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R OWAN

Kendall and Riley knew I went hiking with Miles a few weeks ago and no one made a big deal about it because we all figured it was just a friends thing. I never mentioned our dinner dates, and never said anything about our kisses because I worried they’d warn me off.

And all this makes me feel like a bad friend. I don’t like keeping secrets from them, especially about a guy. But if they told me that dating Miles was a bad idea, I’d have to take their advice or I’d worry about them being upset with me.

It’s my biggest weakness. Something others claim is a strength of mine; making others happy. I am an empathetic person and ninety-nine percent of the time I don’t mind sacrificing for the happiness of others. Conflicts and arguments are not my forte. I do everything I can to avoid them.

It doesn’t make me a doormat. Well, except with my family, but that’s inevitable. They’re inevitable. In my personal and social life, I surround myself with good people so it’s not really an issue.

“You’ve been awfully quiet tonight.” Kendall nudges my ribs with her elbow as we climb up the stairs of the stadium to meet the guys after the game. “Everything okay?”

“Tired, I guess.”

“It’s only four-thirty. What’s going on? Things okay with work?”

“I love my job. The other nurses and doctors are great too.”

“Soooo?”

“It’s nothing, really.”

“Row.” She tugs my elbow and drags me down a quiet corridor away from Jackson and Riley, who are arguing over who is Walker’s biggest fan. “You can’t bullshit a bullshitter. What’s going on?”

“I miss you and Riley.” It’s the truth. “We haven’t had a girl’s night in forever, but I don’t want to take you away from your families.”

“Aw, shit, Row.” Kendall wraps me in a hug. “We’ve been shitty friends. I’m so sorry. We’ll do something next weekend. Promise.”

“You’re not a shitty friend. I’m so happy for you guys. Really, Kendall, I am. And you know me. I like my alone time. After working full time and putting myself through nursing school for the past three years, I was stretched thin as it was. I need this alone time, but I love you both and miss our girl time.”

“We’ll make it happen. You’re always the first to drop everything for us. We’ll do the same.”

“I don’t want you to drop everything. Especially not your time with Nash and Paisley. They’re the center of your world, as they should be, and I get that it’s hard to find quality time together during football season.”

“Nah. Potato gets to have me every night. And trust me, he has me in allllll the ways. He can deal with his hot wife ditching him for a few hours to spend quality time with her BFF.”

“I love you, Kendall. And I love you and your new family too. You guys make me happy.”

“Aw, my loveable Row-row. We’ve gotta find you a guy to keep your bed warm at night.”

“My bed is barely big enough for me. There’s no room for a guy.” Especially not someone as big as Miles.

“Even better. Bang at his place then you can ditch him as soon as you want and don't have to worry about a clinger.”

“Funny.” I loop my arm through hers and we head toward the family waiting area. “You and Riley are the gorgeous ones who had to worry about clingers.”

“Excuse me.” Kendall jerks my arm so I collide with Riley’s back. “You are totally clinger material, am I right or am I right, Riles?”

“Rowan’s not a clinger.”

“Not her. Guys. What guy wouldn’t want to cling to Rowan?” Kendall asks, way too loudly.

The guys have emerged from their locker room and Miles’s head snaps up. Our eyes lock and Declan pipes up first.

“I’ll cling to ya, Row, baby.” He drapes an arm over my shoulder, then Brock comes over, shoving Declan away.

“Pipsqueak. Go find a Cabbage Patch doll to jerk off to. Rowan’s too mature for you.”

“What the fuck is a Cabbage Patch doll? And way to insult the lady by calling her old.” Declan kisses my forehead. “Wish you were a little older though so you could be my cougar mama.”

I can’t help but laugh. I don’t feel any attraction toward Declan or Brock, and their flirting is innocent.

Although, I used to think Miles’s flirting was innocent too. The last thing I want to do is lead the guys on. Not that they’re all pining away for me. I’m single and Nash and Walker will kick their butts if they flirt too much with their wives. By default, I’m now the center of attention.

It doesn’t bother me, but I don’t ever need to be the center.

“You’ll have to excuse the children, Rowan.” Trenton loops his arm through mine. “They haven’t yet learned how to treat a lady. Especially one who’s like a radiant blossom in a sunlit garden, whose laughter is like honey drizzled on morning dew.”

