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R OWAN

The door slams behind me and I crumple to the floor in tears. I didn’t think I’d make it back to my apartment in one piece after watching Miles walk away.

For a heartbeat, I sat frozen, staring at the empty space where he had just been—his warmth, his presence, gone in an instant. The silence that followed felt suffocating, oppressive, and I couldn’t catch my breath. My mind, spinning, tried to latch on to something—anything—that could explain the way he’d walked out, his face a mask of resolve, his eyes flickering with something I couldn’t quite name.

But the look hadn’t been anger. It hadn’t been frustration. It had been...something worse. Something quieter. Something I’ve never seen on him before.

Why?

The word echoes in my mind like a mantra, sharp and jagged. Why did he leave? We were having a good time. He smiled at me like he used to, flirted until my panties were wet, and we laughed. Laughed so much. So why did he abruptly get up and leave?

The question swirls in a storm of confusion and dread, my heart racing with the sudden fear that I wasn’t enough. That maybe I never will be.

My pulse thunders in my ears as I stumble to stand, leaning on the door for support. My hands tremble. I need to see him. Need to know— need him to explain. To come back.

But as I reach for the handle, the weight of the empty space between us grows unbearable, and I stop. My fingers linger on the cold metal, pressing into it as though I can reach him somehow, even through the miles that now stretch between us.

Don’t go after him, a small voice warns, trembling with self-doubt. He doesn’t want you. You’re not good enough.

But I can’t ignore the ache in my chest, the tightness in my throat that makes every breath feel shallow and ragged. The realization crashes over me like a wave: He’s gone. He chose to leave me without even a word, without a reason. And I’m left standing here, empty and helpless, unsure of what to do with all the hurt flooding through me.

Tears sting my eyes and I wipe them away with a harsh swipe, trying to hold on to some shred of dignity. I want to scream, to beg him to give me a chance. To tell him all the progress I’ve made. To tell him I think I’m in love with him. But the words feel like they would shatter if I tried to speak them. And I don’t know if they’d be enough anyway.

What if he doesn’t want you anymore?

The thought sends a sharp, cold tremor through me. What if he never really did?

My pulse is still erratic, my breathing uneven, but I can’t just stand here. I can’t just let him walk out of my life without even a fight.

But I’m so drained. Defeated. Raye encouraged me to open myself to my friends, so I click on our group text, and for the first time, reach out in need.

ME: I have a 911. Can we get together tomorrow after work?

KENDALL: OMG, Row. We can meet now. Are you okay?

RILEY: Emmitt just went to bed. I’m on my way. Are you home?

My eyes should be dried up by now with all the tears I’ve shed, but more spill down my cheeks.

ME: You don’t have to drop everything now. It’s late. We can meet tomorrow.

KENDALL: Bullshit. You never call a 911. I’m on my way.

ME: Thank you. I love you both.

I go to my room and change into sweatpants and Miles’s sweatshirt. My body is too worn to move, so I curl up on my bed and cry into my pillow while I wait for the girls to show up.

There’s a knock on my door, followed by Kendall’s voice.

“Row?”

My throat is raw from choking back tears, but it only takes a second for Kendall to find me in bed.

“Oh, sweetie.” She climbs in next to me and wraps her arms around my body.

We lay there without talking until Riley shows up. I muster up the energy to move over so I’m in the middle, and they curl into my sides.

They don’t pressure me to talk, and they soothe me with gentle brushes to my hair and offerings of tissues, which now litter the bed and floor.

I have no idea how much time has gone by when Riley finally speaks. “I like your new bed.”

“Thanks.” I sigh. “Miles got it for me after he fucked me so hard my other bed broke.”

“Um, what?” Riley says, stunned.

“You and Miles are fucking?” Kendall asks. “Please tell me you’ve washed these sheets.”

I shake my head. “It was a long time ago. This fall.”

“Wait. What? You slept with him months ago and never told us?” Kendall asks.

Riley smacks her arm. “Why don’t you back up and start from the beginning.”

And so I do. I tell them about our blooming friendship over the summer, the flirting, our dates that I didn’t realize were dates, then our two intense weekends in bed. Kendall asks for the specifics: how many orgasms, how big is his cock, is he good at oral.

Much to her dismay, all I tell them is how amazing he is. Attentive, caring, kind, gentle. And then I tell them about the online persona. How he knew who I was and got me to tell him my darkest secrets. Kendall begs for me to tell her the details of the messages, but all I offer her is a tease.

“We sexted a few times. It was...intense.”

“Okay, so he finally confesses to being Adam. I get that it was an asshole move on his part, but if he really didn’t act on any of what you guys talked about, do you still feel your relationship was built on lies?” Riley asks.

I scrunch my shoulders to my ears and drop them. “No. Not anymore. I ruined things between us.”

“I don’t believe that.” Riley strokes my arm.

