Page 31 of Dax: Gratefully Bonded

As it turned out, it was a comedy series about a bumbling romantic relationship between a Denzogal and a Derelian. The Denzogals were the largest species in the Alliance, while the Derelians were the smallest, and it seemed that the basic premise of the show was to make as many jokes as possible about the size difference between the two characters.

At first, I wondered if I was just missing the nuances of the jokes, since I didn’t properly understand the local culture. But as time went on, I decided that, judging by the lack of response from my master, none of the jokes were particularly funny.

An hour later, my master’s mug was empty and the show had ended. My master switched off the wall screen. “Well, that was disappointing,” he said, and for a moment, I panicked. Had I done something wrong? Was he disappointed inme? But his arm tightened around my shoulder for a moment, and then he went back to stroking my hair, as he’d been doing for the last twenty minutes or so. “That show’s been advertised nonstop for the last month. Everyone was talking about how great it wassupposed to be. I think there was one good joke in there, and that one wasn’t even about the main character.” He glanced down at me. “What did you think?”

I felt a momentary apprehension, as I remembered that I was supposed to be a domestic companion. I was supposed to be able to have interesting conversations about everyday events. “I didn’t think it was very funny,” I said, then fumbled for something to follow up the banal statement. “It wasn’t unnecessarily cruel about the jokes, but everything just seemed a bit too obvious.”

“Yeah, not exactly high-brow content.” He leaned his head against the back of the sofa and sighed. “I suppose it’s time to go to bed, then.”

It was half past nine, which was a lot earlier than he’d typically gone to bed while he’d been drinking. But I wasn’t going to complain. It was probably healthier for him to be getting into a regular routine, rather than just falling asleep whenever he happened to pass out. He unwound his arm from around my shoulder, and I sat up, waiting for him to stand so that I could straighten the cushions and then turn the lights off.

But he didn’t move. And the expression on his face was one of pinched anxiety, rather than tired contentedness.

Daringly, I put my hand on his knee. As little as an hour ago, I wouldn’t have had the courage. But spending that time cuddled up beside him had somehow reset the status quo between us. “Do you not want to go to bed?” I asked, not sure what his hesitation was about. I knew he had nightmares, but was that the only reason he didn’t want to sleep?

For a long moment, he didn’t answer. His hand drifted across his lap to settle over my hand, his fingers stroking my scales lightly. “No,” he said eventually, his voice barely a whisper. “It’s… When it gets dark, and I wake up and I can’t see, I think I’m… back there.”

He’d never spoken to me of the terrors he’d faced before I’d met him. I’d gleaned a cursory amount of information from the doctors and nurses at the space station, and heard a few more details by inadvertent eavesdropping on his psychology sessions, but I knew there were plenty more details that I didn’t know about.

I scoured my brain for something useful to say. The information Aiden had given me about PTSD had been helpful, but figuring out exactly how to help the unique person in front of me was more challenging. “Would it help if we left a light on? The hallway light? Or even the living room one, so it’s not as bright in your bedroom?”

My master scowled and pulled his hand away from me. “I’m not some fucking toddler who’s afraid of the dark.”

Two days ago, I would have cringed and retreated at his angry tone. But as a well-trained dimari, I was rapidly learning more about his moods, and the subtle causes of them. “No, you’re not afraid of the dark,” I said, keeping my body language open and my tone serious. “You’re afraid of very real monsters who once lived there. And there’s no shame in that.”

I saw my master’s jaw tighten, but he didn’t snap at me for coddling him. “There aren’t any monsters here,” he said, his tone annoyed.

Sooner or later, I was going to say the wrong thing and break this fragile peace we seemed to have arrived at. “But in the moments between sleeping and waking, it can be hard to remember that.” I thought about how to proceed, and then decided to keep going. A year of hiding in the background had gotten me nowhere, so I was inclined to try something different now. “I used to have nightmares as a child,” I told him. “Nothing like as severe as yours,” I added, in a placatory way, “but they were unpleasant. And it was the ten or fifteen seconds after waking up that were always the worst.”

Predictably, that was a detail that finally got him riled up. “This is no children’s bad dream,” he snapped at me, though his anger was only half-hearted. “You don’t have a fucking clue what I went through out there.” It was a refrain he’d said to multiple people over the past year.

“No, I don’t,” I agreed easily, and with total sincerity. “I can’t imagine what it was like. But I’d still like to help you sleep better.”

My complete lack of any willingness to fight with him seemed to disarm him, and he sat back from where he’d suddenly straightened, running a hand over his face. “I’m sorry for shouting at you the other night,” he said, still not moving from the sofa. “I really do appreciate you waking me up. And I’d like you to do that again, if you hear me having another nightmare.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, relieved and confused all at the same time. I’d done the right thing, but he’d still been angry with me for it? My master was a confusing man.

He sighed again. “Leave the kitchen light on. It’s far enough away that it shouldn’t disturb you too much.”

I opened my mouth to tell him that I would not be disturbed… and then closed it again. This was something else I was rapidly learning about human culture. My master, for reasons that eluded me, considered it important to make occasional gestures designed to make my life more convenient. The idea was absurd – a dimari existed to facilitate their master’s convenience. But at the same time, my master tended to get annoyed if these gestures of intended kindness were not well received. So, instead of dismissing his intentions, I said, “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

Finally, he stood up, and I stood with him, straightening the cushions and turning off the living room light as I trailed him down the hallway. We brushed our teeth – it was becoming a tentative habit to do so together – and then, as was also becoming his habit, he stopped in his bedroom doorway.

“Thank you for sitting with me tonight,” he said, and even though it had been an order for me to do so, I couldn’t help but smile at his open appreciation. And then he… Oh, stars, he pulled me towards him and enveloped me in a quick but firm hug. And standing up, I was once again reminded that he was both taller than me, and broader at the shoulders. But I barely had time to appreciate the warmth and firmness of his body against mine before he was letting me go, retreating into his bedroom.

And once again, I felt a shaft of disappointment, even as I revelled in the progress we’d made today. One day, maybe, I fantasised, he might invite me to join him in his bedroom.

I sighed and headed into my own room. But that would not be tonight.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Dax

That night, I dreamed of my master taking me from behind, in the way that I’d been taught masters liked to take their dimari. In the dream, I was on my knees on a bed, but for some reason, the bed was in the middle of a jungle. My master’s hands were on my hips, my knees parted as his thick cock pressed inside me again and again. In reality, I’d never had sex with a real person, but I’d practiced multiple times with the various vibrators and dildos that my trainers had provided for the purpose of my sexual education. In the dream, his cock felt just as good as any of those toys ever had. My face was pressed down into the pillow, the fabric muffling my moans. I could feel cool air playing over my naked back and hear the faint drone of insects in the air around us.

At some level, I think I was aware that I was dreaming. And in that dim awareness, I wasn’t surprised. A year’s worth of repressed hopes suddenly brought to life were bound to play havoc with my subconscious. I only wished that one day, he might finally decide that he really wanted me to…

Oh stars! The pleasure crested suddenly, and…