Page 15

15

FAWN

I avoided the mirror for the next two days, but Zane’s expression every time I passed him told me exactly how bad it was. I could barely see out of one eye, but the pain in my face paled in comparison to the hurt elsewhere.

My heart was so broken I could barely get out of bed in the mornings. It was only Otis who kept me going.

I couldn’t even look Zane in the eye. Couldn’t bear to see the pity in his expression, or worse, the realization he’d come to the same conclusion I had.

That we were never getting out of here.

“Peach! Where are you?”

I stepped out of the kitchen and found Eddie on the front porch with Spider and Derek. “Here.”

Except I was only there in body. In my head, I was back by the stream with Zane, wrapped in his arms, lost in the fresh feeling of hope.

That only lived in my memories now.

Eddie glanced over, his smile wide. “Where’s lover boy?”

“I don’t know who you mean,” I said automatically.

Eddie flicked his fingers beneath my chin. “That’s my woman. Remembering her place. Zane!”

He still wore the chains Eddie had locked around his ankles after making me help him drag Zane’s unconscious body into the house days ago.

Spider chuckled at the sight of them. “Fucking pathetic,” he muttered.

Brave words from a man who was totally Eddie’s bitch.

Eddie tossed something at his brother, which Zane caught with one hand instinctively. When he opened his fingers, a set of small keys sat on his palm.

Eddie eyed him. “Punishment is over.”

Zane stared at him. “Why? I’m still going to kill you as soon as I get the chance.”

Spider snorted on his laughter. “You and what army, hero? We all know you ain’t got it in you. I left you for dead in that house, set a fire right in front of you, and you haven’t even said boo to me.”

“How’s your truck that I wrote off?” Zane asked.

Spider’s face clouded.

But clearly Eddie agreed with Spider’s assessment, or he wouldn’t be letting Zane out of his chains.

Thing was, I didn’t believe Zane when he said he wanted to kill his brother either. And I was glad for it.

I felt things for Zane. He’d been the only person who’d ever tried to help me, and that had come at a personal cost to him. I knew from his agonized expression that though I might have been the one being physically abused, the punishment had mostly been for Zane’s benefit.

After all, Eddie’s hands on my body were nothing new. But making me cry, making me scream…that had all been for his brother.

“Just take the fucking chains off, idiot. I’ve brought you a gift.” He glanced at Spider and spoke to him as if he needed the whole situation explained. “You see, I owe Zane and Fawn an apology for my actions over the past few days. I got angry, and I took that out on them.”

I knew better than to say anything. And it seemed like Zane was learning too. He just knelt and undid the cuffs, rubbing at the skin of his ankles that was red and chafed.

Eddie limped over to the back of Spider’s mangled truck, that had been patched together with what looked suspiciously like duct tape. He lowered the tailgate and waved an arm about in a flourish. “Ta da!”

A woman lay on the bed, her hands tied behind her back, her ankles bound, and thick tape…the same kind that held Spider’s bumper on…covered her mouth.

Her eyes had a vacant expression I knew all too well. She didn’t move. Didn’t fight. If she had earlier, by now, she’d clearly given up.

“Mom!”

I jumped at Zane’s shout. At the panic in his voice.

He pushed past me and Spider and Eddie, leaping onto the back of the truck to grab the older woman by the arms.

He shook her violently, and I knew why.

Because Zane and Eddie’s mom looked dead. Her eyes were so lifeless I couldn’t bear to see them any longer. I turned away.

Eddie slung an arm around my shoulder. “Where you going, Peach? Don’t you want to say hi to Mom? I know she’s a traitorous old bitch, but she is my mother. The least you can do is be polite.”

He steered me back to where Zane frantically ripped at his mother’s bindings and begged her to say something.

Eddie leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Aren’t you glad I was the one who punished you and not Spider? At least I didn’t chase you around the house with a knife until you were practically fucking comatose with fear, and then drive for hours with you tied up in the back of a truck.”

