Page 28 of Dax: Gratefully Bonded
Aiden nodded thoughtfully, resting his chin on his hands. “The short answer is that there’s no simple solution. In the short term, the answer is to move on and let him resume his normal duties. Getting him to unpack the delivery was the right call. You let him answer the door today, so he’s not going to develop the impression that he’s never allowed to do it. But the longer term solution is about building trust with him. If he knows that you believe in him, that you value his service, then he won’t reactso drastically when you make a mistake. Because you will make mistakes. Even with the best of intentions, there’s no way for you to never make any of them.
“So, on that note, how have things been going, on a larger scale? How’s his mood? How’s his confidence? How are you feeling?”
I sighed. “I got mad at him today. He insisted that we go for a walk – and yes, you said that we should be doing that, so I’m not complaining about that specifically. But he’s been playing games. He’s been manipulative. And I don’t know what bullshit you’ve been telling him, but I’m smart enough to see through that. So I told him off and told him not to do it again.”
Aiden nodded, his calm composure annoying me. He didn’t seem surprised by my harsh assessment of the situation, nor did he deny trying to get Dax to nudge me to do things. After a long moment of thought, he took a deep breath. “If you’re going to forbid him from using subtlety to guide your behaviour, then you’re going to have to realise that you need to respond sensibly to more direct attempts from him. Because this is going to be an uphill battle for both of you. What I’ve told him, in the interests of full disclosure, is that it’s going to be his responsibility to get you to attend your appointments, to exercise, to eat sensibly, and to take reasonable care of your own mental health. If you put up too much resistance to that, then you’re going to drive him crazy, and drive yourself into an early grave. So if you want to do everything with all the cards on the table, then you have to actually do it. Youcanorder him to stop prompting you to do things. And he will be forced to obey you. But, no kidding around, Zeke, you will be signing your own death warrant in the process. You need to workwithhim, not against him.”
I took the time to think about that. To really stop and consider all the implications of my own behaviour, and of the limited options Dax had to influence the world around him.Because Aiden was right; I held absolute control over Dax, whether or not I chose to exert that power, and my choices would save or condemn us both. “I get it,” I said in the end. “So yeah, I’ll make a deal with you. And with him. If he can be honest with me about what he’s trying to get me to do, then I’ll put in a genuine effort to actually do it.”
Aiden nodded, looking satisfied, if not entirely happy with the conclusion. “Fair enough. So my next question is how are you going with building trust with him? We talked about rewards the other day. Affection and praise. How’s that going?”
I mentally ran through the events of the last day and a half. Had I praised Dax for anything? I’d yelled at him to get out of my bedroom after I’d had a nightmare. I’d pissed him off over breakfast. We’d had that charming little incident with the bottle of vodka – I absolutely didnotwant to tell Aiden about that one. But if Dax happened to tell him about it – and there was every possibility that he would – then at least I could fall back on the solid fact that I had – eventually – asked Dax to get rid of the stuff, rather than drinking it. “I haven’t really praised him for anything,” I admitted. “We’ve still been caught up in learning how to work with each other, and… Oh, there’s a point,” I interrupted myself. I peered at Aiden with an expression of combined trepidation and hopefulness. “He’s a terrible cook,” I said, lowering my voice so there was no possibility of Dax overhearing us. “Seriously, he struggles to make toast. He doesn’t know how to use salt, he cooked the pasta last night until it was basically mush, he burned the meat, and before you say I should be teaching him how to do it better, I honestly don’t think I have either the patience or the skills to get him cooking decent meals. I was very much a meat and two veg kind of guy, before… this,” I finished, knowing that we both understood the exact point in my life that I’d given up on even rudimentary cooking. “But I can’t spend the rest of my life eating what he’s making.”
But to my dismay, Aiden didn’t seem to have an answer to that. “Um… pretty much every dimari owner I’ve talked to so far has been able to teach them how to do at least basic cooking. He would have been taught the principles of food preparation during his training, even if-”
“I could teach him,” Kade interrupted. “It wouldn’t take long. He’s been given extensive training in how to prepare food for other species. It’s simply a case of informing him which techniques are appropriate for human cuisine and letting him practice a couple of times with ingredients that might be unfamiliar to him. I could have him reliably preparing reasonable quality meals in about two weeks.”
All at once, I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Was it really that simple? Ask someone for a specific piece of help, and they would just do it? Literallynothingin my life had been that simple since I’d got back from Ixralia.
“Is that okay?” I asked Aiden. “I mean… you must have military shit to do, right? And other dimari to help. You can’t just be babysitting me for weeks at a time.”