He and Brock are a few years older than Declan, but they’re still a few years younger than me. Not that the slight age gap would bother me, but Trenton is right. I’d much rather be with someone more mature.

“Back off, Casanova.” Miles flicks Trenton’s head. “Your dick just shrunk a few inches, and from what I’ve seen, you can’t afford to lose any length. I got ya, Doc.” He kisses the top of my head as he’s done dozens of times.

The show of affection isn’t any different from what the other guys give me, yet I feel his kiss shoot through my body, settling between my legs. I’ve never been a sex fiend. Save that for Kendall. Sure, the guys all have sex on their mind twenty-four-seven, but that’s biology.

Their brains have limited capacity and sex drives their thoughts. Fun fact I learned in college. Well, that’s how my female professor explained it to all the over-sexed jocks in the back of the room. She was one of my favorite professors in college and helped me set up my internships.

“You guys still feel like checking out Rivals? Should be a good scene tonight.” Declan rubs his hands together.

We all know what he means by a good scene. Lots of single women.

Rivals has become a new favorite of the guys on the team. It’s a sports bar outside the city with a million televisions playing all the New England sports and dozens of others. It’s loud, crowded, and fun. Lately, the married couples have bowed out, opting for a quiet night at their homes or they head to the Whiskey Buckle, our usual place for the past two years.

“Emmitt’s teething and not sleeping well, so we’re heading home,” Riley says, giving Rowan and me a hug before leaving.

“Potato has been teething too and using me as a human pacifier, so we’re going to bow out as well.”

“The fuck, Kendall?” Nash drags his hand down his face and shakes his head.

He may act like his wife drives him up a wall, but we all know she and his daughter are the center of his universe. She’s been good for him, getting him out of his shell. Nash’s happiness is hard to hide, even though he tries from time to time. Kendall thinks the grumpy thing he has going on is sexy, so he works hard to pretend to be miserable and she works just as hard to say and do outlandish things to embarrass him.

It’s a love match made in Heaven.

“Love you, Row,” she says as she hugs me. “I’m gonna give my man some extra loving tonight so he doesn’t try to guilt treat me later on when I ditch him for you.”

“You’re ditching me?” Nash growls, taking Kendall’s hand.

“No worries, Potato. We’ll stock up on all the O’s this week so you don’t have to beat one down—” He clamps his hand over her mouth and drags her away.

“You’re not leaving us hanging tonight, are you Rowan?” Declan asks. “You can be my wingman.”

“Dude.” Brock shakes his head. “Ignore the pubescent prick. You can be my date tonight.”

“I don’t think so,” Miles cuts in and blocks me with his body. “It’s my duty to keep guys like you away from the best friend of my best friends’ wives.”

“I thought I was your best friend.” Brock folds his thick arms across his arms and pouts.

“You’re a close second. Or rather, third.”

“How did Bankes and Hump get to the top of the list?”

“Potato has Pickles, and she’s the bomb.”

“Truth.” Trenton and Declan nod in agreement.

“And Bankes has little Emmitt. No doubt they wanted to name him Miles, but Bankes didn’t want you boys to get jealous. Either way, it puts him up there. Plus, they both have kick-ass wives.”

“Darius has a kick-ass wife and kids too,” I chime in.

“No doubt.” Miles raises a brow at me. “They’re my favorite because they’re your favorite,” he whispers in my ear so only I can hear.

Tingles climb up my spine and I lean into him when he wraps his arm around my hips and tugs me into his side.

The guys argue about cars and drivers and head out toward the player lot, leaving Miles and me behind.

“Would you like to go to Rivals or somewhere else?” he asks.

“Aren’t you going with them?”

“I’m going wherever you’re going.”

“What if I want to go home?”

“Is that an invite?”

I curl my bottom lip between my teeth and think about it. Do I like Miles? Yes. Do I want to spend time with him? Yes. Do I want him to come back to my apartment? Yes and no. Only no because it’s so small, but I don’t dare invite myself to his place.

“I imagine you’re hungry, and I don’t have much food in my fridge.”

He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear and cups my cheek. “I have food in my fridge. Or we can go out. Or order takeout. I’m easy.” His lip quirks. “Mind out of the gutter. Not that kind of easy.”

“Really?” I joke and regret it instantly. I had implied that was why I wasn’t interested in dating him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean...”

“Don’t be sorry. I haven’t exactly painted myself as a boy scout, but I’m not as easy as you think. Mostly all talk.”