I said nothing.

Eddie’s cruelty knew no bounds. I had no doubt in my mind he’d instructed Spider to do every single one of those horrible things to the woman.

Eddie grabbed my ponytail and yanked my head back. “I said, aren’t you grateful?”

He forced me to nod, jerking my head up and down by my hair. He didn’t stop until I whispered, “Thank you, Eddie.”

He shoved me again. “Help Zane get the old bitch inside.”

Zane crouched on the back of the truck, supporting his mother to sit, and glared at his brother. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you like this? What did she ever do to you?”

Eddie’s jaw locked, and his lip curled up in a sneer. “You have some serious rose-colored glasses, Zaney boy. You don’t remember the way she ran Dad off? Nagged him so fucking much he couldn’t take it anymore and just never came home one day?” He stared at the older woman. “And then once he was out of the picture, it was me she nagged twenty-four seven. Always in my fucking business. Just like she is now.”

Zane lost his patience. “We were out of your life! We wanted nothing to do with you, but you fucking hunted us down, Eddie!”

“Because I needed you! I’m fucking injured, and you and Mommy dearest are still not there for me. I don’t know why I would have expected anything different; you always were her favorite.”

Zane’s frustration was etched into every muscle of his body. “Do you think that’s maybe because I don’t torment her the way you do? All I remember from being a kid is you doing things to hurt other people. Tripping Mom when she was carrying trays of cookies and then laughing at her when she hit the floor and the cookies went everywhere. Holding my hand to a hot plate until I screamed.” He glanced at me. “Throwing Fawn down those stairs until she was so damn broken she looked like she was dead. You don’t even draw the line at hurting your own son! You know it was me who held him the other night while you were hurting his mother? Me who held him on my lap and calmed him down. He barely fucking knows me, Eddie, and yet he came to me for comfort because he knows his father is a goddamn monster.”

Eddie’s eyes narrowed. “You think you’re so fucking perfect, don’t you?”

Zane shook his head. “Not even a bit.”

“You are though. The perfect son. You were never the one Dad belted for being such a fucking disappointment. You were never the one he laughed at in front of the whole neighborhood when it took you weeks to learn how to ride a bike. He never even tried to take me with him.”

Despite the way I hated him, my heart gave a tiny squeeze for the hurt, ignored, and belittled child he’d once been.

“He didn’t take me either!” Zane roared. “You know who taught me to ride a bike? Mom did. You aren’t fucking special because Dad didn’t love you. You’re just a narcissistic psychopath who doesn’t feel remorse for anything, the same way he was.”

And in a heartbeat, I realized Eddie’s whole sob story was a lie. A big dramatic story I’d almost fallen for because, unlike him, all I knew was empathy. Even after everything I’d been through, I knew where my heart lay, and it was in kindness.

I refused to think that was a bad thing. Maybe if I’d been heartless, I could have escaped from Eddie by now. Maybe I could have killed him in his sleep or poisoned him or tripped him at the top of the stairs and hoped the fall down them would snap his neck.

But that wasn’t who I was. It wasn’t who Otis was, or who Zane or their mom was. It wasn’t how any normal, average person acted.

But Eddie was far from normal or average. And he proved it again now with his laughter. He turned to Spider. “I thought that performance was Oscar-worthy, personally. Didn’t you?”

Spider nodded. “Believed every word.”

Eddie twisted back to face Zane. “I gave you your mommy back, just like you wanted.”

He shook his head. “This isn’t what I wanted.”

“You said she’d die without you, didn’t you? That she’d only last a few days before she forgot where her fucking medicine was and overdosed or something. So I brought her here for you. You’re supposed to say thank you.”

Zane said nothing, just rubbed his mother’s arm absently.

Eddie threw up his hands in frustration. “Fuck me, you and Peach are a bunch of ungrateful assholes, aren’t you?” He flicked a hand toward Spider. “I’m sick of the both of them. Let’s go find a bar.”

