Page 18

18

Equals

Annalise

Being summoned by Cas so soon is unexpected, but I can’t say that I hate it. Actually, as I make my way toward the drawing room where we’re to meet for a drink, I’m smiling like a child on Christmas morning. Partly because I’m looking forward to seeing him again, considering how well our date went this morning.

But I’m also remembering our last encounter in that very room.

One that ended with us on the sofa, the heat of our bodies threatening to set the entire city on fire while we warred with our emotions, straddling the line between desire and hatred.

A line that only recently became clear enough to us both to finally choose a side.

Air fills my lungs as I stare at the door before knocking, glancing down at my clothing right after. Maybe I should’ve gone with something a bit more refined. When a servant first knocked at my door, handing me Cas’s message, my first thought was to dress for comfort—an oversized cream sweater with white shorts—but now that I’m standing here, maybe I should’ve gone with something… sexier.

What the hell am I thinking?

We’re taking things slowly.

With how deep in the gutter my thoughts have been lately, you’d think I’m the one with a dick.

“Hey.”

The sound of Cas’s deep, soothing voice draws me out of my filthy thoughts, and it takes a moment to right my expression, remembering to smile.

“Hey.”

“I appreciate you joining me on such a short notice, but… I guess you can say I’m having a hard time staying away.”

The sweet words roll off his tongue like butter, dripping over my skin.

“I… enjoyed spending time with you, too,” I say, feeling my heart skip a beat as Cas latches the door behind me. “Although, if I’m honest, I’m a little sore. Sparring showed me that I’m not quite as in shape as I used to be.”

He tucks both hands into the pockets of his slacks, then his brow quirks in this wicked way that has me, once again, remembering our night on the sofa just across the room.

Stop thinking about it! Slow and steady, remember?

“I’m sorry, but… I call bullshit,” he says, chuffing a quiet laugh right after.

I tilt my head in confusion. “What did I say?”

His eyes sweep over me, and I swear I feel the heat of his gaze on my skin. “There’s just simply no way your body has ever looked better than it does right now. In my eyes—and likely every other man’s eyes—you’re fucking perfection, Annalise.”

There goes my heart again. And my eyes. More than once now, they’ve tried to drift down from his face, to his chest, to… other places they ought not to settle.

“Thank you,” I say sheepishly, and just like that, the mild insecurity I felt about my attire has disappeared. According to my alpha, I’m fucking perfection.

“Sit. Please ,” he says, clearing his throat with the added word.

I smile a little, wondering if he thought I might’ve misread his suggestion, thinking he meant it as a command.

Cas lowers into the armchair beside mine, and I focus on the warm glow emanating from the fireplace. I listen to the smooth flow as he fills two glasses with wine, only allowing my eyes to flit toward him when he places a drink in my hand. While I’d love to stare at him, my gaze shifts back toward the fire as I sip instead. There’s an intensity he possesses that overwhelms me. He’s handsome, yes, but my attraction to him goes deeper than that.

Much deeper.

“I had an… interesting afternoon,” he says.

Intrigued, I draw my legs onto the seat and shift in his direction. “I’m all ears.”

Just as a smile curves my lips, his expression suggests that I’ve misread his tone. His interesting afternoon seems to have been less of an adventure and more of an incident.

“Is everything okay?”

He nods quickly, maybe sensing that I’m worried. “Yes, everything’s fine,” he says, but then he seems to rethink that. “Well, I believe it is, anyway.”

Tension spreads across my brow. “I’m lost.”

He takes a moment, then inches toward the edge of his seat with a sigh. “I wasn’t sure I should tell you. Or rather, I wasn’t sure how much to tell you, but then… I realized both thoughts were wrong. Neither aligns with the new direction we’re moving in, so I guess what I’m trying to say is… I won’t hide anything from you. Not ever.”

He holds my gaze, a sense of deep sincerity embedded within the look.

“I received word that your aunt and uncle called this morning. So, Dimitri and I paid them a visit this afternoon.”

