Page 10

CHAPTER 9

JOAQUIN

D roplets of water condensed on the outside of the bottle, sliding down the side and leaving a clear path in the fog. The water was cold, the air was warm, especially with the oven going.

The process could be stopped about as easily as cutting Lake off from his pain kink.

Impossible.

I couldn't stop the water droplets any more than I could fix Lake. We were all fucking broken.

I blinked.

Then blinked again.

Fuck, it was some kind of twitch because I couldn't stop fucking blinking.

We were home, in a warm house, away from that freezing basement, yet I was still there. It wasn't being chained to the floor that stuck in my head like a nail in a coffin. It wasn't even when Lucas was straightening out Kim's legs.

It was the moment Beasty came barreling down the stairs with not one person, but two, who were there to save us. That was the moment the truth smacked me in the face.

Beasty wasn't the enemy.

She didn't see us as pedophiles like Gates. She saw us as people worth saving. She did save us. Twice. And really fucking fast too.

The problem was us. I just hadn't realized the extent of our fucked-upness.

Now it was all crystal clear.

Beasty was the shining star in the dark night. We–we were the darkness. She didn't deserve our brand of love.

"Beasty, thank you for saving us. Again," Kim's sweet voice came from beside me.

"You don't have to thank me for tha–" Beasty stood to the side of where Bishop had been sitting. In perfect view of the four of us.

"I think it's best if you leave. Joaquin, can you make sure she has a card to pay for transportation or a rental house?"

I didn't react.

In fact, it took a minute for Kim's request to make sense. As if pulled on a string, my gaze shifted up Beasty's tightly locked body, to her face.

If I had one word to describe it, I would have used devastated .

Her mouth popped open, and blood drained out of her entire fucking body. I wasn't even sure where it went because her face, neck, and the visible part of her chest were so pale, blue veins streaked across her skin like someone had taken a marker to her.

I couldn't watch that shit.

I spun my water bottle as another droplet coasted down the side. It was unavoidable.

"Kim." Beasty's voice was strangled. She might have raised her hands, but I refused to raise my head.

Her heartbreak was unavoidable. It didn't mean I had to witness it.

"You don't mean that."

"I do," Kim said, sniffing like the tears were already flowing. Kim had always been a pretty crier.

"Like hell!" Atlas slammed his fist on the table, and my water bottle rocked. "She's not fucking going anywhere." The guttural tone of my lover’s voice was almost unrecognizable.

"Atlas–"

"No, Kim! I said no! "

Kim stretched his hands across the table. His fingers half-curled into fists like he didn't want to make them, but his body had a mind of his own. "She has to leave! We can't protect her! Don't you see? She saved us again! She was in danger because of us ! We did this! Don't you want her to be happy?"

"I am happy!" Beasty yelled back even as she backed up toward the wall.

Kim laughed, but it was broken and hollow. "No, Beasty. You're not. They're assholes." He threw his hand out, encompassing the three of us at the table. "They push you, they're mean to you, and you take it. I thought–" He sucked in a breath. "I thought we were just working through stuff, that we'd get there, but I don't think we will, Beasty. I don't think we will,” he whispered.

Atlas didn't glance my way as if he recognized he'd get no help from me. "Lake, tell Kim she's staying!"

I peeked at Lake from under nasty hair that had fallen in my eyes. His top lip peeled back in a snarl. I recognized that look. He was warring with what he wanted over what he thought was right. Which was which?

Eventually, he made a noise in the back of his throat, dropping his face in his hands, and digging his nails into his hair.

"No!" Beasty came forward again and pounded her fists on the table. "You don't get to do this. I won't let you. When you pushed me away as kids, I didn't know how to fight for what I wanted, how to stand up to you. Then you fucking...you fucking bring me here, give me some kind of twisted hope that there can be something between us, and now you're trying to take it away again? Really, Lake? After that trussed-up argument where you screamed at me to be the person I needed to be to stay with you guys?"

She released a scream at the table. I had to look, I couldn't help it. I needed to see what she was thinking as best as I could.

It was just as ugly as I'd imagined. Her face was beet red and a vein throbbed in her forehead all while her eyes were a mess of wetness. Not tears, none had fallen yet, but they were there.

All she had to do was blink.

