Page 12

CHAPTER 11

KIM

I metered my camera, looking through the viewfinder at the sky. It was cloudy today. A perfect time to shoot some dark and moody shots. Although my options of things to shoot at the house were limited.

The thought of leaving wasn't appealing either. I knew I'd have to at some point.

Yet, the idea chilled my skin to the point that goosebumps erupted down my arms anytime I got close to the front door.

A few days home, and I still couldn’t forget how I’d felt in the basement.

After Lake had helped me clean up in the shower, he washed himself, and I fell into a fitful sleep while he worked in the chair beside my bed. I’d slept so fucking much, and when I’d woken up, Lake was stuffed away in his study.

I hadn’t even seen Joaquin since the day we came home.

Lake and Atlas were the only ones who were functioning even close to normal. Not surprising. They were the strongest of us.

They'd proved it once with a wrestling competition in the backyard at the Ramey Home.

It was the first time I knew pantyhose pulled over faces like WWE wrestlers were a bad look.

I snorted and shook my head.

Beasty lay on a blanket under the tree in the backyard, and I was far enough away that I didn't think she knew I was here. She was on her back with a book held over her face and her other hand on her stomach.

I only wanted a few pictures of her.

That was all. Something to remember her by when we convinced her that being here with us was a bad idea.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I didn't want her to leave, but I also never wanted to get scared like I'd been in the basement. The guys thought I was messed up over Lucas touching me. It wasn't that. That was barely a blip on the things that bothered me.

What was at the top was the fear I'd felt thinking Beasty was upstairs.

I found Beasty in the viewfinder, pulling in a deep breath. When I released it, I paused and snapped the shot. With the storm clouds overhead, there was a gothic vibe that would keep me warm long after she'd gone.

A beautiful image of Beasty doing something she loved while ignoring the storm. It was a perfect representation of how strong and fierce she was.

Much different than me.

Definitely much different than the pictures that popped up anytime I closed my eyes.

Beasty crying underneath Lucas. Beasty trying to crawl away as he wrestled her pants off. Beasty looking at us with accusing eyes because we couldn't keep her safe.

That was all I wanted, for Beasty to be safe and happy.

I paused and took another shot as she tipped her head back. Stunning. Beasty was a work of art and she didn't even realize it because she cared too much about what society thought was beautiful.

The masses had no clue what real beauty was, and it had nothing to do with what was on the outside. I doubted I could ever make her see that though.

I pulled the camera away from my face and clicked through the few pictures I'd just taken.

It wasn't that I wanted Beasty far away, that was probably an incorrect use of words.

I wanted Beasty with us. I wanted to live out our lives the way I'd always dreamed about. Together. Only, it was clear that because of who we were, we'd always have to watch out for crazy people trying to take over Gates’ legacy. I shivered.

I needed her to be happy and healthy and lacking any of those experiences that I had.

Needs were more important than wants.

Beasty decided she'd had enough and got up from her blanket. She folded it with care and started to cart it inside. I turned away from the window and shut my camera off. I didn't want her to know I'd taken any pictures of her.

She stepped inside the kitchen and came to a stop when she saw me. Fidgeting, she looked down at the book in her hand as if she didn't want to meet my gaze.

It broke my heart, but I was doing what was right. Still, it didn't stop me from setting the camera down and standing up from the window bench. I was two seconds away from calling her name, begging her to forgive me when she steeled her shoulders and raised a fiery gaze to me. I locked up under her attention.

I loved this girl so much .

Didn't she understand that seeing her here when I couldn't have her was tearing me apart? But knowing she was hurt because of us was worse. That would kill me.

"Do you want to watch a movie with me, Kim?" She walked toward me, and my heart fluttered wildly.

I wanted that so bad, but I shook my head. "I can't."

She didn't stop coming until she was two feet away. "Do you want to talk about what happened instead? Or I could just hold you. You like being the little spoon."

Except for the talking part, because that would tell her exactly how terrible we were for her, she was hitting me right where it hurt. Teasing me with all the things I desperately wanted with her.

