Page 6 of Christmas at the Home Farm Vets (Hartfell Village #2)
‘I wasn’t thinking of you,’ she said quickly, trying to convince herself she meant it. Sometimes she thought there was as much of her nan, who was a feeder, inside her, as there was her mum. ‘I’d have done it for anyone and with the hours I work I always batch cook for another day.’
‘You’re still doing that?’ A glimmer of amusement returned. ‘You were literally the only one at Catz.’
‘Needs must, Oli.’ She was stung by his remark, the reminder of the practical skills she’d depended on which weren’t exactly a choice.
Of all the people she’d known then, he was one of the very few who’d glimpsed the reality of her life at home.
They’d moved out of university accommodation in their final two years, and she’d ended up in a house share with a friend of his.
He had often been at her place, and sometimes his girlfriend Ingrid would be there too, lounging on his lap and regarding Erin with cool triumph.
Oli moved to the bed and sat down. Erin caught his slight wince, her senses tuning straight back into his.
It had always been this way between them; they each seemed able to anticipate the other’s mood.
She decided she’d better not make him feel too unwelcome, though.
She really wanted that new bathroom suite she’d got her eye on.
If she was lucky she’d get it in the January sales, and he would be on his way without ever having had the chance to test it.
In the morning Erin curled up earlier than usual on the sofa with her breakfast. She’d woken with a churning in her stomach, alerting her to a worry it took her mind a moment to find.
And then she remembered: Oli was here, sleeping in her spare room and staying for the next three weeks.
Even though his few belongings were mostly confined to his bedroom after he’d fetched them from the car last night, a coffee machine and a box of capsules in the kitchen were making his presence in her home all too obvious.
She’d heard him return about midnight, aware of his tread as he’d climbed the narrow staircase from the kitchen and opened the door to his bedroom, then a sharp crack followed by a muttered curse.
He must’ve caught his head on the ceiling where it sloped.
Her phone was in the kitchen, and she hadn’t yet replied to the cheery message from her mum, inquiring how her new lodger was settling in.
There was a message from Carys too, and it was more direct, making Erin smile when she’d read it: here if you need me and don’t forget you can boot him out if he’s an arrogant arse. He’s not part of your job description.
‘Morning.’
Erin started, jolted back to the present when she saw Oli at the door from the hallway. A dark blue T-shirt was crumpled above grey shorts, and she drew in a slow breath.
‘I hope I didn’t wake you last night.’ His smile was an uncertain one. ‘The thing with Rob turned into a late one and then I got lost on the way back. Sat nav directed me to a track in the middle of nowhere.’
‘Probably best not to use it.’ She’d also heard him getting into that single bed last night, the frame creaking beneath his weight. ‘You might want to apologise to Edmund, though, he’s already been round to make sure I’m all right. He found my wheelie bin on its side and was worried.’
‘Edmund?’ Oli moved to the coffee machine and swapped the plug with the one for the toaster. She’d have to get used to such everyday things for now and tried not to mind. ‘Sorry about the bin, it was very dark.’
‘It’s fine. Edmund’s my neighbour, he’s lovely.’
‘Right. So how did you sleep?’
‘Fine.’ Good enough, anyway, and she ignored the suggestion of softness in his few words. Erin stood up and collected her breakfast things. She was heading into work early, but first she’d make a flask of tea to see her through the morning out on calls. ‘How about you?’
‘Yeah.’ His smile was more of a grimace. ‘All right.’
She quashed a flare of guilt; it wasn’t her fault the second bedroom was tiny. ‘You should probably know the hot tap takes ages to heat up and the bathroom door…’
‘Sticks? Yeah, I noticed. So would you like a coffee, or do you still drink that disgustingly dark tea?’
‘A proper brew, you mean.’ She’d assumed he would’ve forgotten that by now. ‘No thanks. I have no idea how you even drink that stuff first thing.’
‘I need the hit, that’s why.’
In the kitchen it was as she’d feared, and Jess had joked yesterday.
Erin filled the washing-up bowl and turned for her flask just as Oli reached for the coffee capsules, and if she hadn’t leaped back she would have crashed right into him.
They both offered a hasty apology, and she felt a surge of electricity pass between them.
It was a shock to realise he smelled the same, of vanilla and something spicier that always reminded her of the bourbon he’d sometimes drunk at Catz.
She switched the kettle on, waiting for it to boil as he made an espresso and knocked it back in two quick gulps.
‘Could you please spare me something for breakfast?’ He flashed her that grin and she gritted her teeth. ‘I’ll go shopping later, I promise. Came straight here from a couple of days with a mate after a flight, so…’
‘Help yourself, but as I said…’
‘Yeah, I remember. Meals aren’t included.’
