Page 9 of Broken Halos
“I did,” he said, nodding. “I loved the positive messages of love, hope, and helping people in need. I didn’t like the fire and brimstone messages though. If you listened to Preacher Daily, you’d think everyone was forging a blazing path to hell except him and his precious family. I feel bad for his son.”
I knew just who he was talking about because Preacher Daily and I had gone numerous rounds over the past few years. It seemed we’d be going another round soon. “Your sympathy lies with his son because…?” I let the sentence hang, hoping he’d pick it up.
“His son is as gay as I am. He was my first boyfriend, although a secret one.”
“I see.” I suspected as much when I met with the volatile preacher at his church, and his son stepped between us to keep the verbal altercation from becoming a physical one. I had no intention of hitting the preacher and would’ve called the police had he struck me as he’d threatened to do. His son’s hands seemed to linger on my biceps longer than was required after his father backed down.
“Geoff is a good guy, but he’ll never be free as long as his family is in the picture.”
“You’ve stayed friends?”
“We have, even after I told him I was HIV positive.”
“Did you think there was a chance he was positive also?” I asked.
“No,” Henry said, shaking his head. “I just needed to hear a friendly voice to silence the hateful ones I’d heard. That’s why I decided to call you.”
“Geoff gave you my number?” I asked.
“No, I did.”
I pivoted in my chair and found Archie leaning in the doorway. He wore gray sweatpants low on his narrow hips, a T-shirt with a unicorn on the front, and nothing on his feet. I’d never found bare feet sexy until then. Archie watched me with an unreadable expression in his nearly iridescent, green eyes.
“Hello, Pastor Ollie,” he said coolly.
HE WAS MORE BEAUTIFUL THANany man had a right to be, and I wasn’t referring to his outer beauty. His earnest eyes, warm heart, and yearning to help others made him shine as bright as the sun and just as painful to look at without sunglasses. His lightness was a beacon, pulling me toward him. Fuck, I didn’t know how much I’d gotten used to his presence until it was gone. He took my words to heart and had stayed away. I should’ve been happy, but I was miserable. I missed his smoldering eyes and swarthy looks. He made me feel…cherished, but I didn’t realize it until I’d pushed him away. It had been a long time since a man, or anyone for that matter, made me feel so wanted.
The biggest problem was my fantasies of Ollie didn’t disappear with him. It seemed like his absence made them grow stronger, and my horny brain got more inventive. My need to see him, and be seen by him, grew to ridiculous heights. I tried inquiring about him without being too obvious, but Milo had little to say about Ollie. I doubted the pastor had told Milo about the way I treated him, so I suspected Milo was doing what he could to protect Ollie from mean ole me. I did learn from the other fellas in their little group they’d formed a bowling team in the Queen City Rogues Bowling League. I wouldn’t label any of the men rogues, but I couldn’t deny the way Ollie used to look at me was roguish. Of course, later that night, I’d dreamt of Ollie dressed as a pirate who plundered my body and was plundered by me in return.
I was almost desperate enough to form a bowling team of my own just so I’d have an excuse to see him, but the opportunity came to me when sweet Henry unburdened his broken heart to me that morning. Just because I no longer believed didn’t mean I wanted to deny others their beliefs. Henry was lost and hurt about so many things—losing his family, friends, and his faith. Faith was a powerful thing and having it ripped away suddenly felt like having a limb severed without warning and left you feeling just as bloody and battered.
Faith didn’t have to be all about religion either. There was faith in the universe, our friends and family, not to mention the faith we had in ourselves. Losing one was painful, losing all was catastrophic, and I worried Henry was on the verge of losing all hope and giving up. Ryan’s Place worked with several counselors in the city, but I instinctively knew he needed someone spiritual to talk with who might be able to restore a little of his faith. I honestly wasn’t thinking of myself and my desire to see Ollie again when I gave Henry his number. I wasn’t sure Henry would even call Ollie, let alone invite him here, but there he sat in my kitchen, shining brighter than the sun and looking at me with wide, hungry eyes which roamed my body from head to toe.
