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R OWAN

I’d do anything for you, Rowan. Except one thing. Stay away. I can’t stay away from you, no matter how badly you want me to.

I can’t stop thinking about the last thing Miles said to me before he left last night. He’s too perfect. Too wonderful. And I keep ruining things between us. More than anything, I want to be with him. He makes me feel...whole.

Seen.

But what kind of relationship can we have if I don’t know how to communicate? It’s a disaster waiting to happen. We’ll have fun, grow closer, have phenomenal sex. Like, the best sex in the entire universe, even without me voicing my fantasies. But when the newness simmers down, Miles will become annoyed with my walls.

Walls I so want to tear down, but I don’t know how. It’s not fair of me to ask him to be a mind reader, even though he’s been doing a fabulous job of it. I’ve never had a healthy relationship before and cover it up by keeping up my sunny personality and taking care of those around me.

Talking about my feelings, my wants, my desires, my annoyances, my dislikes, is so freaking hard, and I hate that. I’m sure to someone like Miles, who wears his heart on his sleeve and has no filter, it seems like an easy fix.

Just say what’s on your mind.

I wish.

I don’t know anyone who has the issues I have. Even my best friends are open and honest with their feelings. Kendall’s a lot like Miles. Zero filter and zero regrets about it, while Riley is somewhere in the middle.

Jackson is forthright with his thoughts and Taylor is too, but in a more private setting. He doesn’t air his dirty laundry or cause a scene, but I’ve heard him call Jackson out on a few things. They have a healthy relationship.

Communication. It all comes down to one simple word. One word that I struggle with. Even though I’m blessed with the best friends a girl could dream of, I still don’t feel comfortable confiding in them. It’s not because of anything Riley or Kendall have or haven’t done. It’s one hundred percent a me problem.

And it’s never going to get better if I don’t do something about it. What that something is, I haven’t a clue.

I trudge up the stairs to my apartment, thankful Natalie hasn’t demanded I make a million stops on my way home from work. We have plenty of leftover lasagna and Thai food from last night, so there’s no need for me to cook.

That is, unless Natalie isn’t in the mood for Thai. I’ve been a doormat to her my entire life. When we were little, we used to fight all the time, but my parents always took her side. She was a competitive gymnast, and we needed to give her the space—mentally and physically—she desired to perform at top level.

Her catty behavior was always excused because of the pressure she was under. I was the selfish one to take attention away from her or to voice my needs when she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

I was selfish when I asked if we could go to McDonalds or have pizza for dinner. It wasn’t fair to Natalie, who was on a strict diet. So we all ate the way she did. It wasn’t until I moved out that I started cooking for myself. And I found joy in cooking for others.

I take off my gloves and unlock my apartment door, shivering at the cold. When I glance up, my feet lock in place.

“What did you do with my couch?” Natalie is sprawled out on a luxurious couch that barely fits the confines of my living room without looking ostentatious. I want to be upset at her for invading my space and getting rid of my furniture, but it’s simple and beautiful and looks way more comfortable.

“You didn’t tell me you were having a new one delivered so I didn’t know what to tell them to do with that piece of trash. If you wanted to keep it, you should have warned me. I didn’t have any makeup on and my hair was in a messy bun when the furniture guys came over. A little notice would have been respectful, Rowan.”

“I didn’t—” Wait. She didn’t order it? I cross the living room and run my hand along the side arm of the couch. It’s similar to the one Miles has in his apartment. The one we’ve cuddled on. The one I said was the most comfortable couch I’ve ever sat on, to which he made love to me, and then I added the most amazing couch I’ve ever had sex on.

To which he responded with a snarl and fucked me so hard into the cushions I thought my ass would leave a permanent mark. Mentioning I’ve had sex on a couch before didn’t make him happy, and he spent the afternoon erasing any past sexual partners from my memory.

I only had three, and they were erased before I even met Miles, but I didn’t need to tell him that.

“Hello? Earth to Rowan. Why didn’t you tell me you were replacing the couch?”

“It’s a nice surprise, isn’t it?” I head back to my bedroom and change out of my scrubs and into baggy sweatpants and the Revs sweatshirt I accidentally stole from Miles two weeks ago. It doesn’t have his name on it, but it has his team.

I twirl my hair into a bun as I come back out into the living area. “Want me to heat up some dinner?”

“Isn’t that your job? Of course I do. I can’t get up and down a thousand times during the day.”

It’s not like my sister eats more than once a day, but I keep that comment to myself. “Do you need the ice wrap?”

“And my meds. And water. Not too much ice.”

No please. No thank you. She treats me like a nursemaid instead of her sister.

I’ve just finished wrapping the ice around her knee when there’s a knock on the door. No one stops by anymore. Riley and Kendall come by sporadically now that they have kids, and it’s easier for me to go to them. There’s only one other person it could be.

I look down at my outfit and, as tempted as I am to run back to my room to change, I don’t. “Hi,” I greet Miles with a smile.

His eyes rake down my body, and by the grin on his face, you’d think I was wearing sexy lingerie.

“I like you like this.” His gaze meets mine.

“Looking homeless?” I tease.

“Homey. Comfortable. In my sweatshirt.”

“Thank you for the couch. You didn’t have to do that.” I step back and let him inside.

“Oh my God,” Natalie screeches behind me. “I knew Rowan didn’t have this kind of taste or money. You got the couch for me after I complained about being cramped on it all day. You’re so sweet to me, Miles.”

I don’t turn around, and I close my eyes so Miles doesn’t see me roll them. I may not be the most confident woman in the world, but I’m not the least bit jealous of my sister. Even if she weighs thirty pounds less than me and has fewer wrinkles. Make that zero wrinkles, thanks to her Botox injections.

“I pictured you trying to sleep on that loveseat for the past week and knew you needed something bigger. And softer. Something familiar.”

Damn. His voice is soft and deep and goes straight to my core.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to keep your old couch, so I had them deliver it to my apartment.”

“Miles, you didn’t need to do that. It was an old thrift store find, not worth much of anything.”

“We can figure out what to do with it later.” He shrugs out of his coat and drapes it over the edge of the couch by Natalie’s feet, still ignoring her. “Now, somebody promised me leftovers tonight.” He rubs his hands together and kisses my temple. “Have a seat while I warm up dinner.”

Like last night, we sit at the tiny table while Natalie drones on and on about being so bored. Miles appeases her by answering her questions but keeps his eyes and attention on me. When we finish eating, he clears our plates, does the dishes, and kisses me on my forehead.

“Thank you for the lasagna. I have team dinner tomorrow night, then we fly out to Colorado. When I come back, it’s my turn to treat you to a meal.”

He gives me one more kiss, this time on my cheek, and leaves without even saying goodbye to Natalie. I hide my smile as my heart drums in my chest.

After a few rounds of cards, I help Natalie get ready for bed, then bring a pile of blankets to the couch Miles bought for me.

Picking up my phone, I look up therapists in the area. When I find one with a lot of great reviews who is accepting new patients, I send the office a message. If I want a chance with Miles, I need to go all in. It’s what he deserves.

And so do I.