Page 38 of Dancing Fools and All That Jazz

Ingrida

It is good to see Sheila and her group are not in the dressing room. We take it in turns to use the ladies’ toilets, as it will not be easy once we are dressed in our saris. I take my phone and look at it as I wait for a free cubicle.

There is still no message from Neil, and I cannot wait any longer, so I call him. There is no answer and just when I think it will put me on the answer service to record a message, another voice comes onto the phone. I know this voice. It is Rita, Maya’s mother.

‘Hello, Neil Goodman’s phone, can I help you?’

‘Hello, Rita. Is Neil there?’

‘Who is this?’

‘It is me. Ingrida. Can I speak to Neil?’

‘Hang on I need to put this on speaker phone. Sorry, who is this?’

‘Ingrida.’

‘Ingrid? Oh, yes, the nanny. Can it wait? Neil is just out with my husband, Terry. And I am rather busy with the children.’

I can hear Lizzy crying in the background, and my stomach has a knot. When Rita says, “Oh, yes, the nanny”, I know this mean Neil has not told them we are married. I do not know why he has not when he promised he would.

Lizzy cries even louder and shouts, ‘I want Guy-da.’

I feel my heart spasm. ‘Rita, please can I talk to Lizzy?’

‘Good grief, no – you are on holiday, are you not? Why on earth would you want to speak to the children? Now I am sorry, but I must get back to my granddaughter. She probably needs a rest…’

‘No, Lizzy does not have a daytime rest.’ I am unable to make myself heard as Lizzy is now wailing right next to phone. I want to pick her up and tell her everything is OK, but I cannot even speak with her.

‘Stop that crying this minute, Elizabeth.’

I hear Rita’s shout and clap of the hands. Or is it a smack? Please do not be a smack.

I grip the phone tightly. ‘Lizzy…’

‘What? Sorry, I cannot hear a word with this din. I have to go. I will tell Neil you called, Ingrid. Enjoy your holiday. Goodbye.’

I cannot believe it. I steady myself against the sink and take a deep breath. The children are OK. Rita is their grandmother. She would not hurt them.

I turn on the tap and flick a little water on my face and frown at myself in the mirror.

Why has Neil not told them? I need to warn him about my uncle.

Oh, why has Neil not called me? The Latvian word glevulis , it goes round and round in my head.

Neil, he is glevulis … What is the English word? Then I remember, it is coward.

‘ Bez mugurkaula glevulis ,’ I say aloud.

‘Wow, you sound angry, Ingrida.’ Bonnie appears from one of the cubicles.

I had forgotten she was in here.

‘What does that mean, then?’

‘It means coward, with no bones in the back.’

‘Well, I hope you are not referring to your lovely new husband.’

A cubicle door opens, and I quickly go in and shut the door.

Inside my head I say, Ja, Bonnie, I was speaking of my new husband .

He is perhaps not so lovely. He is weak man.

I see it now. He is too weak to tell Maya’s parents we are now married.

He is like frightened little boy. I am full of disappointment with Neil.

Why did he ask me to marry him if he will not say this to others?

I do not understand. And I do not like being here when the children need me.

All I want to do is go home. I try to say prayer, but the words they do not come so I flush the toilet and go to wash up my hands.

‘Ingrida, are you OK?’ Asha joins me at the washing area.

I nod to Asha and blink back a tear.

‘Trouble at home?’ She looks at the phone I have put down next to the sink.

I merely nod, then I realise her breath smells a little of vomit. ‘Asha, are you sick?’

‘I think all the nervous tension of the competition has got to me. That cake has come straight back. Although I feel better now.’ She lightly splashes water on her face and dabs it dry with a paper towel.

‘I am sorry to hear this. You are not pregnant, are you?’

Asha’s face looks at me in a very startled way. She looks quickly to her stomach area and then she holds onto the sink as if it will stop her from slipping down to the floor.

‘Oh, my goodness.’ Asha’s voice goes very quiet, and her breaths come very quickly. I lean into her so I can hear her.

