Page 28

Jessikah

Checking the clock for the millionth time, I see it had only been fifteen minutes since I last checked. I have been standing in front of the mirror, wondering if my outfit is too much, or if it’s just my inner demons playing with my head.

The shower took me longer because I was trying to take the edge off. The last orgasm I had that was not self produced was talking on the phone with Paul. I didn’t want to be the one to pop off after he sticks his head in.

“Jessikah, you are strong. What those men did to you doesn’t mean that you like abusive behavior during sex.

They took something from you that wasn’t theirs to have,” I speak to the self in my head that’s telling me it will happen again.

My therapist told me I will feel the urge to run and hide when I start dating.

But that I need to remind myself that life happens all around us.

But how I control the way I move through my life is entirely up to me and my movements.

Closing my eyes, I pull in a deep breath and hold it for a count of ten, and then slowly release it while I open my eyes.

Looking in the mirror, I see myself. My body wrapped in leather.

The corset pushing up my breast forming the top of a heart.

I know this will draw attention, one wanted and most not.

But I want to feel sexy, powerful and in control.

Looking at my watch, I notice that it is fifteen minutes till the time that Paul is supposed to be back with Moose. Turning to the bed, I grab the clutch I laid out and the gladiator sandals matching the leather shorts I have on my bottoms.

My stomach grumbles, making me grab the items off the bed and make my way to the kitchen. I need to grab something to put in my mouth to settle the growling monster in my stomach.

***

The speaker in my kitchen is playing Fire by The Pointer Sisters .

My body is dancing around the island in my kitchen.

Swaying my hips side to side and dropping my body down low.

A low whistle comes from behind me. Spinning around quickly, a butcher’s knife in my hand, a scream dying on my lips as my eyes connect with Paul.

Moose sitting beside him, head tilted and tail wagging.

“Sorry, baby, but you look really good in all leather.” Paul smiles as he holds up his hands and straightens from leaning against the wall.

Moose stands up and slowly makes his way to my legs.

He tosses himself against me, knocking me off balance a little as he rubs the length of his body across the nylons on my legs.

He sits down in front of me, looks up and starts to puppy speak.

It sounds like he calls me Mama and then tells me the story of how his day went.

“Is that so? Paul was good to my boy.” I crouch down, wrapping my arms around his neck and placing my face into the fur at the side of his face and kissing him until he starts moving around and trying to get away.

“Where are we going for dinner?” I ask, putting the rest of the pepperette and hunk of cheese into my mouth.

“I am taking you to the steak place that allows you to cook your meal at your table. To start. Then we are going to get some ice cream and go for a walk on the dock,” Paul states, slowly walking closer to me.

“Am I dressed properly?” I ask, looking down my body. My teeth worrying my bottom lip. My mind wondering to the other outfits I have in my closet.

“Hey, Jess?” his voice catches my attention, making me lift my eyes from the ground to look into Paul’s eyes.

“You could wear a brown paper bag with a feather hat and still be the most beautiful woman in the world. I think the outfit you have on is stunning.” He slowly moves his hand down his body.

My eyes following his hand as he cups his crotch and adjusts.

The bulge large and in charge in his pants.

This man has given me fantasies I haven’t been able to shake since he walked into my office, sat his ass in the chair and demanded I take him on as a client.

“Why don’t you feed me and then take me for a walk?” I start to giggle. “I sound like a damn dog.”

“Far from it, beautiful. But let’s go before I decide to say screw it, and take you upstairs and have my way with you,” Paul mumbles, offering me his hand.

Reaching for it, I grab my purse as Paul takes me through my living room to the front door.

He stops, allowing me to lock it up and set the alarm.

He walks me to the passenger side of his truck and opens the door. He helps me into his truck and reaches across to pull my seatbelt across my body and buckles me in.

“Tonight, it goes as fast or as slow as you want it to go. I will promise that you are going to be kissed a lot and I am going to hold your hand. I want every man and woman watching to know you are mine and mine alone.” He smiles at me, bringing his hand up to my cheek.

His lips press into my forehead, then my nose, before they land on my lips.

A slight kiss that lingers on my lips, before he pulls away slightly.

His eyes staring into mine, trying to gauge my state of mind.

“I’m okay,” I tell him. Smiling at him as he pulls back and grabs the door.

“No, baby. You are more than okay,” he whispers as he closes the door, his eyes watching me as he rounds the front of the vehicle and opens the door. This man is going to ruin me, in the best possible way, and I am one hundred percent okay with that outcome.

Watching him slowly slide his body behind the wheel, he places his key in the ignition and starts the truck with a deep rumble. His radio blasting, I Apologize by Five Finger Death Punch . He reaches over and turns down the radio. “Sorry.” He shrugs.

“Music is soothing to the soul. Any kind, especially one that has meaning.” I smile, singing along to the next song that started to play.

“Can I ask you a question?” Paul asks.

“You just did.” Smirking and giggling as he shakes his head.

“How did you meet your ex?” he asks.

“That conversation is one where we need copious amounts of alcohol, followed by multiple boxes of Kleenex, then an hour long scorching hot shower to remove the ick feeling from my skin. I will tell you one day, but not today,” I shiver at the memory of the last time that man graced my presence with his disgusting face and how it ended.

“Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.” He reaches over and grabs my hand.

“When I met Tina, I was sure no person would make me feel comfortable again. I had resolved myself to being a hermit, living in my home with my dog and no human contact from the outside world, other than over the phone or via video chatting. Tina and her husband made me feel like I could be free and safe with the right people,” I say, tears springing to my eyes as I remember Tina’s husband and all the things he helped me to overcome when it came to men in general.