My stomach twists into a knot. Those aren’t the words I expected to hear.

“Oh.”

“They were instructed to notify the High Chamber of any correspondence with Elizabeth, and they complied. She reached out to them late last night.”

If I weren’t already sitting, I would certainly be in search of a chair now. In a way, I’d managed to convince myself that the horror from my not-so-distant past hadn’t happened to me, but rather some other unsuspecting girl. I suppose I’d gotten used to the added security and precautions, putting it out of my mind why those things became necessary months ago.

Because my cousin, who I once loved like a sister, nearly cost me my life.

“What did she say?”

I sound like a hollow shell of myself when I ask, like half of me has journeyed far away to some distant place.

“Nothing of substance from what I can tell,” he says. “All that was conveyed to us was that she wanted to check in and to send her love.”

“Did they say if she sounded okay? Is she in danger?”

These questions fly from my mouth without much thought. I’m only used to loving Elizabeth, so it’s a knee-jerk reaction to worry. But the look on Cas’s face calls my attention to what I’ve done.

“I know what you’re thinking. That I shouldn’t even care.” A quiet, humorless laugh leaves me as I glance toward the flames, staring as they twist and dance upward toward the chimney.

My hand is warm the next second when Cas places his on top of mine.

“No,” he says, that single word making me brave enough to meet his gaze again. “I wasn’t thinking that. It’s no one’s place to dictate your emotions, Annalise. It’s completely understandable that your love for her didn’t just… fade into nothing. If anything, your continued affection toward her only serves as proof that what you two shared was real.”

I swipe a tear from my cheek as another laugh leaves me. “Yeah, and a lot of good it did me in the end.”

This time, Cas catches my tear before I have the chance, brushing his thumb across my jaw.

“Love can never be a bad thing. It’s just a shame that others don’t always appreciate it for the rare gift that it is.” The corner of his mouth curves with a barely-there smile, then his hand settles in mine again. “Your aunt believes Elizabeth is in trouble. She claims Elizabeth didn’t sound like herself.”

There’s another uncomfortable flutter inside my chest.

“But for now, our hands are tied,” he adds. “For one, we can’t draw much from a gut feeling, and we also have no idea how to contact anyone within the organization, so I suppose the only thing we can do is be vigilant and… wait.”

That conclusion leaves me feeling startlingly unsettled, and I can guess this is the reason Cas wrestled with whether or not to share this information with me. It isn’t like there’s some action we can take to prepare. We wouldn’t even know what to prepare for. But… he didn’t have to do this, bring me up to speed, share classified knowledge with me.

“Thank you,” I say, squeezing his hand to acknowledge that I see how he’s extending himself, making changes that matter.

A quick nod is his only response, and I imagine this is new territory for him.

“I was also asked to deliver a message,” he says.

“From whom?”

“Winifred.”

Sadness fills me at the mention of her name. Granted, I would’ve never expected Elizabeth to cause me such hurt, but there’s a sweetness to Winifred that has me convinced she could never even conceive such a thing. And for that reason, my longing for her burns within me daily.

My one loyal relative, caught in the wide net that Cas was forced to cast when the Estate came under attack.

“What was the message?” I’m unable to hide how my voice quivers with the question.

“She simply wanted you to know that… she loves you,” he says. “It seemed very important to her that you hear those words.”

My eyes well with tears again, and I’m not quite sure how to juggle the swell of emotions that hit me. All at once. Like a tidal wave.

I have no words this time, so I simply nod, acknowledging that I’ve heard him.

“I’m sorry.”

For some reason, hearing those somber words leave Cas’s mouth draw a laugh from me in the midst of water pouring from my eyes.

“What on Earth do you possibly have to be sorry for?”

“I just… hate seeing you sad,” he says. “I hate knowing there’s a part of you that hurts that’s beyond my reach.”

