Page 42 of Broken Halos
I rose from my seat and approached the podium when the song finished. I could feel Archie’s attention on me, so I looked his way and smiled. “Good morning,” I said into the microphone, earning the same in return from the congregation. “Thank you, Regina, Abby, Sophie, Jack, and Michael, for such a moving performance to start off our service. Let us bow our heads and pray.” I closed my eyes, lowered my head, and recited the words I’d memorized from the prayer I wrote specifically for this service.
“Father, thank you for bringing each of us safely to this place. As we gather, we remember those who aren’t here with us today. For those who are ill, we ask for your healing. We invite your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Equip us, challenge us, comfort us, and teach us to be the best version of ourselves. Remind us to love and cherish those entrusted to our care. Let us only evoke your name to spread love and light, not hate and intolerance. As we gather here today, Father, bless us with your love, beauty, and grace. We ask this in your son’s name. Amen.”
“Amen,” the congregation said collectively.
I lifted my head and opened my eyes. I saw that Millie had chosen to sit with Archie and company. Her arm was around Henry, her lost lamb, and he didn’t know it yet, but he’d found the mother he never knew he needed.
“Today’s message is about family,” I said, “and more specifically, I want to focus on the chosen family. The role of family is defined in many verses throughout the Bible, and I firmly believe nothing is more sacred than one’s family. Many of us here today grew up in homes where the unconditional love described in the Bible wasn’t extended to us when we came out to our families. Some of us found ourselves suddenly alone in a cold and unforgiving world. All of us, whether we know it or not, have found our chosen family.” I smiled wryly. “And sometimes they find and choose us, adopting us when we’re not even sure that’s what we want.” I looked over at Millie, and she gave me the same warm smile as the day I showed up on their doorstep following behind Pastor Randall. “Our chosen families are just as sacred, and for some of us, more so than our biological ones. These are the people that see us as we are, warts and all, and love us anyway. How beautiful and sacred is that gift? I know how hard it is to find yourself alone and uncertain, but I also know what it feels like when the family you were meant to have finds you. It opens an entirely new world, everything clicks into place, and you see things in a better light. Your troubles won’t magically disappear, but you find people with whom to share them with.”
I’d always made it a point to make eye contact around the room when I gave my sermons because I wanted to make sure my message was being received and heard. I hoped that my words gave people optimism and strength, especially those who were so good at hiding their sorrows. I saw tears on the faces of many. While making my congregation cry wasn’t an actual goal of mine, I saw it as a sign that my message resonated with them. I received many smiles and nods, as I looked around the room. I saved the front pew on the right for last because their reactions were the ones that mattered the most to me that morning.
Millie looked at me with pride and love, Henry sniffed and wiped his eyes with one of the tissues Millie kept stashed in her pockets, Esther smiled approvingly, and Maria wiped tears and leaned into Archie when he lifted his arm to wrap it around his mother. Then there was Archie. His beautiful eyes glistened with unshed tears, and he looked at me with…adoration and understanding.
I briefly closed my eyes and said a silent, grateful prayer for his presence. I understood at that moment I was looking at my hope, my future, my whole world.
WOULDOLLIE EVER CEASE TOsurprise me? From the moment we met, he stunned me time and time again. First, it was the sexuality emanating from him when Milo introduced us. I found him irresistible until I discovered he was a pastor. I figured Ollie would take the hint after I bolted, but he knocked me over with his bold texts and sultry stares. I took for granted during those six weeks he pursued me that he’d keep doing it until he caught me. In the back of my mind was the knowledge that I wanted to be caught.
I was ready to give in to our baser needs, but then he said something that no one other than my family, chosen or biological, had said to me before. He told me I deserved better than a quick, dirty romp in a prop closet. I pushed him away, thinking he’d come back like he had the previous month and a half, but he didn’t. Ollie’s absence from my life rocked me because I’d become addicted to the way he looked at me and made me feel cherished. My world felt cold and dull without his heat warming me up from the inside out. The surprises didn’t end there.
He stunned me with his kindness for Henry, a man he’d never met, and his bravery for entering a home where he thought he wasn’t wanted. His honesty and openness only made him more beautiful to me. The way he teased the seniors at bingo night was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen, and I was surprised to learn how endearing I found it. Seeing his drawings filled me with an awe I’d stopped feeling a long time ago. Then there was the way he touched me and kissed me as if I was the most precious thing in the universe. It’s something every person should feel once in their lives. It was also something I didn’t want to live without.
