Page 40 of Dax: Gratefully Bonded

But fuck, I still hadn’t really figured out what I was going to say. I sat up, tugging the sheets over my lap. “I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” I blurted out dumbly… and then I watched as Dax’s face changed from startled to disappointed. He looked like he was about to say something… but then abruptly closed his mouth.

“Yes, sir,” he replied woodenly. Fuck. I’d upset him already, and I’d barely said anything. I frantically thought back to the instructions Aiden had sent me, still struggling to get my head around the idea that he somehow expected me to just jump into bed and use my dimari like he was a really fancy sex toy. The whole concept was thoroughly confronting…

But at the same time, the discomfort I felt about it suddenly made something else clearer. I was no longer quaking with embarrassment about telling Dax that my body didn’t work. He’d watched me fall apart yesterday, in a relatively public place, and without the slightest hesitation, he’d protected me from onlookers and then helped to calm me down, all without batting an eyelid. The absolute lack of judgement then was making me feel a lot more relaxed now.

“Do you understand that my body doesn’t always work very well?” I blurted out, as an easy starting point. Dax nodded, his eyes downcast, his hands clenching around the sheets. “I think the venom in my leg damaged some of the nerves in my groin. So I find it very difficult to get an erection.”

Like a lightbulb switching on in his mind, his expression suddenly changed to one of understanding and curiosity. “Oh. Yes, that would make sense.”

I recalled what Aiden had said about dimari wanting to believe the best about their masters, and I paused to consider exactly what to say next. “I realise I haven’t asked you to join me in bed before. Because I just haven’t been able to get my body to work. So I’m aware that you must have been…” Frustrated? Disappointed? Horny? Based on the information Aiden had given me, I didn’t think any of those descriptions were something Dax would relate to. They were all too self-serving. “I’m not surprised you climaxed in your sleep,” I said instead. “Your body would have certain needs, even if your intentions were to be obedient. So I’m not angry about that at all. I don’t believe you would ever willingly disobey me.” I didn’t bother going down the route of explaining that it hadn’t been disobedient in the first place. Dax had certain standards he had been trained to adhere to, and Aiden had been very clear about which parts of that training could be broken, and which couldn’t. A dimari’s perceptions of sex were one of the latter.

“I’ve been waiting for my body to work before I tried to have sex with you,” I said, the lie slipping easily from my lips. “But maybe what I should have been doing was getting you to help me get my body to work. You certainly seem to have a knack for it today.” I glanced pointedly at my groin, still covered by the sheet, and then I watched as a slow, shy smile crept onto Dax’s face. “But what you’re going to have to understand is that I have nerve damage. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep anerection. I don’t know if I’ll be able to climax. And if my body doesn’t work, that isnot your fault. Do you understand that?” Consent was still a bridge I was going to have to cross, but at least if I could stop him from blaming himself if this didn’t work, it was a step in the right direction.

“Yes, sir,” he said, which was not at all convincing. I was well aware of a dimari’s ingrained tendency to agree with whatever their master told them.

“What did I just say?” I asked gently. “Explain it back to me in your own words.”

Dax thought about that for a moment, then said, “You have physical injuries that might stop you from enjoying sex.” He hesitated, then continued, when he saw from my expression that I wasn’t going to let him off the hook. “I am not to blame if you can’t climax.”

“You needn’t sound so disappointed about it,” I said with a smirk. “I’m sure I can find something else to blame you for, if you’re so determined about it.”

Thankfully, he saw the humour in that, and chuckled. “I want to make you happy,” he admitted quietly, twining his fingers in the sheets again.

There was an easy lie, in response to that, or a much more difficult truth. “There are many things in life that are making it difficult for me to be happy,” I told him, reaching out to take his hands – if only to stop his fidgeting. “And very few of them are your fault. You’re doing a very good job of making some of those things easier.”

He ducked his head a little, and I was surprised to see a faint ripple of green across the scales over his collarbones. I’d noticed flashes of violet there, when he was agitated or upset. So green meant he was pleased?

“What other colours can you turn?” I asked, without really thinking about it. I knew that Kade presented himself as brownwhen they were out in public, just a shade or two darker than my own skin. But I hadn’t thought to ask Aiden much more about it.

A moment later, my jaw was dropping, as I watched Dax’s scales flash to a brilliant forest-green. Then the colour darkened, through a muddy brown, to a very dark grey – not quite black, but pretty close. Then they lightened again, through violet, then to a deep, ultramarine blue, and finally back to his usual turquoise colour. Every single colour along the way had been utterly beautiful, his scales shimmering and rippling as they changed.

“Does that hurt?” I asked, suddenly concerned that I was asking him to do something terribly difficult.

“Not at all,” he said, seeming almost amused. “It takes a bit of concentration. Some dimari find it quite easy. I was never…” He looked away and I saw that faint trickle of violet again. “It wasn’t something that came naturally to me.”

“That’s okay,” I said easily. “I’m perfectly happy for you to stay your normal colour. But that was beautiful. I’m thoroughly impressed.” Wow, look at me go, I thought, with a sardonic self-deprecation. It turned out that praising Dax wasn’t that hard, after all. Nor was touching him. I was still holding one of his hands, stroking my thumb back and forth over the back of his fingers.

And now, that faint flash of green was back again, this time fluttering over not just his collarbones, but his cheeks as well. He wriggled a little on his knees, where he was still perched on the edge of the bed, and bit his lip, as if anticipating…

I didn’t know what. He was watching me surreptitiously, but when I didn’t do whatever it was he seemed to be waiting for, he sank back down, his shoulders drooping a little in disappointment. What the fuck was he waiting for?

Bloody hell, I should know the answer to this one, I scolded myself. After all the information Aiden had given me, itshouldn’t be difficult to figure out what a dimari wanted – even if said dimari didn’t know himself what he wanted, because if I was to actually ask Dax, he would inevitably tell me he didn’t want anything. Or, more likely, that he wanted to please me.

I glanced over at the discarded heat pads, considering asking him to take them back to the kitchen, and perhaps to make some coffee while he was there. Being given things to do usually made Dax happier. But something about that felt inadequate.

Think, Zeke. Get that fucking brain of yours to do something useful.

Okay, so Dax was looking disappointed. So he’d been anticipating something good, and hadn’t gotten it. What had he been anticipating?

Well, obviously, a reward of some sort. And I suddenly realised that he’d more than earned a hefty reward. Yesterday, he’d got me to and from the physiotherapy session intact and he’d averted a number of crises along the way. This morning, he’d found a magical cure – albeit a temporary one – for my aching leg. And then he’d changed colour in the most beautiful cascade I could imagine, and I’d told him I was thoroughly impressed.

So he wanted…

My brain skidded to a halt at that point, as I happened to glance down and my eyes landed on the thick length of his erection, clearly outlined by the soft fabric of his sweatpants.

He wanted a reward for all his good behaviour.

And the best sort of reward for a dimari – according to Aiden, at least – was sex.