Aiden smirked. “Right now, my job is to save the lives of as many dimari as possible, and in doing so, help navigate an intensely complex agreement with the Culrads to expand the Alliance. That’s not a small assignment. And it most certainly doesn’t just mean going for the low hanging fruit. There are plenty of dimari – and their owners – who need little more than some basic instructions and some troubleshooting support, and they’re pretty much able to figure out the rest on their own. And yeah, it might be tempting to focus on helping as many of those as possible, given that they take up relatively little of my time. But conversely, that’s the whole point. They take up very little time. So I can devote more of my time to the people who have more complex issues to deal with. And you’re certainly not the only one who’s struggling to make head or tails of your situation.So yes, if you need Kade to teach Dax how to cook, then I will make sure he’s available.”
“Thank you,” I said, taken aback at how easy that had been.
“But that didn’t answer the rest of my question,” Aiden went on. “Praise and affection. What’s been happening?”
“Like I said, I haven’t really found anything to praise him for. We’ve had a few arguments. I’ve thanked him for making meals, but that’s really as much as I can say about it.”
“And the affection side of things?”
I felt myself blush. I glanced at Kade, wishing he was somewhere else, but at the same time, knowing that his insights into this conversation were probably going to be invaluable. I fumbled for an answer, making a few helpless noises as I searched for words, before finally giving up. “I don’t think I can do that,” I admitted. “It’s just… Jesus Christ, it’s so fucking awkward. We’ve been like disinterested flatmates for a whole fucking year now, and then you’re suddenly asking me to start, like, hugging him on a regular basis? Stroking his hair, or… Shit, I can’t do that.”
Aiden was silent for a long moment, his mouth tightening, his jaw muscle twitching. “I explained this the other day,” he began, and I braced myself for a right scolding. Aiden’s disappointment was obvious, no matter how gentle his tone was. “Rewarding a dimari is not optional. Start by finding something to praise him for. He must have donesomethingin the last day that you’re grateful for.”
He had. He’d dealt with all the frivolous questions from the shop assistants and taken control of organising the deliveries. But to admit that I appreciated his work on that count was the same as admitting that I was now thoroughly incompetent at dealing with my own day to day life. The notion rankled.
“You said there was a third thing I could do to reward him,” I reminded Aiden, remembering our conversation from the other day. “So how about we just skip to that?”
“No,” he said flatly. “If you can’t get your head around this bit, there’s no way in hell you’re going to deal with the next part. He needs praise. He needs affection. He needs physical touch. He needs genuine warmth from you. You’ve seen asmallimprovement in his moods in the last day or two, correct?”
I hadn’t actually said as much, but presumably Aiden had enough experience in working with other dimari to know what to expect.
“Yeah,” I said, feeling inexplicably petulant about it. “He’s been more confident, more decisive, he’s been taking the initiative in certain things.” I supposed I wasn’t terribly upbeat about that part, given the number of speedbumps we were still having to deal with.
Aiden gave me a stern look. “If you don’t start backing that up with some really solid rewards, it will all be woefully temporary. In a couple of weeks, he’s going to realise that his efforts don’t actually mean anything, and then he’s going to sink back into a pit of despair even deeper than the one he was in in the first place. This part, Zeke, is all on you. You’ve got to start rewarding him. There is no other way forward.”
I broke eye contact, letting my gaze roam over the sofa, Aiden’s boots, the floor. “Isn’t he just going to see through it. Like it’s some hokey attempt at manipulating him?”
Aiden sighed. “If you’re insincere about it, then yes, he will. Are you seriously telling me you can’t think of a single thing he’s done well in the last two days?”
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, yes, he’s been helpful. With all the shopping – we went to buy him some clothes – and cleaning the house. He was working on the bathroom this morning, and yeah, he’s done a good job of it.” I’d noticed there was significantly lessmould in the bathroom now, and the sink had been restored to its natural white colour, rather than the dullish cream that spoke of layers of dust and endless flecks of soap and toothpaste.
Aiden raised an eyebrow. “So you walk up to him and say ‘The bathroom’s looking a whole lot better today. Thank you.’ And then he beams at you in delight and wriggles like a puppy who’s just been told he’s a good boy, and then you put your hand on his shoulder and give it a light squeeze, and that’s it, you’re done.”
“That’s it?” It sounded so simple when he said it like that.
“That’s the starting point,” Aiden said. “That’s how you get both him and you used to it. Then you gradually expand on that. Instead of a pat on the shoulder, it’s a light, one-armed hug. Then it’s a two-armed hug. Then you get into the habit of brushing past him when you walk into a room, of holding his hand for brief moments. Just keep expanding on it until it becomes natural.”