Page 7

7

Progress

Caspian

My head falls against the wall, and for some reason, this new arrangement has yet to frustrate me—sleeping outside Annalise’s door, pouring my heart out to her in one form or another. My guess is that I haven’t tired of it because it feels necessary. She deserves this and more.

“Good evening.”

As expected, my greeting goes unanswered, but I know she’s in there. Yes, it’s late and there isn’t any place else for her to be, but I’ve also caught her scent from underneath the door. The distance is killing me, but this is better than nothing.

“I hope you’re not too tired to pick up where we left off last night. We should be on item number three. It’s another envelope.”

I wait, listening for movement on the other side of the door, and a smile crosses my face when I hear bare feet shuffling across the floor. She pauses, and I imagine her searching the cart for the envelope, then there’s a faint creaking when she climbs back into bed.

My heart swells with gratitude that she’s even indulged me thus far. With all I’ve done, with what I put her through in my ignorance, I’m not owed a single thing.

But her heart…

She still has room in it for me.

“Open it when you’re ready,” I say, listening as the seal on the envelope breaks. Then, I give her a moment to examine the photograph inside.

I picture it in my head—the image of my father in one of the garages on the property.

“Father was an avid collector of many things, but seeing as how he never did anything simple or small, his primary obsession was classic cars. They didn’t always arrive in the best shape, but that was kind of the fun part,” I say with a smile. “His passion for restoring them back to their original grandeur meant we spent many nights with our heads underneath the hood of whatever beauty wandered into our life that month. Dimitri was never interested, so it was always just me and Father.”

I shift on the floor, feeling like I’m back there, all those years ago when things seemed so simple, so black and white. Of course, that was only an illusion, the blessing of being young and unaware, but still, those were magical times.

Even if there was no truth to them.

“When I came across this particular image, it seemed important to share. It made me think of your garden. I wondered if… maybe that was something you used to do with your mother.”

I pause, hopeful she might actually confirm my suspicion, but… silence.

My mood deflates a little, but I’m getting used to our conversations being one-sided these days.

“Well, whatever the case, I was glad to hear you were comfortable enough to plant one here. Because I hope you know this place is no longer a prison for you. If my effort has had any impact on you, I hope you’re starting to realize this can be a home. It can be our home.”

There’s no shaking the feeling of being too exposed in this moment, but there’s no taking back the vulnerability I’m certain she just sensed through those words. Then again, I wouldn’t want to take it back even if I could. For too long, I was just going through the motions, never being the real me or exposing the real me. And look where that fucking got me.

I scoff, drawing my knees closer, letting both elbows settle on them. This has been hell, but I’m trying. With everything in me, I’m trying. Hopefully, hopefully, she sees that.

“I love you, Annalise. With my entire being. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would do that,” I confess. “I would court you properly, introduce you to my life and my world slowly, letting you decide for yourself which parts you wanted to be a part of. Not… forcing it all down your throat.”

A heavy sigh leaves me, and I’m disgusted with all I’ve done up to this point.

“I would’ve told you these things about myself from the beginning, letting you get to know me as a man, not just your alpha. I would’ve tried to impress you, likely making an ass of myself along the way, because… I wouldn’t have known yet that you don’t really care about any of the frills—wealth, material possessions. But I would’ve learned not to care about those things either over time. You would’ve taught me to be a better man, a better person overall. And slowly but surely, I would’ve also become a better alpha.”

I push a hand through my hair as a weight settles on me. Tallying up what I did versus what I should’ve done probably won’t make for a restful night’s sleep. Then again, neither does stretching out on the hard floor.

“I’m sorry I ruined this, ruined what we could’ve been,” I admit. “I think about it every day, feeling the loss of a future that may never be, and it honestly breaks my heart.”

I’m still full of emotion and words, but the weight of sadness steals my will to say more. Instead, I stare at the wall, imagining her on the other side, and I’d give anything to be in bed beside her. No, not fucking her, not even touching her . I just… I missed being allowed to exist near her. I’ve screwed things up so badly, that this is as close as I can get, which is nothing short of a tragedy.

“Good night,” is the last word I’m able to speak. Feeling a bit heavier than usual, I slump to the floor, using my arm as a pillow as I do my best to settle in, bracing my back against the wall.

My eyes have just fallen closed when I hear movement in Annalise’s bedroom, and I glance toward the sliver beneath her door, watching the glow of her candlelight go dim. But instead of going right back to bed, the door creaks open, and my heart shudders to a complete stop.

This has never happened.

She’s never so much as acknowledged that I’m even here. So, when she reaches out, holding a pillow and a folded blanket for me to take, I smile and accept it.

“Thank you.”

Per usual, she doesn’t respond, slamming the door shut right after. But this—a simple gesture that might not amount to much to anyone else—is so much to me.

It’s everything to me.

It’s a sign of progress.