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FAWN

I tried picking up Otis from Lyric’s house, since I wasn’t needed at the hospital as long as we’d thought, but he and Lyric’s son both complained so loudly that I was ruining their promised sleepover that I ended up leaving him there. Lyric had waved me off and told me she and Zeph, her husband, had the boys, and that I should go enjoy a night off.

I left quickly, as soon as I noticed there was a part of me that wanted to put my foot down and say no. Despite the fact I knew nobody would take better care of my son than Lyric.

I knew why I wanted to refuse. I could feel it the moment I got home to my house, and there was no little boy to fill the place up with noise.

The memories from the night I’d been taken had tried to crowd their way back inside my head, but I’d stopped them, using the techniques my therapist had taught me over months and months of sessions.

I’d forced myself to spend the night alone in my house.

And once I’d gotten past my initial hesitation, I’d actually found I enjoyed it.

I woke up the next morning with the smell of the chicken cacciatore I’d made the night before still lingering in the air, and my nails freshly painted, my hair newly dyed, chocolate wrappers spread out around me, and a smutty orc romance book by my new favorite author, Zoe Ashwood, face down on the bed beside me.

Sun streamed in the windows, lighting up the pretty yellow curtains so my room shone in golden hues. With no need to get up and do the school and work rush, I was very tempted to roll over and get lost in the orc warrior getting dirty with his beautiful female human. But the sunshine was too sweet to ignore, and there was something I’d been wanting to do, ever since I’d come back to Saint View.

I hadn’t, because Otis’s little legs weren’t yet built for long hikes, and for a long time, neither were mine. But I’d been working on smaller ones for months now, walking miles around my neighborhood while Otis wobblily rode his bike in front of me, a bright-yellow helmet on his head.

But it was my birthday, and I was free to spend it however I wanted. I knew in my heart, even though Eve was out of action, if I’d called up my sister or my brother, or pretty much any of my friends and the new family I’d found myself at the center of, they would have blown off work and come hiking with me.

But in my heart, there was really only one person I wanted to be with.

And I didn’t have his number.

I got out of bed and pulled on my workout clothes, lacing up my sneakers tightly and packing some water, a granola bar, and a couple of pieces of fruit into a small hiking backpack. I texted Eve to let her know where I was going to be, because hiking anywhere without telling someone of your plans, even if it was a well-worn, signposted path, was just silly.

The bus picked me up not far down my street and trundled its way up to the Saint View bluffs. As we neared the parking lot, the driver called back to me, “You want this entrance, Miss? This is the best one for hiking, but there’s another, closer to the waterfall if you prefer a shorter walk.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to take the easy way out. But I forced myself to my feet and asked the driver to drop me off now.

If the last five years hadn’t beaten me, then this hike wouldn’t either.

Determination in my soul, I set off, wandering the quiet path, completely free of other walkers, which was really not all that surprising since it wasn’t a weekend and most people would be at work.

I’d barely been at it fifteen minutes before sweat trickled down my spine and insects buzzed around. Irritation crept in, and the thought of giving up entered my head. But I pressed on, reminding myself I could do this.

And by thirty minutes in, my entire mindset had changed. My legs burned from the gentle climb, but my mind blanked out, finding a place of calm. I put one foot in front of the other, feeling the pain but knowing it wouldn’t kill me.

There was a strength inside me I could recognize now, thanks to the help of my therapist. And the farther I walked, the more I realized that I wasn’t trying to get back to the old me. I was becoming someone else. Fawn 3.0, perhaps.

She was stronger than any of the previous versions had been.

She was healing, day by day.

And she was ready for more.

I needed to find Zane. Needed him back in my life, if he’d have me.

A stupid giddy smile spread across my face, and I suddenly felt lighter than I had in a long time. I practically skipped along the path, no idea of what he might say, but knowing in my heart it wouldn’t stop me from trying.

I could make my own happiness.

But I wanted to be happy with him by my side.

My footsteps quickened, a new determination to finish the hike setting in. The sooner I finished, the sooner I could get back on the bus and call my sister. She’d know how to find him. She’d just been waiting for me to ask her to.

Even though I’d been walking for two hours, when I heard the gentle noise of the waterfall, it spurred me on, and I jogged up the last hill. I grinned at the view that spread out in front of me, the waterfall as beautiful as I remembered, opening up into a stunning natural pool surrounded by trees, and at this time of year, wildflowers.

I knew there’d been a plaque here somewhere that had been put up in my honor when everyone had thought me dead. Vincent had it removed after I was found, but it was the perfect place for it. The one spot I’d always loved coming to.

