Page 15

15

R ory had been right about the curfew and community service. Ollie had to be back at the house by nine each night, which saved him from being pressurised to stay over at his auntie and uncle’s house. Sebastian and Rory kindly offered for Leo to stay at their place instead, and he did, but one weekend a month, Ollie felt he had to perform for his brother, act relieved in the face of his release.

Leo told him he was fixing up a motorbike with their uncle. He showed pictures to Ollie, smiling as he explained what they’d done and what they still needed to do. Ollie knew nothing of engines and motorbikes, but it was bittersweet hearing how Leo had been accepted as a son. Ollie hadn’t wanted that, but he couldn’t help feeling he’d been pushed to the sidelines. He was a watcher of their family dynamic, trying to work out where he fit with Leo.

He told Teddy so in his letter, hesitating before writing the only time he felt he fit was in that cell with Teddy.

Baby, lover, soulmate.

Romantic nonsense of course.

But his heart hurt with it.

Ollie had been tasked with roadside litter-picking for his community service. The first few times, he’d jumped out of his skin when a truck honked at him. But then he got used to blocking the sound of the motorway out as he shoved rubbish into a bag. He found it almost therapeutic. One of the times he was picking, he saw a fox spying on him from a hedgerow. In one of Teddy’s stories, he told Ollie how he used to get up early, when the sun was cresting and the grass was covered in dew, and watch a family of foxes playing in the fields.

Ollie tossed his sandwich into the bushes, smiling as the fox gobbled up his lunch.

He drew a picture of the fox for Teddy that night, brow scrunched in concentration as he tried to get the fur just right. It was a new skill he had to master.

Ollie wrote to Teddy every week like he promised he would. He told Teddy when he got a job, working in a supermarket on the check-outs, he told Teddy when he found an art class, a weekly meet-up above a pub, and he even told Teddy when a guy hit on him and how he politely refused his advances and told him he was already taken.

He’d hoped that might spark some kind of reaction from Teddy.

But Ollie got nothing.

He’d sent twenty letters to Teddy, and not once did he receive a letter back.

Ollie was used to it, though. He’d been writing to Leo for over a year before he got a response, but Leo hadn’t promised, Teddy had.

It was part of their agreement.

Ollie would appeal if Teddy promised to write.

He glanced across his room to the bin by the door overflowing with scrunched-up letters. They’d been written in anger, born out of frustration. Ollie had to work it out of his system before being able to write in a reasonable manner. He didn’t want to demand or accuse, but most of all he didn’t want to ask Teddy the question on his mind, didn’t want it to go unanswered or worse, answered.

Was it all a lie?

Instead, Ollie kept up his ritual of writing to Teddy in a neutral tone, filling him in on his life after Hollybrook, asking for a visiting slip and signing each letter ‘Your Butterfly.’

Ollie buried his face in Captain’s chest and breathed .

Captain snorted softly, hugging him back.

“How does freedom feel?” Sebastian asked.

Ollie realised he was waiting his turn to greet Captain and pulled sharply from his arms. Captain let him go and shook Sebastian’s hand.

“Good.” Captain smiled. “Really fucking good.”

Captain had been sentenced to five years and served almost three before being released.

“Beer?” Sebastian asked.

Ollie widened his eyes, frantically shaking his head at Sebastian. Offering an ex-alcoholic a drink was a bad idea.

Sebastian groaned. “Sorry.”

Captain held up his hands. “No need to apologise. A coffee would be great, though.”

“Coming up,” Sebastian said. “Ollie?”

“I’m okay, thanks.”

Sebastian retreated from the living room, leaving Ollie and Captain alone. Rory was asleep upstairs, exhausted after several night shifts. Sebastian told them both not to disturb him with a look in his eyes that said there would be trouble if they did.

Painful trouble.

They might have been out of Hollybrook, but the top-dog aura of Sebastian remained.

Ollie gestured for Captain to take a seat first. Captain sank down onto one of the plush sofas with a sigh, closing his eyes for a few seconds. Ollie understood. There were no sofas inside prison, only spine-breaking plastic chairs, or their thin mattresses.

Sofas were a luxury, and Rory and Sebastian had picked the squishiest, softest sofas in existence. The living room had a huge TV with a sound system, a carpet that hugged bare feet, and a coffee table with a chessboard top. They had normal chess pieces and a fancier glass set they occasionally used. Ollie had sat with them, pretending to watch TV while secretly enthralled watching them play. They read each other, trying to outwit, trying to trick the other. Rory and Sebastian knew each other too well, though, like he had with Teddy.

