Page 37 of Christmas at the Home Farm Vets (Hartfell Village #2)

Afterwards they showered together, Oli overruling Erin’s protest; she relented when she realised Imogen and Alex had gone out.

Downstairs Oli made espresso for himself and tea exactly how she liked it, and they sat together at the small breakfast bar, heads bent over her phone and smiling at the latest Marnie update.

Imogen and Alex returned soon after with shopping, and Erin was too late to ease away from Oli’s hand on her thigh.

Imogen took one look and rolled her eyes knowingly.

‘So that’s clear, then. Good to see that you two have made the best of sharing one bed.’

‘We haven’t, I mean, we didn’t…’ Erin tried to refute it as she stood up hurriedly, and couldn’t when Oli, still sitting on the bar stool, pulled her back between his thighs.

‘Oh, we did, Erin,’ he said wickedly, running a hand over the blush staining her cheek. ‘We very much did, and you’re rubbish at pretending. That’s another thing I love about you, that you can’t hide whatever you’re feeling.’

Love? Had he really just said that word, out loud, in front of his sister and her fiancé?

Erin’s blush deepened and she longed to say it back, to let him know what was in her heart.

But perhaps it was just a throwaway comment, one of those things said in the moment, and he didn’t mean it that way at all.

She shook her head to chase the thought away and slid her arms around his neck instead.

Alex made more drinks, and they settled in the sitting room, going over the party last night. Imogen got up to hug Oli and tell him how much it meant that he’d been there to celebrate with them, and her eyes were glittering with tears. She sat back down with a sniff and her laugh was a quick one.

‘Dad’s messaged me to say how much he’s looking forward to seeing you both.’ She paused. ‘He really wants an opportunity to talk and put things right between you so we can move on, together.’

Erin squeezed his hand. They were pressed together on the sofa, and they’d barely let go of each other all morning.

They’d gone so many years without touching, and now they’d started they couldn’t seem to stop.

It was so easy to be together like this, with Imogen and Alex too, and she was wishing they had another day, that they could stay in this other world until tomorrow; a world where work and a separate future for her and Oli wasn’t at the forefront of her mind.

She was going to have to produce some performance at work to remain indifferent to him after this weekend and all they had finally shared.

‘I’ve been running a long time, Immi, maybe it is finally time to stop. Maybe he and Mum just weren’t meant to be together.’ Oli sighed. ‘But whatever age you are, it’s still hard to accept that home isn’t what you thought it was.’

‘I know, I get it.’ Imogen leaned over and she touched his hand.

‘But I’d hate to see what happened stop you from having your own home and maybe a family one day.

’ She glanced at Erin and her smile was a faint, knowing one.

‘You’ve got to trust yourself, trust that you’re worth loving too.

That because Dad left doesn’t mean you’d do the same, or that he doesn’t love you. I know he does.’

It was time to leave, and at the door Imogen hugged them both fiercely, reminding Oli that she’d see him again soon, for Christmas.

‘I know Oli won’t thank me for saying this, but I’m going to.

’ Imogen flashed her brother a glance after Alex had hugged them too, and held up her hand.

‘Don’t say a word, Oli, I want Erin to hear this.

He’s always loved you, Erin, ever since that first year at Catz.

He never said so, but he didn’t have to, it was perfectly obvious, and I know my brother.

A home is all he’s ever wanted, no matter how much he tries to pretend otherwise.

So if you’re both thinking there’s a reason you can’t be together, you’d better find a way past it, because what you two have doesn’t come around very often. ’

‘Immi, it’s not that simple.’ Oli sighed and Erin was shocked to realise he hadn’t tried to refute Imogen’s startling declaration.

‘You think? Because just sometimes, it really is that simple. Drive safe, see you soon. Hope brunch goes well.’

The silence was a tricky one once they were in the pickup and Erin drove out of the courtyard.

She didn’t know where to begin an ordinary conversation after that, one which would lead them away from thoughts of the future.

Oli was the first to speak and he made a suggestion, his hand finding its way to hers.

