Page 10

10

Written in the Stars

Annalise

Radio tuned to my favorite station; fluffy blanket in the middle of my garden; comfy pajamas and a basket filled with snacks.

I’ve got everything I need, and to top it all off, the sky is putting on one hell of a show tonight.

On cue, I lie back, and another silver streak zips across the deep blue. A smile curves my lips as I bite into a fresh-baked cookie, and the feeling inside me is one I haven’t felt this strongly in quite some time. In fact, it’s been so long, I almost don’t recognize it.

It’s happiness.

The song changes, and because I’m convinced everything is going my way tonight, I’m not surprised it’s another good one. Tapping my feet on the soft, thick blanket beneath me, I quietly sing along. Even the estate seems more beautiful tonight, a far cry from the prison I’ve often felt it’s been to me. Warm light glows through a few of the first-floor windows, ivy creeps up the side of the stone facade, and the lights of the city twinkle below.

Lying on my back, staring at the sky in all its otherworldly perfection, I take everything in, reveling in the solitude. Well, almost solitude. My guards are around, but they’re standing out of sight per my request. And I settle in knowing that there isn’t a single thing that can ruin this moment.

At least, that’s what I’ve convinced myself is true, right up until my heart nearly shutters to a complete stop the next second.

“Shit!” I gasp, staring up at the shadow that’s just stepped between me and the estate. Clutching my chest, I cough to clear my airway of the cookie crumbs that slipped down my throat.

I scan the upside-down figure standing above me, quickly realizing the one who’s nearly caused me death by asphyxiation is Cas. There’s a look of grave concern on his face, but all I feel is confusion. He shouldn’t be here. I know this for a fact. There’s an entire ceremony dedicated to him tonight, honoring him with an award. Yet, the tuxedo-clad alpha’s hand is on my shoulder, likely thinking this coughing fit could be the last time he’ll see me alive.

Hell, with how I’m currently hacking up a lung, he might not be too far off.

“Are you alright? I didn’t mean to startle you.”

He helps me sit upright, then uncaps the bottle of water in my basket. My gaze lingers on him a moment, but I eventually accept it, taking huge gulps to stop the cough. My breathing is still labored, but I’m hardly aware of it.

Because I’m so aware of him .

“I’m fine. I just… wasn’t expecting anyone.”

His expression softens and concern gives way to uncertainty. Likely because this is the closest we’ve been to one another in quite some time, and it’s definitely the first time we’ve touched. He seems to suddenly be aware of the contact too, which would explain why his hands slowly fall away from my back and shoulder.

My mind’s flooded with recent memories, thoughts of the nights he’s spent asleep outside my door. Then, I think of his many attempts at unveiling the real him, sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings. The declaration that stands out most came that fateful night we dined with the former Consort Elects.

His confession that he’s… in love with me.

It’s hard not to stare as he remains crouched beside me. Per usual, his tux is tailored to an impeccable fit, and the scent of him is nothing short of intoxicating. His dark hair is neatly trimmed and styled, and my recent near-death experience isn’t the only reason my heart’s racing now.

However, I haven’t forgotten all the bad. His recent effort to do good hasn’t erased it like I’m sure he’s hoping it has.

“What are you doing here?”

It’s been weeks since we’ve spoken, accounting for why the question leaves my mouth so harshly. Only, the tone feels forced, making me question whether I’ve grown tired of projecting so much anger, exhausted from propping up the wall that divides us.

“Aunt Pen and I arrived at the ceremony, and there were cameras everywhere,” he says. “I just… I couldn’t go inside.”

Straightening my posture, I cross both arms over my chest. If things between us were different, I’d ask what he meant when he said he couldn’t go inside, but this version of me, this version of us, makes it hard to say the words.

“If you’d rather be alone, I understand. But if you don’t mind, I’d love to join you.”

I stare after he’s made his request, studying his features, hating that he’s so hard to read. Sure, yes, he seems sincere, but I’ve seen his dark side, and I won’t let my guard down so easily. So, instead, I choose not to speak.

“If it makes a difference, I won’t say a word,” he promises. “I seriously just want… no… I need to be near you.”

His phrasing isn’t lost on me, and I’ve been aware of his efforts to be more transparent for some time now. But I’m somewhat of a sucker for his extreme honesty, whether I like it or not. So much that as I’m facing him now, taking in that pleading look in his eyes, my heart softens in ways I haven’t given it permission to soften.

My gaze shifts down to my blanket, then back toward Cas, and damn it all to hell… I can’t seem to find it within myself to say no. But I also don’t quite know how to say yes, so I say it with an action instead.

