Page 61

Amos

So much anxiety pumped through the cast. Strangely, I was relaxed, at least compared to the rest of them.

I guess having played the number of games I had over the years meant I was used to being in front of tens of thousands of people. Performing? Yeah, there was definitely a big part of performing that went with the game as well.

Tommy’s article in Proudest had done what we’d expected. There was a lot of anticipation now. Shade was definitely thrown by the gay community, which wasn’t surprising, considering I was doing drag… in this huge body, nonetheless.

The sports world was up in arms as well. Although I certainly wasn’t in the middle of it, there was a war waging between two sides: “Gay men shouldn’t be in sports,”

from the asshole side, and “Freedom of identity with no repercussions,”

from the other.

Even with the typical toxic male bullshit, the team wasn’t faring well. My attorneys and brother had all said it’s only a matter of time before they settle.

That was yet to be seen. What could be seen, however, was that the theater was packed. I’d teased Tommy when he got in last night that being sold-out meant over two thirds of the attendees were hoping to see me fail, and the other third probably didn’t know I used to play football.

He didn’t disagree.

The haters were going to be surprised though. Weeks and weeks of intense training, rehearsals, and one-on-one assistance with not one, but three dance instructors and/or choreographers meant I had the routine down to a very refined process.

At this point, I could do the show in my sleep. My body automatically moved to the music now.

I wasn’t in drag during the first part of the show, since it was mostly about my character getting to that part of his life. After intermission, though, in the last act of the show, I was slowly turned into a fabulous drag queen.

The crowd showed a mixed reaction to my appearance, but I didn’t have time to focus on that. I spoke my lines as if I were actually living the experience for the first time.

My costars reacted in the same way— as if they too were living this in real time. The result, I knew, was outstanding!

We got through the show, all the way up to the point where I sang to the king and queen, and then to how things had happened.

Similar to how in Kinky Boots the song the queen sang about her dad pulled on the audience’s heartstrings, the lament Alec sang was heart-wrenching.

My own dad wasn’t in the audience.

Josiah had called and told me he wouldn’t be coming. I knew he wouldn’t. I had expected him not to be, but it still hurt more than I could possibly say.

Just as when I auditioned, the emotions that came out while singing the lament were real, heartfelt, and painful.

I could sense the somber tone permeate the audience, even if I couldn’t see them through the lights.

This musical wasn’t a romance.

It wasn’t about two men finding each other and learning to be in love.

That didn’t mean as I finished the last routine and the show came to a close, I didn’t feel Tommy with me here on the stage.

He was such a part of my life now, a huge aspect of my being and my identity.

The show ended with a full house standing ovation. The applause went on for much longer than I think it usually did, showing me just how much they had enjoyed the show. I couldn’t have hoped for better.

I rushed to remove the costumes, and clean off the makeup, at least as well as I could. Then rushed out of the back and into Tommy’s waiting arms.

“Amos, fuck, you were off the charts amazing,”

he said as I swirled him around in a circle.

“God, that was amazing, Tommy!”

I said to his laugher. I put him back down and kissed him then hugged him so tight he complained about me trying to kill him or something.

“Did you really enjoy it?” I asked.

“Like nothing I’ve ever seen,”

he said, actually drawing some tears from me. I really was more into this than anything I’d ever done. It meant more than I can ever say that Tommy enjoyed it.

Tommy joined me for the cast party, and we celebrated with loud merriment, not unlike after a game. It just shocked me how similar my two lives were.

But the stark difference was that my father had never missed a game.

Not once, not even when he had the flu and the doctor told him not to travel.

He ignored her, and with Mom behind the wheel, he slept in the back as they drove from Texas to Kansas City to see me play.

The morning after the play, I sat across from Mom and Josiah, Tommy to my left, and said just that.

Neither of them responded right away, then mom finally broke the tension.

“Your father is a stubborn man, as you know. When… well, I should tell you this. It’s too much, but hell, I’m a grown woman, I can say what I want. When he announced he wasn’t coming, I moved into the guest room. Now, Amos, you know I love your father. I love him with all my heart, but he’s wrong in this. He knows that too.”

Both Josiah and I stared at Mom with our mouths agape.

Mom had never told us anything that even indicated she and Dad argued.

Josiah even once said she reminded him of a Stepford wife, except she had the temper of a rattlesnake when one of us would provoke her too much.

“Mom, I… I get Dad is struggling with my choice—”

“And,”

she said, interrupting me, “it is, and always has been, your choice to make. Never his. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about him any longer. I want to talk about how amazing my son is. Amos, baby, you… well, you’ve got all the moves! You made your mama proud last night!”

I snickered and Tommy elbowed me, letting me know he agreed.

“Thanks, y’all. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

I said, then put my arm around Tommy. “Of course, this guy here is a huge part of that.”

I looked at him and smiled. “The best part of having a career that lets me be out of the closet is that I get to have this man in my life.”

“Aah,”

I heard from both Mom and Josiah at the same time, and I gave my handsome, sweet man a peck on the lips.

The server came over with all the food we’d ordered and drew my attention off Tommy, but I took his hand in mine and held it for a few moments, silently letting him know how much I appreciated having him in there.

This new life was amazing. I got to do something I’d always wanted to do, but more importantly, I got to have him with me while I was doing it.