I raise my brow in doubt.

“Okay. I wasn’t always all talk, but the past year I’ve been better.”

“Why?”

“This is a conversation best had over dinner. Come back to my place? For dinner,” he quickly adds. “Stay as long or as little as you’d like. I’ll cook for you. For us.”

“You mean for you because I’ve seen the way you eat after a game.”

The corner of his mouth quirks and his gaze travels down my body. “I do get extra hungry after a game.”

Oh, hell. I’m antsy again. Or maybe horny. It’s hard to tell since I can’t recall a time I was ever horny except during the act. I’ve had decent sex before, but my underwear never got damp before we started making out or touching.

It’s crazy how Miles can just look at me and my panties are already wet.

He drops his arm from my waist and holds up his hands. “Innocent dinner, if that’s all you want. Scout’s honor.”

“Were you ever a scout?”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Pee wee football player of the year honor.”

I chuckle. “Is that even a thing?”

“Hell yeah it is. I won it three years in a row.”

“Probably because you were already six feet tall in the third grade.”

“Close. I’ve always been a giant.”

My eyes travel down his body and stop at his feet, which are monstrous. Big hands, big feet, big...no doubt he’s big everywhere. Like every where.

It’s been so long, I wonder if we’ll even fit together. The pulsing between my legs quickens and I clench my thighs together to stop it.

“You coming?”

Shit. Is it that obvious? Not that I’m coming. At least, not yet. Not ever if I don’t give Miles a chance. I lift my gaze to him and slowly nod.

“Good answer.” He takes my hand in his and walks me to my car. “I’d love to drive you, but I assume you want to have your car so you can leave whenever you want.”

I stare into his warm, innocent eyes. I’ll never know if I don’t take a chance. Texting Adam these past few weeks has given me a little more self-confidence than I had before.

I lick my lips and glance over his shoulder, afraid to make eye contact. “We could, uh, get your car in the morning.” I nearly stuttered over my words, but I’m proud of myself for getting them out. If he can’t put two and two together, we won’t get too far in our relationship.

“In the morning, hm?” He squeezes my hand, and I lift my gaze to his.

“I mean, yeah. Or not. I...it’s okay if...”

“Rowan.”

I clamp my lips together and force myself not to break eye contact.

He gives me a soft smile and pulls me into his arms. “We can take two cars, and I’ll pick up dinner on the way to your place so you won’t have to drive later. Whatever happens after that, well, we’ll take it one step at a time, okay?”

I close my eyes and rest my cheek against his chest. His heart thunders as fast as mine, and it calms me, knowing he’s as nervous about this thing between us as I am.

It takes too long to get to my apartment, yet it feels like I haven’t had enough time to prepare for tonight. A thirty-minute drive is not nearly enough time to pep talk my anxiety into taking a step back and letting me be normal in front of Miles. Whatever normal may look like.

I rush up the stairs to my apartment and make a mad dash for my bathroom to freshen up. There isn’t time for a shower, so I wet a washcloth and wipe it across my neck, between my boobs, and under my arms. My body got all hot and bothered cheering on Miles and the Revs and I pray the rest of me doesn’t smell.

I toss the washcloth in the laundry and tug my Revs sweatshirt off, then rub my vanilla chai lotion up and down my arms and across my chest. I quickly put the sweatshirt back on, then hurry back to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

My makeup held up through the game, not that I wore too much. A little eyeliner and mascara. In the winter when I’m pasty white, I use a little bronzer and blush. Maybe some eyeshadow for special occasions. Lipstick if I’m going out on a date.

Is tonight a date? Before I have time to think where I left my one tube of cinnamon swirl lip gloss, there’s a knock on my door. I spit out my toothpaste and rinse my mouth before opening the door for Miles.

“Hi.” Heck, it’s been less than an hour since I’ve seen him and I swear he’s more handsome now than in his tight pants on the football field. Or maybe it’s because I know where we’re headed tonight. Or where I hope we’re heading.

“Miss me?” Miles leans down and brushes a kiss across my temple before moving past me and setting two paper bags of food on my counter. “Figured Chinese was the quickest, most filling food to grab at the last minute. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got a little of everything.”

While he pulls out cartons of food, I take down two plates from the cabinet and set them on the table.

“What would you like to drink?”

“Water’s perfect. I’m always thirsty after a game.”