“In case you haven’t picked up on this by now, I’m not exactly an open book. I don’t know how to talk about my feelings. How to be honest with my wants or even how to speak up and defend myself. Miles tried to get me to open up, but it’s all surface level stuff. I felt so free when I could write to him as Adam. I told him my innermost thoughts. Things I didn’t even realize about myself until the words came pouring out.”

“That’s good, though, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.” I don’t hold back and tell them about my family’s emotional abuse, the neglect, the doormat I’ve been my entire life.

“Holy shit. I’m glad I never met your sister. I would have throat punched her the first time I heard her say anything like that to you.”

“I’m pretty sure Miles was tempted as well. He came over when he learned she was staying here. He was really sweet. Even bought me a new couch when he learned I’d been sleeping on it.”

“How the hell could you sleep on it? It was barely big enough for two people to sit on it.”

“My sister needed my bed.”

“And you couldn’t share?”

“She says I thrash around.”

“Do you?”

“Not according to Miles. Unless we were, uh, both thrashing.”

“Okay, so you two have a great connection, which I totally predicted last year but then kind of forgot about it when I got caught up in Potato and our wedding and being a new mom.”

“You predicted us hooking up?” I lift my head from Kendall’s shoulder.

“Hell, yeah. Potato and I saw how he looked at you at the Super Bowl party. We’ve never seen him be so enthralled by a woman before.”

“You never said anything to me about it.”

“It was a hunch. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up on it this past year. I’ve been so caught up in myself and Nash and Paisley.”

“Kendall.” I squeeze her arm. “You deserve to be caught up in your new family. I’m so happy for you and love seeing you radiate joy. Being a wife and mother look so good on you. Don’t apologize for making them your number one priority. That’s how family should be.”

“Agreed,” Riley says. “And I can’t say how much I dislike your family for hurting you all these years.”

“I guess I got used to it. It was all I knew, and until I met you guys, I never thought about it.”

“Okay, so you caught us up to this fall, then what happened?” Riley squeezes my hand.

“Self-doubt. Self-pity. Insecurity. I used Miles’s lies as an excuse to push him away.”

“But he keeps coming back. Why not give him another chance?”

“It wouldn’t have been fair to him to be in a relationship when I had my own issues to work out. So I started seeing a therapist. She’s really helped me these past few months. I haven’t confronted my family because I know they’re too set in their ways to change their behavior, so I focused on myself instead. I’m not taking any more abuse from them and will distance myself from them but not shut them out completely.”

“Good for you,” Kendall praises.

“When I saw Miles last week at the fundraiser, my heart...” I sigh. “I wanted to wait until I’m more confident in myself, but I miss him so much. I asked him to dinner, and we went out tonight.”

“The fuck did that man do to destroy you? Row, I’ve never seen you so broken, so weak as I did when I walked through that door tonight.”

“I don’t know.” I hiccup the tears in my throat. “Dinner was perfect. It was like we were never apart. We talked and laughed and flirted. I could tell he was still interested in me. He makes me feel beautiful and whole and worthy.”

“You are beautiful and whole and worthy.”

“Thank you.” I bat my teary eyes at Riley. “I don’t know why it was so hard for me to tell him I started seeing a therapist. I mean, Raye has helped me understand why, I guess. Talking is so easy for some, like Miles, and so hard for others. It’s partly how we’re programmed, and partly from how we are brought up. Or from past traumas. It wasn’t until we were done eating that I worked up the courage to tell him I was seeing someone. He shut down immediately, tossed some money on the table, and said it wasn’t going to work between us. Then he left.”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense.” Kendall shifts to her knees and turns to face me. We’re missing some key details.”

I shake my head. “That’s exactly what happened.”

“How did you bring it up?” Riley asks.

“I told him I was seeing someone. That’s when he shut down. I believe his exact words were, ‘ This isn’t going to work, Rowan. I don’t have the capacity to be near you and not...’ He then wished me a happy life and left.”

“Wait.” Riley moves so she’s in front of me and grabs my knees. “You told him you were seeing someone. Did you tell him it was a therapist?”

I think back to our conversation. “Yeah. I mentioned Raye.”

“Ray as in Raymond, or as in Raye, a female therapist?” Kendall asks.

“I, uh, I don’t remember if I said therapist.”

“Honey.” Riley brushes hair out of my face. “I think Miles interpreted that as you’re seeing a man named Ray. Miles doesn’t have the capacity to be your friend when he wants so much more.”

My heart lodges in my throat. “You think so?”

“It’s a miscommunication between you two. You need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.” Riley hugs me.

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

“What if he does?” Kendall’s mischievous grin tells me she’s up to no good. “You need to go big, girlfriend. When things get tough, bring out the big guns.”

“I’m afraid to ask what you mean by that.”

And then she lays out her plan of attack.

Typical Kendall.

But I’m going to do it.