Spider eyed Zane. “You trust them to be alone here?”

Eddie laughed. “Where the hell are they going to go with a decrepit old bag of bones and a sniveling kid who can’t walk more than a mile?”

“They could leave the old woman,” Spider suggested.

I already knew Zane would never. And neither would I.

Eddie knew it too. “That’s not how they’re programmed.” He leaned over and slapped the side of Zane’s face three times. “Plus, I think Zane has learned his lesson, haven’t you? You’ve seen what happens when you piss me off?”

Zane’s only response was a quick glance in my direction.

My entire body stiffened at the reminder of the punishment we’d both endured.

Eddie nodded. “I don’t think anyone is going to be stepping out of line again. Do you?”

“No,” I said softly, hating that he was right.

“No,” Zane agreed.

Smug, Eddie and Spider both moved toward the doors of the truck. I scurried forward, helping Zane get his mom off the back before Spider could pull away, his tires ripping up the grass and kicking clumps of dirt all over us.

The three of us were left in the clearing, the rumble of the truck engine disappearing between the trees.

Zane glanced over at me, agony on his face. “We need to get her inside.”

“Of course.” I touched the woman’s arm gently. “Margaret. Do you remember me?”

She twisted her head toward me, a soft smile settling on her lips. “Fawn. You’re still here.”

My heart squeezed as I took her arm, and between Zane and me, we guided her up onto the porch. “I’m here. And we’re going to get you inside and get you some water and something to eat and put something on all those cuts and bumps and scrapes. Is that okay?”

Margaret nodded and let us sit her down at the kitchen table.

I caught Zane’s gaze. “There’s a first aid kit beneath the sink in the laundry room. None of her injuries look too bad. I’m mostly concerned about dehydration.”

Zane nodded and left to find the supplies. I got Margaret a glass of water, set it in front of her, and then dug around in the cabinets to find something sugary for her to nibble on.

Zane came back with Band-Aids and antiseptic pads and creams, Otis clinging to the leg of his pants, his eyes big when he set them on Zane’s mom.

I reached for him, and he darted across the small kitchen to me, hiding in my long skirt.

Otis stared at Margaret, curious but with a healthy dose of fear that I hated he had to have around strangers. Because most who came into this house weren’t the kind of men a little boy should ever know.

But for once, this was a stranger I wanted in my home. Margaret had never been anything other than sweet and kind to me. She was the reason Zane was a good person, kind and sweet. And I didn’t blame her for Eddie. She hadn’t created the hate and violence in his heart. I hadn’t known their father, but I suspected even he hadn’t been the cause of Eddie’s issues.

Eddie could blame no one for the way he was except for himself. He’d been born this way; I was sure of it. If he was a product of his environment, then Zane’s sweetness couldn’t be explained. They’d grown up in the same house.

“Otis,” I said gently, fitting my hand to the back of his head and ruffling his hair. “I want you to meet someone.” I ducked down to his height, so we were both staring up at Margaret. “This is your grandmother.”

Otis’s eyes widened in surprise. In theory, he knew what grandparents were. Aunts and uncles. Cousins. But until Zane had walked in the door a few days earlier, he’d never really fully grasped the concept.

All of a sudden he had an uncle, one I knew he could see the good in, the way I did. Otherwise he wouldn’t have sought Zane’s comfort when he’d needed someone to hold him.

And now he had a grandmother too.

But it was Margaret’s face I couldn’t look away from. She stared at Otis, and then over at me, and then back at him. Her eyes filled with tears, and she reached a shaky hand out just a tiny bit, like she wanted to touch him but knew she shouldn’t.

“Margaret. This is Otis.” I took her fingers in mine. They were cold as ice, and I squeezed them reassuringly. This woman had experienced too much in the last few days, and though this wasn’t being chased around her house by a masked man with a knife, or being driven for hours in the back of a truck, this might have been the biggest shock of all.

