Page 57 of Crave

I clenched my jaw.When you what?I didn’t want to think about it. Not about the way she looked in that video on her knees, or the other things this sick fuck forced her to do.

But there was a part of me that wanted to know. That lethal part of me that craved that tortured emotion.

“Someone needs to help her get dressed.” I forced the words through clenched teeth and looked behind me at my brothers.

“Don’t look at me.” Jude shook his head.

Gabe looked utterly horrified, his face as pale. Eyes wide and transfixed on her.

Fuck.

Hard gnashes of her teeth sealed the deal. I shoved upwards and spun around before I stopped. “Well, are you two going to just stand there and watch? Get the fuck out.

They did, Jude moved first before he stopped. “Gabe…come on.”

My little brother didn’t want to go. But he did, finally tearing that fixed stare from her to me. “Fix this, Silas. Fix this or else.”

Or else what? That panicked flutter in my chest knew all too well. Fix this or live with the fact we broke her tonight. No…I broke her. It was my idea right? Push her til she cracks. Use that stupid hazing mentality to break her.

Well, we fucking succeeded.

Only this wasn’t what I had in mind when I decided it.

“Order…the Order.” She murmured behind me as Gabe left the room and closed the door behind him.

Yeah, the Order, I got it the first fucking time.

I strode to her walk-in robe and switched on the light, before I looked at her clothes and stopped. “Jesus.” I didn’t know whatto get, where were her fucking sweats for God sake? There was nothing but dresses and slacks and…I grabbed an almost sheer cream colored blouse with long ruffled sleeves. What the fuck was this?

I couldn’t figure out what to put on her. I turned, finding her in the same spot, her eyes still closed. She sure as Hell couldn’t stay like that. With a snarl I strode out, turned the handle and walked out of her room.

“Where the fuck are you going?” Gabe barked as I strode past. “Silas…where are you going?

Bang!

I slammed my bedroom door closed, then stood there, staring at my room but not really seeing anything. I did this….I did this…I closed my eyes. I did this.

She was in there, wrapped in a fucking blanket, cold and shivering and goddamn catatonic. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t give a goddamn fuck about that lying, treacherous little fucking bitch…so why did I? Why did I feel this fucking hole inside me? Why did I want to tear something apart in one second and go to her in the next.

Why did I torture myself?

And why the fuck was I standing here?

I waited for a sign, for a clear decision, to either leave her there and walk away or return to her. But no thought came so in the end I opened my eyes, stared at the poem drawers of my cupboard and the soft, warm fleece that peeked out, waiting for me to tug them on and start running.

I headed for them, pulled out sweat pants, and a t-shirt as well as a sweater and thick, warm socks before I slowly headed for the door once more. Gabe was still in the same spot when I passed. Only this time he never said a word.

I closed her bedroom door behind me and moved closer. “I brought you something warm.” I said and winced. Christ I sounded pathetic. “I’m going to need you to wake up now. You can put these on for now. It’s not the best, but it’s the best I can do.”

Only she never turned her head, never looked my way. Never obeyed my command.

“Daughter.” She murmured, staring at the fucking wall.

“For fucks sake.” I dropped the pile of clothes beside her and knelt, grabbing the shirt first. “You’re going to make me dress you like a goddamn baby.”

I yanked the shirt up, stretched out the neckline and eased it over her head and her nightdress, only when I tugged it down and reached for her arm I stopped. I couldn’t pull it over the goddamn thing. What was I going to do with the skirt, tuck it in?

I had to take it off.