Actually, maybe that would help her see why she couldn't stay here. If she understood how our lives would always be.

Then I could help her pack and find her a nice place somewhere else. If I was lucky, she'd let me decorate it and send her a new wardrobe every few months.

"I'd like to talk." I twisted my lips to the side. Her eyes flared with hope, and I instantly hated myself.

"That's great, Kim. Where do you want to be? My bedroom? Yours?"

"How about the living room?" I offered instead, wincing.

Some of the light died in her eyes, but she nodded. I blew out a breath as I led the way, sitting on one end of the couch with my back against the armrest so she couldn't sit that close. Beasty took a seat on the other end of the couch as if she was getting the message.

Beasty wasn't happy anymore, and the stubborn tilt to her chin reappeared. She set her book down on the cushion between us, and I read the title. Traumas and How to Get Past Them .

Oh no. She was trying to help us. To fix us. But it wasn't us that needed fixing. It was our past that had teeth and would attack her when she least expected it. We couldn't do anything about that.

"I love you, Beasty. I always have, and I always will."

Her face softened, and I hated that I adored that look on her.

"I love you too, Kim. I wasn't sure I knew what love was, but I think after the last week, I know exactly what it is."

She delivered a bullet to the soft tissue of my heart. That hit me where I couldn't avoid it, couldn't pretend it away or lie my way out of hearing it.

"Then you know that when you love someone, you can't be the reason they destroy their life," I said quietly.

A red flush crawled up her neck and she took a breath before answering. "You're not the reason I'm destroying my life, Kim. No one is destroying their life." She worked so hard to keep her voice calm, but I could tell, she wanted to yell at me.

"Yet," I pushed. "That guy, Lucas, he took us because he had some fucked up obsession with Gates. We have enough enemies, and now we know we could have some who were never even on our board," I rushed out. She had to see.

"And you learned that, so you can prepare for it next time."

She didn't hear what she was saying.

"You say that like you know a next time is a foregone conclusion, Beasty. We were taken and you were dumped on the side of the road. There was nothing we could do about it. Nothing!"

"That's the best possible scenario there was!" She hopped off the couch, standing on her toes as she yelled at me. "Don't you see that? That's the reason I was able to save you."

"That's all you do is save us! And it puts you in danger. Every. Single. Time. I can't do this, Beasty. I can't know that we're the reason you're hurt or killed. It would literally kill me." I rubbed my chest and quieted my voice. " Please. Look at this from my point of view. We couldn't protect you from our past, and you saved us again. You deserve better. You deserve men better than us. We couldn't save you." My voice was reed thin and she came close and hugged me.

She didn't ask like she usually did, but she didn't need to. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed my forehead into her chest.

"Kim, I can make my own decisions, and honestly, I'm sick and tired of you guys running away from me. It's a confidence killer like nothing I've ever experienced." Her voice was weary as she ran her hand over the back of my head.

I laughed. But at the same time, knowing we were a reason– the reason–she lost confidence in herself messed with my head.

"It was never about you, Beasty. It was always about us, and about how bad we were for you."

"I believe that you think that. But you're wrong." She glided her hand to my shoulder.

I tipped my face up. She was glorious, just like she always was. I would never tire of looking at her. "Can we agree to disagree?"

"Only if you do what I want you to do and stop trying to push me away."

I lost the smile that had snuck onto my face. "Beasty..." My phone chimed. I pulled it out of my pocket and sighed.

"What is it?" Beasty asked.

"Andrea. She's running into some kind of issue and she needs me at Snatched." I hadn't stepped foot back in the club since we were rescued. It was stupid. I wasn't taken from there, but people knew us. What was to stop others from trying to steal us away?

Pathetic. We were grown men and I was concerned with kidnapping.

"I'll go,” she said nonchalantly.

"You can't go on your own, Beasty."

"Yeah, well, you don't want to go at all, and I'm more than capable of handling whatever the issue is.” She shrugged. “It can't be any worse than that seedy bar I used to work at on Friday nights."