Captain opened his eyes and let them settle on the footstool in front of him. He lifted his feet onto it, groaning as he lounged.

“I might never leave.”

Ollie smiled, perching on the sofa next to him. “Rory said you can stay in the spare room if you want to.”

“I’ve got a place sorted for now.”

Ollie tried not to let his disappointment show.

“How are you, Ollie?”

He nodded noncommittally. Physically, there was nothing wrong with him, and on the surface, it looked like he was getting on with his life, but inside he was hollow. He was minus a big piece of his heart.

“I have a job. It’s only working in a supermarket, but the people are nice.” He shrugged. “I earn enough to pay Sebastian and Rory rent.”

“Still keeping up with the art?”

“Yeah, I found this amateur art group. It’s fun. Rory comes when he can, but he’s still shockingly awful.”

Captain chuckled. “I remember some of his drawings.”

“Drawings is the polite word for it.”

Captain laughed again before asking, “What else?”

“I get the train up to see Leo every Saturday. He’s fixed up this dirt bike, has his first race this weekend. I’m going to go watch.”

His voice wavered with nerves. He’d be standing at the side of the track alongside Asher and Maggie, and although he’d been around them without Leo, it hadn’t been for long and he still felt awkward. It didn’t help that Asher resembled their father, and sometimes, out of the corner of Ollie’s eye, he’d see his snarl, or snap, or even worse, his smile.

“Oh, I’ve got my community service on Sundays. There’s nothing quite like McDonald’s hitting you in the face at seventy miles an hour.”

Captain scrunched up his nose. “Ouch.”

“What about you?” Ollie asked. “What are you going to do?” He bit his lip. “You’re not going to move away, are you?”

“No, I’m staying near Hollybrook. I’ve got a job to do, after all.”

Ollie frowned. “What?”

Captain held up his hands. “It’s a voluntary position at Hollybrook, helping with the support group for ex-servicemen. Abby, who runs the sessions, has put my name forward for counselling training funded by the MOD. I’ll be able to help people both in and out of Hollybrook, make sure ex-service men and women have someone to talk to so they don’t turn out like me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Ollie…” Captain squeezed his knee. “I’m an alcoholic suffering from PTSD who spiralled after losing all meaning in my life. There’s a lot wrong with me.”

“I still think you’re great.”

Captain grinned, but it faded, and he slipped his hand from Ollie’s knee. “I can use my experience to help others, and that gives me purpose again. Which I so badly needed.”

He glanced at his clear bag of belongings, mostly clothes and books, but right at the top, Ollie thought he saw an orc figurine.

“Does that mean you’ll be working with Jarvis?”

Captain’s eyes snapped to him. “He’s in the sessions with Abby.”

“That’s a yes then.”

“It’s a yes.”

Ollie snorted. “I never found out his first name.” He raised his eyebrow, but Captain zipped his mouth shut.

“Is it that bad?”

“It’s pretty bad,” Captain admitted. “But I’ve got a cute nickname for him.”

“You’ve got a pet name for Jarvis?”

Captain’s cheeks flushed. “Not a pet name, a nickname.”

“What’s the difference?”

“One’s more affectionate than the other, one’s intimate.”

Teddy called Ollie his butterfly. Ollie had always assumed it had been affectionate, intimate, but maybe he’d been wrong. Captain seemed to read Ollie’s expression.

“Teddy…” Captain sighed.

Ollie’s heart skipped a beat. He’d so badly wanted to ask, but it was Captain’s release day. It wasn’t about him, or Teddy, or their agreement.

“What about him?” Ollie asked, but his voice had turned shrill and his eyes burned.

Captain sighed. “I know you write to him… Every week like you said you would.”

“Like I promised I would,” Ollie corrected. “You’ve seen him get them?”

“Yes, I’ve seen Ian give him the letters. Everyone knows they’re from you.”

“And have you seen Teddy open them? Read them?”

Captain shook his head. “He takes them into his cell, then comes back out.”

“He doesn’t read them straight away?” Ollie whispered. “I’d stop whatever I was doing just to read a single word from him.”

Captain sat up. “We offered. Me, Jack, Green, and not once, but every time he got a letter from you, but he shook his head.”

