Page 185 of Charming Like Us

“And we couldn’t even talk about it for over fifteen hours,” I say into a bitter laugh. “Whose fault was that?Mine.” I point at my chest. “You really want to be married to someone who treats you like theotherguy and not the main focus?” Tears threaten to rise. “I give so much of myself to my job, and unfortunately that job revolves around one person. Charlie. How could you want that?”

Realization washes over him. “Oscar, I’veneverfelt like I’m in a competition with Charlie for your attention.” He takes a step closer, but he stops. I take one and stop.

The strain in the room is like pushing two wrong ends of a magnet together. It hurts to move forward.

“I don’t give you as much as I give him,” I say, my insecurities bubbling to the surface.

Jack shakes his head. “That’s not true.” His confidence in that one statement sends a ripple through my body.

“Jack, you don’t have to placate me—”

“I’m not feeding you a line, Oscar,” he says, his voice choked. “I have all of you. Charlie gets Work Oscar. Bodyguard Oscar. Which is a very particularly endearing version of you, but it’s not the complete package. You’ve given meallof you.” He walks closer. “And yeah, it blows a little that we haven’t had time to talk—I’m not going to sugarcoat that—but timing isn’t our best friend. I’ll get over it.” He’s inches away, but we don’t reach out to touch.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have to get over it,” I tell him. “You could be married to someone else that’d give you more time.”

“I don’t wanttime,” Jack breathes. “I wantyou. Your support. Emotional, mental, physical. I want it all.”

Our fingers brush against one another, but we still don’t crash together. Don’t hold hands. Something feels unresolved between us. So I just ask, “But do you want to be married to me?”

Our eyes latch, and he winces again.

My heart crushes inside my chest. Smashed down to nothing. I can’t breathe. I try to keep an impassive face. I told Jack that it wouldn’t change things, if he wanted an annulment.

I’m trying to keep that promise.

“Oscar,” Jack whispers. “I do want to be married to you, but…”

My chest rises and falls in his silence, and it takes all my energy not to run away from the pain compounding against me.

Jack’s gaze washes over me. “I’m doing this wrong. I’m hurting you.”

I don’t deny that. “There’s not really a right way to do it, Long Beach,” I tell him. “Like I said, if you need the annulment, if this istoo soon, I’m fine with that. I’ll be okay.”

“Willwebe okay?” Jack wonders. He motions from his chest to mine.

My throat swells. “I think so.”

His eyes redden, overwhelmed emotion passing between us. “I love you,” he tells me. “I can actually see a future with you, Oscar. It’s this crazy, high-adrenaline future where we’re both running around the world together. I’m filming my docuseries, and you’re protecting your client. And at the end of the day when we’re both exhausted as fuck, we climb into bed together and hold each other and we don’t even have to catch each other up on our day because we just know.” He puts a hand to his chest. “Iwant that. So what I’m about to say hasnothingto do with you or your job. Okay?”

Pain spindles between us because it feels like he’s setting me up for the crash down. Not even a gentle let down. Like he’s passing me a parachute before we both jump out of the plane.

“I need time to decide whether I want an annulment. Whether I feel like, for the both of us, it’s the better option.” He hugs his strong arms around his body, closing off.

Seeing him like that breaks my heart.

I finally reach for him, grabbing his wrist and separating his threaded arms. I pull him closer. Our knees knock, and my hand slides to his palm. His flies to my collarbones over my tattoos, planted in a way that feels like he’s claiming me.

“I have to explain why,” Jack breathes softly.

“Go ahead.”

“We’ve been datingonemonth. Every article, every magazine, every voice on social media, they’re all going to say our marriage is just more of a publicity stunt to combat the Oslie rumors.” He grimaces. “I love you so fucking much, and having that type of negativity attached to a marriage feelscrushing. You deserve confetti and congratulations and everygoodthing that comes with this type of announcement.”

“You deserve that too, Highland.”

He nods, but tears gather in his eyes. “Maybe if we wait to get married down the road. People won’t be so critical. It’s a possibility.”

I know.