I stood, sending a quick message to Andrea that I'd be there. "Sorry, Beasty. I need to take care of this."

"Then I'll come with you." Her chin jutted out and it both delighted and terrified me.

"No." A damp sweat broke out over my shoulders as I worried my bottom lip.

Beasty stepped back. "If we don't go together, I'll just Uber there."

A fear like I never expected struck down the center of my body. Beasty alone in a car without us was a perfect way for her to get stolen.

"Fine," I returned in a strangled voice. "We'll leave in five minutes."

"I don't need it. I'm ready. I just need to grab my shoes." She was ready. Wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt that I'd bought for her. Was she trying to soften me up?

"Okay." As we got in my car, it hit me. How was I going to survive when she was out of my sight, getting Ubers, and not having someone to watch her back?

I groaned and scrubbed a hand down my face. I was starting to sound like Atlas. Maybe if Lake put a security detail on her, I'd be at least functional. Otherwise, I'd get IBS from all the worrying.

For early afternoon, the club was mostly quiet, except for the few businessmen having lunch in the front room. All eyes turned toward us as soon as we entered.

This was standard. Expected.

Yet the attention raised the hairs on the back of my neck with an unshakable sense of danger.

Beasty didn't wait for me as she strolled through the halls, heading toward the same room where we met the dancers last time.

I didn't tell her that was where Andrea was, but she must have assumed.

Forcing my breathing to slow, I followed behind her. Every step that someone didn’t jump out at us settled my nerves a little bit more.

I could do this. I could protect Beasty here.

I held my head up, trying not to show passing employees how my hands quaked or how I kept sweeping the room and doorways for anyone who looked mildly out of place. Even the people who were supposed to be here were suspect now.

Lake had been on the phone non-stop trying to find our driver. He hadn't left his study since we got home, except to shower once. He had only eaten because Beasty kept taking him meals.

Unfortunately, he hadn't found the driver or the connection to Lucas.

Beasty reached the performance room and pushed the doors open. Inside, a handful of dancers sat on the edge of the stage while Andrea yelled at a delivery man with a clipboard in her hand.

"What do you mean, there's nothing on the truck for us?" Andrea screeched.

Making a beeline for Andrea, Beasty's ass swayed in her jeans. Taking my gaze off of Beasty to eye the dancers was probably the hardest thing I'd ever done, but survival instincts won out. There was also the fact that if I couldn't physically remove Beasty from our lives, we had to do a better job of protecting her while she was with us.

"What's the problem here?" Beasty asked, joining the conversation with Andrea and the other man. As I got closer, Packer's Man was stitched into his shirt. He was a driver for a delivery service that supplied the club with a number of items from glasses, poker chips, food, and in some cases, props for the stages as well as uniforms.

Lake had thought it was imperative to employ our own service to collect our orders. Which also gave us a way to smuggle other things into the club.

Andrea tossed Beasty a bland look, completely dismissing her as she addressed the driver again.

"I ordered ten boxes from Christine's. They should have been delivered today. I confirmed with the supplier three days ago."

"I'm sorry, ma'am." The man held his hands up. "I'm just the messenger. It wasn't on my list. I can go back and get them, but they won't be here today."

"That's not going to work!"

"What are the boxes for?" Beasty cut in again.

Andrea completely ignored her this time, until I stepped up next to her. Her gaze snagged on me, catching the warning in my gaze before she scoffed and turned to Beasty. "The boxes are full of costumes that are supposed to be here for tonight's performances. We're starting a new rotation of dances and it's been advertised all week. They have to have these new costumes or we're going to be in deep shit with the press. I don't want that kind of negativity attached to my name."

Beasty nodded, then turned to the driver. "You're the driver for," she glanced at his shirt, "Packer's Man?"

The man sighed like he was finally dealing with someone with sense. "Yes, we're just a delivery service contracted by Snatched. We collect all the deliveries, but this one wasn't on the list."

More nodding. "You work for other companies, or just this one?"

