Page 4 of Conflicting Lyrics (Heartbreak Melody #1)

Soft lips move against mine. I’m frozen, unsure what to do. It takes a moment for my mind to clue into what's going on right now.

She’s kissing me. Ally is kissing me.

This is everything I’ve ever wanted, ever dreamed of.

Grabbing the back of her head, I moan against her lips as her tongue slips past mine.

Ally moans back, her body shifting so she's above me. Her hands tangle in my hair as she deepens the kiss, tongues dancing together.

A warm feeling flutters in my lower belly, and all I want her to do is touch me. I want her hands all over me. I want her to fucking consume me.

“Fuck,” she pants against my lips. “I’ve wanted you for so fucking long.” She kisses me again, and I whimper, my hands sliding down her back.

She presses herself closer to me, her knee shifting until it rubs against my center. My eyes roll back, and I gasp as the pressure against my aching clit sends a spike of pleasure through my body.

“Mmhhmm,” she murmurs as she moves her mouth from mine, kissing down my jaw and stopping at my neck. “You’re so fucking sexy.”

She sucks at my neck, and my brain goes hazy.

My eyes roll back as I pant heavily, grinding myself against her leg.

This is crazy. This can’t be happening.

Yet, the blinding pleasure coursing through my body tells me it’s very, very real.

“I love you, Lulu,” she confesses, panting just as heavily as me and moving until her face is hovering over mine again. “Not as my friend. As something so much more.”

My heart stops as I stare up at her.

Her words. No. They can’t be true. None of this is happening right now.

“No.” I shake my head, swallowing hard. “No, you don’t.”

She frowns. “Yes. I do.”

“No,” I say a little louder, scrambling back until I’m out from under her. I need to breathe, I can’t think when she’s that close.

“I’m pretty sure I know how I feel.” She sits back on her heels. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same way. I know you, Lulu. I’m not stupid. I see the way you look at me. You feel it too.”

“I-I…” I blink, tears welling in my eyes.

“Fuck.” She blows out a harsh breath. “Fuck. I’m sorry.

I came on too strong. I just. Fuck!” She groans, running her hands through her wild brown hair.

“This is all new to you. I shouldn’t have told you I felt like this.

” She shakes her head. “I should have waited until we were in California. Gave you some time away from everything.”

“I don’t know what's going on right now,” I whisper.

She stares at me for a long moment, brows furrowed, before finally speaking. “You don’t feel the same way, do you?” she asks, her voice cracking.

“I don’t know what I feel,” I find myself saying. Lie. I know exactly what I feel. I want to tell her I love her too, that I want only her. It's only ever been her. But it can’t happen. It just can’t. “Us… this…” I shake my head. “It can’t happen. It’s not right.”

Her body stiffens.

“What do you mean it’s not right?” she asks, voice sounding hurt.

“Me and you… We can’t… I can’t…” I shake my head, more tears spilling down my face.

“It’s because of them,” she sneers. “It’s because you can’t let go of them. Lulu, they’re toxic, evil people!” she shouts. “How long are you going to let them control your life?”

“I can’t!” I sob out. “I can’t.”

Her face shifts into anger, and my heart breaks. “Not even for me?”

“Ally…” I need to say something, but all I can focus on is how my whole world is crashing down around me.

“No.” She shakes her head. “You can’t really tell me you plan on moving back here and marrying whatever freak they pick out for you. That you're just going to let them control you for the rest of your life? I know you, Lulu. You hate them. You hate their way of life.”

“They’re my parents,” I respond pathetically.

She scrambles to her feet. “Parents who don’t care about you!” she screams. “They only care about following that fucking cult. You want to live your life being a judgmental bitch? Hating on Alphas and Omegas? Believing that it’s wrong and evil?”

“No.” I shake my head. “You know I don’t.”

“But you're going to continue to live a life with people who do? Lie, tell them what they want to hear, and act like you do?” she scoffs, shaking her head. “It’s just as fucking bad, Lulu.”

“Ally, please.” I scramble to my feet. “Please, can we just enjoy the time we have together?”

She looks like I’ve visibly slapped her. “Tell me,” she demands. “Tell me you don’t feel the same way about me.”

“Ally, I…” I shake my head.

“Say it, Lulu. Tell me you don’t love me. You don’t want me.”

“Please, don’t make me,” I beg her. “Please. Please. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same way, and you never will.

” Her voice cracks. “But I can’t do this.

I can’t go to California with you, knowing that in a few years, you're going to come back here and forget all about me. That you're going to get married to some boring Beta who only cares about the ways of that stupid church. Having his babies and playing the doting wife, when really you're dying on the inside. It will kill me, Lulu.” Tears roll down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I came on too strong. We can take this slow, go at your pace. But I’m begging you, pick me. I’ll give you the world.

I’ll stand by your side. I’ll help you when it comes to your parents. ”

“I can’t.” I shake my head, the words feeling like acid on my tongue. “They will disown me.”

“So fucking what!?” She throws her hands up in the air. “You hate them!”

“They’re my parents. They’re all I have.”

Her face falls. The silence is deafening. “Okay.” She nods her head, looking away from me. “Okay. You’ve made your choice.”

“Ally!” I call out after her as she turns around. “Ally, please!”

She stops halfway down the hill, her back to me.

“I can’t sit by and watch you waste your life away.

I can’t sit by and act like my feelings for you aren’t there.

I won’t hide, Lulu. Because what I feel isn’t wrong.

My family life isn’t wrong. I can’t pretend you’re not going to become your parents, and our friendship will die as some dirty little secret. So, what's it going to be?”

