Page 31 of Dancing Fools and All That Jazz

We look down at the flowing river and watch a boat emerge from below and travel upstream.

‘Would you mind if there were lots?’

‘Are there?’

‘Depends what counts as lots.’

‘True.’

‘Would it bother you if I’d had lots of girlfriends?’ he asks.

‘No,’ I answer a little too quickly. ‘As long as there’s only me now.’

He kisses my cheek before saying, ‘There is only you now. And by the way there weren’t lots. Less than five in fact.’

I look at him nervously but can’t find the right words.

He cocks his head to one side. ‘I’m guessing five would be a small number in comparison to your dates?’

I chew on my lip. If I am contemplating a future with this man, I need to be up front. Not that I need to justify anything to anyone, but I do need to explain about Vince, so he understands what happened with Monica.

‘Yep. A lot more than five.’

‘Right.’

‘I mean, if I’m truthful, I lost count.’ I look into his eyes and see they are not judging me, just asking for more.

‘I was only about twenty when I was told I could never get pregnant; I mean, not ever.’

Max gives an empathetic nod.

‘It kinda sent me into an abandoned frenzy of dates. I knew I couldn’t have kids and I was trying to demonstrate I didn’t care.

It became quite a thing when all my friends got married and started having children.

It gave me a bit of kudos when their lives turned into an existence of slave labour and exhaustion.

They all said I was lucky to be free and able to…

to “kiss more frogs” – that’s what Penelope said. ’

Why the hell am I laughing nervously? I can hear Monica’s voice in reply, because you care what he thinks .

Max stays silent, waiting for me to continue. His eyes hold mine and I plough on.

‘So, I kissed a number of frogs. Frogs, toads, and other amphibians.’ I’m relieved to see him smile; it gives me courage to go on.

‘I kinda got into a habit of dating new blokes and not taking any of them seriously.’ I scan Max’s face for signs of disgust or anger but can find none. In fact, he continues to look at me with a clear empathy and understanding.

‘Hey, you know me. I’ve never wanted or needed a partner to complete me. But I loved the buzz of meeting new people. I got onto a dating site, the one you used when we first met.’

He nods.

‘I found it exciting. I enjoyed the freedom of having no commitments…’

‘And then you met Will’s father?’

I nod, but my thought stream’s interrupted. I was going to explain about Vince.

Max continues as I’m stopped in my tracks.

‘And although this frog didn’t turn into a prince, it did end with the birth of your son, Will?

I wanted to ask you about his dad. I guess he’s the only frog I have wondered about, but I’d thought if you’d wanted to tell me more you’d do so in your own time. And maybe that’s now?’

He stares at me intently.

How did we get here? I was going to explain about Spontaneous Encounters and Vince. I feel thrown off course and my thoughts take an about-turn to focus on Will’s dad. I swallow hard.

‘Well, there’s not much to tell there. Will’s dad, I met him at Penelope’s wedding. It was a one-night stand. Literally. So, when I found out I was pregnant I knew it’d be my only chance of becoming a mum. So I took it.’

‘Did you tell the father?’

‘Yep. Turns out he had his own family. And neither he nor I wanted him to play daddy.’

‘And how does Will feel about that?’

‘I… What? Well, I haven’t exactly told him.’

Max pulls back and stares at me, his eyebrows raised.

‘Dev – his dad – made it clear he didn’t want Will searching for him. I told Will I’d chosen to get pregnant using clinical means… Hey, Max, don’t look at me like that.’

‘Is that fair to Will?’

I feel a prickle of anger and my heckles rise. After all, Will’s upbringing is nothing to do with Max.

Crossing my arms, I respond, ‘Look, I’ve been mother and father to Will. He’s completely fine with my choice to bring him into the world as a single parent.’

‘But you lied to him.’

‘Woah. And this is your problem because…?’

Max looks away downstream and I’m sure I caught his eye twitch.

What the hell?

I can see he’s struggling with heavens knows what, so I touch his shoulder and soften my tone.

‘Look, I didn’t tell Will the full truth, as it was kinder to say he came from a sperm donation than to say his biological father wanted no part in his life.

He’ll have enough problems to face in life without adding more. ’

Max doesn’t speak for a few minutes, but then turns back to me. ‘Sorry.’ He pulls me into his arms. ‘Sorry, you’re quite right. It’s none of my business. He’s your son.’

‘Correct. And apology accepted.’

The clock chimes out from the bell tower of the cathedral.

We listen and then look at each other before both saying, ‘The bells… the bells…’ And burst out laughing.

‘Oh heck, is that really the time? I need to get back. We’re dancing soon.’

‘Can I watch?’

‘Really?’

‘I’d love to see your gorgeous body gyrating on stage.’

I smile and kiss him on the lips, and he responds eagerly.

‘Yes. I’m sure I can sneak you in. Just walk with me into the theatre foyer with a balletic step and the doorman will think you are one of the dancers.’

‘Show me.’ Max’s eyes twinkle.

We walk back joking and laughing and trying out a variety of dance-walking styles, which wouldn’t have been out of place in a Monty Python sketch.

By the time we get back to the Opéra House, our conversation about past dates and Will’s father are completely forgotten.

Max tells me he’s booked into a hotel nearby and invites me to join him there tonight.

‘Oh damn. My nightwear’s in our awful hotel, miles away.’

‘Well, you won’t need pyjamas and I always carry a spare toothbrush.’

‘I not even asking why you do that but offer accepted.’

At the Opéra Bastille , I get Max through security without a hitch and deposit him in the amphitheatre before dashing back to the changing rooms.

I’m a little regretful I haven’t told Max about Vince, but I figure I don’t need to. After all, Monica is the past. Max is the future.