"Other companies. I have two more deliveries to make today."

Beasty eyed me, rolling her lips together. "Excuse me for a minute." She looped her fingers around my wrist and tugged me several feet away. "You all said you weren't hurting for money?"

"No." I searched her eyes. I should be taking care of this issue. It wasn't even an issue. The club could burn down right now and I wouldn't bat an eye. I had bigger things to worry about. Except, I was mesmerized with watching Beasty step in.

"Can I have access to the accounts? Not for me," she rushed out, placing her hands out in front of her. "Just to help with clearing some of these issues up until I know more about how the business works."

I shook my head, and her face fell. "Beasty, you can have every penny in our accounts. We don't care about that. I don't even want to be here." I cupped the back of my neck as I skated my gaze over the dancers.

They watched us with avid interest. Usually, I'd eat it up and show off Beasty, but right then, their attention made my skin crawl. I sighed. I needed more time. That was what helped when we were rescued as kids.

We only needed time.

Beasty's gaze softened. "The club has to keep running. Let me help." She stretched out her hands like she was going to place them on my chest, and I warred with myself. It was so fucking difficult.

I wanted to flatten them against my heart, with my hands on top of hers, but I didn't. I couldn't. Because at the end of the day, Beasty was still better off without us.

When I didn't do anything, she dropped them and stepped back. "Ok, after this, we're going to go to the office." She turned on her heel without another word, walking back to the driver and Andrea.

"This is important? To have these boxes today?" she asked Andrea.

Flicking her gaze to me before settling on Beasty, Andrea pushed some hair behind her ear. "Yes. If we want to maintain the immaculate reputation we've started building, we need them. Otherwise, we'll be laughed at as inefficient and out of touch with the art scene."

"Got it." Then to the driver. "We'll pay you an extra five thousand to head back to this delivery today, and bring it back. Not your company. You."

His eyes almost fell out of his head. "I can't do that." But from the way his mouth continued to work, he was considering it.

"You can. Tell your boss you got sick on the side of the road, that you were stuck in traffic. Something. But get those boxes here two hours before the show starts tonight and there'll be five thousand waiting on you."

Beasty swallowed like that was difficult to say.

The driver glanced at Andrea, then back at Beasty. "She can do that? She has that authority?" he asked Andrea.

Andrea seemed just as startled as she nodded. "Yes."

"Text me the invoice number and I'll personally make sure every box is on my truck and here three hours before the show starts." He held out his phone to rattle off some numbers to Andrea and Beasty stepped back.

"Come on," she said quietly, leaving them to it.

Andrea would want to chat about the issues, air her grievances, but Beasty didn't know that. It was probably better for Beasty to avoid the dog and pony show Andrea liked to pull.

Hesitating next to me, Beasty opened her mouth, then shook her head and headed toward the door.

I followed, a little dazed at how much Beasty was taking control. Like she already knew this place like the back of her hand, she headed straight for the employee hallway and toward the office. When she reached the door that needed a keycard she waited patiently with her hands folded in front of her.

I pulled out my card and opened it, then the next. When we were at the divide between our office and Guy's, she went to Guy’s, whose door was cracked with the light coming from inside.

"Guy?" She knocked on the door.

"Hi, Cressida..." There was a note of confusion there, at least until I stepped up behind her. Then he relaxed. "What can I do for you?"

"I need a keycard. I want access to any room in the building."

He jumped, focusing on me. There were a few places in the building that needed a different keycard, like the Gray room. Luckily, Beasty didn't even know about that one.

"Give it to her." I stepped back and leaned against the wall, crossing my arms as I watched Beasty approach Guy's desk with so much confidence.

A few minutes later, she stepped out with her own set of keys and keycard, smiling bigger than I'd ever seen her before. She didn't acknowledge me as she went into our office, grinning as she scanned the key to get in.

Beasty was going to be a force to be reckoned with. I could see it written across her body language. Getting access to the building should have been our first move when we actually wanted her here with us.

I scrubbed a hand down my face and followed.