Page 20

Tommy

“Please guys, please, I need a break.”

Amos begged us to go back with him to San Antonio for Pride again this year.

“Yeah, me too,”

Owen said. “I… well, this summer semester shit has been too much.”

Amos had talked Owen and me into going to school with him—surprise, I let myself get talked into something else I didn’t really want to do. It wasn’t like I hated summer school, but I would much rather have been on a beach getting tan and flirting with actual gay men. Before Amos had gotten me to stay, I’d planned on going to Miami and becoming a slut for the summer. I certainly had a lot of slutting around to make up for since, while in school with Amos, I never seemed to want to do anything other than hang out with him or Owen.

“I’m game,”

I finally admitted. “But, you’re going to have to buy me all the beer I want,”

I said causing the big guy to laugh and side hug me.

After getting to Pride, Owen ended up meeting a guy and hitting it off. They decided to stay at his hotel so it was just Amos and me. I had way too much fun at the party and way too many beers in the beer tent and came back to the hotel room drunk off my ass.

Of course, Amos wasn’t one to allow a party to go on without him, so he met me beer for beer. By the time the cab dropped us off at the hotel, we were both sloshed enough to be giggly and silly.

When we got into the room, Amos was a little ahead of me as I came in and caught me as I tripped over the threshold. When I looked up into his face, I guess not having my inhibitions in place let me do what I’d wanted to do for years, so I lifted up and kissed him.

Before I knew it, Amos had pulled me upright, and after shutting the door behind us, he pressed me up against it and kissed me back, grinding his cock into mine. I moaned into the kiss, my alcohol-induced brain quickly sobering up with the reality of what was happening.

Our hands each found the other’s and our breaths came short as we jacked each other off. Reality hit me a little too late, just as both of us were coming. I fell onto the bed as Amos stumbled away from me and into the bathroom.

Luckily, I fell asleep before he came back into the room.

The next morning I woke up and found Amos staring out of the hotel window. He was only wearing his gym shorts, and his muscular back sent shivers through me, not unlike they always did when I saw him without a shirt on.

I shifted and caught his attention. I smiled lazily, happy. So happy to have finally had Amos in my arms. God, I was in heaven. When I looked over at Amos he frowned at me. “I… Tommy, we were drunk… I… I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

I gasped for air, putting my hands over my eyes to keep myself from falling apart. When the tears spilled anyway, I jumped up and rushed to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and cried. We’d had sex, finally… finally, after all this time, we’d… well, we’d done something, and it wasn’t just screwing around either… It wasn’t a Grindr hookup. It was so much more… so much more for me, at least.

I climbed into the shower, glad I’d unloaded all my shit into the bathroom before going out. When I came out, Amos was gone. Good. At least I wouldn’t have to be humiliated any more than I already was. I got dressed and quickly threw all my stuff together and took it outside. I’d already texted my cousin who lived down here and asked him to come pick me up. I knew he’d come… and luckily he didn’t live too far away.

I was just getting ready to leave when Amos showed up. “Tommy,”

he said and looked around, seeing I’d already packed. “You’re leaving?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I don’t want to stick around and hear about how you made a mistake…”

I moved past him, and he put his hand on my shoulder, stopping me. “Tommy, I’m so sorry…”

Tears burst out again, and I shook his hand off. “No,”

I said, putting my hand up to stop him from saying anything else. “You can’t make me want you like this, give it to me, and then apologize… Not again. I can’t do this again.”

“What do you mean again?” he asked.

I shoved him, although I barely caused his massive muscular frame to rock. “I’m in love with you, you fucking idiot. I almost told you that last year, and you stopped me and told me it was a mistake, that you’d had some mixed-up feelings because you were confused or some shit like that, Amos. I can’t remember it all. I’m still fucking upset, for God’s sake.”

I heard the desperation in my voice. Amos just stared at me. I knew I couldn’t do this, not now. Not when he’d regretted what we’d done.

“I’m going to my cousin’s. We can talk about this later,” I said.

“No,”

Amos said. “No, stay here; stay with me, okay?”

His voice was pleading.

The stupid tears continued to flow. How could I, after all this time, feel so strongly about him?

He pulled me into his huge embrace, and I gasped at the feeling of having him hold me.

I let him lead me over to the bed and sat next to him. Something big had happened between us, and I needed to be a grown-up and let him explain his feelings. I knew that, although I really just wanted to run away.

I stared at my hands and could feel Amos’s intense gaze on me.

“So,”

I finally said. “That happened.”

I looked up to see Amos nod. “Yeah, that happened,” he said.

I waited in case he had anything else to say, and when he didn’t, I just shook my head. “I can’t lie, Amos. I am in love with you. I have been for a while. I didn’t mean to admit it, but now that I have, I won’t take it back.”

Amos continued to stare at me until he finally said, “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

My heart sank as the tears slipped out again. “You just did,”

I replied. I took a deep breath and shook my head. “I’m sorry, Amos. I really am,”

I said as I walked out the door toward my cousin’s waiting car. He’d thankfully arrived to pick me up.

I thought Amos would stop me, but when he didn’t, I finally allowed myself to accept that Amos Clark didn’t feel the same as I did and never would. I hadn’t been foolish enough to fall for a straight guy because Amos had always said he wasn’t sure what he was… But it all came out the same in the end. He didn’t feel the same way I did, and that was that.