Page 39 of Broken Halos
“They’re not the only religion putting ancient words before people, Arch. I’m not making excuses for her priest, but she would’ve probably received the same advice had she sought counsel from a preacher, a minister, a reverend, or pastor. They’re trained to believe the sanctity of marriage comes before a person’s needs and wants.”
“Even if all the person wants is to live in peace without violence?”
“Of course not, baby,” Ollie said softly. It was ridiculous how much I liked hearing him call me baby. “These are the same people who brainwash parents into abandoning their children. It’s a good thing God forgives because I can’t. Not when it comes to young lives getting destroyed.”
“So much passion,” I whispered. “It’s too bad my mom didn’t have a spiritual leader like you.”
“What happened, Arch?”
“The priest wanted to counsel my parents to help save their marriage. My mother wasn’t a foolish woman. She knew my dad wouldn’t be interested in getting help and would be furious she spoke of their problems to a stranger. She told the priest she feared for her life, Ollie. Do you know what he did? He went against my mom’s wishes and spoke to my father after mass the following weekend. You see, my dad could sell water to a drowning man. He looked the part of the doting husband and father in public but would beat me for playing with my cousin’s dolls and knock my mom nearly unconscious if she didn’t have dinner on the table at the right time. He was a fucking monster.”
“Baby,” Ollie whispered, reaching over and holding my hand.
“Cops were called to our house at least once a week by our neighbors. My mom was too terrified to press charges though. She knew the only way to live was to escape. The thing about abusive spouses is they find a way to alienate you from everyone who loves you. My mom was convinced her family wouldn’t want anything to do with her, and she’d lost all her friends. All she had, all she waspermittedto have was my dad and me. No job. No friends. Nothing but the three of us. It was the only way he could control her.
“Mom must have realized the rage simmering inside my dad was worse than usual. She sent me to my room after mass and demanded I stay there until she came and got me.” I swallowed hard because it was still difficult to think about thirty years later. “The screaming and fighting were so much louder, Ollie. I could hear furniture getting shoved aside, things crashing onto the floor and shattering, and my mom sobbing and screaming as she tried to fend him off. This time, the cops arrived during the disturbance instead of afterward. My dad was in such a rage, and I later learned he took a swing at one of the officers with a ball bat. I will never forget how loud the gunshot sounded in our small home.”
“Arch.” Ollie squeezed my hand. “I want to hold you right now.”
“You can hold me when we get to your house.” I wasn’t ashamed to admit I wanted his affection and gentle touch. “The officer who shot my dad saved our lives in more ways than one. He couldn’t walk away from the traumatized woman and her terrified little boy. We had nowhere to go, and he didn’t want to drop us off at a shelter. He took us home with him, and it’s where we stayed until Mamma found a job and got on her feet. Ryan Lassiter became my mom’s best friend, the best honorary uncle a kid could have, and the man I turned to when I realized I was gay. Everything good I have in my life, I owe to him.”
“Ryan’s Place,” Ollie said softly. “Every day you honor his memory the best way you know how.”
“I try.”
“You succeed,” Ollie countered.
“So, you can see why I bolted from you when we first met.”
Ollie nodded. “You didn’t run too fast, and you didn’t run very far.”
“Maybe I wanted you to catch me, Golden Boy. My soul knew what my heart was afraid to believe.”
“There are no words I can offer to make up for the callous way your mother was treated. I understand why people walk away from churches and religion; I can’t blame them. I also know God doesn’t stop loving his children when they take a step back. I’m here to offer love, support, and guidance for those who need to feel a connection to something bigger than themselves. I want to be a friend to those who don’t believe too. All anyone really wants is to feel love and acceptance, and it’s what I offer to my congregation. I don’t claim to have the magic answers to the world’s problems or a direct line to the man upstairs. I can promise I’d never turn my back on someone like your mom who sought my help.”
“I know, Ollie. Mamma knows it too.”
The mood was still pretty heavy when we got back to Ollie’s place. He held me in his arms like he said he would, and I pulled from his strength. Ollie ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead, my nose, and my lips before leading me into his bedroom and undressing us both because I was suddenly without the energy to do the simplest things. Once we were beneath the sheets, Ollie rested his head on my chest and curled his arm over my waist.
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that Ryder guy,” he said just as I was drifting to sleep.
“Who?” I asked sleepily. “Pretty sure I was born again tonight.” Ollie’s warm chuckle followed me into my dreams.
IWOKE LONG BEFORE MYalarm went off because I wanted to watch Archie sleep while the sun chased the shadows out of my room. I wished the sun could chase away the shadows inside our souls and the doubts in our minds just as easily, but that wasn’t how life worked. Archie reached for me in his sleep like maybe his subconscious needed reassurance I was still there. His hand clumsily bumped into my upper arm before it closed around my bicep, holding me there in case I planned to run. I wasn’t the runner in the fledgling relationship though; he was. Would he regret what happened between us? Had things progressed too quickly since Friday night?
“A man can’t sleep when you’re thinking so hard,” Archie said. His voice sounded rough, sleepy, and somehow humorous at the same time. He opened an eye and regarded me. “What has you so worried, Golden Boy? Afraid I’ll bolt when you’re in the shower?”
“No,” I said too quickly for it to be believable. “You don’t have a car, so you wouldn’t get very far. I was worried you might check out emotionally after such an intense night.”
“No way,” Archie whispered, scooting closer to me. He trailed his fingers down my arm until he reached my hand. Archie linked our fingers together and lifted my hand to his lips. The innocent kiss on my flesh sent an electric current straight to my balls. The semi-erection I’d sported while watching him sleep quickly became hard and throbbing. Archie dropped my hand then reached between us and fisted my shaft. “What do we have here?”
My eyes rolled back in my head when he stroked upward and twisted his wrist before sliding back down. “It’s m-m-my morning d-d-devotional,” I managed to stutter.
Archie tucked me up against him then rolled so I was on my back beneath him and he lay between my spread legs. “There’s so much of you I want to worship.” Then he kissed me like there was no place he’d rather be, and we had all the time in the world to make love.
We touched and kissed, licked and sucked until my bedroom filled with early morning light. I opened the bedside drawer and handed Archie the condoms and lube. He looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen him as he rose above me, filled me, and completed me. Archie’s eyes glittered like jewels, and his expression was so intense it robbed me of the ability to breathe. He wanted me, and he was done running.
Afterward, I held Archie’s pliant body against mine and ran my fingers through his hair until I couldn’t put off getting out of bed any longer. “Shower with me?”