"Guess what? I did that! I called Gio and Adrian. Ready to work with them to get you guys back. When I saw that wasn't going to work, I called the only other person I could think of who might help me, and he sent Bishop. I did everything I could to get you guys back. I fucking did that! And now you want to kick me to the curb like I never mattered to you? Fuck that." She pushed away and spun toward the window.

Raising her hands, she pressed them over her heart, one after another as she panted.

"Beasty..." Lake's voice was low. Full of regret. "We were supposed to be the ones saving you."

"Yeah, well that didn't happen. I saved you because I was in a position to. Just like I'm sure you'd save me if I needed it." She paused. "Wouldn't you?"

"You know we would but–"

"No buts!"

Wincing, Lake got up from the table and walked toward Beasty on stiff legs. Using his bandaged hands, he turned her around to face him.

She let him maneuver her, but she kept her gaze trained on his throat. "No, Lake. I don't want to hear it."

"Shh...Listen to me." He hooked one arm around her neck, pulling her against his blood-stained body.

Atlas rose slowly, like a snake coiled to strike. Depending on what Lake said, he'd either sit back down or snatch her away from him.

"I don't want you to go."

Beasty relaxed against him, her hands coming up to gently cup his sides.

"But..."

She froze.

"Kim has a point. You were so fucking lucky you didn't get taken with us. So fucking lucky," he repeated with a sigh. "If Lucas had decided to keep you, we would still be there. He'd be hurting all of us. You, Kim, Atlas, Joaquin. Me. There was nothing I could have done to save you."

"You were almost free, Lake," Beasty said quietly, trying to talk sense into him like she didn't want to start a new argument. "I saw your hands. That's why they’re torn up."

She couldn't see it but Lake shook his head. "There's no guarantee I would have gotten any further than I did, and he could have come down at any minute to kill me for how far I did get. I couldn't have saved you from rape any more than I saved us when we were kids."

Beasty released a quiet sob as she fisted her hands in the sides of his shirt, burying her face in his neck. "That didn't happen. I got you guys free."

"What about next time? My job is to take care of you, and I failed. Maybe Kim is right–"

Atlas kicked his chair back. It banged against the island as he stormed around the table. Kim hunched over, leaning toward me.

"No. She's not going anywhere. I won't be able to sleep if she's not in my sights, Lake. I won't be able to eat. I won't be able to function. She doesn't want to go. Why are you trying to make her?" Each word was a clipped bullet as he peeled Beasty away from Lake's chest.

She might as well have been a rag doll the way she let Atlas handle her. "Beasty." He tried to soften his voice but it was still a bark.

Beasty flinched and Atlas shivered. Tipping her face up, he studied her eyes. "Go upstairs. Take a shower. We need to talk down here."

Her eyes widened, and she shook her head violently. "I have to take out the casserole. You all need showers more than I do, ther–"

"We need to talk." Atlas was not going to take no for an answer. "I'll take out the casserole. Go on."

He gave her a light shove away from him.

She glanced at each of us, Lake first, then Kim, and finally me. With each expression Beasty took in, she sagged further.

The stubborn tilt to her chin was gone, and with a defeated air I never wanted to see on her, she pivoted and left the kitchen with her head hanging so low, her chin had to have touched her chest.

Atlas clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides as he watched the doorway she'd left through. Her footfalls made soft thuds on the stairs, and he didn't turn to us until the sound of her door shutting echoed down the hall.

He turned on us. " What the fuck is wrong with you three? " he bellowed, eyes wild. "She fucking saves us and you think the best way to react to that is to toss her out on her ass? I thought I was the one with the most issues. I was wrong–It's you three. Fuck you," he jabbed a finger at Lake. "Fuck you." I was next. He dropped his gaze to Kim. "I know what you're thinking, but fuck you too, Kim."

"Kim is right," Lake dropped back in his chair, legs spread wide, and with so much weariness in his position, he looked like he was going to pass out. That, and his face was pinched with pain. "Beasty is better off out there. We'll set her up, she won't have to work if she doesn't want to–"

I chuckled. Lake was so fucking dense. He still didn't get it.

"What?" He speered me with a glare.

"Nothing." I wasn't going to help Atlas' argument.

We didn't deserve Beasty. Why should we continue to put her life in jeopardy just to make us happy? Because we felt entitled to her? No, she could do much better than that. It soured my stomach to think it, but Beasty could find men better than us and live the life she always wanted. We were doomed from the start. "I already set accounts up in her name. She'll be well taken care of."