‘Ingrida, no… I cannot be pregnant. I mean, I do not want children. I mean, not yet…’ She puts a hand to her stomach.

‘Do not worry, being sick is not always sign of pregnant. The main one is missing your… menstrualais … what is English word?’

‘The same.’ Asha starts to pace the floor. ‘I am not sure if I have missed. I am not very regular. It has been a month, maybe more…’ She suddenly puts her hands to her breasts. ‘They are swollen…’ And stares at me wildly.

‘This is also sign. But only true way to know is to have an actual pregnant test, ja? We can buy one at a kimikis – a chemist.’

‘Yes, you are right. After the dance… Ingrida?’

‘ Ja? ’

‘Will you come with me? I have no idea how to ask for this in French.’

‘Of course.’

‘Thanks. Oh, and Ingrida, please do not say anything to the others.’

‘Of course,’ I nod. I do not know why Asha would think I would tell others, but I am not paying so much attention to her as I am thinking too much of Neil. I also remember Kazimieras, he is in Manchester.

I rub my head and find the words to say to God, please rub my worries away .

I cannot help but think if Asha is going to have a baby, this should not be a big worry for her in whole scheme of things.

She is about to be married to her true love, Jay.

The wedding is soon, so she will be a married lady when her baby is born.

She is a very fortunate person… And – God, he remind me – I am also fortunate to have three beautiful stepchildren.

Back in the dressing room, we change into our saris.

They are different pale shades of blue and green.

Mine is light azure. It remind me of the colour of the sea.

We also put on our ballet shoes. Fay told us she could not go barefoot – she did not say for what reason – but we all agreed we would wear ballet shoes instead.

They remind me of when I was a little girl in my ballet class.

I think Grace and Lizzy will like ballet…

when they are older. As soon as I think of Neil’s children my face creases up, but this is not with laughing, it is with worry. I miss them and I know they miss me.

Asha quietly adjusts the beautiful sari material for each of us until it is looking correct.

Cath and Bonnie ask her if she is OK – I see them looking at each other with a question in their eyes. Asha says she is anxious for the dance to go well as she knows this will be performed at her wedding and today is the dress rehearsal for the big day. But I think this is not her main worry.

I try to remember the opening steps for our Bollywood routine, but my mind is blank.

Everyone is quiet in the dressing room.

I do not feel like making conversation. I try to concentrate, but I cannot make the first part of the dance come into my head; I cannot even think how the music goes.

I look around to ask Monica to remind me how the dance begins, but she is brushing her hair and does not make eye contact with me or anyone.

Fay also looks very preoccupated and when I ask her to help me stick the false eyelash back on, she does it without saying a word to me.

I think this has something to do with the young lady she met in the café.

I think this must be one of Fay’s estranged daughters Neil told me about, but the young lady had her arms crossed and she did not look at Fay’s eyes.

Ruby arrives a few minutes later. Her shoulders are slumped, and she quickly put on her costume with her back to us. She is very quiet and there is barely any noise in the room.

‘What’s up with everyone?’ Bonnie asks. ‘It’s so quiet in here. You could hear a pin prick.’

Fay shakes her head but does not say anything.

There is no more joking or laughter.

‘I don’t know about anyone else,’ – Cath turns to examine her mint-shade sari in the mirrors – ‘but I’m shattered. What we all need is a good rest and a stiff drink.’ She starts to sing in a quiet voice a song about wanting to be shown the way home and going to bed.

I do not know this song, but I am also tired, but I would not like to go to bed. I would like to go home.

‘Ladies.’

We all turn, and Clarissa is in the doorway, smiling at us.

‘How are we all feeling? Sheila’s group has descended on the café.

They are making a terrible show of themselves.

Such vulgarity. Many of the customers walked out.

Apparently, someone has posted an online clip of her skirt ripping and it is being watched across the internet.

You would have thought they would be ashamed of the incident, but on the contrary, they appear to be as proud as punch.

That woman’s coarseness never ceases to amaze me. ’

We all nod in agreement, but no one speaks. Even Fay, who I think would normally say something to Clarissa, just shakes her head.

