Page 46 of Christmas at the Home Farm Vets (Hartfell Village #2)

At work the next morning Erin sat through the staff briefing on automatic pilot, aware of the concerned glances coming her way.

She’d hardly slept and was pale, barely equal to her job today.

The row with Oli and her refusal to listen was lodged in her stomach like a dead weight, and even thoughts of the partnership with Gil were gone.

She left Marnie in the kennels as she would be away from home all day.

She had no idea what Oli had said to Gil to explain his absence since he’d packed and left the cottage last night.

She tried hard to behave as normal, but all the staff were a little flat without Oli.

He’d made himself at home so quickly and even some clients were disappointed when she faced them over the consulting table and had to explain that he’d left, had moved on as planned.

She set out for her calls, barely noticing the landscape that usually lifted her mood every time she laid eyes on it.

Experience and training carried her through those first few days, examining the animals who needed her care with her usual compassion and meticulous attention.

She’d made herself reply to Jason, confirming she would go with him to the wedding, and she cringed every time she thought of what her mum or Jess would have to say about that.

It was a stupid decision and she was already regretting it, with dread soon settling in too.

He was a nice enough guy, but she knew he wasn’t for her, nor she for him.

The weekend was also the beginning of her time off and Jess had offered to look after Marnie so Erin could have a holiday if she wanted to escape for a few days.

Jess and Noah’s house was coming along but she was happy to leave the mess and the dust behind for time at Erin’s with Marnie.

Erin had thanked her and said she’d think about it; there didn’t seem to be anywhere she wanted to go.

It almost broke her heart all over again when Marnie looked at her sometimes, head tilted to one side, as though asking where Oli had gone and why wasn’t he here to look after her too?

There was a stillness in the house, one Erin might have imagined was peaceful before he arrived.

But it wasn’t peace she felt now, it was emptiness, and it matched the hurt at what she’d done in refusing to listen to him.

The coffee machine was gone, and his boots no longer stood on the rack with hers; his coat wasn’t hanging from the same hook.

But for her shattered heart, he might not even have been here at all.

His room was tidy, the bed neatly stripped, and the duvet folded back.

On Friday before work she packed for the wedding; she had a busy day and couldn’t be sure she’d finish on time before her week off began tomorrow.

The very last thing she felt like doing was attending the wedding of a happy couple madly in love and setting out on a bright new future together.

And with Jason of all people, who wouldn’t know how to be romantic if she’d written him a set of instructions.

She and Oli hadn’t even had to try to find the romance in those days together, it had always been with them.

It was the hot water he made sure to leave for Erin if he showered first, the morning cup of tea he made and the fire lit when she got home after him, Marnie settled and fed.

The meals she cooked and he cleared up, the coffee she brought him in bed if she had to leave first. The laughter they shared and the understanding when an animal couldn’t be saved, and they had to act on a decision often made swiftly and in distress.

How they held one another afterwards, knowing they’d done all they could, and it wasn’t meant to be.

She hadn’t realised quite how heavy her own load was until he’d helped her carry it.

She’d listened when he’d talked of his family, her arms wrapped around him, how it felt to watch his parents divorce for reasons he only now understood.

How he wished his mum could share his life still, that she was here to enjoy the excitement of Imogen and Alex’s wedding, and he could remind her he loved her.

He was in contact with his dad most days and Erin knew just how much this meant to Oli, forging a different future as a family.

At the practice only Jess knew how she felt, after she’d walked round to Jess and Noah’s house the other night, desperate to talk to someone who would understand.

Jess was sympathetic and Noah had tactfully left them alone, as Erin wondered how she might put right her terrible mistake, or if she even could.

She planned to accept Gil’s offer of partnership and would let him know when she returned from holiday.

It was a relief to pin her future to the practice and she’d always felt the life she was making in Hartfell was the right one, even if she was alone again.

After her calls on Friday morning she was in the kitchen at work, staring at a lunch she didn’t feel like eating.

With Oli gone, Gil had been taking companion animal consultations and he walked in to make a coffee.

He asked how she was, and her reply was a flat, distracted one.

He put the kettle on, closed the door and made her a brew.

‘Erin, I know this is none of my business,’ he began. ‘But it’s common knowledge that you and Oli were friends at Cambridge, and my guess is that it’s clearly something more.’

She hung her head, both to hide her distress and the truth of those words, one hand clutching the mug of tea as though her life depended on it.

‘Your personal lives are none of my concern and I had no qualms about the two of you continuing to work together if Oli had accepted the job. Can I take it he told you why he turned it down?’

‘Not in so many words.’ She swiped at her face, ashamed of her haste that day when Oli had tried to explain.

‘I didn’t give him the chance, my default where love is concerned is usually to expect the worst.’ Erin blushed; had she really just said that word out loud and as good as admitted to her boss that she was in love with one of their colleagues?

Ex-colleague, she reminded herself bitterly.

Something else that was probably her fault.

‘I know what that’s like, believe me.’ Gil was still leaning against the worktop, and she was glad he’d kept some distance because she wasn’t sure she could cope with sympathy, she didn’t feel she deserved it.

‘But if me and Pippa can make it work given what we were up against, then I’m sure you and Oli can find a way too, if you want one.

So here’s the thing. Oli and I had a very frank conversation when I offered him the job and he turned it down for one reason only, Erin. Because of you.’

‘Me?’ Her head snapped up as she fixed red and puffy eyes on Gil. ‘But why would he do that? It doesn’t make any sense. I thought it was because he didn’t want to give up travelling, to live in one place and make a home here with me.’

‘It makes perfect sense when you know the truth,’ Gil said quietly.

‘I explained I’d invited you to become a partner and I was very much hoping you’d accept, and that we’d like him to stay on to manage the companion animal work.

Oli did say he’d reflect after you and he had talked, but his initial response was to turn it down.

This is the part you may wish I didn’t know, but I do, so here goes.

’ Gil offered her a sympathetic smile and she was hanging on every word as though her entire future would depend on what he said next.

‘Oli turned us down because he informed me that you and he were in a very meaningful and important relationship, and that you feel strongly about maintaining a professional distance at work. He felt, in order to give you space to succeed if you accept the partnership, that you’d be happier if he was working somewhere else but near enough for you to stay together.

He didn’t actually say the words out loud, Erin, but I know what being in love looks like,’ Gil finished wryly.

Most uncharacteristically she burst into tears again and cried all over her boss, who handed her a tissue and tactfully disappeared after telling her to go home and begin her holiday early, they would manage.

She drove home in a daze, horrified by her refusal to allow Oli to explain his reason for turning down the job, and utterly lit up by the realisation that he must love her.

Or had. Given that she’d ejected him from her life a second time, perhaps he was already feeling very different.

She felt drained, as though every ounce of her energy had vanished since he’d left, and she crawled into bed after feeding Marnie.

She had been planning to find a last-minute getaway in search of some sun, but since the conversation with Gil she couldn’t get Oli and his generosity in turning down a fantastic job out of her mind.

She was dreading the wedding sixty miles away with Jason tomorrow, just wishing it was over and wondering why she’d been stupid and stubborn enough to tell Oli she was still going when it was the very last thing she wanted.

Distracted by everything else this week, she’d let Jason take care of the arrangements, and she went cold when he let her know he’d booked them a room.

Not at the lovely hotel where the wedding was taking place but in a lodge on a main road fifteen miles further on, and he’d asked her to share the cost of the taxi back.