"You too?" The unusual note of hurt snagged my attention.

Atlas' bruised eyes had nothing to do with the lack of food, water, or drugs leaving his system.

"Look how I treated her." I shrugged, the motion jerky. "Before we were taken”–again–"I was a complete ass to her. Worse than one. I was a bastard. She didn't deserve that. She doesn't need to take on my shit, your shit, hell, even Lake's and Kim's shit." My voice wavered. Why was this so fucking hard to say? "She deserves better than us, At. I'm not going to be her downfall, and you shouldn't want to be either."

A pin could have dropped in the study and we would have heard it. That was how loud the fucking silence was.

"I don't believe that." Atlas straightened. "We're meant to be together."

"This is coming from you?" I hurled at him, feeling the nastiness wind around my chest, knowing this was going to cut him. " You? The man who embarrassed and shamed her in the Black room because your feelings were hurt? You're meant to be with that girl up there?" I pointed toward the ceiling. "You think you deserve her?"

Atlas' angry expression cracked before it firmed back up. "We're all fucked up, Joaquin. Every single one of us. Even Beasty. We're not perfect, and this time, I'm not going to let her get away."

As if that thought struck a chord, he rushed to the counter where his phone was charging.

As soon as we came through the door, he pulled out the extra charger in the drawer and plugged his phone up. He was addicted to it. Good thing Lucas had left all our electronics on the table instead of tossing them.

He messed with it for a minute, then slumped against the counter. "She's not running," he whispered. When he turned around, his body was strung tight, even as a new light entered his eyes.

"She's not leaving. She's ours, and I won't give her up. If you don't like it, you can fuck off and get your own room at a hotel. This is her home and for people who grew up like we did, that should fucking mean something to you. You don't take someone's home away when it just starts to feel like it's theirs." He shook his head as Kim stiffened.

Atlas stalked out of the room without a backward glance at us.

I knew exactly what he was doing. Especially since he left the phone here.

He was going into Beasty's room.

"When did Atlas become the voice of reason?" Lake muttered, leaning forward until his forehead hit the table with a soft thump.

Another sniffle from Kim. "I didn't think about that. I don't want to take her home away." He shifted in his seat. "But...I still don't want her here. Beasty was right before. She doesn't know us, not like we know her. She's just latched on right now because of how she saved us."

I continued to stare through the door where Atlas had disappeared. I couldn't see him anymore, but I didn't need to.

"Kim, you really should go take a shower," I said absently. That we were all sitting here in our filth showed just how shocked we were.

"I don't want to be alone," Kim returned so quietly, I wasn't sure he even meant for us to hear it.

"I don't either," Lake admitted. He raised his hand like he was going to scrub it down his face, but stopped at the last second, dropping it to his lap. "Come on, Kim, you can come with me. I need help getting my clothes off with these damned Q-tips on my hands."

Kim cracked a smile, and it was the first expression he'd made since Beasty flew into the basement that wasn't tormented.

"Are you good with that?" Lake leveled Kim with a stare.

He'd always been the softest of us. He was the one Lucas went for first. The one who would have been abused the most had Beasty not found us.

"I'm shaken, but I'm not like I was when we were kids. He didn't even do anything to us. Not really. Except to you." A soft sigh fell from Kim and he carefully got up from the table, barely making any noise as he pushed his chair in.

That was a throwback to when we were held with Gates. Anytime Gates had been in the house, Kim was so quiet, he barely moved for fear that he'd pull Gates' notice.

I exchanged a knowing look with Lake.

Kim could say whatever he wanted, but being abducted by one of our own drivers fucked with our heads.

I could only speak for myself, and I was reminded insanely fast how powerless we could actually be.

Like now, I wanted nothing more than to drown in a bottle and find a game to lose myself in the numbers and cards.

As they left, I did exactly that, finding a 1967 malt scotch above the fridge. I'd hidden this one from Lake because he'd hoard it and not let us have any if he knew we had it.

I wouldn't be finding a game though. I could barely admit it to myself but just the thought of stepping foot outside our front door made me feel like I was going to hurl. I'd have to drink myself to sleep right here.

"I guess I'll wait for the casserole to be done first." I set the bottle on the table in front of me, just staring at it as I waited for the timer to go off.