Page 21

CHAPTER 20

CRESSIDA

K im placed a hand on my hip as he pressed himself to my back. "If you don't want him here, just say the word, Beasty. He'll be gone not only from your life, but all doings with Snatched as well."

There was a dark light in Kim's eyes as he smirked at Books.

"You're not the kind of girl who’ll let a man talk for you, are you?" Books stared hotly at Kim, avoiding me completely.

"That's not necessary." I blew out a hard breath. "Holly, thank you. We have it from here."

She gave Books a sidelong glance as she started retreating. "Call me if you need anything." Her footsteps faded as she headed back toward the front of the club.

"Come to the office with me." It wasn't a question, and I turned to lead the way. Kim fell behind Books, like he didn't trust the man to be at his back.

Maybe that was how Kim would have always reacted, it was hard to say when so much of our dynamic had changed. Yet some part of me knew his heightened level of fear was a direct result from Lucas. If I could go back in time, I wish I would have been the one to plunge the knife into his neck.

I scanned the card at the door leading to the offices, then I scanned the card at our office door.

Inside, I walked to the fifth desk that Atlas had ordered and brought in. Where theirs were all dark and sleek, mine was a white wood, standing out amongst them. I smiled as I floated my fingers over the edge as I walked by it.

The sitting area was where we'd have this conversation. I took a seat on the black leather sofa, just as rich as every piece of furniture the boys had selected–that Kim had selected.

Instead of sitting in the chair on the other side of the sofa, Books pulled it across the floor until it was about five feet in front of me, then he sat.

Kim had stepped away to change his shirt. When he came back, he sat next to me, his thigh pressing against my own as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees while he scrutinized Books.

The buzzing of the electronics and the air conditioning filled the silence as I searched for any sign of the man I'd met years ago. He seemed to do the same.

Appearance-wise, Books hadn’t aged at all. Yet there was something different about him. Or I was different.

It was hard to tell and maybe a bit of both. Either way, Books was no longer larger than life.

"Are you doing well, Cressida?" he asked softly, tugging at his collar. He hadn’t been uncomfortable in the hallway. The way he fiddled with his clothing made it seem like this conversation was what unsettled him, as if this was new territory.

"I am. As hard as it sounds, I can't think of a time where I've ever been better."

Books flinched.

"Don't do that." I shook my head, scooting to the edge of my seat. I never did learn how to sit like a lady, not the refined way Kim was now sitting. Kim met my gaze and winked.

I grinned.

"Do what?" Books' voice brought me back to reality.

"Don't act like you pity me or like you could have done something differently." I shrugged. "I wasn't your responsibility, and I'm a big girl. I make my own decisions."

Books let out a laugh. "Tell that to Bishop. She left skid marks from how hard she reamed my ass on your behalf." He sobered and pulled his chair forward a few inches. "I think she's right. It didn't matter if you felt comfortable at that house or not. I shouldn't have left you there with abusers."

"They didn't abuse me, not like they could have, not like other people I've heard about in the foster system. It was only an issue when I came to you, but after that day, they left me alone." It didn’t change anything for me, but I wanted to know. "What happened to them anyway?"

Sitting back and pinching the knees of his pants to adjust them, Books let out a huff. "Ed is dead. He had a heart attack two years ago. Megan was let go of her job and came to me, asking for more money. I turned her down, of course. Last I heard, she left town with a new boyfriend."

Dropping my gaze to the floor, I nodded, waiting for any kind of feeling at the news of their death and misfortune. None came.

If I thought I’d be upset that one of them died, I would have lost that bet. I was starting to sound like Joaquin, and that suffused a little sweetness into my revelation.

Knowing Ed was dead and Megan was struggling, not living the life she thought she deserved was...vindicating, yet unimportant. I didn't care either way. Books might as well have been telling me about the weather for all the effect it had on my emotions.

"That's bullshit," Kim spat. "She needs to pay for what she did to Beasty. We should have done it–"

"No." I placed my hand on top of Kim's clasped ones. "They're not worth it, and I don't care about her."

"We don't leave loose ends out there. We learned that lesson." There was real fear in Kim's eyes as his brows pinched together.

"Megan doesn't matter. She never did and she has no power. Not like Lucas had." Unless... "Did you ever tell her why she was paying higher interest?"

Books watched us with the same fascination someone would watch a tennis match. "No. Only that I turned her away because I felt like it, which is an acceptable and expected answer for the type of loan she wanted." A loan from a loan shark.

That must be why he was working with Joaquin. There was no other explanation but it made perfect sense. Joaquin's passion was the Gold room and Books supplied loans. How many patrons was he funding?

"Are you more than a small-time lender in West Virginia?" The two circles didn't seem to overlap.

Books wasn't offended. One side of his mouth hitched up. "I have a few different pies I dip my fingers in. You have to diversify."

"Right..." That was interesting but not what I wanted to talk about. "Why are you here to see me?"

Books’ humor fled, and he tugged at his collar again. "I realized after Bishop rode in to save the day that I should have done more for you. I accepted you were a skittish kid, but I could have done things differently. I, of all people, recognize the power of relationships more than money."

He rambled while holding such direct contact, I started to feel uncomfortable.

"Okay..." I prompted him to get to the point.

"I should have stepped in sooner, Cressida. I came to offer an olive branch of sorts and ask for your forgiveness."

"You haven't done anything to need forgiveness."

