Page 76 of Cerulean Truth (Sapere #1)

Ever since she had come into my life... I smiled like an idiot at the mere thought of her.

She was my opposite and equal in every way.

Her fear of failure mirrored so much of my own; it scared me to the core.

But come hell or high water, Emma was the one I wanted, or even needed, by my side.

She was my partner in crime, my mainstay, she was fucking everything.

And I had to start acting like it. I had to become the man she deserved, instead of the defensive ass always fighting her.

Fuck, I needed to find her and talk to her asap... and also, repeat that kiss.

I found her reading a book on a bench in the Atrium, the sun warming her shoulders, the wind playing with her hair. Since when did I notice such sappy details? I walked up to her, determined not to let anything come between us anymore, not her walls, not mine, not our fears, not anyone’s judgement.

I sat down by her side without looking at her directly and heard how her breath caught for a second.

She closed her book but didn’t look at me.

I still looked straight ahead as my hand wandered to hers.

Finding and intertwining her fingers with mine, I closed my eyes and turned my head toward the sun.

The warmth of the sun and of her hand brought an unprecedented calm over me.

I could feel her smiling. I don’t know how long we sat like that, in silence, enjoying each other’s company.

“I want to take you out on a date.” I spoke slowly and deliberately, finally turning my head to face her.

“Do you, now?” She smiled teasingly.

"I do, Miss Emma Thompson, more than anything if I'm honest..." I saw her eyes light up, "... but," I added, and the light in her eyes died faster than an extra on a James Bond movie, "something's come up."

"Oh? Any news on the Radicals from last night?"

I swallowed. I couldn’t tell her about the mole nor the “he” who was after her. But, I reasoned, it’s not like I had any intel on their identities. So, I would just hold onto the information until I actually had some answers.

“No.” I lied, ignoring the wave of nauseousness it brought on. “Do you remember me telling you about The Elder?” I quickly changed the subject.

She snorted. "Are you kidding me? A day without you mentioning him would be considered a miracle by now... It's always Julian this, Julian that, and the fact Matthew has a signed Skindo by him, passed down through generations of Offensives, even though 'Matthew himself isn't even an Offensive .'"

Although her attempt to impersonate me was abysmal, she was entirely correct.

"So I look up to the guy, sue me," I joked and she giggled. Somewhere along, I had started to live for that sound.

"So what about him?" she asked, looking up at me from beneath her lashes.

I leaned slightly closer so I could whisper without being heard by those around us, "He's coming here..."

" Shut up! " she practically yelled. "He is?"

"Shhh!" I shushed her scornfully. "Use your godsdamn inside voice, would ya?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized so exaggeratedly it could only be construed as hugely sarcastic. "So... Are you going totally out of your mind?" she smirked.

I shook my head. "I wish I could tell you how cool and composed I am about meeting the guy, but to be honest, I haven't been this excited since meeting..." Fuck, I’d almost said 'you,' "uhm, Stephen," I quickly saved. She didn't notice.

"I'm so happy for you, you get to meet your idol. Not many people can claim so." She reached over and caressed my hand, squeezing it briskly. I smiled back warmly, trying not to look too longingly at her. When she looked this carefree, it was hard not to...

"He's not my idol, don’t exaggerate. But yeah, I think a lot of magi in this Collective will go feral hearing the news of his visit.

.. You know he's from here, right? I mean, he wasn't born here, but he trained here, and he's The Elder.

There's not a magus or maga alive who has been around longer than he has.

He has done it all, seen it all, and he lives solely to provide us with as much information as possible.

You know he's the only magus who's an Offensive and a Specialist?

Emma laughed at my clear enthusiasm.

"I'm really happy for you, James, but...how's that conflicting with you asking me on a date exactly?" She winked. "Surely you're not thinking about asking The Elder out instead?"

I let out a real laugh. "No, I'm not that happy to meet him. But Julian is coming in next week on Monday, staying for three weeks, and I have to orchestrate his entire stay, so I was hoping you wouldn't mind postponing our date until he left."

She pursed her lips and I frowned. I was adamant not to let anything come between us, but surely she could give me three more weeks?

“Only three more weeks, Em, honestly, what’s the rush?” I said a little annoyed at her silent reaction.

She swallowed slowly and took a minute to answer.

“There’s no rush, you’re right. What are three more weeks, right?” She smiled, hope shining through her eyes again. I winked and squeezed her hand.

“So,” she continued, “tell me, what are you organizing for your childhood hero to do over here?”

I sighed. “I still can’t really grasp it. I mean, the guy is a living legend, being on this earth for more than twenty cycles… What do you think he did all this time? He’s seen it all.”

She whistled. “For two thousand years? Wonder how much porn he watched…”

I nudged her with my elbow and she laughed.

“Is there a specific reason he’s coming here?” she asked.

"Something related to Resistants. I think he wants to discuss strategy for the Great Exposure," I shared, avoiding specific details but staying close enough to the truth.

She frowned. "Does he really need to travel all the way here for that? Why not simply use his Nexus?"

"Technically, that's precisely what he'll be doing. He’s a Specialist now so with diplomatic immunity in almost every Collective worldwide, he can portal at will through our Layers.

But, you know, considering he's been around for so long, I suppose he wants to ensure, in person, every Collective is fully on board with the Great Exposure. "

She nodded pensively. “You’re very cute when you get this excited over someone, even when they’re not me.” Her tone was playful though I thought I’d detected a hint of sadness.

I observed her as she stood up, effectively letting go of my hand.

“I’m late for a meeting with the triplets. Catch you later?” she asked, rather distantly.

I nodded. “Sure, catch you later,” I replied as she turned away from me and walked out of the Atrium.

We hadn’t fought; nothing "bad" had happened.

But somehow, as I watched her walk away, I realized the high cloud I had been on the entire morning had descended to a lower, colder level, and I knew I was to blame for that.

I sighed. How was it possible to get it all wrong at every turn when it came to Emma?