Page 229 of Broken Brothers

“Wait.”

I scooted up the bed. Sarah, also only in her underwear, looked at me stunned. I felt embarrassed as all hell that I was actually doing this. I was actually stopping myself.

But I knew the guilt would be too much to bear. I still had to try and make it work with Layla. I couldn’t let a misunderstanding ruin us. She hadn’t let it stop her before, and I couldn’t let it stop me now.

“Sarah,” I said, putting my head in my hands as I sat on my shins. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry. I’m such a dick. But… I didn’t tell you the full truth for why I didn’t go in on it Saturday.”

I gulped as Sarah, to her credit, sat patiently and without judgment on her face.

“There was a girl I was seeing that I was trying to figure things out with,” I said. “I thought when you emailed me that I would just have breakfast or coffee with you. But when I saw you, I felt like I had a chance to avenge what had happened at a young age. Like I could make up for lost time. But I told myself I wouldn’t do anything with you until I had figured it out with the other girl.”

I sighed. I mentally prepared myself for Sarah to slap the shit out of me. I fully deserved whatever she gave me—which still wouldn’t have hurt as much as destroying Layla’s belief in me had I actually gone all the way with Sarah.

“I saw her this morning, and she said it wouldn’t work out. So I said fuck it, let me come to you. I wanted to sleep with you so that I could get over my past, get over us not working out. But… that was disrespectful to you, it’s disrespectful to Layla, and it’s lying to myself. Sarah, I… I wasn’t going to fuck you. I was going to fuck the ideal of you so that the insecure side of me would feel insecure. But that would be like trying to close a wound together with Elmer’s glue. It would only work in the short term and just cause more pain in the long run.”

Sarah came closer to me, but it didn’t seem like she was doing so to tempt me. She put her hands on my knees, but it was a more tender gesture than anything sexual.

“That, and I’m not ready to let Layla go,” I said. “If I had been a real man—and a real man is what you deserve—I would have told this all to you from the start, and then you wouldn’t have wasted your time with me. But—”

“It wasn’t a waste of time,” Sarah said softly. “Chance, I wanted to see you not just because you’re a hot guy. I wanted to see you because you’re a great guy. And a hot guy, but you get it.”

I smirked at her cute joke.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just… I led you on in ways that you shouldn’t have, and—”

“But I was a willing participant, Chance,” Sarah said. “We both have things we’re trying to figure out right now. When I came out tonight, I figured that if we had sex, we’d at least have some fun while trying to figure things out. It’s OK if you don’t. Really. I still want to be your friend.”

I couldn’t believe how well Sarah was taking this.

“I want to be your friend too,” I said. “I just… I’m sorry. I have to do everything I can to exhaust it with Layla. If it doesn’t work out… I mean, I don’t want to make it sound like you’re my backup. But with Layla, it’s all in right now. I can’t even consider anyone else until I work everything out. And if not? Then I’ll go all in with you if you want.”

“We’ll see when that time comes,” Sarah said with a smile. “But right now, you gotta go do what you can for her.”

“Yeah,” I said softly.

Sarah held her arms out for a hug, and I took it. Her breasts pushed up against my chest, and her near-naked body on mine had me tempted to throw her down to the bed and pick up where we left off.

But… I had to do this for myself.

I had to prove that I had the self-control not to sleep with someone else just because something had gone wrong—especially when that someone was Sarah Hill.

I had to prove that I could move on from Sarah and her legacy in my life by means other than sex or dating her.

I had to prove, most of all, that I meant it when I said I was going all-in with Layla.

I knew that this moment might ultimately prove futile. I knew there was a decent chance that even if I came to Layla and she knew what I passed up, she would still say no.

But I had learned to say yes to self-control and self-respect. I had learned to say yes to growth. And that was the best kind of yes I could have had.

“You’re welcome to sleep on the couch,” I said. “It’s mighty comfortable.”

“No, that’s alright,” Sarah said. “I don’t—”

“Can I at least call you an Uber then?”

Sarah nodded with a gentle smile. I patted her shoulder gently, clasped it tight, and then got up as I found my clothes. Sarah did the same, and we put everything on back in silence.

The walk down to the front of the apartment was awkwardly quiet. I couldn’t blame her. I was sure that in her shoes, she was wondering if she had fucked up somehow or wasn’t attractive. I wished there was a way that I could make her feel better, but I had to chose between Sarah and Layla, and as much as I had never anticipated it being this way, the answer was Layla.