He swallowed hard then cleared his throat. “Hello, Archie.” Where my voice sounded formal and indifferent, his sounded warm, inviting, and more familiar than it should have. It folded around me like a warm blanket on a chilly winter day. His gaze, so full of longing and need, flickered like flames of lust better and brighter than any fire in a fireplace. Why, oh why, did he, of all people, have this kind of effect on me? I felt drunk at the sight of him because Oliver Knight was more potent than any hot toddy my mammy ever snuck me when my parents weren’t looking.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt you; I just wanted to pop in and say hello,” I said, needing to put some distance between us again.
“This is your home, so I’d hardly say you’re intruding,” Ollie pointed out.
“All the same, I’ll let you guys get back to it. Take care, Ollie.”
I meant for that to be it when I returned to my office, but I left the door open while I returned to work which I never did. I could hear Ollie’s soft, melodic voice but couldn’t pick out the individual words he spoke to Henry. I found his voice both calming and distracting since I should’ve been putting third-quarter figures together for my accountant instead of straining to hear what Ollie said to Henry. To give the government less reason to scrutinize my non-profit organization, I had someone else do my taxes. It galled me to have to pay someone to do something I was fully qualified to do on my own as a practicing, freelance CPA, but it was the right thing for Ryan’s Place. At one point, I heard Henry break down and cry followed by a chair scooting against the tile floor. I pictured Ollie kneeling beside Henry, offering him comfort through his tears while his shattered heart bled.
Jesus. Since when did I become so damn poetic? I sounded like I should be wearing a velvet smoking jacket and puffing on a pipe in between doling out pearls of wisdom cultivated over many decades. I had to fight the urge to creep out of my office and tiptoe down the hall so I could hear what exactly Ollie said to Henry. I mean, I could ask Henry later, but I wanted to be a fly on the wall to watch the way Ollie worked with people.
Esther suddenly filled the open doorway, watching me through knowing eyes. “Wishing and hoping gets you jack shit, Archie.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mrs. G.”
“I know a bullshitter when I see one, and right now, my bullshit meter is off the charts. If you want something in this life, then you go after it. Waiting for life to happen to you is a waste of precious time. Let me tell you,” she pointed her long, bony finger at me, “I have no regrets. I never waited for someone to tell me what I could or couldn’t do based on my gender. I went to college when people said I couldn’t. I married the man I loved even though everyone told me we were too young and stupid. I had fifty-two beautiful years with my man before God called him home. We didn’t have the family we dreamed of for so long, but we had each other, and it was more than enough. Who will you have, Archie? I don’t know why you deny yourself opportunities to live life to the fullest, but it reeks of self-punishment. Get over it before you find yourself old and alone like me but without beautiful memories of the man you loved to keep you warm at night.”
Esther turned and walked away as fast and as quietly as she arrived, leaving me to stare at the empty doorway in stunned silence. I heard Henry and Ollie’s voices getting louder and closer which meant they’d wrapped up their meeting and were heading down the hallway to the front door.
“Thank you so much for meeting with me, Ollie. I can’t say the hurt and betrayal are gone, but I do feel so much better.”
“I’m happy I could help you, and I hope you won’t hesitate to reach out to me again should the need arise.” I had needs arising. “My sermon on Sunday will be about honoring the chosen family. I’d love it if you could make it to the service, but I understand if you’re not ready yet or have trouble finding transportation. I record my sermons for podcasts in hope to reach LGBTQ+ members all around the world who need reminders they’re loved or wish to stay connected to God in a way that’s safe and healthy for them.” Ollie rattled off his website and how Henry could download his podcasts for free.
When they reached my open door, Ollie jerked to a stop and locked eyes on me. Henry stopped too; his gaze bouncing between us. He said something about heading up to his room, but neither of us acknowledged his remark before he left us alone.