I’ve witnessed him and his teammates guzzle pitchers of water and beer at the Whiskey Buckle after games. I wish I had his favorite beer for him. Even after hanging out with him and his team for two years, I have no idea what he likes to drink.

“I’m sorry I don’t have anything stronger. Unless you want to do shots of tequila.”

He chuckles. “I’m good but thank you. You can serve up first.” He backs away from the food and I take out a couple serving spoons and two forks from a drawer.

“You really did order a little of everything.”

“What’s your go-to order?”

“I’m simple. Chicken fingers, lo mein, some fried rice, and sometimes an egg roll.” There are pints of all of that plus a few more dishes. I fill my plate and move aside so he can load up his plate.

When it’s over-flowing, he sets his plate on my small kitchen table and holds out the opposite chair for me. “Figured we could dine here tonight.”

“Thank you.” When we’re both seated, we dig into our food.

By the speed Miles is shoving food down his throat, I can see he was starved. I’ve barely made a dent in my food when he goes up for seconds. When he sits down again, he eats more slowly.

“Worked up an appetite?” I tease.

He looks up and grins at me over his water glass. “Just getting started.”

We talk about the game while we finish our food, and together, we pack up the leftovers and store them in the refrigerator.

“Thank you for dinner. Chinese food always makes me feel stuffed.” I pat my stomach and his eyes drop to my hands, then rise to my chest, then my face.

“Do you want to go for a walk or something?”

“A walk?” I glance out the window. The sun set hours ago, but the city lights keep my street from ever being too dark.

“My aunt always made us go for a walk after a big meal. She said it was good for digestion and a way to get her steps in. Personally, I’m big on laying down and taking naps, but to each their own.”

There’s nothing I want more than to cuddle with Miles on the couch, but a walk sounds good right now. It’ll give me more time to talk myself out of having a panic attack over what will happen next between us.

“A walk sounds perfect, if you don’t mind.”

“Mind? As long as I’m with you, Doc, I’m a happy man.”

“Laying it on a little thick, aren’t you?” I joke.

“If you wanna see something thick...” He waggles his eyebrows. I feel my cheeks burn red and he adds, “You should see how my aunt carves a turkey. Freaking thickest pieces of breast meat you’ve ever seen.”

I snort and quickly cover my mouth in embarrassment. Miles opens the door and follows me down the hallway. Once we’re outside, he threads his fingers through mine and we take a leisurely stroll like we do this all the time.

“Mind if I ask you a question?” He lifts our joined hands to his mouth and kisses the back of my hand.

“Uh, sure?”

“I’ll need your full honesty though. It’s a little controversial, and we may not agree, but I’ll still like you, even if we don’t see eye to eye.”

My heart thumps in my chest and I’m suddenly uncomfortable. I don’t like talking about rough topics. Nothing that can be controversial, and nothing that can cause disagreement. I’m a peacemaker. I’d rather mediate and help two opposing sides come together than hold an argument.

When I don’t say anything, Miles lets out a deep sigh. “Here it goes. Full honesty, Doc. Would you rather have a third nipple or an extra toe?”

My body relaxes and I hold back my laugh. I should have figured Miles wouldn’t bring up anything serious. That’s not who he is, and while I usually prefer being in a mature relationship, being with Miles is refreshing.

I clear my throat and start, “I can see how this could be controversial. As a nurse, I’m intrigued but I have some clarifying questions.”

“Of course you do.” Miles laughs and leans over and kisses the top of my head. “Ask away, Doc.”

“First, can the third appendage be removed or is it there for eternity?”

“For such an intelligent, beautiful woman, that’s a stupid question. Of course it can’t be removed. It’s your birthright. A piece of your identity. Why in God’s name would you want it removed?”

“Silly me. I apologize for being an idiot.”

“Guess beauty and brains don’t go together.”

My cheeks hurt from smiling. “I believe you called me an intelligent woman.”

“That was before the dumb question. Got any more up your sleeve?”

“Not anymore since you put me in my place.”

“Good. No more stalling. Answer the question.”

We turn the corner and head toward the park where the paths are lit up by streetlights. “I’m going to have to go with the extra toe. I don’t have as much of a shoe obsession as Kendall, and I’m usually wearing sneakers or orthopedic shoes, which would hide the monstrosity of my ugly feet.”

“You saying a lot of people see your nipples on the regular?”