I sucked in a breath, basking in the view and giddy with excitement that I’d made it.

In more ways than one. I turned my face up to the sun, closed my eyes, and said a silent thank-you to the universe for bringing me back here.

For not leaving me to die in that house.

For sending me a man who’d helped me to not give up.

When I opened my eyes, he was standing in front of me.

I blinked, waiting for the image of Zane to disappear, disintegrating into the golden sunshine or the misty rain of the waterfall.

“Happy birthday, Fawn.”

I tried to focus my confused brain, and yet he didn’t disappear. “Zane… What are you…how…?” I squinted at him. “I’m so confused.”

He gave a small laugh, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Sorry to crash your hike.”

“How did you know I was here?” My mouth dropped open. “Did Eve tell you? Has she had your number this entire time?”

But he shook his head. “You told me once you loved this place. And that your favorite birthday was the time you’d hiked here.” He breathed out slowly, his gaze running all over my probably sweat-soaked, blotchy red face. “So I took a chance, hoping you’d come here again, but ready to track you down wherever else you might be if you weren’t.” His white teeth sank into his bottom lip. “God, you look good. Healthy. Happy.”

“I am.”

His gaze seared my skin, and he hesitated, like he wanted to say something but knew he shouldn’t. But then his words tumbled out in a fierce deluge of need. “I don’t want to ruin any of that. I swear, if you tell me to go, I will. I promised myself I’d leave you alone until you came to me, but it’s killing me, day by day, being apart from you. I did it for years, and I don’t want to do it anymore. Not if there’s any chance you want to be with me too.”

Tears pricked at the backs of my eyes, and I opened my mouth, but he pressed his finger to my lips.

“Wait. Just let me say what I need to say, because if I don’t, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I love you. And I love Otis. I don’t want to be the man you associate with the worst time of your life. And that’s all I’m ever going to be if I continue to stay away.” He grabbed my hand. “So instead of asking for permission, I’ll just ask for forgiveness.”

He pulled me tight into his arms and slammed his mouth down on mine, kissing me hard, stealing my breath, spinning my head until my knees went weak, and he was holding me tight. Our tongues stroked together, our bodies melding into one, no start or end.

My entire body burned for him, every cell igniting with need until I was whimpering, clutching him close, begging him to stay with my actions if not my words.

But he spoke them for me. “Forgive me. Be with me. Choose me. Because I want you so fucking badly, and it’s killing me to stay out of your life.”

I smiled against his lips, kissing him again before I whispered, “Are you asking to be my boyfriend, Zane Sinclair?”

He moved back, just enough to brush my hair out of my face. “No, Fawn Hanover. I’m not.”

His face was deadly serious.

And my heart sank.

I pulled back, hurt creeping in. “You’re confusing me. You want to be with me but you don’t want to be with me?”

He let me go.

And then dropped down onto one knee.

I gasped at the ring he took from his pocket, a stunning diamond in the center on a band of delicate rose gold. He clutched it between two fingers, and when he held it up to me, I couldn’t quite work out exactly what was going on.

I looked around, like another person might suddenly appear to explain all of this to me. But there was no one but him. “Did I fall on the trail somewhere and hit my head, or are you asking me to marry you?”

He laughed, that warm grin I loved so much spreading across his face. “You didn’t hit your head. And I am asking you to marry me.” His fingers shook just a little. “I don’t just want to be your boyfriend. That was what I wanted when we were sixteen. But I want so much more now. I want you all the days of my life. I want to wake up next to you, and go to sleep with you in my arms, and I want to make meals with you, and dance with you in the kitchen, and kiss you beneath the mistletoe. I don’t want to be Otis’s uncle. I want to be his father. And I want to be your husband.” His voice choked up with emotion. “So no, I’m not asking to be your boyfriend. I’m asking you to be my wife.”

My gut knew before my head did. And the word came from deep inside me, and with a blinding certainty I felt with every part of my body. “Yes.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Wait. What? Yes?”

I laughed, dropping down onto my knees in the dirt. “Yes! Of course, yes! Did you really think I’d say no?”

His genuine surprise was the most heartwarming thing I think I’d ever seen. The shock on his face so pure it was adorable.

“I kind of didn’t let myself think about it.” His shock turned into a grin, and he hauled me in tight. “Yes? Really yes?”

I nodded.

“Fuck, I love you.”

I kissed his mouth, and somewhere in that, without breaking apart, we got the ring on my finger. And then I was in his arms, kissing him until I couldn’t breathe and wondering how this was real.

How, in the space of a year, I could go from perpetual darkness to a future so bright it was a blinding as the rock on my finger.