Page 23

Lynx

Watching Neo struggle to stay alive was eye opening. Not once had I thought that one of my brothers could snuff out their own life. Watching him break was something I never thought I would witness.

Walking into the hospital, I see Crowne standing by the sliding doors.

Her head is down, and her hands are hanging loosely by her side.

I step in front of her, causing her to look up.

Her eyes don’t register; her mouth moves and a distorted voice slides through her lips.

“Sorry, I’ll leave.” Then she steps through the door and walks down the sidewalk.

“They took Neo off the ventilator. For a few minutes, he was declared dead. She didn’t stick around long enough to see his spectacular awakening,” Sue states, a small smile on his face.

“What did he do?” I ask, worried about Crowne’s state of mind.

“The little fucker sat up straight like the Undertaker at a WWE event and asked the nurse if her tits were real. Then he slammed back down on the pillow and started snoring.” Sue chuckles, shaking his head.

“That fucker, we are going to have to make sure the nursing staff are well compensated,” I state, looking over my shoulder one last time before following Sue up to Neo’s room.

Before I step through the door, I send a message to Jessikah.

Me: Think you could convince Crowne to come to your house. She isn’t in the right frame of mind.

Jessikah: Yep!

Me: Thank you, my angel.

She doesn’t respond. I place my phone in my back pocket and walk into the room. Neo is sitting up. There is a hockey game on the small TV and his head is bent over a notebook, a pen clutched tightly in his hand.

“Deep in thought?” I ask, watching as he slowly drops his head and his shoulders shake.

“I have so many things I want to say, but they all don’t seem enough. How do you apologize to someone you should have protected? How do you tell someone you are sorry for following along with someone’s devious plan? How do I do this?” his broken voice causes me to lose my grip on my emotions.

“How long have you had suicidal thoughts, Neo?” Staring at him, I have my answer before he speaks.

“I have always had suicidal tendencies. I was able to keep them at bay doing computer work, playing online games and interacting with you and the guys later in my life. I usually stayed away from the girls, because sometimes having them close brought on thoughts of what they could do to me that would leave marks,” he says, his hand shaking a little as he sighs and takes a deep breath.

“Jessikah… when she arrived, she reminded me of my sister’s friend.

She would always make sure we were happy, healthy, and fed.

She was also the one who had my parents committed when she found out what they were doing to me and my sister.

That was the last day I saw my sister. She went to live with her friend, and I got shipped off to the local orphanage.

I was shipped around after that until my last foster family helped me gain my focus. ”

“If she reminded you of your sister’s friend, then why did you conspire against her? That’s not who you are, man.” Stepping closer, I sit in the chair beside his bed and lean forward.

“Spun, man all Spun. She got in my ear about Jessikah taking away all my family and leaving me alone. Lynx, I don’t like being alone. I finally found a family in the brotherhood, and I can’t lose that,” he states.

“Neo, loyalty means we will help you through this and help you make your amends with Jessikah. But you have to tell one of us when your thoughts turn dark. We don’t like seeing you in this state,” I say, holding out my fist for him to hit.

The memory of Neo in that car as his eyes rolled back in his head.

He looks at my extended arm, and down to his. “You’re not mad at me?”

“I am mad a slimy motherfucker got his hands on my woman. I am mad a useless twat used a brother’s weakness against him.

I am mad I watched a brother break from all the mental anguish he was dealing with.

But I am not mad at you. We all have demons, Neo.

I just learned to play nice with mine.” I smile, watching as he nods his head.

He looks like he doesn’t believe that demons can be tamed.

He winces a few times from the pull of the bandages on his arm. He did a gnarly job on the one arm, and I know moving forward he is going to be self conscious of the scars.

“Have a challenge for you, Neo. I know you like to draw. I want you to design a tattoo that will go on our arms. One that speaks to resilience, loyalty and survival. Present it to me, and all the guys and what ever girl wants will have them put on our arms. That way we always have the reminder that family isn’t who we are related to sometimes, but who we choose to be in our lives.

” A small smile hits the corner of his mouth as he nods.

A tiny nurse comes into the room, pushing a cart filled with stuff to clean his wounds and maybe even give the man a sponge bath. I smirk at Neo, whose eyes are following the nurse. Leaning in, I wrap my arm and pound his back, “You lucky fucker.”

Making my way out of the room as Neo’s laughter fills the halls.

I will make sure that my brothers and my woman are all happy and protected even if it’s the last thing I do.

Pulling the phone from my back pocket, I see a bunch of missed messages. One from Skoden to the group chat, then one from him in private, one from Crowne and the last one from Jessikah.

Opening up the message from Jessikah, I see a picture. Crowne is curled in a ball, wrapped around Moose. There are no words, just the image.

Me: Thank you, my angel.

There needs to be a meeting called with the brothers and table holders. We need to make a plan that will help us mentally and physically. No more of the people I trust the most suffering in silence. We need to make a plan moving forward that will allow us to heal.