Every word is a blow to the gut. Her voice is filled with sorrow, cracking when she’s done speaking.

I’m shaking, pure panic and fear of losing her rushing through me. My mind is foggy, the alcohol still affecting me.

“Can we talk about this when we have a clearer head? Please?” I ask, needing her to stay.

“No,” she answers, my heart breaking. “Because I’ll still feel the same way. Nothing is going to change. If I walk away now, I’m gone. For good.”

She’s making it seem like it’s an easy choice. But it’s not. I want her. I want to say yes and pick her. But there’s this invisible force holding me back from voicing those thoughts.

I’m scared. So fucking scared. If I did what she asked, it would change everything. I just need time to think.

I’ve never given the thought any attention. Of building a life with her. Because I've convinced myself that she didn’t feel the same way about me.

Now that I know, I just need time to think with a head that’s not all muddied and slow working.

I’ve been so lost in my anxious thoughts, wondering how to say this in a way she would understand, that I didn’t realize she took my silence as an answer and was running down the hill.

“Ally, wait, please!” I yell, running after her.

My movements are clumsy, my eyes blurry from the tears. It’s so fucking dark out here I can hardly see.

Once I’m at the bottom of the hill, I trip over my feet and hit the ground hard, crying out in pain.

I lay there for a moment, groaning as I shake my head. With a heaving chest, I scramble to my feet, looking around for her, but she’s gone.

“What is wrong with you!?” I scream at myself, grabbing fistfuls of my hair with both hands. “You ruined everything! All you had to do was tell her how you feel!” I drop to my knees, face in my hands as I cry, deep, heavy sobs that take over my body.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been there, crying alone in the dark, my heart breaking into a million pieces.

Wiping at my nose, I sniff, scrub my face with my hands, and get to my feet.

The whole walk to my house, I feel numb. Tired. Broken. Done.

I need to call Ally, beg her to talk to me so I can tell her that I chose her. Because I do. I should have said it when she asked. I shouldn’t have hesitated.

Fumbling with my phone, I go to type Ally’s number in, but my mind goes blank. “No.” I find myself crying again. “Not now.”

The sound of a car has my eyes flicking up. Squinting, I raise my hand to block out the bright beam of the headlights.

It comes to a stop, and someone gets out. “Lucinda!” The shrill scream of my mother’s voice causes a wave of dread to crash into me. “What are you doing?” She grabs hold of my shoulders, shaking me as she glares down at me with pure fury.

The movement causes my phone to slip from my hand, crashing to the ground.

“My phone!” I try to grab it, but my mother yanks me up.

“Your phone is the last thing you need to worry about,” my father growls, snatching the phone off the ground.

“You're in so much trouble,” my mother hisses. “You were out with her, weren’t you? What have I told you about staying away from that whore? She's evil. That whole family is evil, trying to drag you down with them. I won’t let them, Lucinda. I won’t let them take my daughter,” she vows, crying like she’s the victim in all of this.

She’s crazy. She’s out of her mind. Does she really believe the bullshit she spews?

Blinking rapidly, I feel something inside me snap. I’m done. I’m just done. With my parents. With this miserable fucked up life. All of it.

I start to laugh. First, a giggle bubbles up, and then I’m in full-blown hysterics, laughing like a maniac.

My mother stares back at me in shocked horror before she leans in and sniffs, her eyes widening. “Are you drunk?”

“Oh yeah!” I gasp out before laughing again. “I’m shit-faced.”

“Why?!” my father booms.

“Because.” I smile up at him, feeling loopy. “Having you two as parents is enough to drive anyone to drink.”

“That's enough!” My mother shakes me.

“No.” I shake my head. “It’s really not.

I hate you.” I laugh. “I hate both of you.” I grin.

“And Ally isn’t a whore. She’s the best damn thing to ever happen to me.

Guess what, Mom?” I laugh harder. “I like girls. I’m bisexual.

And I’m in love with Ally. I want to spend the rest of my life with a girl.

What do you think about that?” I ask, blinking as I try not to fall over.

The slap across my face sobers me up quick. I blink at my mother in shock. My parents have a messed-up view on life, and they aren't good people by any means, but never have either of them laid their hands on me.

“Listen here, you ungrateful little bitch,” my mother sneers. “We’ve given you everything, and this is how you choose to repay us?” She shakes her head. “No. I’m not going to let him win. He won’t win!”

Who the fuck is she talking about? Have I lost my mind, or has she finally snapped herself?

“We need to bring her to the church,” my father says, grabbing my arm. “We need to bring her to Pastor Don. He can save her before the devil sinks his claws into her for good.”

“You‘re fucking crazy,” I scream, gaping at the both of them. “What is wrong with you?”

They say nothing as they start to drag me towards the car.

“Stop it!” I shout, struggling to get out of their hold. “I said I was done with you. I don’t want to live with you anymore. I’m done!”

“You are under eighteen,” my mother snaps, shoving me into the back seat of the car.

“You are not going anywhere. You belong to me, do you hear me?” She gets in my face.

“I’m not letting you go, Lucinda. I love you.

You're just sick, okay?” Her face morphs from anger to worry.

It’s at this moment that I truly see how messed up my parents really are.

“You're sick and we’re going to get you help.

You're going to be okay. It will all be okay.”

She slams the door shut and gets into the front seat.

The sound of the locks clicking echoes through my mind loudly, signifying that I’m not getting out of this.

It’s too late. I’ve lost everything. My life is officially over.