‘After brunch, do you fancy seeing the Christmas market in town? I haven’t been for years, and it would be nice to have the time together. And maybe you don’t have enough decorations at home yet?’

‘I’d love that.’ She’d take any excuse to be alone with him, and Jess was staying until they returned. ‘And there’s always room for more decorations.’

When they arrived at the hotel it seemed very different in daylight, busy with weekend guests checking out.

Erin recognised a few from the party, and she and Oli greeted them without pausing to chat.

In the restaurant a table had been reserved for them, where Mike and Christina were waiting.

They both stood as Erin and Oli reached them, and handshakes were offered all round.

Erin was aware of Oli’s tension in the hand holding hers on the table, his fingers taut.

‘Thank you for coming, we’re so glad you’re both here.’ Mike glanced at Christina, and she followed up with her own smile. Erin knew from Imogen that Christina was a corporate lawyer with a large London firm, and she’d met Mike through work. ‘Have a look at the menu, the choice is excellent.’

‘Thank you.’ Erin accepted the one Mike was offering, then the waiter was there, taking a drinks order and promising to return shortly.

She wondered if this was a mistake after all; if Oli and Mike should have met in private and discussed their differences alone instead of in the full glare of a busy restaurant.

Perhaps she and Christina were meant to be buffers between father and son and their longstanding differences.

Erin and Oli went for the full English and Mike decided to join them as Christina settled on an omelette. Their drinks arrived soon after and Erin waited for her pot of tea to brew as Oli knocked back an espresso. Christina was drinking green tea, and Mike had also finished an espresso.

‘I know there’s a lot to say, Oli,’ he began quietly, fixing a stare on his son.

Erin thought she saw a glimpse of hope amongst the steel, and it wasn’t difficult to picture him as a tough city banker all about the deal.

He was lean and sharp, but there was a softness in his look now on Oli too.

‘And I want to start by saying how sorry I am for leaving this conversation so long and not trying to explain the truth earlier.’

‘We know the truth, Dad,’ Oli replied bitterly.

‘You and Mum sat us down one day and said it was over, that you’d met someone else.

We didn’t even meet Christina until two years after you left, and then you went and got married right after Mum died.

Why do you think we didn’t come to the wedding and celebrate with you?

Whatever happened between you and Mum, Immi and I didn’t deserve that. Why didn’t you postpone it?’

Erin slid a hand onto Oli’s thigh, hoping somehow it might help ease the tension set in his jaw, the lips she’d kissed right before they’d got out of the car pressed together in a firm line.

Mike glanced at Christina, his hand going to the back of his neck to rub it, and she took his other one.

‘Oli, I’ll always be sorry about what happened between me and your mum and how it ended.

I know it was a terrible shock for you and Immi.

And for not being there for you after your mum died.

I know that’s unforgiveable and why it hurt you both so much.

’ He picked up his cup and put it down again when he realised it was empty.

‘Christina and I had found out she was pregnant after IVF, and we were all set to tell you. But your mum suddenly passed away and we were all reeling from the shock. Then whilst we were planning the funeral, we lost the baby as well.’ Mike blinked, pressing his eyes closed for a second, and Christina squeezed his hand, before he refocused.

‘It just didn’t seem like the right moment to add to what you were already going through.

We hadn’t intended to get married then, it was something we’d talked about doing once the baby had been born.

After the funeral we decided to go away on the spur of the moment as Christina was feeling better physically, and the wedding gave us something else to think about.

Something to remind us that we did have a future together, and it helped, a bit, with the grief.

I know I hurt you both, being so distant, and I’m so sorry. ’

Mike’s voice cracked. ‘You probably don’t want to hear it, but I’ve always loved you and Immi, and nothing will ever change that. I was in shock about your mum passing away so suddenly, and between that and the baby, I kind of lost it for a bit.’

‘It was more than a bit, Mike,’ Christina said gently, and she looked at Oli, her lovely blue eyes glittering with tears. ‘Your dad had a breakdown and had to take six months away from work. I wanted him to tell you, but he was adamant that we shouldn’t. He felt he’d let you down enough already.’