Cas studies me when I scoot to one side, making room for him on the blanket as I lie back, resuming my original position from before I’d been startled. I focus only on the stars, and I ignore how my breathing quickens when he slides off his shoes and the well-fitting jacket of his tux. He lies down beside me, and waves of heat roll off his large frame, warming my right side as I do my best to pretend he isn’t here, do my best to pretend I’m not folding my arms over my chest to fight the urge to hold his hand.

Despite myself, I watch him from my peripheral vision, realizing how much I’ve missed simply existing near him. He’s done a shitload of bad during the course of the time I’ve known him, but he’s also managed to work his way into my heart, which means I’ve seen some good in him, too.

Even if I’ve tried pretending that side of him doesn’t exist.

The stars have my attention again, and I’m actually surprised Cas has kept his word. For the last hour, he’s been nothing but quiet. Although, he has snagged a few of my snacks and stole a sip of my water. But if I’m honest, seeing that he’s still this comfortable around me despite me keeping him at arm’s length, I’ve found myself fighting a smile.

I glance over, scanning the length of him. From where his fingers lock casually behind his head as he stares up at the sky, to where one ankle rests on top of the other. He’s completely focused on the last moments of the meteor shower, chewing the remains of a cookie he snagged from my basket. And… I’m finding it harder and harder to be angry with him.

“Why’d you skip the ceremony?”

He glances over like he isn’t immediately certain I’m speaking to him. Not that I blame him for being confused. It’s been weeks since I’ve initiated any sort of communication between us.

His gaze lingers on me a moment before he speaks, and I don’t miss that look of longing in his eyes. Like maybe he’s been waiting for this. Waiting for me to finally stop icing him out.

“That’s… actually a really good question,” he says, flashing a dim smile. “I suppose, when it came time to go inside, the thought of mingling with all those people, all those strangers, I just… couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

The second he finishes, the song changes again, and I wish it weren’t such a slow one. The acoustic guitar and clear, soulful voice coming through the speakers makes me feel raw with emotion. Especially as Cas’s expression shifts from calm and lighthearted to sweet and contemplative.

And then, as if I weren’t already struggling to stay angry with him, he turns to face me. My breasts heave when I breathe deeply, trying to blink, but my eyelids are frozen just like the rest of me.

“Yes, but… why ?”

I don’t even mean to repeat the question out loud, digging deeper, but I ask anyway. I’m surprised when Cas’s lips part, then close again as his eyes stay trained on mine. I’ve never known him to hesitate or hold back, but I’d swear that’s what this is.

Hesitation.

“I… just couldn’t see myself spending the entire night surrounded by a bunch of pretentious suits, all vying for my attention, knowing none of them actually care anything about me beyond the title I hold. All I could think about, all I can ever think about… is you.”

My stupid heart skips again, and I realize I’m practically panting, wanting him to say so much more. But then there’s the side of me that hates being so taken by him, enamored by his openness, but… I am. I’m absolutely addicted to the way he makes me feel when he’s being himself, unapologetically Cas.

It’s new and refreshing. It’s also something I didn’t realize I needed so much until recently.

I don’t have a response. Not one that won’t make me feel like I’m betraying my own standard. So, I fall silent again, and we stay that way long after the last streak blazes across the sky.

Without words, we stand, gathering the collection of things I brought out with me tonight, and once it’s all in the basket, we’re plunged into awkwardness. Cas clearly wants to speak, but the chill between us likely has him wavering between that being a good idea and the wrong move.

So, I put him out of his misery, bracing the basket against my hip when I hoist it into the air.

“Well, goodnight.”

Swallowing my feelings, I turn to walk away, resisting the urge to say more for fear of being too vulnerable with the trust between us still broken. Only now, as the distance between us grows, the odd cocktail of emotions inside me finally begins to settle. However, that glimmer of peace is short lived.

“Annalise, wait…”

At the sound of his voice, my steps halt. Then, half a second later, he’s standing between me and the estate—staggeringly tall, formidable.

I’ve been in knots about the possibility of having an actual conversation with him tonight, but as his stare disarms me, I know there’s no avoiding him.

Only, if I’m being completely honest, I’m not entirely sure avoidance is still my goal.

Fuck.

My heart and mind are at war, teetering between the belief that enough time has passed that maybe, maybe, I’m safe to at least hear him out. But these things can’t be predicted, and the uncertainty of it all is what terrifies me.

I’m starting to question things, and there’s one question in particular that screaming at me louder than all the others.

Yes, I’ve got everything to lose, but with what’s potentially to be gained, I’m asking myself… is it possibly worth the risk?