"Ah, but I have. And I plan to make amends by being a solid voice of reason for you now." His gaze shifted enough that I thought he wanted to glance at Kim, but he refrained.

"You want to be my voice of reason?"

"I think you need someone who's on your side with only your best interests at heart. Bishop would be that person for you, but I'm afraid she'd also be a terrible influence."

She would be, but in the best way. Already she had won me over and shook up my perception of the world.

"So, I'm stepping in."

"Beasty doesn't need a daddy," Kim scoffed as he pushed back against the couch.

"A daddy?" I turned to Books and his face had suffused with bright red in the span of three seconds. "You want to be a father figure?"

"I want to make sure that if you're dead set on living this kind of life," his lips turned down at the corners, "then you have someone watching out for you."

"She doesn't need you. She has us."

"That's exactly why I came. You four have a reputation, one that's not changed over the years and in fact gotten worse. You're reckless, careless with your lives, and you like to piss off the wrong people. I'm here to make sure if that happens, Cressida gets out safe."

He could have knocked me over with a feather.

I waited for Kim to explode. Atlas would have, so would Lake. Books had just insulted the boys three ways from Sunday, yet no outburst came from Kim.

His eyes were downcast with his lashes hiding his thoughts. When I nudged my shoulder against his, I raised my brows.

Twisting his lips to the side, Kim shot a look at Books before coming back to me. "I don't think he's wrong."

I needed to clean my ears out since I didn’t hear him right. "You just told him I didn't need a daddy. That was two minutes ago."

Kim grinned, unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he started listing off our qualities, and while I know there’s more to us than that, they're still true. If you're staying, I like the idea of you having someone else looking out for you. It makes me feel better."

Kim did seem more relaxed. Funny how he flipped through his emotions so quickly.

"Well, I didn't say I needed it."

Books had stayed quiet this whole time, and I had the feeling it was to gauge how strong my bond was with Kim.

"Why didn't you come see me before now? Bishop helped weeks ago."

Rubbing his hands over the end of the chair arms, he huffed. "I was working up the courage. It's hard to face past mistakes and try to do better. But I'm here now." He gave me a rueful grin.

It was hard to stay irritated with that explanation. Books was the one adult I'd looked up to, the sole reason I made it after I left the boys.

There was a kernel of doubt in my stomach threatening to pop at the thought of falling back into the same mindset that caused me to run from them in the first place.

I didn't want to be influenced like that again. I was changing and I liked the person I was becoming. Nothing could jeopardize that. Right?

"You were wrong." The words tumbled out before I even knew what I wanted to say.

"Wrong?" Books face scrunched up in confusion.

"What you wrote to me in that letter, about people pulling you down like quicksand if they had anything to do with this world." I waved my fingers in the air, encompassing everything the boys had worked so hard to build. While some of it was through traditional means, a lot of it was not. "The world isn't so black and white. People aren't so black and white. Take you and Bishop. You both have your foot into the morally gray world, and yet, I know you're two of the best people I've ever encountered." My chest was expanding rapidly as my breathing quickened.

I was getting emotional. I focused on Books' chin so I could finish my thought. "The boys are like that. They're different, of course. They've made decisions I don't agree with and they have acquaintances I wouldn't have made, but if I was in their shoes? I think I would have made all the same ones. Now that I've gotten just a taste of what they've gone through..."

I stopped. I finally understood, where I didn't before.

I took Kim's hand in mine, bringing it to my lap and squeezing it between both of my hands. Rolling my lips together, I met Kim's beautiful, haunted gaze.

Lake had the right idea. There were bad people out there, and the only way to stop them was to meet them on their terms and beat them at their own game. That was the only way to be safe.

Books was still quiet.

When I faced him, his head slanted and his eyes were pinched from deep concentration. "You have changed."

"Of course, I've changed. You met me when I was a teenager with no guiding light." The more I talked this through, the more confident I became, straightening my spine and pulling my shoulders back.

I was my own guiding light. I had faith in my skills to review the facts before me and make a decision. It was a strength that could never be taken from me.

"I can see that," he said softly.

"I don't care–" That sounded harsh. "I would like to have you in my life," even if the concept was foreign to me, "but I want you to know, I won't stand for you talking poorly against the boys. They mean everything to me, and it doesn't matter if you understand them or not. If you haven't lived their experiences then you have no room to judge."

Kim swiftly pressed a quick kiss to my temple as he extracted his hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I could practically feel the love and adoration pouring off of him.

Books smiled. "I reserve the right to judge if they're needlessly tossing you into danger. As your...uncle? Is that weird? I hate the word daddy." He winced, and we all laughed.

"Guardian angel. That's more fitting because without you, I could be dead now or worse."

Books sobered and coughed. "You're really hitting me in the feels, Cressida. How about just friend. As your friend , I reserve the right to call them on their bullshit. You're right, they've had so much happen that I couldn't even dream of, but they've also lived enough of life and had enough experiences, they should know not to wave a red flag in front of a raging bull." He sent a pointed look at Kim.

"He's fine, Beasty. We can take it. It’ll be good for us." There was just enough humor in his voice that told me the others wouldn't find this such a great change in dynamic.

I grinned.

I'd never had someone in my corner like that.

Books had been there for me before, and he wanted a bigger role in my life now. That shifted something in the foundation of the world and rules I'd built for myself.

It was nice.

The door beeped and Joaquin stepped in. He was blustered with his hair sticking up at odd angles like he'd been pulling his hands through it.

"We have a problem." His gaze landed on Books.