Clarissa looks surprised no one say anything.

She waits a moment, then clasps her hands together.

‘Anyway, I have come to wish you the best. You all look wonderful, and you danced splendidly in the first two numbers. I think at least one of them stands a good chance of getting into the finals and perhaps the best is yet to come?’

Clarissa’s eager face looks about the room and appears to fall as she see our not so happy expressions.

‘Oh, and I must tell you, Hazel and I have a treat in store for you later.’

Monica smiles. ‘How lovely. What treat is that, Clarissa?’

‘Hazel is treating us all to a dinner cruise on the River Seine. We can sit and take in the sights of Paris from the comfort of the boat and eat wonderful French cuisine.’

‘Well, that is marvellous,’ Bonnie jumps up and takes Clarissa’s hand and gives it a squeeze. ‘I just hope it won’t be snails, or frogs’ legs, on the menu. Ha ha.’

We all thank Clarissa, but I can see there is not the excitement nor grateful thanks she is expecting.

Monica is smiling, but she does not smile with her eyes.

Ruby is chewing her lip.

Fay is gently rubbing her toes in her ballet shoes, and I think to myself, maybe her feet, they are sore.

Asha has a hand over her mouth, and I wonder if she might be sick again. She looked a little green when Bonnie mentioned the snails and legs of the frogs.

‘Ladies, you all look a little tired.’ Clarissa pats Monica’s arm.

‘And it is no wonder. You had a full day of travel yesterday on top of the trauma of Janine’s thievery.

However, I do urge you to dig deep and to give the Bollywood dance your all.

Would it help to walk it through? We have a few minutes before you need to go to the green room. ’

I jump up. ‘ Ja . Thank you, Clarissa.’ If she can demonstrate to me the first steps, I think I will be able to remember the rest.

After the walk-through, Clarissa takes a photograph of us all in costume in a dance pose. We smile for the camera, but I do not think many of us are smiling inside.

‘Now, ladies, I must head back to the auditorium to watch you all. I will not say good luck but as they say in theatre circles, break a leg .’

In the green room, we watch the screen for the previous dance to finish.

It is some kind of street dance. Three young men are wearing baggy clothes and baseball caps.

They spin on their backs, punch the air, do high kicks and point at the audience many times.

There is loud rap music that blares out from behind the stage entrance.

‘Well, our dance will be quite a contrast to this.’ Bonnie laughs.

‘As long as they think it is from the ridiculous to the sublime and not the other way around, I’ll be happy.’ Cath tucks in a piece of material that is hanging down at the back of Bonnie’s costume.

Within minutes, the street dancers bounce out of the stage door, and we all line up in our correct order.

When the music starts, we will run on from the wings holding our matched coloured scarves high in the air, so they float behind us.

We must keep the scarves high as we cross through each other.

Clarissa, she tell us it is lethal to slip on the material, so we must be careful to stop it dropping to the floor.

Once we are in our actual positions, we must each tie our scarves around our waist as our hips move with the beat of the music. We will then begin the fast mixture of Indian steps. It is a complicated dance with many arm movements.

I am in Janine’s place right at the front of the line.

I say a quick prayer, please God, let me dance this well as I am not as confidence in the footsteps, and I do not want to make mistake.

My heart is beating very loud in my head.

We rush onto the stage. I am holding my scarf high and when I reach the other side of the stage, I turn and run to cross between Ruby and Monica and then Fay and Bonnie.

I feel as light as air in my ballet shoes.

The steps are still in my feet even if they are not in my head. I feel wonderful.

We surge – Clarissa loves this word, surge – to the front of stage in two groups, then I hear a loud scream, follow by Bonnie’s voice.

‘Oh dear.’

I turn and Fay is down on the floor. One foot is bent back beneath her. It is wrapped up in a pale blue length of material. Her eyes, they blink and I think she has hit her head on the floor. I can see she is badly hurt, so I drop my scarf and rush to her side.

The music stops and the main lights go on.

I am no longer a dancer but a professional nurse. My training takes over and I call for help.