“My nipples are always covered up.”

“That’s a shame.”

Ignoring the zinging rush that flows from our joined hands to my core, I ask, “I take it you’d go with the third nipple.”

“Obviously. I mean, two nipples are fantastic, but a third.” He lets out a low moan. “One for each hand and one for my mouth.”

Oh, geesh. I squeeze my thighs together, which is hard to do when walking next to Miles, whose legs are twice as long as mine.

He rambles on about different sizes and colors of nipples while I try to gain my bearings.

“You okay, Rowan? You got awfully quiet and a little stumbly.”

“Stumbly?”

“Like walking is a challenge. Maybe an extra toe would help with your balance?” The laughter in his eyes tells me he knows exactly why I’m struggling with my balance.

Ignoring his taunt, I direct us back to his silly game. “You’re talking about a third nipple on someone else, not yourself.”

“Not someone else,” his voice is deep and has an edge of lust to it while he stares down at me.

I glance up at him then return my focus to the sidewalk in front of us. “Well, we’re talking about extra body parts on us. Which would you rather have on you ?”

“Which one would you like me to have?”

His nipple argument is solid. And while I’ve never really thought about a man’s nipples before, I can’t stop picturing Miles’s. Which makes me think about his chest and his corded abs. I swallow my lust and say with as much seriousness I can muster, “You’re evading. Answer the question.”

Miles chuckles. “Yes, ma’am. Nipples all the way. Nipples for everyone. You. Me. Well, I could give two shits about anyone else, but how cool would it be if we had matching third nipples?”

This conversation has taken a turn down to obscurity, as do most conversations with Miles. “Maybe we should get matching nipple tattoos,” I joke.

He stops in his tracks, and my arm yanks back. I fall into his chest and he wraps his arms around me. “Rowan McDaniels, you’re a genius. Yes, if we can’t do the impossible and grow a third nipple, we should most definitely get matching nipple tattoos.”

Part of me worries he may be serious. He goes down another rabbit hole about tattoos and isn’t surprised that I don’t have any. Another indication I’m not his type. Simple. Plain. Boring.

Not that Miles is riddled with tattoos, but I’ve seen the ink on his right shoulder and the angel wings tattooed on his forearm. I assume it’s for his mother but haven’t asked.

We circle back to my building and he holds the doors open for me as we make our way back up to my apartment.

“You must be tired after your game.”

He pulls me into him, linking his hands and resting them on my lower back. “Is that an invitation to take a nap in your bed?”

Yes!

No, not a nap. I want him in my bed. I want to feel his giant hands on my body. I don’t want him to leave, but I’m too shy to ask him to stay.

“If that’s what you’d like to do.”

Miles tilts his head and looks into my left eye, then my right. His gaze drops to my mouth and he licks his lips.

“What would you like me to do?”

Oh, God. Heat rushes to my cheeks and I rock from foot to foot. “I, uh, don’t like to tell people what to do. I want you to do, um, whatever you would like to do.”

Stupidstupidstupid. I mentally smack my forehead.

“Rowan.” Miles tips my chin so our gazes are locked. “I want to be with you. Stay with you. Sleep with you. And by sleep, I don’t mean sleep. Unless you really want to sleep. Christ, I’d be happy with spooning you all night if that’s all you want. I don’t want to rush you, but I want you to know that I want it all. Want all of you. Don’t doubt that. Ever.”

He pushes my hair back and tucks it behind my ears, then cups my face.

“I’ve wanted you for so fucking long, but I get if you’re not caught up to where I am in this relationship. Take all the time you need but know I’m not going anywhere.”

Miles brushes a gentle kiss across my lips, then releases me and heads to my door. He’s leaving?

“Wait. You said you weren’t going anywhere,” I call out.

He turns, his hand still on the doorknob. “I’ve had the best night with you, Rowan, but I don’t want you to wake up with doubts. I care about you too much. We can take this slow. It’s okay.” The corner of his lip lifts in a genuine smile.

If he were angry or disappointed, I wouldn’t mind him walking away. But that’s not Miles. He is a good guy. He could be the right guy for me. In the past few weeks, months, really, he’s shown me another side of him. A side he doesn’t often share with others.

Most think he’s a carefree goof with not a serious bone in his body. And while that’s ninety percent true, the ten percent he’s shown me has my heart beating for him.

“I want you to stay,” I whisper.