Page 11 of Carry On

There were a few spots I could find Bellingham on any given night, depending on the time. Since I didn’t have a watch, I was stuck walking this girl from one spot to the next under the guise of finding her a hot meal. She had the worst locational awareness as she followed me like a yappy little puppy dog.

It worked in my favor, though, as I found him eventually. Two cruisers were parked alongside each other in an empty lot. I tensed when I realized I didn’t recognize the cop with him, one who could jump to conclusions about the whole situation. Well, it was too late to turn back, and it wasn’t like I wanted to keep the kid.

Dropping an arm around her shoulder, I steered her right toward the two of them as they leaned against the hoods of their SUVs. And right on cue, the cop I didn’t know reacted.

“What the—”

“He’s good, he’s good,” Bellingham interrupted quickly. He waved a hand like that’d help. When the kid attempted to bolt, I gripped her shoulder harder to keep her there. I didn’t want to fight a kid, but I would if I had to.

“I found her stealing my shit,” I announced. “It’s not like I can leave her wandering the streets.”

“You lied!” she yelled.

“No, kid, they’ll make sure you eat,” I said. “I’m just not keeping your ass. You don’t belong out here.”

Calamity ensued as they took over, resorting to forcefully loading her in the back of one of the SUVs. I cringed while she screamed and fought back, the sound cutting deep. It wasn’t that I felt bad. No, she needed to go somewhere safe. There was no denying that. The noise just damn near took me out by the knees as pain amplified in my head in response.

I took several unsteady steps to separate from the situation. To go back to hiding in the shadows until the pain went away again. However long that’d take.

“Calhoun, hold up!” Bellingham called after me. I sighed and leaned against the brick wall as I waited. When he was close, he asked, “You doing all right, man?”

“Just one of those days,” I admitted tightly. He was one of the few people who knew about my migraines.

“All right, all right,” he whispered. “Well, look. We’ve got some time right now, so why don’t you come in with me? You can use one of the empty offices like before.”

Sometimes, Bellingham’s captain let me use one of their empty offices to take a nap. It got me out of the cold and let me sleep somewhere a little safer. Not like I ever let my guard down enough to truly feel safe.

“I can get Carrie to have some water and Tylenol ready for you,” he continued. “Maybe get you a hot meal while we’re at it.”

“I’m not hungry,” I replied. Water was pushing it with the state of my stomach.

So damn fragile, the voice added in.So damn pathetic. Need to let someone else rescue you.

“Yeah,” I muttered. “Yeah, I’d appreciate that.”

CHAPTER 09

NASH

Lettingmyguarddownlong enough to get deep sleep in an empty precinct office didn’t happen. I was too wound up. Always was. The gesture was a nice one, though, and admittedly, the quiet and warmth of the space let me doze on and off intermittently. It helped stave off the pain just a little, so I’d take it. The few hours gave me a new starting point. When I was confident enough that I could get back out there without drowning from my headache, I forced myself to get up. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome here. All kindness had limitations.

Talking in the hall made me pause with my hand on the doorknob.

“Why are you helping that guy?” someone asked.

“Oh, come on,” Bellingham replied. “The poor guy was blown up serving our country.”

I tensed, my temper flaring. I hated talking about my history, but I hated hearing others talk about it even more—like it was something that deserved to be discussed.

“The guy’s brain is broken,” he continued. “Sometimes we help him out. He’s a good one. It’s the least we can do, you know?”

My hand shook with anger on the handle as their conversation carried on down the hallway. I didn’t like people talking about me, especially not like that.

Broken. Pathetic. Useless,the voice ticked off qualities like it was making a goddamn list.

And it was. A list of all my best qualities.

At least you know your place,the voice insisted.