“You have a son, Fawn?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

I nodded and smiled at her reassuringly. “I do. And you have a grandson.”

She glanced over at Zane. “You had a baby you didn’t tell me about?”

The smile fell off my face.

Zane reached for his mother’s free hand. “He’s not mine, Mom. He’s…”

I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to say his brother’s name. I didn’t want to either.

Margaret snatched her hand back, recoiling like she’d been bitten by a snake. She shook her head, her tears spilling down her weathered cheeks when she looked at me. “No. Not Eddie. Not Eddie.”

A tiny part of me was hurt, but a bigger part of me knew she was scared. And that her words came from a place of fear. I took both her bony, frail arms in my hands. “He’s nothing like Eddie, Margaret. Nothing. I promise you. He’s sweet and kind and selfless. He wouldn’t even so much as kill a spider let alone—” I pressed my lips together, not wanting to say any more. Otis didn’t need to hear about all the things his father felt no remorse over killing.

Margaret’s trembling subsided, just a little. She gazed down at Otis. “Hello.”

Like he was starved for kindness from a stranger, or maybe he recognized a soul like his, Otis went from hiding behind me to beaming at the old lady. “Hi! Do you want to play trucks with me? Or read a story? Or draw?”

Margaret’s eyes lit up. “You like to draw?”

Otis nodded, so his too-long hair fell in his eyes and he had to push it back with his hands. “I do! I can draw dragons and dinosaurs and trucks and cars, and one day I drew a motorcycle, but it was really hard and it wasn’t very good.” His button nose screwed up in disgust over his failed art project.

“I’m sure it was wonderful,” Margaret told him, voice full of the sort of blind surety one only heard from a proud grandparent.

“Your grandma draws too,” Zane told him with a grin.

Margaret waved him away. “Stop it. I do not. I’m terrible.”

Otis shook his head and parroted Margaret’s words back at her. “I’m sure it was wonderful.”

I could practically see a small part of Margaret’s heart mending, right there in the middle of my kitchen.

Otis took her hand and pulled on it. “Come upstairs to my bedroom. I’ll show you all my drawings.”

Margaret got up without hesitation and followed him, completely ignoring both my and Zane’s requests for her to sit back down and eat and drink and let us tend to her injuries.

Clearly being a grandmother was more important.

I couldn’t blame her.

Otis was the only way I’d gotten through most days for the past five years. I couldn’t take that ray of sunshine away from Margaret either.

Zane sat in the seat his mom had vacated. But instead of complete and utter defeat in his expression, like I’d expected, there was something more hopeful. Something almost peaceful.

I would have bet a thousand dollars my expression was much the same.

“I haven’t seen her that animated in years,” Zane said quietly. “That almost looked like…”

“Happiness?”

He nodded, scrubbing a hand over his face. “We lived a quiet life, you know? I just went to work. She stayed home, taking care of the house. I thought it could be enough…”

“But it wasn’t.”

He shook his head. “Though this is the worst situation of my life, parts of it are also somehow the happiest I’ve been.” He buried his face in his hands. “How fucked up is that? I’m a goddamn fucking prisoner here, and yet, I don’t want to leave.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I won’t leave, Fawn. Not without you. Even if he lets me.”

The flood of relief took me by surprise. I’d been on my own for so long. And then I’d had the added weight of not only keeping myself alive, but Otis too.

Suddenly someone was offering to shoulder some of that weight with me.

And nothing had ever felt quite as sweet.

He guided me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. His lips found mine, in a gentle, sweet kiss that said things words couldn’t. I twisted on his lap, clasping both sides of his face between my hands and kissing him back, pretending for just a moment that Eddie didn’t exist and that this was our lives.

That Otis was our child, playing upstairs with his grandmother.

That this was our home, free from chains and the invisible fence that kept us inside.

For a moment, in my head, we could be more than our truth.