“I thought I knew him. I thought I understood him, but how can he cut me out like this? How can he break the promise he made me?”

“He might think it’s for the best. He might be trying to let you go completely.”

“He’s supposed to do the opposite . I told him I didn’t want to be let go.” Ollie lowered his voice. “I didn’t want to get out. I wanted to stay with him.”

“I know you did.”

“And I’m trying, I really am trying, but it feels like an act. I didn’t have to act with him.” He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them to ask, “What’s his nickname?”

“Huh?”

“Jarvis? What do you call him?”

Captain’s face lit up with a smile. “Socks.”

“Socks,” Ollie repeated, frowning. “He wears quirky socks?”

Captain zipped his mouth shut again, chuckling to himself.

“You like him.”

Captain narrowed his eyes with suspicion. “Yes…”

“I like him too.”

“Good.”

“But I suspect in a different way to you.”

Captain raised an eyebrow. “Stop fishing.”

“I was unaware there were fish at this pond.”

Captain laughed, shaking his head.

“I think I can count the number of times I’ve heard you laugh on one hand,” Rory said from the doorway. His brown hair stuck up at odd angles, and his eyes sagged with tiredness, but a smile stretched his lips.

Captain swivelled to face him and got to his feet.

“Does the silver sugar daddy know you’re up?” Ollie asked.

Rory gave Captain a hug. Hooking his chin on his broad shoulder, he spoke to Ollie, “Don’t ever let Sebastian hear you say that.” He smacked Captain on the back. “How have you been?”

“Good,” Captain said, pulling back. “As I said to the silver sugar daddy, really fucking good.”

Rory shook his head. “Where is he anyway?”

“He went to make me a coffee,” Captain said. “But that was a while ago.”

Rory groaned. “He’s probably trying to use the machine.”

“Does Grandad need help?” Ollie asked.

“He will drown you in a toilet if he hears that too.” Rory sighed. “But yes, I’ll help him.”

Rory left the room and returned five minutes later with a cup of coffee for Captain and one for himself.

Sebastian followed him, seething under his breath. “The instructions make no sense, and they use a font size no human can read.”

“Maybe you need glasses,” Ollie suggested.

By the glare he received, he guessed it wasn’t what Sebastian had wanted to hear.

“Have you got somewhere to stay?” Rory asked Captain.

Captain nodded. “The prison sorted me a room for a few nights. I’ve got money put away, and I’m going to start flat searching tomorrow.”

“I can offer you a good price on one of mine once it’s built,” Sebastian offered. “Cellmates rates.”

Captain cocked his head. “Will that be higher or lower than the standard?”

Sebastian laughed. “Lower, but with a few added extras, like a Snickers and a bottle of Coke. Per month, of course.”

“Okay.” Captain glanced around the living room. “I’m interested.”

“I’ll show you around the site tomorrow.” Sebastian gripped Rory’s shoulder, who was still hovering by the sofa, and pushed him down until he sat on the one opposite Ollie and Captain.

Rory didn’t protest. He flashed Sebastian a grateful smile.

“Been busy?” Captain asked.

“Extra shifts, long nights…”

Sebastian took the cup from Rory when it began to tip and placed it on the table.

“There’s a lot of unrest in the city.” Rory’s lips lifted at the edges. “Damn criminals.”

Captain frowned. “We were criminals once.” He darted looks at Sebastian, then Ollie.

“Some of you still are,” Rory said with a chuckle.

Sebastian’s expression soured.

Captain smirked. “You’re an angel, are you?”

“I can confirm he’s no angel,” Sebastian said as he sat down beside Rory. “But he has been run ragged the last few weeks.”

Guilt twisted in Ollie’s gut. Rory hadn’t had much time off, but he still spent time with him. He still attended the art classes when he could, though last time, he got a scowl from the teacher for falling asleep halfway through. He even took Ollie to the tattoo parlour and waited outside at his request. He itched to know what Ollie had got done, but Ollie kept it a secret.

“I’ll be good for taking you out tomorrow, though,” Rory directed at Ollie.

“Take you out?” Captain asked.

“I’m teaching Ollie to drive.”

Sebastian shook his head. “I said I would.”

“You’re not the best driver,” Rory muttered.

“Excuse me?” Sebastian said, affronted.

“You need glasses,” Ollie interjected. “Rory’s words, not mine.”

