then scrambled back onto the bed. He slid in under the sheets and turned to face me, a look of delighted expectation on his face.

I chuckled, then slid my arm around his waist and pulled him closer. “Just relax, Dax,” I told him. “I’m not going to suddenly change my mind. I just want to take our time a bit.”

“Yes, sir,” he said, sounding entirely breathless.

I leaned in to kiss him again. He tasted like toothpaste. I could feel the friction of the bed sheets against my boxer-covered erection. I suddenly felt hyper-aware of every sensation; the coolness of the sheets against my toes; the hard press of the headboard against my shoulder; the slick feel of Dax’s tongue against my own. This was what I’d been missing out on for the past year. My attempts to drown out the negative sensations had numbed the positive ones as well.

I felt a tremor run through Dax, and I pulled back to look down at him. “Have you ever kissed anyone before?” I askedhim. Aiden had said that dimari were all virgins at the point that they were sold, but nonetheless, I was curious about exactly what he had or hadn’t done.

“No, sir,” Dax said. “I was trained using silicon figures, but I’ve never kissed a real person before.”

I considered asking him if he’d liked it… but previous attempts at asking similar questions hadn’t gone down well. “Is it as good as you expected it to be?” I asked instead. He seemed to have some fairly high expectations as far as the sex itself went, so that could mean he’d contemplated the individual details as well.