Page 122 of Carry On

“That’s why we recommend going on the wait list in case someone cancels and their appointment becomes available.”

“Are you… Jesus fucking Christ,” I muttered. I ran a hand over my face, utterly frustrated. How the hell was anyone supposed to get help like this? “How is this acceptable?”

“He’s a very busy doctor.”

“And there are no other doctors in his office?” I asked.

“Not that are covered by your referral. You could call your insurance company to see what doctors are in your network, and then go back to your PCP to have a new referral filled out.”

“That’s…” I didn’t have the words to describe the punch to the gut it was. How many times did I have to jump through hoops for someone to see me?

You’re not worth it,the voice chimed in.Even they can see it.

“This is why people fucking die because no one cares,” I told her angrily.

“We do care, Mr. Calhoun,” she assured me. “It’s just the best we can do. I’m sorry.”

She’s not sorry,the voice commented.

I was inclined to agree.

“We can get you in for your consultation—”

“Consultation?” I repeated because now she just had to be fucking with me.

“Yes, the first appointment is a consultation,” she affirmed. “Dr. Meyers will go over your history and determine if any tests are needed.”

“Right,” I said. “And what if I need the tests?”

“Then you’ll go through your insurance to set up the required tests, and we’ll set you up for another appointment with Dr. Meyers to go over the results as well as determine the next course of action,” she explained.

“And let me guess, I have to wait until his next available appointment,” I replied.

“That is correct.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?”

“Your records show that you were given a prescription for migraine medication, a muscle relaxant, and a sleep medication,” she said after a minute. “Keep using your medication as prescribed. If things are getting worse, you can give our office a call, and we’ll see what we can do. You can also always utilize the ER for emergency migraine maintenance. Do you know what to look out for when it comes to migraines that would warrant a trip to the ER?”

Without a word, I hung up. There was no point in taking the appointment. No point in keeping the conversation going. What good was an appointment that far out to me?

I let out an exasperated sound as I dropped to the couch, my body tired and heavy. How the hell was I supposed to do eight more months of pain and no answers? Of forcing Lincoln to endure my problems as the system did whatever it could to chew me up and spit me back out?

You don’t have to,the voice whispered.

As if on cue, my phone trilled in my lap, and a message from Lincoln lit up on my screen.

LINCOLN: You, me, date night. I think we could both use a night out.

Okay. What did you have in mind?

LINCOLN: It’s a surprise.

You don’t know yet, do you?

LINCOLN: Exactly. It’s a surprise.

That notion made me smile, though it was fleeting. I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel much of anything.