Page 42 of Dancing Fools and All That Jazz

‘It’s crazy I never met him… although as it turns out I have, but only the one night.’ Ruby grimaces. ‘Oh God, Monica, I’d no idea. I assume you saw my photo when you trawled through his SE profiles.’

‘The one and only Sassy Scarlet.’

‘Please. Don’t remind me.’

‘Can you imagine if you had met Vince since and then realised who he…’

‘I’m so glad I didn’t. I would probably have had a heart attack.’

‘It might have given him one too. In fact, there’s an idea.’

‘No way. I never want to meet him again. Not as Clint or Vince. Besides dying of embarrassment, I’d want to punch him after what he’s done to you. Have you decided what you’re going to do?’

‘I’m going to kick him out. I deserve better.’

‘Bloody right you do. Good for you, Monica.’

‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the last few weeks and I’m going to make a lot of changes. I want to start my own wedding dress business, for starters.’

‘Go girl. You’re amazing at design. I hope you tell Arsy-Annabelle where to go. She’s been stealing your work for years. Hey, will you need a seller? IT guru? Someone to make the tea?’

‘Why? You are not quitting your job, are you?’

‘I may have no choice. Besides, if I’m truthful my heart isn’t in it anymore.’

‘You could do loads of other jobs. You are amazing at IT.’

‘I guess. You know, I’ve been wondering if I could start my own business too.’

‘Really? Doing what?’

‘I hardly dare tell you, but I’ve wondered if I could set up a new dating agency.

Before you look at me like that, it’d be a vast improvement on Spontaneous Encounters.

It’d be open and transparent. We would check ID and have a policy of complete honesty.

I’ve been planning the whole thing in my head – on and off – for a year or two.

Speed dating online, quiz evenings teaming up singles into couples, virtual holidays together without the pressure to meet up or have sex, that sort of thing. And definitely no creeps…’

‘Like Vince. Good. I may even join myself once I’m free and single again.’

‘Now there’s a change in tune. Is it possible the previously saintly Monica is developing a wicked side?’

‘Who knows? This could be the start of my sexual awakening.’

‘Now I am all ears. What’s changed?’

‘I couldn’t possibly say.’ I smile to myself. I am not quite ready to share with her that I found her gift at the bottom of my wardrobe. My fury with Vince’s adultery and added resentment about our unsatisfactory sex life led me to uncover Ruby’s present…

‘What’s that smile about?’

‘Let us just say I’ve begun to realise what I’ve been missing.’

‘Monica Thornton, has this anything to do with that dishy bloke you were talking to on the Eurostar? No? Well, something has changed, and it’s not just discovering Vince is a cheating bastard. A sexual awakening sounds a step in the right direction to me.’

‘I may not go quite as over the top as you…’

‘Charming. Scarlet had a good time in her day.’ Ruby shakes her head and pauses. ‘Seriously though, can you ever forgive me?’

‘Ruby, I was completely enraged thinking you had not only slept with Vince, but had also been laughing about it behind my back. You may well look offended, but I can only say I went a bit mental; thought I couldn’t trust anyone.

Guess it was paranoia; thought everyone was against me, including you.

But I can see now that I got that wrong.

Vince can take a hike, but I couldn’t lose you, I know that now.

So, of course I forgive you. Can you forgive me? ’

‘Whatever for?’

‘Telling Max.’

‘Oh, that.’ Ruby’s face falls.

‘I feel terrible…’

‘Well, it was a shitty thing to do but I guess I should’ve told him myself. I nearly did. Anyhow, turns out he was badly hurt in the past and although I don’t know the details, he hasn’t given me a chance to explain and has backed off. I’ve never seen that side of him before…’

‘I was so angry with you, Ruby. But it was wrong of me to make out you were having a full-blown affair with Vince and… well, inferring it was ongoing… What can I say? I’m so, so sorry.’

‘Jeez. No wonder Max was so pissed…’ Ruby bites her lip and stares at the floor.

We are silent for a good few minutes, then Ruby looks up and sighs.

‘Hey, my happiness has never depended on a bloke and anyway, if he’s half the man I thought he was, he’ll call back. I’ve sent a recorded message explaining the Vince thing and telling him he should’ve talked to me instead of going off on his high horse…’

‘I hope you sent it to the right number this time.’ I hold up my broken phone and grin.

‘Oh hell. That awful, recorded message. I’m dead sorry about that too.’

‘What? Sorry for calling me Practically-Perfect-In-Every-Way-But-Never-Had-An-Orgasm-Monica?’

‘Don’t.’ Ruby mimes putting her fingers in her ears as she drops her head, shaking it from side to side.

‘Anyway, it’s technically inaccurate now.’

Ruby looks up, her eyes questioning.

‘And before you ask, I’m still practically perfect.’

‘Oh, Monica.’ Ruby’s mouth splits into a wide smile and she pounces on me to pull me into a huge bear hug.

I find myself filling up and hugging her tightly in return.

‘What’re we like?’ She smiles and I grab a tissue to blow my nose loudly.

‘You definitely need to develop a quieter blow. That’s atrocious.’ Ruby and I both snigger.

Batty Bonnie pokes her head around the door. ‘What’s going on here, then? Oh good, you two have buried the widget.’

‘The widget? Grief, Bonnie, where the hell do you get your sayings from?’ Ruby starts to giggle, and it’s infectious.

‘Did I get that wrong? Oh dear. I’m making a complete spectre of myself today.

What? Well, I’m glad you find that funny.

But really, I keep making a mess of everything.

First, Asha seems to be cross with me, and I have no idea why and second, I’ve gone and upset Ingrida by mentioning her condition at the table. ’

‘Her condition?’

‘Oh Lor, I’m not supposed to have told you.

Cath is right. I really do need to learn how to put a sock in it, although why that is a saying I do not know.

I mean who uses socks to shut anyone up…

What? Look at you two laughing at me. Ha ha.

Oh, I don’t know. Come on you pair, Hazel has ordered champagne and this wonderful menu.

They want to serve the starters. Oh, and you’ll be glad to know there’s not a single snail in sight. ’

We get up and Ruby and I follow Batty Bonnie into the dining area, arm in arm, injuries forgotten.