The biggest surprise of all came the night we first made love. Yes, I realized there was a difference from the moment his hands touched my skin and his mouth pressed against mine. The intensity was still the same, but it was…more. I’d bared parts of myself to him, and he showed me how beautiful he found them to be. He wanted me. He craved me. He cherished me.
The wonder didn’t stop once we exited our bedrooms though because I got to meet the woman he called mom and his church family. I expected a handful of people to show up, but there must’ve been close to a hundred. Based on his bingo performance, I expected him to bumble about and be clumsy and cute, but he was…spectacular. His whole demeanor changed when he walked up onto the altar. He spoke with a clear, proud voice that spoke of finding love and acceptance—two things he personified. I was blown away by his commanding presence and charisma, hanging onto his every word. I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time—faith. I believed in Ollie, and his belief that I deserved better from relationships made me want to believe it too. I wasn’t going to be healed after one stellar weekend of lovemaking followed by an impassioned sermon, but I was committed to trying. I vowed not to run whenever we argued, and we would because all couples do. I promised myself I’d talk about the things bothering me and listen when Ollie did the same.
If I had to choose a few words to sum up my epiphany while sitting in the pew, I’d call it shock and awe. I was shocked by the depth of my feelings for Ollie and awed that he returned them too. There was no mistaking the look of adoration when he glanced my way. Him, a man of esteem and respect, who greeted me with a kiss on the cheek when the service was over, and who presented me as his boyfriend to church members who approached to speak with him after the service ended.
Mamma pulled me aside to have a private word when Ollie began talking to the Thompsons about the musical selections for the following week. “I want him for a son-in-law, Archie. Make it happen,” she said fiercely, making me laugh softly.
“Mamma, marriage isn’t a unilateral decision,” I reminded her. “I will take your wishes into consideration.”
She reached up and pinched my cheek playfully. “I’ve never seen you look so happy. Not even the time Ryan bought you the Barbie Dreamhouse for your sixth birthday.” Just hearing his name created an ache inside me I knew would never fully go away, but not saying it felt worse. I wanted to feel his presence in the decisions I made, the life I lived, and the family I chose.
“He would love Ollie, wouldn’t he?” I asked her. Ryan had disliked every guy I ever brought around because he saw their true selves when I was blinded by lust and my desperation to belong to someone. Ollie would’ve wowed him just like he did me.
“Ryan would adore him,” Mamma said. “He’s up in heaven yelling ‘finally’ and doing the double fist pump he saved for big moments like when you got your driver’s license, graduated high school, and got accepted in college.”
“Or the Bengals scoring a touchdown. He was a diehard even through the difficult years,” I said fondly.
“Oh my goodness,” Mamma said fondly. “Maybe he’s up there doing the Ickey Shuffle because you’ve finally found a man worthy of your loyalty and soft heart.”
“Please not that,” I replied.
Ollie finished his conversation and looked around for me. When our eyes connected, I could see question or concern in his dark eyes, so I sent him a playful wink to let him know that neither Mamma nor I were upset or uncomfortable. Maybe I’d even tell him the reason Mamma swept me aside was to demand that I marry him, but then again, I didn’t want to risk running him off.
“I didn’t mean to keep you away from Ollie for so long,” Mamma said after looking to see what had pulled my attention away from her. “I just wanted you to know how happy it makes me to see you looking so joyful.”
“Thank you.” I pulled her into a tight hug, resting my chin on her head and smiling back at Ollie. It felt good to experience this kind of joy. I understood why people wrote sappy love songs and the lines in the movies I adored so much.
Ollie slid his arm around my waist when we rejoined him, Millie, Esther, and Henry. “Would all of you like to join my mama and me for our weekly after-church ritual?” he asked us. “It doesn’t involve snakes or sacrificial lambs,” Ollie said when I quirked a brow.
“What about virgins?” Henry asked in mock horror. I liked the kid more and more.
“That’s only the last service of each year, Henry. It sounds like your previous church was barbaric,” Ollie teased right back.
“In more ways than one,” Henry said solemnly.
“You’re one of us now, Henry,” Millie said in an ominous tone. “You won’t want to miss out on this weekly celebration.” She winked at Ollie and added, “Let me just go grab the black robes.” We all laughed at her playful antics. She and Ollie made quite the pair.