Tired of the distance between us, I make a brave move. Cas peers up when I rise from my seat, then approach him. However, shocked as he may be, he wastes no time wrapping his arms around me when I lower onto his lap. It’s only uncomfortable for a moment, and then the feeling quickly evaporates into nothing. Because this is how we’re meant to be.

Close.

Intimate.

“There’s no part of me that’s beyond your reach,” I say. “This is just one of those things that has to run its course. One of those things that has to hurt for as long as it hurts.”

My head settles against his shoulder, and I relax to the feel of him lightly stroking my arm.

“But… what if it didn’t have to be that way?”

The vague question has me grasping for understanding. “What do you mean?”

He’s quiet again, hesitating to explain. “I mean that… you seem to trust Winifred. Since she was first detained, you remained certain of her innocence.”

He isn’t wrong. I didn’t protest at the time because emotions ran high, and it was nearly impossible to say for sure who was or wasn’t a part of the incident, but my heart has always known.

Winifred has only ever loved me.

“You truly believe she can be trusted?”

“Honestly, I’ve never doubted her.”

He’s silent for a moment after I respond.

“And you’ve never questioned her loyalty. Not even a little.”

I shake my head against his shoulder. “No. Never.”

More silence, and I’m curious what he’s thinking.

“Then… perhaps we should take a chance on your intuition.”

I lift my head, needing to look into his eyes. “What are you saying?”

He flashes a smile. It’s hesitant, but it’s there. “How would you feel if I arranged for her return?”

The thundering inside my chest causes my breath to come quicker. “You… would actually consider that?”

He smiles, seeing my excitement. “For you, there isn’t much I wouldn’t consider. Besides, as the lady of this house, it’s as much your call as it is mine.”

I’m not sure what to say as my eyes roam over the details of his beautiful, sincere face. He smiles into the kiss I plant on his mouth, and a quiet laugh rumbles inside his chest when I nip at his lower lip. I also don’t miss how his cock hardens against my hip as my tongue slips over his.

Slowly, I pull away, leaving my arms locked around his neck.

“I take it this idea pleases you,” he smirks, but before he finishes his thought, I’m already nodding.

“It does. Very much.”

He places another kiss on my lips, but it’s much softer than the last. “Then, consider it done. I’ll begin the process in the morning.”

And just like that, he grants my wish.

He’s said for weeks now that my happiness is the most important thing to him. And tonight, with what some might see as a simple gesture, he’s shown me those words are true.

* * *

The walk to my bedroom has been slow and steady, mostly because I don’t want it to end, don’t want Cas to go his own way as I go mine.

Today has been quite the whirlwind, and it’s unbelievable how my feelings have evolved, even from sunrise until now. Yes, I know we agreed to move slowly, but… would it be so bad if we amended that agreement?

The guards outside my door have grown somewhat accustomed to mine and Cas’s unorthodox interactions. I’m certain they aren’t quite sure what to make of us, but they seem to respect the obvious bond we share. So, when they spot us approaching, they back off to give us a bit of privacy.

“It’s late. You should get some rest.” Cas tucks a strand of hair behind my ear when he finishes, and I lean into his palm before he can pull away.

“I will. But first, a bath and a bit of reading. Just a chapter or two,” I add, knowing it isn’t likely I’ll stop there.

“My girl and her books,” he says with a smile, and my heart squeezes a little. “I’ve got a few loose ends to tie up in my study, then I’ll head to my room to shower. I’ll bring my own bedding, so I don’t have to knock and wake you when I return.”

He laughs, but I feel a pang of guilt in the center of my chest, hearing that he intends to sleep outside my door yet again.

“Finish your work,” I say, “but you can shower here. And no more sleeping on the floor. I think you’ve graduated to the settee.”

There’s a hint of a smirk on his lips that draws one from me, too. “You’re sure?”

I study his eyes, thinking of all he’s done to show me he’s a changed man, and I nod.

“I’m sure.”

His smile grows, and my eyes fall closed when he places a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll try not to be too late.”

He backs away, and I miss him already. “I’ll be waiting.”