‘Shit, Dad.’ Oli’s voice was shaky, his breath rapid, and the thigh beneath Erin’s hand was trembling. ‘I wish you had told us.’

‘I wasn’t sure you’d want to hear it as you still blamed me for the divorce, and I thought you had enough to deal with, after your mum.

We weren’t seeing much of each other anyway, you’d just graduated and found your first job.

I didn’t think it was fair to drag you into our worries.

The doctor said it was likely caused by a reaction to all the emotional stress.

It felt as though a lid had been blown off and I couldn’t keep on top of everything. ’

‘I’m so sorry about the baby.’ Oli looked at Christina and her smile was an understanding one as she nodded. He turned his sympathy to his dad, who gripped his hand across the table before letting go.

‘Oli, what I’m going to tell you next is in no way meant to reflect badly on your mum, and I’ve agonised for a long time, years really, about whether I should even mention it,’ Mike began hesitantly.

‘But in the spirit of telling the truth and helping you understand why we separated, I thought you should know.’

He took a gulp of water, placing the glass carefully down on the table.

‘It was your mum who’d met someone else and wanted to start a new life with them.

I’m sorry we lied and let you think otherwise, but at the time she was distraught, and we didn’t know what else to do.

I was travelling and I believed then, and I still do, that it was best for you, Immi and your mum to be together, and the easiest way to achieve that was for me to leave.

There was no going back on her decision, and we made sure of it by telling you I’d met someone else.

Christina and I actually met about eighteen months later, at a conference. ’

Mike coughed and reached for the glass again, and Christina passed him a tissue. He wiped his eyes and Erin was sharply aware of Oli, silent and frozen at her side, the tension thrumming through him and evident in his thigh set like steel beneath her hand.

‘Don’t ever doubt your mum loved you and Imogen best of all,’ Mike said quietly. ‘She adored you both and was so proud of you.’

‘But, Dad, there wasn’t anyone else,’ Oli whispered hoarsely. Erin gripped his hand as he leaned forward. ‘We never met another man and she never once mentioned someone else.’

‘That’s because it wasn’t another man,’ Mike offered slowly. ‘It was Gillian.’

‘Gillian! But she was a client who became Mum’s friend, and they travelled together, she stayed with us sometimes…

’ Oli’s voice fell away, and his head was in his hands.

‘She never said. Why didn’t she tell us?

At least we would’ve known the truth, and it wouldn’t have changed how we felt about both of you. ’

‘She always said she was waiting for the right time, and I think she was afraid you’d think badly of her for being the one to break up our family.

’ The sigh Mike eased out was a long one.

‘Please try and understand your mum never saw this coming, and it hit her, both of us, as an absolute bolt out of the blue. She hadn’t planned it, and she was tormented for months about what to do, and about letting me take the blame.

I knew she still loved me, but I felt it was right to give her that chance of happiness with someone she loved more.

Someone I know she thought of as the love of her life. ’

Mike leaned forward and he clutched Oli’s arm. ‘They were happy together, Oli, in their way. Time just went on and maybe they wanted to keep what they had to themselves.’

‘Gillian was with Mum when she died. She must’ve been bereft, and we didn’t even notice,’ Oli said hollowly.

‘It wouldn’t have mattered, nothing would have changed how we felt about Mum.

And Gillian helped us organise the funeral, and she read a poem.

How did she get through it? I wished I’d known, because then Gillian would be our family too. ’

‘She still can be. She is family.’ Mike picked up the glass again and swallowed more water. ‘I’m sure she’d love to see you, or hear from you. We email from time to time.’

‘Right. Email. Bloody hell, Dad. This is turning out to be some brunch.’ Oli eased back in his chair as though all the air had been knocked out of him as their food arrived.

‘I’m sorry for…’ His voice cracked as he stared at his dad and Mike’s hand found his across the table.

‘For everything, really. For us missing out too, and thinking badly of you when it wasn’t your fault. ’

Erin was still clutching his thigh, trying to convey every bit of strength and support she could after such revelations. And love, it was pointless trying to pretend otherwise. It was simply how her heart was made, to love Oli Sterling.