Sebastian widened his eyes. “Is that so?”

Rory winced, then opened his mouth to reply, but Captain got there first.

“I can teach you, Ollie.” He smiled. “How far has Rory got?”

“He’s taught me how to turn the engine on, turn the heating up, and adjust the seating so it’s almost horizontal, then he took a nap.”

Both Captain and Sebastian glared at a red-faced Rory.

“I’ll teach you,” Captain said firmly. He pointed at Rory. “With him barely able to keep his eyes open—”

“Hey!” Rory squawked.

Captain turned his finger on Sebastian. “And him clearly needing glasses—”

“The rent’s going up,” Sebastian said, squinting.

“I’m the safest person to do it.”

“Weren’t you arrested for drunk driving?” Rory murmured.

Captain hesitated. “Shit.”

Rory hummed. “I imagine you’re still banned, and you’ll have to do a few courses before they’ll let you drive again.”

Captain leaned back into the sofa. “Ollie, you’re screwed. It doesn’t matter if you pick Rory or Sebastian. Neither of them will see the ten-tonne truck coming towards you.”

Sebastian clacked his tongue. “The rent just got higher.”

They both laughed.

Ollie cleared his voice. “I’m saving up.”

“No.” Rory shook his head. “Don’t waste your money on that when I can teach you.”

“Like Sebastian said, you’ve been running yourself ragged.” Ollie bit his lip. “And let’s not pretend that’s not in part to do with me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve got nothing to feel guilty about,” Ollie whispered. “You don’t have to run yourself into the ground to make sure you’re there for me. I know you are. You’ve let me stay. That’s already a debt I can’t repay—”

“It’s not a debt when we offer it to you freely,” Rory said. “We mean it when we say you can stay as long as you want to. We like having you here.”

Sebastian nodded along.

“And you’ve got me to lean on too now,” Captain said. He squeezed Ollie’s knee. “It’s not out of guilt or because I feel I have to. I want to be there for you, Ollie.”

“I don’t deserve—”

“Of course you do,” Rory and Captain said together.

Ollie whispered, “Do you remember when we met in the booking-in area at Hollybrook?”

Rory and Captain both nodded.

Ollie looked at Rory. “You smiled at me, a small smile. It wasn’t creepy; it was warm.”

“I remember.”

“No one had smiled at me in weeks. I thought I’d hate the look of everybody’s smile, but I didn’t. I liked yours. I liked Captain’s, I liked Green’s, Jack’s and Jonesy’s even though he could be a prick. But do you know whose I liked most of all?”

“Teddy’s,” Captain said sadly.

Ollie shook his head. “Teddy’s a close second. I liked my smiles most of all. I hadn’t smiled in years. It’s the weirdest thing to forget what a smile feels like, but I asked for your name, Rory, and you told me so freely, and I smiled at you.” He looked at Captain. “I smiled at you too when you told me your name, but you had your back to us.”

Captain hung his head. “I’m sorry I missed it.”

“You don’t need to be; you’re looking at it now.” Ollie’s lips shook. “Going to prison was the best thing that ever happened to me, and being out of it is the hardest.”

“You’ve got us,” Captain said. “You’ve still got us.”

“And Leo too,” Rory added.

“I know, and I should be grateful—I am grateful, but why couldn’t I keep him too? Why does he have to stay a memory in Hollybrook when he doesn’t have to?” Ollie wiped his eyes. “Fuck. Today isn’t about me.” He glanced to Captain. “Sorry.”

Captain shook his head.

They were all staring at Ollie, not knowing what to say.

“Do you remember when Rory got stabbed?” Ollie asked, just to change the subject.

“Yes,” Captain growled. “And I still don’t know which arsehole did it.”

“Well, this is going to get awkward,” Rory muttered, turning to Sebastian.

Sebastian sighed. “I didn’t stab you; I just asked Stephen to do it.”

Ollie’s mouth dropped open as he felt Captain tense beside him.

“You got your boyfriend stabbed?” Ollie asked.

“He wasn’t my boyfriend at the time, and it’s not like I’d do it now, although…every time he mentions me needing glasses…”

Rory raised an eyebrow. “Not funny.”

“What happens in prison stays in prison,” Sebastian replied.

They laughed, and Ollie forced a fake one good enough to convince his friends.

What happens in prison stays in prison.

He was beginning to suspect that might be true.