Suddenly Oli’s hand was on her arm, the gentle pressure of his fingers warm and light through her long-sleeved top. ‘Don’t you think we need a conversation about how this is going to work?’ he said quietly. ‘Obviously I had no idea about you when I took the job and finding out we’re sharing was a…’
‘Terrible disappointment? Horrible shock?’
‘Neither of those, if I’m being honest.’ He withdrew his hand. ‘But I’m guessing you knew it was me and still went ahead. Why would you do that?’
‘It’s very simple. I’d already agreed to host the new locum and I’m saving up for a new bathroom. You’ve seen the current one so I’m sure you’ll understand.’
‘So it had nothing to do with us? You and me?’
‘Of course it’s not about that, there never really was an “us”,’ she told him hotly.
One night with him in the house and already her plans for the morning were falling apart.
She grabbed her flask, trying to focus on practical matters.
‘All we need to deal with is work, it’s the only subject that interests me where you and I are concerned. ’
‘So that hasn’t changed. Studying always did come first for you.’
‘What did you expect! You know what my life was like and how hard my family worked to keep our home together. I couldn’t fall back on Mummy and Daddy or land some cushy job in the City if I didn’t put the hours in, Oli. I have to make every penny of that debt count.’
Erin was not about to let him make her feel guilty for her work ethic.
Studying had always been her route to success; she could trust it and she’d never allow herself to be reliant on someone who might break her heart all over again.
‘I have to work and I love it. I’m not going to apologise for that. ’
‘I don’t expect you to, nor would I ask it of you. But the past and what happened isn’t going to go away.’
‘What happened is that you asked me to trust you and then proved that I couldn’t,’ she said fiercely, hating the wobble in her voice. ‘Do you seriously think I want to remember how I felt when I found out about you and Bella that summer, or…’
‘There was no me and Bella that summer,’ he said sharply. ‘But I know I made a mistake and I’ve been sorry for it since the moment it happened.’ Oli raked a hand through his hair and Erin couldn’t remember what she was meant to be doing next. ‘I tried to explain and apologise, but you…’
‘You fooled me once, Oli, I’m not going to let it happen again.
My father left my mum and me, and it broke her heart.
So you’ll have to forgive me for not falling for a dream or trusting in second chances.
’ The kettle had finished boiling and she went through the motions of filling her flask, the silence and the weight of their history heavy in her mind.
And she couldn’t confess all: that part of her had wanted to see him when she’d found out he would be temporarily joining the practice.
To test her feelings and her own strength around him now.
To prove to herself that she really was over him, could share her home and remain immune to what she’d felt for him at Catz.
‘We have to keep this professional. Our personal lives have nothing to do with one another. And no one at work knows and I want to keep it that way. Agreed?’
‘I’m not sure it’s…’
‘Yes or no,’ she said bluntly.
‘Yes, if that’s what you want,’ he said quietly. ‘And I’m sorry.’
‘I don’t know if you saw Gil’s email this morning?’ Erin snatched up her flask and phone; she much preferred talking about work, it kept their relationship on a footing she was comfortable with. ‘He’s been called away and I’m taking your induction instead.’
‘Yes, I saw it.’ Oli stuffed two pieces of bread into the toaster and swapped the plugs again. ‘That’s fine. Reminds me of the old days.’
‘Oli, don’t, please,’ she said helplessly.
They hadn’t worked together since their sixth and final year at Catz, sharing punishing rotations in the university’s animal hospital.
That had been forty weeks free of lectures when they’d consulted almost as qualified vets, extending their knowledge across a dizzying range of small animal surgery and medicine, rural farm practice, equine studies, and more.
Erin had adored it, her dream and ambition finally within reach despite the constant pressures, preparing case reports, presentations and studying for finals.
Her rotations had coincided with Oli’s more than she’d have liked, and her unwritten rule was to behave as though everything they’d shared in their first year and the way it had ended had never occurred.
But that hadn’t prevented her pulse pounding whenever he walked into a room or the air between them vibrating if they were near, consulting on a case.
They’d stood in surgery together time and again, masked, gowned and almost invisible to one another bar the intangible thread which quivered between them.
But her farm clients wouldn’t care less about their shared past and what he meant to her now.
They’d want to know if he could identify pneumonia in a vulnerable calf or diagnose bloat from a sudden death in a herd of dairy cattle, and prevent any more.
Would he understand exactly when to perform a caesarean on a ewe whose labour wasn’t progressing before she and her unborn lamb were lost?
Erin really hoped there was a nice, messy cattle de-horning on today’s list of calls, or a massive angry bull with a giant stinking abscess to drain. That ought to put a dent in his megawatt smile.